Disclaimer: Escaflowne + characters: me no own.

Chapter 10: Never Going Back

They both whipped around. Van Fanel practically leapt off the couch and ran to her. Hitomi got up more gracefully but just as rushed. "Oh, Cevena! Cevena!" Her mother cried as she ran up and joined the bear hugging.

She looked into her mother's dazzling green eyes, wet with tears and realized how much she had missed them. The argument they had had before she had left seemed so pointless and stupid.

She pulled away from both of them. "When did you guys arrive? And how did you get here? I mean, without the pendant?"

"We arrived just now," Van replied. "And as to how we got here?" He hesitated as if reluctant to say. "I kept the energist from.from the Escaflowne." He frowned at her. "As for you young lady, I think your mother better keep that blasted pendant for a while after we get back. We really need to figure out how to control that loose cannon."

Cevena pulled back more, "Hey, who said anything about leaving? And why didn't you ever tell me about Gaia or, about anything for that matter? Did you plan to keep it from me my entire life?"

Hitomi tried to hug her again. "No, of course we planned to tell you everything! We were just waiting for the right time. Please try to understand, we were trying to protect you. We'll talk more at home. Come, say goodbye to your uncle Folken. Time is very unstable between Earth and Gaia, we really should be going home."

Van nodded in agreement. "Yes, it has been barely two days on Earth since you left, but in Gaia, it has been almost two weeks."

Cevena felt horrified. She wrenched herself out of her father's grip and ran to Folken. "No, I can't go back yet! I want to stay on Gaia longer! How could you keep an entire world from me and then take it away again after I finally find it?!" Anger washed over her.

Hitomi started to cry, "Oh Cevena, dearling, we are sorry but we had to. It was what we decided would be best for you."

Cevena felt a stab of guilt at causing so much stress on her mother, but she was still against going back home. There was nothing for her on Earth.

Van pulled Hitomi into his arms. "Cevena, I know it's hard for you on Earth. Earth may seem boring and empty but you need to realize that it is so much more than that. It is safe for starters, and there is so much you more you can do and become there. You never have to worry about food and shelter and fighting. Look, I know that the danger in Gaia may seem exciting to you, but you have to believe me when I say it isn't fun to be in battles and wars. To see your friends being killed or hurt, to have to kill the friends of others." He stopped, his eyes darkening as if he was remembering unpleasant things.

He looked up. "What I'm trying to say is: Gaia is not the life that your mother and I wanted for you, nor have we changed our minds."

Cevena felt torn. She knew that she couldn't just decide to stay in Gaia forever right on the spot. She hadn't stayed long enough to really experience it. She needed more time. To her surprise, Folken finally spoke up. "Little brother, Gaia is different from the one we grew up in. Peace reigns in the land now. Asturia, Pallas and yes, even the new Fanalia are prospering and flourishing. There is no war, no Zaibach Empire, no Dornkirk. As I told you just now, Zaibach is being rebuilt, but just as a small peaceful kingdom. A sanctuary, where every misfit and outsider is welcome."

He smiled. "There is truly no danger here."

Van looked angry. "Folken, stay out of this. You have never had children before. You cannot understand! After all we have been through, how can you say that Gaia is the best place for a growing child?"

Hitomi put her hand on Van's shoulder. "I'm not a child!" Cevena retorted under her breath.

Feelings churned and chased each other inside of her. Anger at her parents for keeping the truth from her all these years, guilt for scaring her parents and not even thinking about them the past few days, indecision about choosing between Earth or Gaia, more anger that her parents had forced her into such a position.

She pleaded, "Mom, Dad, please don't make me go back yet. Can't we stay here for a while? I've barely got to see any of Gaia, I want to know more."

Van looked truly sorry, "Cevena, I told you, the time is too unstable between the two worlds, the life we have on Earth could be gone by the time we get back!"

Hitomi was looking at Cevena sadly, she said nothing. Van reached for Cevena again. "Dearling, we have to go back now. Maybe someday, we'll visit, but you belong on Earth, Cevena. This was quite an adventure you had, but don't take the crossing between worlds lightly. One day you could find yourself stuck forever. Come."

Cevena jerked away, anger boiling up. "I SAID I need more TIME! I'm not leaving!!" She screamed, feeling like a six year old. But she had really been pushed to it.

Without waiting to see what her parents or even Folken said to that, she whirled around and raced away. Slamming the beautiful carved angels against wall with the force of her exit, she ran as fast as she could, hopefully she thought, towards the room Folken had given her.

She was starting to recognize some of the halls, the different shades of grey lightening as she reached her room. She flung herself on her bed and stared hard at the ceiling. Trying to push her emotions down into a corner.

She got up after a few minutes and flung open the window. Light spilled into the room like liquid gold. A breeze brushed across her face like trailing fingers. The air clean and unspoiled by pollution. Wild forest and canyon wall rose before her, tranquil and breathtaking. She closed her eyes trying to absorb the calm and peace.

Someone knocked on the door, she knew who it was. "Come in."

Her parents stepped softly into the room. "Cevena." Her mother started again. Cevena cut her off. "Mom, Daddy.can't we just live here? The three of us, together? We could live in the Vione Fortress. In Zaibach.and you can visit Fanalia..." Van was shaking his head.

"Cevena, it's so hard to explain to you, but Gaia is not all beauty. There is real danger here. It could take you and swallow you in an instant. How can I make you understand?" He shook his head.

"When I was about your age, I had to watch my brother and mother disappear and then my father waste away. I had to watch as my entire kingdom was burnt and destroyed. As my swords master and friends were killed fighting an enemy.that they could not even SEE." His eyes were haunted and his voice trembled. Hitomi put her hand on his shoulder. He continued shakily.

"Time, does not heal all things. Sometimes the pain is too deep, and Gaia is a place that I just can't live in. The Fanalia of my heart was destroyed all those years ago and can never be rebuilt."

Cevena could not say anything, she whispered softly, "But it's CHANGED now.Please, just let me stay a little longer."

Surprisingly, it was Hitomi who spoke. "All right Cevena, your father is not staying- CAN not stay in Gaia. I go where your father goes and if chooses Earth than so do I. Every moment here brings back painful memories for him that you at your age would never understand. If you do not leave with us-" She paused taking a deep breath.

"We shall leave anyways. You were right when you say you are no longer a child and thus will not be treated as such. You must make the decision for yourself, stay or go."

Cevena looked into her mother's mysterious green eyes, her heart ached for her parents to tell her everything that happened to them on Gaia but she knew that they were determined to bury the past. She looked hard at both of them, trying to etch their faces into her heart and mind. She gazed out the window at the gorgeous landscape and then back towards them again.

"I choose to stay." She said it quietly but firmly.

Van's eyes were instantly filled with hurt, but her mother's reaction hurt her far more. Her jade gaze, she realized, had always been open and loving. They suddenly seemed to close up. It was like a physical blow. "Your father and I will be leaving now then. We shall be waiting for you at home if you someday do decide to return. I find that if I wish extremely hard on the pendant, it takes me there, kind of like Dorothy in Wizard of Oz. No place like home." Her voice was like ice and washed over Cevena leaving her cold.

She ran to hug her mother but in a second devastating blow, Hitomi kept her body stiff. Cevena turned toward her father who still stared at her with an agonized look. "They're making me feel like I've done some horrible betrayal!" She thought. "Then again, maybe I have."

Van did hug his daughter once before he left, tightly, like he didn't want to let go. Then the two of them turned and left.

Cevena was left staring at a closed door; it reminded her painfully of her mother's eyes in that moment after she had made her choice. She could feel her pulse in her throat. Pounding painfully all through her body and brain. She clenched and unclenched her fists and carefully began pushing her emotions back down.

It wasn't working, they began to break out and wash over her. Her guilt, hurt, anger and sadness threatened to pull her under and drown her.

Her father's sad eyes; her mother's cold eyes; both stared at her and she felt as if her heart was being torn into pieces because even through all the pain she was inflicting on her parents, she still loved Gaia.

The shock at this thought added fuel to the tide of emotions and she couldn't stand it anymore. She had to get some air somehow, before she sank. She needed to get outside of the metal and stone fortress. She raced out of her room.

A/N- Sorry, there wasn't too much action in this chapter but lotsa angst? Are my chapters too long?