Title: Misguided Sympathy (2/3)
Author: Vashka
Rating: PG-13 for some cursing
Summary: An earth-shattering conversation with Draco Malfoy makes Hermione see the errors of her ways. Will the Slytherins and Gryffindors survive Hermione's kindness intact? Or will the spirit of Interhouse Cooperation triumph?
000
Meeting The First of The Unholy Alliance
If you told anyone in the motley group of Slytherins and Gryffindors at the end of last term that they would form a super-secret organization bent on the destruction of Hermione Granger's not-so-secret organization, any one of them would probably punch you in the mouth.
But here they were, crammed into a tiny, damp room in the dungeon uncomfortably looking at each other, waiting for someone to speak.
Harry Potter, Ronald and Ginny Weaseley, and Neville Longbottom were in chairs directly facing Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Pansy Parkinson, and Millicent Bulstrode.
Silence.
"A-Anyone for an ice-breaker?"
Eight razor sharp glares (okay, six razor sharp glares and two… rather dull looks) focused on Neville.
Sweating a bit, he stammered, "I… I heard that in un-uncomfortable situations with a new group, ice-breakers h-help relieve the tension. I read it in The Quibbler. It's a muggle thing." He smiled weakly. "Any… Anyone have a good idea where to do the ice-breaker? It's a bit late in the year to find fresh ice outside."
Silence.
Millicent Blustrode, surprisingly, was the first to respond. "I know a good freezing spell. I could make some ice sculptures."
Gregory Goyle, in the first full speech that the Gryffindors had ever heard him say in seven years, said, "I know a tool shed where there is a big sledgehammer. We could smash up the ice with that."
Harry, holding in chuckles at the idea of literally 'breaking the ice', spoke up, "Erm… well, muggles really…"
And was quickly interrupted by Draco Malfoy. "Shut it Potter. We certainly don't need to hear your opinion. Let's go outside, it's certainly better than sitting here and staring at your ugly face."
So, the U.H.A. (Acronym provided by Draco, to which Ginny replied with, "How is that any better than S.I.C.K.?" To which Draco responded with, "Shove it, She-Weasel") gathered their supplies and adjourned to the side of the lake.
Millicent made a nice ice sculpture of Former Minister of Magic Fudge with a smirk, and gave the sledge to Draco to take the first shot. It made a quite satisfying crack against the 'skull.'
Each of them took a turn, and when Fudge was destroyed by a hard blow by Pansy, ("Nice arms," was the comment by Ron. When Harry looked at him strangely, Ron mumbled something unintelligible about Quidditch, beaters, and women.) Millicent created an ice-Professor Snape. Shyly, Neville stepped up to the plate, and grinned at her. "Always wanted to take a swing at the greasy bastard."
Millicent broke out into a hearty laugh that showed her dimples. "I would too, if I were you."
The ice truly was broken.
Later, as they watched Crabbe and Goyle take turns artfully smashing the heck out of a frosty Professor McGonagall, conversation turned to the matter at hand.
Pansy Parkinson looked at the Gryffindors and asked seriously, "You know Granger the best. Can you get her to just… stop this nonsense?"
This question brought a variety of different reaction from the Gryffindors. Harry and Ron burst out laughing, while Neville looked sick. Ginny, however, looked thoughtful and said, "That is unlikely. She is very persistent in the face of adversity, and when she feels there is a wrong in the world that needs to be righted, she is even more so. What's worse is that she's not afraid to do it alone."
Harry and Ron, recovering from their earlier mirth, burst into fresh gales at this statement. Harry wheezed, "House… elves… tiny… knitted hats!" Ron laughed even harder.
Everyone else looked at them as if they had gone daft.
Draco, looking at them, said dryly, "Well, we got a lot accomplished this meeting. Thursday then?"
000
Meeting The Second of The Unholy Alliance
"Down to business, everyone. Business!"
The U.H.A. was having its second meeting in the uncomfortable dungeon room, but it was definitely not as uncomfortable an atmosphere. Ginny was studying for some exam or other. Harry, Ron, and Neville were arguing loudly about a Professional Quidditch match held the day before. Crabbe shocked the Gryffindors by jumping into the conversation, and then stunned them even more by being an avid Chudley Cannons fan. Millicent and Pansy were talking quietly, and Draco was leaning against the wall looking absolutely bored to tears.
Draco tried shouting again, "Oi! Hey! Do you all want to be stuck together forever?" This brought the expected silence, and Draco was satisfied. Confidently, he went on, "I now call the Second Meeting of The U.H.A. to order, will you all please rise for your Lord and Master, The Esteemed Dr…"
In unison, all the other members threw whatever was handy at him.
After being pummeled by books, quills, and various other objects, (Pansy Parkinson actually pulled a Snitch out of her robes and hurled it with deadly accuracy at Draco's face. The boys were suitably Impressed.) Draco sulked down in his chair and sneered, "Well, you were all acting like a bunch of ninnies anyway. We need to talk about how to stop Granger. And that bloody hurt."
Ginny was looking very solemn as well, her usually animated face grave. She held up a small flyer, "Has anyone seen this? I found one in the Gryffindor Common Room a few hours ago. A bunch of third year girls were giggling over it."
Pansy shook her head. "I haven't heard anything new."
Ginny paused dramatically; lips pursed, eyes twinkling, and then flourished the flyer so everyone could see what was written in bold script.
Adopt-A-Slytherin Day! This weekend,befriend a Slytherin and take him/her to Hogsmeade! Zonkos, The Three Broomsticks, and more are not the same without a snakey friend!
Ginny promptly burst into hysterics.
After a moment of stunned silence, the rest of the Gryffindors did too.
Ron, in between chuckles, looked at Harry and panted, "She can't be serious, can she? I mean this has to be some sort of joke!"
Harry was laughing so hard, salty streams of tears were running down his face. "I… I don't know, mate. This seems a bit much, even for Hermione."
The Slytherins were lethally silent.
Glaring at the flyer, Draco Malfoy looked like he was going to have a stroke. "That curly-haired little brat! How dare she insult me this way! How dare she desecrate the pride of the noble house of Slytherin! I'll wring that little neck of hers if it's the last thing I do!"
Ginny looked askance at Malfoy, and said "Uh, Malfoy? Don't take it so personally. I don't think it was an attack on you."
Malfoy ignored her and muttered something incoherent about bushy-haired know-it-alls.
Pansy Parkinson, on the other hand, looked ill. "I think I heard some of the younger students talking about this. They were actually excited about going to Hogsmeade with their new friends. Revolting"
Neville, having overcome his fit of giggles earlier than Harry and Ron, had a suggestion. "What about reminding Hermione about her N.E.W.T. revision schedule? S.I.C.K. has to be taking up a good deal of time. Maybe then she will quit and this will all go away."
Everyone looked startled.
Plan A was born.
000
Meeting The Third of The Unholy Alliance
"A First Year Hufflepuff asked me for directions to the Astronomy Tower. Me! The Slytherin King, the dreadful scourge of the student populace, the evil demon of the dungeon, the spiteful snake of…"
"Yes Malfoy, we get the point."
"Errr, so what did you do?"
"Directed him to the infirmary, of course. Caught off guard you know. Very hard to think of something evil on the spot like that."
"Right. Remind me to note the difficulty of impromptu evil."
"Shut it, Weasley."
"Plan A was no good. She is still on schedule for N.E.W.T.s, no sign of panic, no sign of stopping 'Sick' unfortunately."
"Damn. I was sure that would work."
"What else does the goody-goody care about?"
"Besides school? Saving Harry from Voldemort. Sorry, not going to go there to distract her."
"Ummm… House Elves?"
"Brilliant! We just need to 'remind' her of her dreadful negligence of Spew, and all will be well."
"Can I request that this be better planned than the last venture? I mean, because that worked sooo well and all…"
"Malfoy, will you please shut up?"
"I a-agree with Malfoy."
"Neville, you traitor!"
"Well, I do!"
"Boys! They are right Weasel. We need more impetus than just a verbal nudge. Who can be mean to house elves?"
"I can be mean to house elves!"
"Me too!"
"Good to know boys. Good to know."
000
Meeting The Fifth of The Unholy Alliance
Draco Malfoy sighed, "Plan B is aborted."
Pansy spoke up, "I still think that with more prodding, she will devote more energies to Spew, and leave Sick. Wait. That sounds like Goyle after he has had too many pumpkin pasties."
Draco shook his head, "She is still doing Spew. I documented her saying 'I will never give up S.P.E.W. while breath is left in my body.' This was after she had finished slapping Crabbe silly for his mistreatment of house elves in font of her." He shook his head slowly, and then said almost admiringly, "Where the hell does she find the time?"
Harry groaned and said, "Who knows? It's one of the mysteries of the universe. We still need a Plan C though."
All of a sudden, Millicent rushed into the tiny room, large bosom heaving with every breath. "Sorry I'm late. Sorry. I was coming to the meeting, and I saw… this"
It was a pamphlet. With pretty pictures.
How to Make Friends With Crabbe and Goyle. (Malfoy Is Really Just Full Of Hot Air)
Step One: Feed them.
Step Two: Repeat until they associate your face with food. (See: Pavlov)
Favored Foods: Sweets, cakes, cookies, pie, tarts, etc. (anything with sugar)
The picture of Malfoy was rather silly, a little stick figure with a pointed nose and chin with a shock of pale blond hair. He had a large, intricate cloak which looked childish on his small figure. The pictures of Crabbe and Goyle were huge and round, and practically eclipsed the small picture of Malfoy.
Draco turned nearly purple with rage (it clashed horribly with his hair) and said, "I am not that short!"
000
Meeting The Seventeeth of The Unholy Alliance
Everyone was so tired.
Millicent sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, "Is she some kind of machine or something?"
Neville looked at her and smiled wryly, "No, she's just Hermione."
Pansy chipped in, "She makes me tired just watching her."
Draco leaned back in his chair with a dreamy smile on his face, "Yeah, she has some magnificent stamina."
Stare.
"What?"
000
Meeting The Twenty-Seventh of The Unholy Alliance
Plan X was a failure. The Unholy Alliance was officially Out Of Ideas.
Pansy looked beseechingly at Ron, "We need a distraction. This is getting completely out of hand. It may not be able to be fixed at present, but by God, we can regain Interhouse Hatred for posterity!"
Ron just smiled weakly, "Tried distraction. Turning Crookshanks purple was only a two-hour distraction instead of the week we planned."
Pansy snapped angrily, "How was I to know that she knew an obscure counter curse to an obscure little spell that changes hair color?"
Ron shrugged, "She knows everything."
The two locked eyes, and engaged in heated ocular combat. Tension was high, glares were armed and ready, but the two fiery warriors were blocked by the insufferable (to some) Boy-Who-Lived-But-Then-Almost-Died-But-Really-Didn't.
Harry waved a hand between Ron and Pansy to catch their attention, and said, "What we need is something so engrossing, so time consuming, that she can't think of anything else."
Ginny's head snapped up, "Love."
Millicent blinked, "Come again?"
Ginny grinned and explained. "Love is incredibly time consuming, annoying, worrying …"
Millicent looked appeased, but Harry was still a bit confused, "Okaaay… But who? And How?"
Pansy looked him up and down appraisingly. She licked her lips, much to Harry's and Ron's dismay. "Well, it could be you Harry…"
Ginny slanted a look at her brother, and then Pansy, and then smirked slightly. She smiled toothily at Pansy and winked. "Nope, thinks of him as a brother."
Pansy, a bit perplexed about the random winking, decided to ignore it altogether. "Damn. How about Neville?"
"No, just not attracted to him, I think."
"Hey!" cried two voices. Millicent and Neville looked at each other with wide eyes, and they both immediately flushed crimson. Quickly, they looked at anything and everything else in the room.
Ginny looked at the display with amusement, "Sorry Nev."
"S'alright"
Ginny's eyes then took on a wicked gleam as she slanted a look at her brother, who was examining a Quidditch Magazine, "What about Ron?"
Pansy looked alarmed, "No!" she burst out, then flushed darkly. "Erhm, No way. Just too unattractive. All that red hair, and his… his tallness. Yes. Too tall. Big feet, big hands, big… well." She cleared her throat suddenly, as if she had something stuck in it. "He's just too big for her."
Ron looked at her oddly.
Harry, sensing the strange tension in the room, changed the subject. "Riiight… Anyway, who's left? Seamus and Dean are already dating, and someone younger or from outside Hogwarts won't take up nearly enough time…" He hesitated briefly, and then said "Someone from another house?"
Millicent was already looking at Draco. "What about Malfoy?"
Draco, who had been staring off into space, nearly fell out of his chair. "What? Me date Granger? Are you utterly mad?"
However, much to his horror, everyone else was looking thoughtful.
Goyle looked him over thoughtfully, "You know, he is complicated enough to keep her busy for a long, long time."
The usually quiet Crabbe even gave his opinion, "Maybe she could figure him out! I know I stopped trying after first year."
Pansy nodded sagely, "He never made much sense."
"True."
"Hey! I'm still here!"
"Is he attractive enough?"
"In a pointy sort of way"
"But she hates him!"
"He did fight on your side. He hasn't said the M-word in a long time, and with her new 'S.I.C.K.ly' worldview, she will be more tolerant of his 'eccentricities.' And there is enough seething sexual tension between them to light a forest fire."
"You noticed that too?"
"You would have to be blind not too."
"So she'll just shag his brains out after he finally declares his undying passion?"
"Or she will slap him silly."
"Or that."
Draco was standing up by now, glaring at everyone. "Oi! Still here you know! And you will desist from all ill-advised plans of matchmaking. That's final." Satisfied, he leaned back into his chair to peruse Hermione's latest pamphlet, Your Inner Slytherin (They Aren't That Different. Really.)
He didn't see the covert looks exchanged between Pansy and Ginny.
000
A/N: Well, here is part 2! Hope you find this amusing, had a lot of fun writing it. To answer a question, no this is NOT a continuation of "So Mote it Be" under a different name. I actually have the first chapter of that fic written and most planned, but am waiting for the 6th book. Might as well wait and hope that it won't totally screw with my planned plot! Anyway, till next week!
