With a convenient snap of the fingers, Alexis had opened a direct portal to Koenma's office and landed both Hiei and herself safely at his desk. Hiei blinked, definitely perplexed, and Koenma stared at them blankly. He, of course, had no idea who Alexis was, or why Hiei would be with her.

Koenma started to speak, but Alexis interrupted him energetically.

"So, Pacifier-Breath," she said, her expression condescending as much as her tone, "my sweetheart and I need a portal to Demon World and we need it right now. So get off your high chair and totter on down to wherever it is those things come from, because we need it now."

Hiei waved his hands "no" and mouthed the word expressively, only confusing Koenma even more. He already disliked this weird girl, what with her disrespectful nicknames and mannerisms.

"Who are you, exactly?" he said, trying to keep a cool head.

"Yohaim Alexis Fernando Reinhardt Wyferon Versailles de Granvirias," she replied as though this were the most obvious thing in the world. "Most skilled spirit detective ever? Taught Sensui Shinobu everything he knew? Strongest being in the known universe?"

"Total mental case?" Hiei muttered sourly. Koenma looked between the two, more perplexed than he had been before he asked.

"Miss Yohaim Alexis Fernando—"

"Call me Alexis."

"Miss Alexis, I don't know who you think you are, but I can tell you for a fact, you have never been a detective for our realm, nor did Sensui Shinobu learn anything from you, nor are you the strongest being in any known universe anywhere. In fact, you don't seem strong at all, and I can't sense any sort of abnormal energy from you."

Alexis waved her hands dismissively. "Whatever. Can you get me that portal or not?"

"Not right now, no," Koenma said skeptically. "It takes a certain amount of notice to get a portal like that ready, and I certainly would not open one for any random girl claiming to be on official business who wandered into my office through…suspicious means." He turned to the poor fire demon hanging from Alexis' grip. "Hiei, can I offer you some assistance?"

"Please do."

"I'll lock Kurama up! I'll—I'll—I'll make him my love slave!"

"He'd hate you forever."

"I said 'slave,' didn't I?"

"He'd break out," Koenma noted.

"Not from me!"

"Three words: greatest thief ever," Hiei retorted, beginning to think that her threat had less and less weight than it seemed.

"I know I am."

Hiei beat down on his powerful desire to scream. This girl was driving him nuts! Didn't she have anything better to do with her life than stalk unsuspecting fire demons who clearly had no interest in her? Well, Koenma had offered to help him, right? Time to cash in on that recently given proposal.

"Koenma," Hiei said, "I need you to ship this girl off to Demon World. One-way. And I need it to happen right now."

Koenma nodded. "I would, Hiei, but it's strictly against the rules to send humans into Demon World without need or proper demon guides. They'd be defenseless, and that would be basically the same as killing them. Which, as you know, is definitely not allowed."

"Oh, no, Toddler," Alexis cut in. Koenma raised an eyebrow. This girl was an interesting one.

"'Oh, no,' what?" he asked without an ounce of curiosity.

"'Oh, no,' I won't need an escort. See, I'm the strongest—"

"I thought we went over that," Koenma interrupted impatiently. Alexis nodded.

"Yeah, I thought I told you already, but I don't mind repeating myself if you missed it the first time around."

"No, I mean I thought we went over the fact that you don't have any energy."

Alexis nodded sagely. "We did go over it, and I proved you wrong." She held her hand out, palm up, face set into a concentration not easily broken. "See?"

"…no, actually."

"Maybe it's too strong…"

"No," Hiei interrupted. "Your energy isn't too strong. It isn't even there. You are one deranged human girl, and you need to shut up and go back home."

Alexis' eyes, ten times their normal size, watered with the threat of tears, and her lower lip quivered. She wrung her hands meekly.

"Y-you don't trust me? Hiei…what kind of relationship can we build together without trust?"

Hiei huffed. She just didn't get it, did she?

"None," he said bitterly. "We can't build a relationship at all because I am not interested in building one, especially not with you."

"Not interested?" she said curiously, her eyes shrinking and her lip stilled. "But don't you need a girl to love you and trust you and understand you like no one ever has? Don't you need some support in your tumultuous life?"

Hiei barked a sharp laugh and shook his head. "Hell no. I have demons to fight, a steady job, a loving sister, and a casual sex partner with skill famous all throughout Demon World. What else is there?"

"There's love…" Alexis said shyly, trying to look adorably innocent. Hiei gagged.

"With you? I hate you!"

Koenma watched all of this with intense interest, privately rooting for Hiei.

"Fine!" Alexis wailed. "I don't need someone who would cheat on me with a casual sex partner! I'm strong enough to rule all of Demon World if I want to! I can have my pick of any demon anywhere! And my singing can get me any job in Human World! and I'm the best detective Spirit World has ever had! I can make it anywhere!"

Koenma and Hiei exchanged a look that temporarily suspended all the distaste they normally had for each other. The kind of look that said "She's nuts."

"I'm going back to Human World!"

With a snap of her fingers, Alexis was gone.

And so was Hiei, but only because they were inexorably tied together by the threads of fate.

Or something.

Koenma presumably went back to his paperwork, or maybe he wrote about that bizarre event in a diary, or something like a diary, first. Not that it really matters.