Disclaimer: I again, am not Shakespeare…cuz he's dead…and I'm not…

Act I

Scene II: A Street…just a random street

(Enter Monsieur Capulet, Paris, and a Servant, a COMEDY NIGHT neon sign hangs above them)

Monsieur Capulet: Montague and I are so old, we should be Peace keepers! Ba dum dum!

Servant::claps:

Paris: Quite honestly Monsieur, I'm surprised you lived this long! Ahahaha
Servant: Boo!
Paris: …Well, What you say for me marrying your 13 year old daughter!
Servant: Ba dum dum

Monsieur Capulet: ….Dude she isn't even 14 yet…your what…28?
Servant: BURN!
Paris:…But girls YOUNGER than her are already good at fu..being wives…

Monsieur Capulet: ..Ya? Well I married Madame Capulet when she was young and now look at her, I can't even get her to kiss me at night!
Servant: Bad um dum

Monsieur Capulet: But, if you love her, and she loves you …then yes. Try and win her heart! By chocolate…mmm EVERYONE loves chocolate…and tulips! So win her heart… IF YOU CAN!
Servant: Ooo Gunna needs some Ala Vera for that burn!

Paris: but… but
Monsieur Capulet: Aha! I'm having a party, Servant please invites these people :hands list: And..
Servant: Umm Monsieur?
Monsieur Capulet: Let's get this party... :starts to walk away:

Servant: SIR?
Monsieur Capulet: Started! Ah huh, I'm counting on you Servant::runs off to eat:
Servant ::hangs head: I CANT READ::cries:

(Far off)
Romeo
: CRYING! A WOMAN! I must go and woo her!
Benvolio::stepping out of shower: What?
Romeo::runs off:
Benvolio: NOT AGAIN::chases him with towel wrapped around.:
(Back to Servant)

Servant::cries:
(Enter Romeo and Benvolio)
Benvolio
: Psh, If she burned you, you burn her!

You see, if she hurts you, you hurt her right back!

So hop backwards while turning

And take this stuff for that infection in your eye

Or you'll take rat poison AND DIE

Romeo: Couldn't I just take Plantain-leaf? I thought you said that EVERYTHING could be healed by plantain leaf…
Benvolio: Well..
Romeo: and When you were having ahem...problems::points below: I thought you took pla..
Benvolio: THAT WAS ONE TIME!
Servant: Ahem?
Romeo::stares: You're not a girl

Servant::looks around wondering why this isn't obvious:

Romeo:...Sh continue on
Servant: ahem, Can ya'll read? I'd like to aks you if you sir may readith this paperith

Romeo: Yes by my own misery I can read :sob:

Servant: …Will you read this::shoves paper into hands:
Romeo: If it isn't French :looks at paper: Damn::reads: Turn over for translation, Hmm :turns paper: and reads "A party! At my house, in 3 hours…so hurry up and remember our one rule, NO MONTAGUES: Uncle Meg, Aunt Joe, Grandpa Fruit Grandma Cake, Rosaline…
Servant: That all?
Benvolio::hears her name and plugs his ears:
Romeo: ROSALINE? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Servant: …
Romeo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Benvolio: He'll stop in a second…
Romeo: AHHHHHHH :burp:…
Servant: Thanks…:takes paper: Hey come and get wasted!..

Romeo: Where…
Servant: My house!
Benvolio: Yours?
Servant: Well.. my masters…
Romeo: I see
Servant: STOP LOOKING AT ME::Runs away:

Benvolio: Dude Rosaline is going
Romeo: No shit Sherlock, bad um dum
Benvolio: ..I don't get it
Romeo: points to Comedy sign
Benvolio: AH…ok well forget about her! I'll show you girls that are just as…Pretty as her! I'll make you think an orange a grape!

Romeo: Which ones better..
Benvolio: the orange…Ba dum dum!
Romeo: Dude..stop
(they leave and the Comedy Night sign blinks out)