a/n:okur okurrrrrrrr. i know i said i was back like what - since februray? i apologize. my computer was reimaged and i lost everything. meaning the whole second chapter was rewritten. i couldnt remember what exactly the second chapter was about, but i made it as close as possible. i know it's a bit scrappy... but i promise, it will get better. school's almost done - which means summer. and MAYBE summer school. i think i failed math. but math doesnt matter. i'll continue on with this story now that i have time. all those last minute assignments from school were KILLER. no worries - theyre all handed in. like i said in the first story - i wont abandon this thing. if it takes a hundred years, i'll continue. so please, please, please review. and i'm so sorry for all you readers who wanted this thing to update. surprise - its updating.
on another note... GUESS WHO WON THE LA LIGA CUP! THATS RIGHT. BARCELONA! annnnnd new contracts MEANING deco, valdes, eto'o, ronaldinho and whoever WILL BE STAYING FOR LONGER. aheeeeheeeeee.
Will I marry him!
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh , oh my gosh, OH - MY - FRIKKIN - GOSH.
MARRIED! I have dreamed of this day since... since I was ten. And now, fourteen years later, here I am, having the question popped at me! This is a surprise. Okay, well fine. Not really a surprise, since i DID get a few unsubtle hints from the guy:
'Lily, what kind of stone do you like?' 'Lily, what colours do you prefer?' 'Which looks better, Lily, diamonds or circles?' If you get what I mean.
"Lily?"
"What?"
I'm jolted back to the present. CAN YOU BELIEVE HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM! I KNOOOOOOOOOOW!
"Um, is there something you'd like to uh... say?"
Okay, here it is Lily. The spotlight is back on you. Deep breaths, deep breaths.
"I -"
Huh. I don't know.
I seriously don't know.
I know I've been thinking about marriage since forever. I know that I'm twenty-four, the good ripe childbearing ages are soon on end, but I don't know... I mean, James is great - no lie. But... is it really going to last?
"I don't know..." I answer, looking away. I can't look at him. I don't want to see his face.
"What!" James exclaims, completely flabbergasted. "Whaddya mean 'you dont know'?"
"I don't know, James."
'How can you possibly not know!"
"I dunnno..."
"Is it me?"
Is it him? I don't know... I DO want to give it a shot... but, does HE really want to marry me?
"Why do you want to marry me?"
His face is contorted in some sort of confused, fury mess. But then, I see a sudden change of emotion. His face drops and his brows furrow.
"You know, I don't know," he says, stroking his chin.
Okay, hold up there, buddy! Wasn't he the one who asked me to marry HIM? And he doesn't know why he wants to marry ME?
What kind of messed up bull-diddy is this!
I stare at him, with my mouth slightly opened. To say the least, I am shocked. Does this mean he doesn't want to marry me? That he did all this just to get married out of spite? Because he felt sorry for me! Well! NO ONE marries ME out of fricken SPITE.
"Huh. SO you don't know why you want to marry me?" I ask, trying to remain calm. Breathe, kiddo. Breathe.
"Well, not exactly, but - " he starts, but I cut him off.
"Not exactly! Then what is it! You feel sorry for me? You just want to get married because you have nothing better to do? You don't exactly like me, but you'll just settle down!"
"Lily, that's wrong -"
"Wrong! You think I'm wrong! You can't even answer as simple a question as to why you'd want me to marry you!"
"Well, I thought that would be obvious!"
"It's not! You can't even answer something so SIMPLE!"
"Me! You should be talking! You can't even say 'yes'!"
I look at him, my nostrils flared. Standing up, I throw my napkin down and move for the door.
"If you don't know why you want to marry me, James, then don't. I don't want to get myself into anything. I don't want to kid myself into something that's not true. I don't want to marry someone who doesn't know why they want to marry me. AKA you!"
Sotrming out without a second glance, I run to the place where I'm certain I will be loved.
Constance and Remus'.
- - - - - - - -
"He said that?"
I am now currently sitting on a couch sippin some tea, with Constance and Remus on the opposite couch. After informing them on what happened, Constance attained the shocked-I'm-so-there-for-you attitude. And, as always, Remus remained unbothered. Stupid Remus.
"Yes, he did!" I reply, almost spilling my tea. If any of it did spill, I would never hear the end of it from Constance.
"Huh."
Is that all they can really say about my situation? 'Huh'. What is THAT! I look over at the two where they look as happy as can be. Remus is sitting upright at the corner closest to me, with his feet on the coffee table, reading up on the muggle newspaper. Why he reads that is a mystery. Even I don't read muggle news anymore. It's not that interesting. Anyway, how he is able to read the paper is a wonder to me, as Constance is lying on her belly, on the couch, on Remus' legs, with her head on the arm rest. They look so molded into each other. So blended. So in love.
I am so jealous.
"I don't know what's going to happen anymore," I continue, looking towards the both of them for advice. "I mean, are we still together? Are we broken up? And after this, will we ever get married?"
"Well, of course you are!" Constance says, trying to sound cheerful. I hate it when she does that at an uncheerful event. It's so annoying. "I mean, he loves you, that's why he asked you to marry him!"
"So howcome he didn't say that when I asked?"
"Uh... maybe he got... tongue-tied."
"OH, that's a bunch of shit, Constance. We all know perfectly well that James Potter doesn't get tongue-tied."
"That's not particularly true."
My head whips over to Remus, as the last comment was his. I give him a questionable look.
"James does get tongue-tied on some occassions," he replies to my inquiring face, without taking his eyes off his paper.
"And how would you know this?" I ask,raising my eyebrows.
He raises his in return. "I've known him longer than you have, Lily."
"What! No you haven't!"
"Yes, I have."
"No, we met each other at the same time! At Hogwarts, dumbdumb."
At this, he puts his paper down on Constance's back. He looks at me critically. Okay, the man cannot be offended by me calling him a dumbdumb. He's been called much worse by Sirius and James.
"Lily, when did you start speaking to him?" he asks.
Well, that's an easy question. "Since first year," I answer, rolling my eyes. Honestly! For someone as smart as Remus, he can be quite thick sometimes.
"No. I meant properly speak to him."
"I always spoke proper to him!"
"When did you start being his friend?"
"Oh, well, maybe Seventh Year..."
"You were his friend when you became nineteen. I've been his friend since eleven. I know him better than you do."
I give him cuteye. He shrugs.
"All I'm saying is, James isn't as confident as he puts himself to be," Remus continues, picking up his paper again. "It took him much convincing from Sirius to make him ask you out during Fifth Year."
Constance looks up at this comment. "You mean to tell us that James was persued to ask out Lily?"
"Yes."
"But he always seemed so... pompous about it. "
"He's actually a really shy person."
A shy person! James Potter, a shy person!
Hahahahahahaha, eeeeeeeeeeeyeahhhhhhhh.
"Well, that sure is something," Constance says, with a pondering look about her. "Anyway, the real question is, Lily, why don't YOU want to marry him?"
WHAAAAAAAT! WHERE DID SHE GET THAT IDEA!
"I did not say I didn't want to marry him!" I say with dignity. Well, I never.
"But you said you didn't know!"
"'I don't know' isn't the same as 'I don't want to'."
"It's as good as, and you know it."
"No -"
"So why did you say it?"
"I - !"
Well, isn't she something.
"Look, Lily, James loves you," Remus inputs, as I am silenced by Constance. "You can't put all the blame on him. In my opinion. it's more your fault than his."
My fault? MY fault!
"No it's not!" I argue, slamming the mug of tea on the coffee table. While Constance looks distressed and quickly rushes to the table, Remus seems unmoved.
"If a guy asks you to marry him, then it means he genuinely loves you. You don't ask him why he wants to marry you - men don't talk much of their feelings. "
"I can vouch for that," Constance butts in, after making extra sure that I did not crack her precious table. She points a finger at Remus. "This one doesn't say much."
"Yeah well, he could have at least said SOMETHING, y'know what I mean?" I say, moodily shifting my weight on the couch.
"James is like that, Lily," Remus says gently, thought still reading. "He's just not the type to express -"
He was cut off as there was a loud banging noise from the kitchen. I jumped off the couch as Constance emmitted a shriek, though Remus, dead as usual, did nothing.
"Remus, go see what it is!" hisses Constance, as she takes out her wand, hiding behind Remus' armrest.
"No need," he replies offhandedly, and he gives his paper a shake to straighten it out.
"But what if it's some burglar or something - "
"Constance, there are no burglars here. They can't just bang out of nowhere."
"Yes, they can - "
"No, they can't, now would you just sit and calm down?"
"I'm telling you, Remus, there's a burglar - "
"She's fucking UNBELIEVEABLE!"
We all turn our heads to the living room entrance, and find what caused the bang; James had come in.
"Yes?" Remus asks, putting his paper down to look at his friend.
"Lily! She's gone mental - " James starts, but his eyes suddenly land on me and he shuts up.
That's right. No one goes talking crap about me behind my back!
"I've gone mental, have I, James?" I say, trying to sound polite, rocking on my feet.
He glares at me. "Yes, you have. I've just stated it."
"Oh, why thank you."
"Oh, you're very welcome."
"Indeed."
"Indeed."
Stupid son of a gun.
The both of us stand there, glaring daggers at each other, while Constance, still behind the armrest, stands up awkwardly.
Remus, however, looks at the both of us with raised eyebrows. 'How about we all have a nice little chat in the kitchen?"
"No," I reply bluntly, though I'm not alone. It seems that James is agreeing with me. Maybe he's not so dense after all.
Remus looks at the both of us as if angered. "You come into my house to complain about each other. And now that both of you are here, complain TO each other."
"No!"
"MY HOUSE MY RULES, NOW IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN!"
As we dare not disobey such wrath, seeing as Remus is quite scary once angered, we all march slowly into the kitchen. I grab a chair and put it against the kitchen wall, as far away from the table as possible, while the other three sit at together near the table. I wasn't complaining. I was just... ranting. Ranting isn't complaining. Is it? No, it's not.
"Now," Remus says, regaining his usual calm composure. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," James and I say in unison, catching each other's eye and glancing away.
"It's not nothing," Constance says tentively, as she had just gotten up and is currently bustling around to make more tea. "You were suppossed to get married."
"Suppossed to," James echos her, playing with his fingers. "But hey - it wasn't my fault."
"It SO was!" I yell, stamping my foot on the ground hard. Constance shoots me an evil look and I'm silenced. Stupid Constance.
"Okay,' she says. "You went out for dinner, James proposed, Lily got cold feet and didn't know, then asked James why he wanted to marry her, and he couldn't answer."
"Yes."
"And nothing's wrong with that?"
"No."
"Oh, alright then. Get out of my house."
I look at Constance as though she had suddenly gone wrong. She never kicks people out of the house, no matter how much they piss her off. So wy now? Why me?
"Excuse me?" I say, peering at her closely.
She shrugs and says, "Get out."
"Um... why?"
"Because! You both said there was nothing wrong with anything! So if nothing's wrong and there's no problem, why are you here? Get out. Remus and I were having a nice reading time until you showed."
"Well, I'm not going. Make James go. I was here first."
"What does THAT have to do with anything?" James asks in an angry tone, rolling his eyes. "You're always blaming other people for your own faults Lily. Stop being so self centred"
Self centred! I'm not self centred!
"You shouldn't be talking, James, as you're more self centred than I am!" I argue back, now standing. No one calls me self centred.
"Oh really? How? Explain to me why you say such a thing."
"Because!"
"Because what?"
"I don't know!"
"I didn't think so."
"WIll you two just SHUT UP!"
We all look around at Remus, who stood up with us - James had stood up some time during the short conversation. "If you're going to argue, at least argue about the main problem, not your petty little issues that can be solved with a therapist."
"What's a therapist?" Constance inquires, looking thoughtfully at Remus.
"Never you mind," he says, a bit annoyed at everything. "Look, Lily. I'm going to say this for the LAST TIME. James wants to marry you. He loves you. He was even afraid you'd say no."
"And how would you know?" I shoot back at him, crossing my arms and tapping my foot.
"Because I helped him pick out your ring."
"What does that have to do with it?"
"Because he wasn't even sure if he would propose to you."
"Oh, golly! That sure makes me feel ALL better!"
"Will you just stop being so bitchy and listen up for a bit!" Remus suddenly says, looking at me with a mixture of astonishment, pity, anger and annoyance.
"FINE!"
"Good! James was scared you'd say no. He wasn't even sure if you would even like to be married to him!"
"And why would he think that?"
"Because you're difficult."
"WHAT! I'm not difficult!"
"You're being difficult right NOW."
"Psh, whatever."
"Anyway, he kept asking me for advice on propsing, and then he asked me to go to the Jeweler with him. He wanted to make the ring as nice as possible. I'm guessing you did not see the ring."
Well, that;s true. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even glance at the ring. But I won't tell him that.
"Yes, I saw the ring."
"Then what was it like?"
"Ummmmm... a... heart?"
"No, you didn't look at the ring."
I look at my feet as for some reason, I feel ashamed. Maybe it was a pretty cool ring.
"This is what it looks like," James suddenly says, holding out an open box. I walk closely and peer at it.
No wonder he's pissed at me. That is the most gorgeous ring I've ever seen. It's an actual shape of a lily, with clear petal shaped cuts, two diamond green leaf pieces, and a thin delicate diamond stem. That must have cost soooooooo much. Man, if I were him, I would be mad at me right now. I'm surprised he's not any worse. I'd have slapped me silly.
Without a warning, James pops the box shut with one fluid snap, sticks his hands inside his pockets and retreats back to his seat. "It doesn't matter anyway."
"He made extra visits just to get it in the correct shape. The guy was a bit annoyed," Remus puts in, making me feel even worse.
"Well," I say, trying hard not to waver, " You could have at least told me why you wanted to marry me when I asked."
"And you could have said 'yes', when I asked."
"Well, I was insecure!"
"Why would you even FEEL insecure! If a person asks you to marry them, it means that they want to spend their life with you! If I didn't ask you, you should start feeling insecure."
I'm about to say something, but a hissing sound is heard. I look over at Remus who is clutching his side, while I can see Constance's elbow stuck out, with a bit of an angry face.
"I hope you heard what he said," she says quitely to Remus. Looking back up at us, she smiles again. "Oh, please continue."
"I don't know," I say, fed up with all of this. It's not getting nowhere! What am I suppossed to do?
Everyone sits quietly in their seats. Remus is still holding his side, making small wincing noises. Constance looks composed, but still glaring at Remus once in a while. James is slouched in his chair, drumming his fingers on the table. And I'm on the other side, staring at everyone else.
"Well, I guess I'll just go home now," James says tentively, as he starts getting up from his chair.
"Now come ON!" Constance suddenly says stopping James and looking at us both. "Why can't you two ever just settle with things? Gosh, sometimes, you're even worse than Sirius and Serene!"
James gives the half shrug as I cross my arms.
She looks at James. "Just suck it up and ask her to marry you! Try again - it's not that hard is it?"
I feel satisfied, thinking that Constance has taken my side, but then she looks over at me. "And YOU! Stop being so caught up with yourself and say yes! I know you want to."
She glares at us both and sits down, crossing her legs with a smug look upon her. I am SO not caught up with myself.
"It's really up to you, Lily," James mutters, looking at me unsure of what to do. I give him a shrug, which earns me a shrug. "You wanna get married?"
I uncross my arms and look at him. "Sure, why not."
"I really do love you. I hope you know that."
"I know."
"Here."
He throws the ring at me, and I catch it. Putting it on my finger, I have a sudden feeling of euphoria. I know, it's a weird way of geing engaged, but hey -
I'M GETTING MARRIED BABY!
