S E R A P H
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Reliance On The Lord
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To you I raise my eyes
To you enthroned in heaven
Yes, like the eyes of a servant
On the hand of his master
Like the eyes of a maid
On the hand of her mistress
So our eyes are on the Lord,
Our God
Till we are shown favor
Show us favor lord
Show us favor
For we have our fill of contempt
We have our fill of insult
From the insolent
Of disdain
From the arrogant
---Psalm One-hundred-twenty-three
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I hated living. Needing something as pathetic as air molecules infested with oxygen and hydrogen was a retched existence. Being human after being among the most powerful of all immortals was disheartening.
To know that my death was near was even more so.
Although I had purposely planned my birth to coincide with that of a nobleman's, I had not foreseen the coming of a sibling.
Relena Peacecraft was not the incarnation of a Demon, an Angel, a Venial, a Sin, a Temptation, a Grace---in fact there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about her. Except for her unconditional love.
It was an odd thing that after living an unaccountable number of years in Heaven and Hell---I had never experienced the type of love that she offered: a human love. The love of a sister.
Because in Heaven---we were all male. There were no females among us---which is why there was never anything other than love. There were no Mothers to give birth---which meant that family, in the mortal sense, did not exist. Incest wasn't a word, nor did it matter. We were brothers. But this was not a hinder towards love.
I had broken away from her. Made everyone believe that I had died because it was the easiest way.
Yes, I was callous, I was angry---yet I was also tempted by an old love. Tempted into wanting to sink back into it and live out the rest of my days within He---HIS arms. Therefore I allowed my last mortal name to die.
Because Noin did not love me. And Go---Treize had died for me.
It was the third day in a row that I had had to remain in bed. Exhausted, cold, hot, sweating, shivering, coughing, headaches...the common things associated with any typical mortal illness. Except no mortal had even borne the markings of God upon their backs.
Black welts, growing darker and more pronounced as the days went by.
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Human emotions are dangerous. It is not just because human nature is created to go along with impulsiveness. Rashness is an attribute common to all living organisms. Human emotions are dangerous because like all mortals, they are easily manipulated by those who are not mortal. Those who will never die.
The Sins, those who came into being along with God, they are the greatest manipulators. They are the ones who led to eventual downfall and are responsible for all impulses, including those of the Angels.
The only Order who has never been affected are the Seraphim. They are a lonely lot being closed off and emotionless beings whose only duty is to chant the name of God.
Vanity.
But even these Immortals are dying. The Nine Choirs have failed and it is only a matter of time before the end comes for us.
Yet---the Sins---they aren't dying. They've continued their EXISTENCE as if nothing had changed.
And they have been hunting for me once again. I am not sure as to the reasons for this. Perhaps they wish to meet with their old master. Perhaps they wish to play games. Whatever the reason, I must not allow myself to be found. They will be the end of me.
The Envy. The Lust.
I was consumed by many of them. But in the end so was God.
-
"It was a mistake to attempt to lie to me. How could you ever think that I would never know it was you?"
"Perhaps it was a bit of an oversight, but you weren't supposed to have come here. You and I were never meant to mortal." He reached out to me then. In His human form His elegance was downplayed, but evident in the demeanor and in the facial expressions that Treize Khushrenada's face managed so well. "---as we were never meant to part."
"It was not I who cast myself down! I am here to prove that you lack omnipotence. The reason for my expulsion was not due to my evil nature. It was to create a purpose for your meaningless existence. You needed someone to contradict your nature. So you chose me. You pithiless bastard."
"I love you still. As I love your brothers and all my children."
I kept my fists on either side of my body. How to argue with God? "Damn you."
-
I had replaced the gauze patches on my back and after noticing that my food supply had begun to run low I decided that it was time to leave the apartment. I would have to emerge into the light of day, the light that I once helped bring to the world.
What an irony that now the same light rules my life.
