"Well it's-" Jessie stood, mouth ajar, in the middle of Eli's lounge room.

A red two seater couch, that Rick had found at a garage sale was pushed against a wall, and in front of it was a small t.v propped up on a little coffee table.

"-It's very open," She said finally, turning to smile at Eli.

"Yeah, open for criticism" he said, sitting on the couch, it sunk down as his body weight shifted "What do you really think?" he asked, and Jessie gave him a sympathetic smile.

"I think, you got jibbed, big time," she answered, haplessly.

Eli sighed, and felt the couch sink lower as Jessie came and sat next to him.

"But! With my help, this place could like pretty damn fabulous!" she said, in a flamboyant gay voice, and Eli laughed.

"How are you going to do that?" he asked, looking at his sister while she surveyed the apartment.

"Well, we can go to garage sales, some cheap furniture joints…" she smiled at Eli, while he looked at her, still very unconvinced that his new place of residence could be turned into the sort of place he'd like to take girls back to"- you have to be open minded Eli! All you need is a bit more furniture, a few rugs- and this place will be perfect!" she smiled brightly, and Eli realized how much he missed her.

He rubbed his neck and sighed, "Ah screw it!" he laughed, "I mean, I only crash here, no big deal if it's a hole!" he tried to sound optimistic, but Jessie knew better.

"Yeah well, you'd think that they could at least buy you a half decent place, after practically kicking you out and all" Jessie said, leaning back into the sunken couch.

"Practically?" Eli said bitterly "Jessie, they DID kick me out. But your right, they could have at least forked out a bit more for me!" he said, and instantly regretted it. His sister still had to live with Lily and Rick, he didn't want to brain wash her and turn her against them.

"But I spose it was for the best" Eli said, sourly.

Jessie stared at him, with a stony face "How can you say that?" she asked bitterly.

Eli didn't say anything, simply stared down at his hands "Eli! You still love Grace, don't you?" she asked him quietly.

ELI I remember watching 'sleepless in Seattle' with mum and Jessie once- they practically forced me to watch it! And there was this one line that Tom Hanks said, that really burned itself into my brain:

'I'm gonna get out of bed every morning….. breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out…... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.'

That's how it is for me right now; I'm just breathing, I spose.

Eli looked down at his hands, until Jessie reached over and cupped them within her own.

"Eli?" she said quietly, and Eli stared at her, blankly.

"Dunno" he said solemnly, and he thought, for a moment, that Jessie was going to cry. Shouldn't I be the one crying? He thought to himself.

"Eli, how can you-?" Jessie felt herself choking up-

JESSIE when mum and dad got divorced, I was so upset. I just kept thinking 'they are supposed to be in love…..forever' the idea of them not being together never crossed my mind.

And that's kinda how I feel about Eli and Grace. How can two people, who are so right for each other, suddenly stop 'loving' one another? I mean, do you wake up one day and forget to think about them? Is that how you stop loving someone?

"If you were still at home, you wouldn't have stopped loving her, would you?" Jessie asked quietly.

Only moments ago Eli thought about how much he missed his little sister, now he wished she would go away, and leave him in peace; "I don't know, maybe it's best that we were split up now; before we were given the chance to hurt one another too badly."

Jessie stared at her brother's drained face, "well I doubt you could have ever hurt one another as much as your hurting right now, when your not together" Jessie said, and Eli couldn't help but think she sounded very mature.

"I don't know Jessie" Eli sighed, looking at his sister "-right now I'm just trying to get on with life. And I'm sure Grace is doing the same" he said, just saying her name brought a little more colour to his pale face.

Jessie sighed "are you going to ask me?" she looked at him, not moving a muscle "ask you what?" he said, a little puzzled.

"How she's doing?" Jessie said, and waited for him to say something, but he didn't.

"She got home yesterday, so don't you wanna know if she's- alright?" Jessie asked him again.

Eli shrugged, had it really been a week since he'd thought of Grace?

"Well she is fine- all things considered! She hasn't really mentioned you though. She just sits in her room most of the time. Probably writing in her diary" Jessie said "I think she's more upset than she lets on," Jessie added, hoping Eli would say or do something!

Does she really think I want to hear this? Does she seriously think I NEED to hear this? Eli thought to himself.

Jessie gave a frustrated sigh, and rose form the couch "Eli, why are you doing this?" she asked, hands on hips, staring down at her brother.

Eli looked up meekly, not wanting to yell at his sister for being concerned for him.

"Jesus Jessie!" he breathed, "You don't understand! Life isn't always a fairy tale that ends happily ever after! There isn't always going to be a guy and a girl, who meet, lose one another, and then find each other again- and end up living the perfect goddam life together!" Eli spat the words at her, "- Ever after my ass! Life is just screwed up, and we can't always get things our own way! Sometimes we have to make sacrifices for those around us! And sometimes we have to wake up, smell reality and just get on with life!" he rose from the couch and walked into the kitchen, Jessie following him.

"Eli! You haven't even tried to 'get the girl', you have just GIVEN UP! Even though you know it's so right, and you love her and she loves you- your just GIVING UP! And you can call it 'waking up and smelling reality' or you can act all heroic and say that you're 'making sacrifices for those around you'. But all it is is coward ness, you've fallen down and now you refuse to pick yourself up again! -" Jessie was unforgiving and bitter as she said the words.

"-What if this is the one thing in you're life worth fighting for, and you just give up, without thinking twice! Jesus Eli! You can tell yourself that you can live without her, and that it's for the best! You can tell yourself that, and live a lie- but could you really live the rest of you're life without knowing? Without trying?" Jessie stared at him, fire in her eyes.

Eli stared right back at her "are you done with you're little crusade now?" Eli asked bitterly.

Jessie felt her temper rage again, she had never felt so angry at her brother in her entire life!

"Yeah, I'm done! And I am leaving. I'll catch the bus home!" Jessie turned on her heel and headed for the door.

Eli said nothing, simply listened as the door opened and slammed shut- he was still fuming.

Who was she to dictate his life? She didn't know! How could she?

Eli clenched his fists together, and counted to 10.

GODDAMIT!

Eli released his fists, and took a few deep breaths.

He needed to do something- take his mind off of- HER!

Eli walked into his dingy bedroom, reached under the bed, and pulled out his guitar case.

He ripped it open, and pulled out his guitar, clasping it in his hands.

He strummed the strings, and a small whimper of a sound came out.

He ran his fingers over the rigid strings, making a deeper, louder sound.

And he felt his body ease as more sounds came out, and lyrics began to fill his head.

He dug around in a cardboard box the was at the end of his bed, pulling out a note pad and pencil- he started scribbling furiously, his mind veering away from Grace for a few hours…..