Ignored

Chapter 2 – Shocked

A/N: Your reviews put a huge sadistic smile on my face that I'm having a hard time to get off. Personal notes at the end.

Disclaimer: Charmed still doesn't belong to me. I know it's hard for everyone out there to imagine this feeling but, I have the impression that I won't own it anytime soon. So I'm sticking with non-profit fanfiction like this. Enjoy!

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As he lay in the high grass he could hear the sound of his own breaths become more unsteady and more quiet. Inside he literally felt as if his guts were burning down and being pierced with thousand spikes at the same time. Needless to say he felt horrible.

Unexpectedly his thoughts drifted off to all the persons he would never see again. He had been a nuisance to them for so long. They should never have been bothered with his existence.

All the trouble he had caused… All the times they had to pretend to care when they actually didn't. He thought of the letter he had written. He had meant it.

As he felt the pain slowly grow less he knew it was over. Everything was over. Still he thought of his family and despite the pain he whispered "I'm sorry". It burned in his throat but he slowly closed his eyes as his last words were blown away by the wind that would be the only sound in this place for a long time…

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Piper was worried.

She tried not to think of what was worrying her and to concentrate on the thing she was doing, but as they were related to closely it did her no good.

She put the cake she had been baking in the warm oven and turned the kitchen clock to alert her when her baking was ready to be eaten.

She hoped that over the cake she would get the chance to talk to the cause of her worries about the worries.

The problem were her boys. They were both staying out very long in the evenings and they left before anyone else was up, so she had hardly seen any of them in the last weeks. She didn't like this kind of behavior seeing as her boys had always liked it to spend time in the manor with their family, up until recently.

Wyatt had started going out a lot earlier. At first she had thought that he was only meeting friends and having a little fun outside of magic. So she had encouraged him to carry on with this, to get more social contacts. She always wanted her boys to have a normal life apart from magic as well.

She was always eager to give them a childhood. She had refused to bind their powers like Grams had done with hers and her sister's, but she wanted them to know who they are to understand how important it was what they were doing and how to take over responsibility.

But more importantly she wanted them to be able to defend themselves in case of a demon attack. She wanted them to know how to use their powers and to someday when she and her sisters maybe weren't around anymore be able to continue their work for the good magic.

But even though these were important facts she didn't want magic to control their lives. She had always wanted to have a normal life, but she had finally accepted that a normal life would never completely be possible for her. So she had decided to look for the closest to normal possibility, and chose to send her boys to real school instead of magic school. (Well, after a while they had started to complain, and after some arguments they had decided that they would do both, normal and magic school)

So she was happy when Wyatt was with normal friends.

But lately she hadn't been so sure if he was really hanging out with "normal" friends. He never gave her straight answers when she asked what he was doing and she had the strong feeling he was hiding something from her.

A few days ago a whitelighter she was friends with after they had saved her from a Darklighter attack, had told Piper that she had seen Wyatt in the Underworld apparently talking to demons. And that was really nothing good.

As for Chris…

Piper had no idea what to do. He had never been a very social guy. He had liked cooking and reading and wasn't so much into sports. Although he was good at sports but he just wasn't interested in them. He didn't have many friends, and if he did have more than maybe he was just not bringing them home with him, but the fact was, that Piper had never seen any of his friends.

But in the last month he had grown even more distanced. He had started wearing only dark colors and hardly spent anytime in the manor. Piper was beginning to get worried if he had even come home to sleep in the last few weeks.

Maybe giving him space hadn't been the best idea after forgetting about his birthday…

But Piper was no one to give up easily. She admitted she should've more spent more time with her boys instead of giving them too much space. But she would make up for it now. She just had to get to her boys again, regain their interest and then she would talk to them and improve things, put the family in order again and help out her baby boys.

That was the reason she was baking a cake. Today was Saturday so there was no school, but Paige and Phoebe had tickets to some kind of thing they hadn't really specified and Leo was up in Elderland as usual.

This would give her the perfect opportunity to spend a nice little family day with her boys have some bonding and to discuss the issues at hand. She would make her boys sit down and discuss their issues and then she would figure out a way to help them.

And the cake was the perfect way to do that. Her boys couldn't rest it if she was baking and once she had them at the table, everything was going to be easier. Or at least she hoped so.

She looked at the clock. It would take some time for the cake to get finished and that gave her an uneasy feeling. She had already met Wyatt in the morning and he had been on the way to get to some "friends" again. She didn't know if maybe he was really meeting friends, but she had her reasons to be suspicious.

She had however convinced him to stay with the promise of the cake and she was afraid that if it took so long he would get bored and left before she could talk to him. She hadn't seen Chris yet, but he liked to sleep late and it was only ten in the morning.

Suddenly she wondered if it maybe wasn't such a good idea to bake the cake now. Cake for breakfast was definitely not recommended in all the parent's magazines. But the authors of those had no powerful half witches to take care of.

The ringing of the phone pulled her out of her thoughts.

She picked it up and said "Hello?"

"Mrs. Halliwell?", a female voice on the other end asked.

"Yes. Who is this?", Piper asked confused and looked at the display.

"Mrs. Winterton, I'm Chris' tutor group teacher", the voice answered and now Piper recognized it to belong to a rather short woman with black hair and huge glasses on one of the parent teacher evenings.

"Oh yes, now I know. Is something wrong with Chris' school life?", Piper asked concerned. She secretly prayed that there wasn't because yet another problem would be even harder to handle.

"Well, I was hoping you could tell me", the teacher asked hesitantly.

"Why?", Piper wanted to know. Now she was beginning to get really worried about what might be the reason for this call.

"He hasn't been at school at all for the last two weeks. Is he sick or something?", the teacher asked cautiously, because she must've heard Piper's confusion.

"What?", Piper asked shocked.

"so you didn't know about this?", the teacher wanted to know.

"No, I had absolutely no idea. I'm going to talk to him and make sure he comes again", Piper said eager to end the conversation. She needed to check on her son, not to talk to some teacher about him. She was really scared now.

"Please do that", the teacher said and hung up. This confused Piper a little. No concern? No goodbye? That woman was rude. But that was not important now. She needed to talk to her son. He couldn't just go about and miss two weeks of school. But another part of her mind had very different thoughts. It was totally unlike Chris to miss school. He had always like it to learn. What if something had happened to him?

Don't be silly Piper, your son is ok and you're acting out., she tried to calm herself. But she would only be completely calm once her son was standing in front of her all healthy. She took a deep breath and shouted

"Chris" This was the good part about having whitelighters for children. They heard you, no matter where they were. But not this time.

After a moment without any reaction she tried again "Chris, come down here right now. I need to talk to you and it's urgent!"

Still there was nothing. The house was awfully quiet and that was beginning to drag Piper's nerves.

He's probably still in bed, Piper thought and after a last glance at her cake that was doing fine she climbed up the stairs to see her little boy. When she opened the door to the room Wyatt and Chris shared she was greeted by loud music.

Wyatt sat on his bed and typed something in his cell phone while the stereo was on loudly. When he saw her, he turned the volume down and asked with a hint of excitement in his voice that only a homemade cake of hers could get there, "Is the cake ready?"

"No not yet", Piper said and found herself smiling involuntarily. He was still her baby boy, no matter where he went. That thought was comforting and gave her more confidence in her plan. But then she focused again on why she was here.

She looked at the bed across the room that was untidy as ever but empty.

She turned again to Wyatt who had lost interest. "Do you know where Chris is?"

He didn't even look up. "Nope. He hasn't been in all night" He didn't seem to find this information unsettling anyhow or even to care about it. Instead he kept on typing on his mobile.

"What!", Piper asked loudly, which surprised Wyatt so much that he dropped the gadget.

He looked up startled as she continued. "Why didn't you tell me? Where is he?"

"I thought you knew", Wyatt said in a try to defend himself.

"No I didn't", Piper said and was getting really scared. It had to mean something bad if he neither went to school nor came home at night. "How long has this been going on?", she asked with a panicking look on her face.

Wyatt who was caught completely off guard with his mother's assault and hadn't spent any thought on where his brother was shrugged. "A week, maybe two", he said even though he was uncertain when he had slept an entire night here the last time, but anytime he had been here Chris hadn't. And it was not like he had a problem with that. He hated to share his room as much as Chris did and both of them were happy when they had it to themselves for a while. While he thought that however his mother dropped on the bed beside him with looking very scared.

"Two weeks", she echoed in a hardly audible voice. This was the same time as the teacher had said. But that meant… Well she didn't exactly know what it meant and she didn't want to go assuming something that could prove wrong. She only needed to find her boy than everything would be ok.

"Sense for him", she ordered her older son who looked at her in confusion. As he saw how his mother behaved he closed his eyes and searched the surroundings for his brother. He couldn't find him.

"I don't know where he his", he said hesitantly. But as he saw his mother's terrified look as response to this he added quickly, "But I'm not that good at sensing, maybe you should ask Dad, he's better at this stuff."

"Yeah right", Piper said and got up. She started breathing again. Wyatt wasn't so good at sensing, Chris was fine, Leo would find him and everything would be ok, she kept telling herself, but something deep inside her mind knew how wrong she was.

She ran to the hallway and shouted "Leo! Get your blessed ass down here right now"

As she waited for her husband to orb in, she didn't notice her other son quietly orbing out. He didn't want to get involved with whatever Chris had done wrong this time.

After a few seconds that felt like hours her husband orbed in and said, "you know you don't always have to say that, my ass isn't all that blessed" He had gotten rid of the annoying elder habit of greeting everyone with "Blessed be", after she had gotten nuts at him for that twice.

But as he saw how shaken up his wife seemed to be he stopped himself. "What's wrong?", he asked her worriedly.

"Sense for Chris", she just said without offering an explanation. She didn't care whether he understood or not the only thing that mattered was finding Chris now.

Leo had known Piper for too long to question her in this state. So he just closed his eyes and concentrated on his son… But something wasn't right here. Usually he picked him up immediately, but now… He felt nothing. He opened his eyes and wanted to say something but when he saw his wife's pleading eyes he closed them again and concentrated even harder. Where the hell was Chris? Was something wrong?

He wiped all thoughts off his mind and only kept one thing in mind. Chris…

And then he got something. It was very vague. More like a shadow than a real presence. But it felt like Chris, so it was enough for him.

"I think I got him", he exclaimed as he opened his eyes again and watched Piper letting out a sigh of relief.

"Orb me there", Piper told her husband and taking her hand he obeyed immediately. He needed to go there fast so he wouldn't loose the signal.

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The place they orbed into was beautiful. It was some kind of meadow with huge beautiful old trees standing around. It seemed to be untouched by mankind for a very long time and felt peaceful and calm. But Piper felt more uneasy than ever. What was Chris doing in such a place? If he wanted to be alone he came to the bridge. Of course Piper didn't like that habit, but he always promised her to be careful. And if he slipped he would orb to safety immediately, so she came to tolerate it.

So what did he need a quiet place like this for? This was very, very disturbing and the chill feeling working its way up her spine told her this was something that could not be ignored.

Leo noticed his wife was shaking. He didn't know what she had done before, and why she wanted to see Chris but he was certain that it was not something good. And the peacefulness of this place made him suspicious. And why hadn't he been able to sense him?

And where the hell was he?

He still could sense nothing more than an echo, not stronger than it had been at the manor, but then he saw his wife moving.

Piper's heart felt like stopping and never starting to beat again. There, in the shadows of the old oak tree closest to them she saw something lying on the floor. And she recognized Chris' shoes. She started to move and to go there. She almost started running. Leo by her side seemed to have noticed, too and was moving next to her.

And when she could see what, or rather who it was lying there she saw her worst fears confirmed. There, in the high grass, lay her younger son.

"Leo heal him", she said, her voice almost a whisper as her eyes were fixed on the spot where her little boy was. From seeing the pale color on his face she knew it was too late, but her mind was not able to process the information. He had to be ok, he had to stand up again, Leo could heal him… had to heal him.

He knew it too. But he didn't care, his boy needed his help and he had to help him. With a look of hope he knew would be crushed on his face he desperately held his hands out, over Chris' limp body and prayed for a miracle.

But none came. The golden light emitted from his hands but found nothing to heal. There was nothing alive to heal him. Leo felt it with every ounce of his body but still he kept his hands where they were as the first tears found their way down his cheeks.

Piper looked at him with a last glimpse of hope as she knelt beside her boy searching desperately for any sign that her boy was still alive please heal him, please make him be alive, please tell me this is just some kind of nightmare, please make everything alright again. But her pleas weren't heard.

After some moments that seemed like hours, Leo slowly put his hands down as the undeniable fact slowly found his way into his mind.

Their son was dead.

Piper felt the tears running down her cheeks. No this was impossible, it couldn't be true…

It was true

As she couldn't deny it anymore she moved back a short distance while she was sobbing hard. And there she saw it.

A vial.

Stains of a black liquid that sometime had to have been in there but had dried now where still evident on its inside.

And she knew immediately. She didn't have to think about what this meant or indicated because she already knew.

And as the entire horror of the revelation came mercilessly upon her she broke down beside her son, the tears coming faster and in higher amounts than they ever had before in her live.

She had let her son down.

He had killed himself.

It was her fault.

Just hers.

She thought of his birthday that she had forgotten. About how he had shrugged it off and said it was ok. How her instincts had told her otherwise. How she had decided to give him space and thus put more distance between them when he had needed her. When she should have been there for him she wasn't. He had never gotten angry when she hadn't had time for him. He had understood the importance of the Charmed One's doings. He had understood what it all meant and never put his own wishes before anyone else's. He had always been so determined to help innocents, to do good that he had ignored his own life. He had been so innocent. He had always been her golden boy.

But now he was gone. He was gone for good, he would never return again. She had lost her son, because she had ignored him. She was such a bad mother. The worst. The very worst.

She lent forward to touch his dark hair touched his face to reassure that this was not a nightmare. It was worse. It was reality. She cried on her dead boys shoulder and all the thoughts that were in her mind were so much worse than any torture or anything someone could have put her through. Because all the self accusing was justified. Every bit of it was true.

Leo on the other hand felt even worse if that was possible. He had noticed the vial, too, and knew the implication.

But if this was anyone's fault it was his. He had been the father who hadn't noticed his child needed him.

Wyatt always needed attention, when he had questions about his magic, when he had screwed something up and needed help. Chris was never like this. He had always been silent and modest and had been happy with small things. He had been so nice and wonderful and Leo had always thought he was fine with everything just the way it was.

And now he was gone. The tears were running so fast down Leo's face, and he had the feeling they would never stop.

He had forgotten about Chris. He had forgotten his birthday. He hadn't been there for all these birthdays before. As he thought about it… He had been there for his first and second birthday. He was busy with a charge on the third one, but he had come on the day afterwards and celebrated with his son. On the fourth he had had a long meeting with the other Elders all day, and couldn't get away till midnight, when Chris was already asleep and didn't notice him. Leo had felt so miserable when Piper told him how Chris had cried when his daddy hadn't showed up, but he was so busy that he couldn't even come the next day. He sent him a present and a card anyway, but he knew his son was very sad about all this. On the fifth he had taken a day off from the other Elders especially for his child, but then a demon had attacked and they hadn't been able to celebrate properly and he had to leave the next day. The sixth one was an exception from the rule, he had been there for his son all day. On the seventh as well. But it was the last one he had been there for. The next years he had always been busy somehow and had sent Chris letters and presents but they couldn't quite make up for not coming.

Chris had always said he understood, but Leo knew now how much it had hurt him on the inside. Because he had always been able to get a free day for Wyatt's birthday. He felt very guilty for that but somehow the other Elders never set any struggle when he wanted to spend time with Wyatt, but they always said he had other responsibilities than his children as well. This was just because they were afraid of Wyatt's power, while Chris was rather harmless. Leo had always hated this about them, but he had also been afraid of not using his chance to be with at least one of his children when he had the opportunity to do so, because he feared if he didn't he wouldn't get a chance at all.

But this time he hadn't even thought about his younger son's birthday. He had had so much to do with the new threat and had totally forgotten that this was the month where his younger child was born. He had been so full of his work that he hadn't noticed.

That was no excuse. He should have thought about it, he should have been there, but he hadn't. He had let down his son like always.

But that wasn't the worst thing. He had noticed how hurt Chris was, that day on the bridge, he had realized how much it had hurt him that no one had thought about his birthday, but he hadn't reacted. He had thought he was ok, just as he always thought.

He had been so horribly wrong. And now his son was dead. Because of him. Because he had never had time for him, because he hadn't seen his need when he should've. He could've stopped it. He had seen the development right before his eyes, but he hadn't done a thing about it, when he still had the chance. He knew this wasn't just about the birthday. That had just been the trigger to depression that lay much deeper, a life of neglect and being forgotten. By his parents…

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Leo and Piper sat there for over two hours not saying a thing. There was nothing to be said. They were both crying so desperately about the loss they could've prevented if they only had had an open eye.

When it started to rain and they were both getting wet Piper finally spoke again. "Wh- What d- do we do now?", she asked and her sobs were cutting through her voice.

Leo didn't know. He said the first thing that came to his mind, "We can't leave him here"

Piper just nodded and as she looked at her boy again the tears were once again getting more. She noticed Leo took her hand and also Chris' and then he orbed them back in the manor, a place that would never really be home again.

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Wyatt was sitting in the living room when his parents orbed back in. He immediately turned off the TV, because his parents wouldn't be too happy if they knew what he was watching. He hid the remote under a pillow and pretended to read a book. Then he looked up and saw both his parents crying, kneeling next to a pale figure that was obviously dead.

Confused Wyatt looked a little closer and identified the corpse as his brother's. Great, Wyatt thought sarcastically. Now he would have to waste a day at a funeral, as if he hadn't got better stuff to do.

As he noticed how obviously touched his parents were, Wyatt chose to orb out to escape the need to pretend to care. His parents didn't notice any of this.

Somehow seeing their son's dead body now lying in the hallway made it all seem a lot more real than it had been in the meadow.

Their son would never return, he wouldn't walk around again. He would never have his own family, never get a car never work hard to finish college. He had been so young. Way to young.

Now that Piper saw him lying here she realized she had no idea what to do. It had been the obvious thing for her to take him home, because the alternative was leaving him lying under this tree forever, and that was totally unacceptable.

She tried to remember what they had done when Prue died. They had called the funeral company and they had taken her body to prepare the funeral. Should she call them now, too? She would have to. Even though it was so hard. Letting them take him away would be like accepting his death. She didn't know if she was strong enough to do that. But she owed him.

Slowly she stood up, left Leo and Chris in the hallway and walked over to the phone. When the woman that worked there picked up Piper could hardly say anything, but she managed to give the needed information. The woman said "I'm sorry, we will be there in half an hour" and then hung up. Without saying another word she walked back in the hallway to Leo and when she saw that her husband hadn't even moved and still held Chris' hand the tears came back and she sobbed freely again.

She sat down next to them and carefully removed the vial from Chris' hand. It was better if the funeral people didn't see this. She wanted to throw it away, but she couldn't, so she put it on a shelf to decide later what she was going to do with it. Then she looked again at her son and cried some more until the funeral people arrived.

They were polite and tactful. They took his body carefully. But one of them noticed that the boy had to have been dead for at least two weeks. He looked at Piper questioningly, but she didn't say a word.

She knew what he thought. What kind of mother didn't notice her child's death until two weeks afterward? And she knew the answer. A very, very bad one…

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Paige and Phoebe really enjoyed their day out. They were at the opening of a new museum, which was really funny, because it was a museum of old computers. Some of which both of them had already used when they were younger. But there were also a lot older ones, that seemed so huge and so not powerful that the girls couldn't stop giggling at the design.

There was however one bad thing about this museum. It was huge and only had one place were toilets were. And both of the girls hadn't found that place yet, but Paige desperately needed one.

When Phoebe started to flirt with some guy there who wore really awful pants, Paige decided that it was an emergency and went to some deserted corner and orbed home. Just to pee, of course.

When she arrived at home she thought no one was there, because Leo was never there and Piper wanted to take the boys out and talk to them. So after she did what she came to do, she figured she could go downstairs and have a little something before orbing back to the museum.

When she left the bathroom and headed for the stairs she remembered something. She had borrowed Chris' iPod without asking a week ago. He hadn't complained yet, because he hadn't been around a lot in the previous week, but she figured it was safer to put it back before he realized it was gone.

So she headed back to her room and got it from her end table. She got back into the hall and went to the room Wyatt and Chris' shared. She was relieved when neither of them was there. She put the music player back where she had gotten it from, the middle of Chris' desk. She had a feeling he needed to tidy it up, because she could barely find a spot that was not full of used paper. So she figured it would be better if she put it on his chair.

When she did so, she noticed a folded sheet of paper on the chair, the only thing that was on it. On the back it said "Everyone". She raised an eyebrow in confusion. She put the iPod down and took the letter. She walked out of the room while she was eyeing it curiously.

She folded it open and read the only line that there was. "I'm sorry for having been such a nuisance" Underneath that was his signature. This line totally confused Paige. What did he mean, why a nuisance, what was this letter for? It made absolutely no sense.

She was still thinking about it when she had finished coming down the stairs and entered the living room. She was definitely not prepared for what she saw.

Piper was kneeling next to the couch, sobbing into the cushions in a heartwrenching way, while Leo sat stiffly on one of chairs staring at nothing in particular while tears were running down his cheeks. She couldn't remember ever having seen any of them in such a state. They both looked so vulnerable.

"Guys? What happened?", Paige asked carefully. She had a very bad feeling in her stomach. And she secretly prayed that it nothing to do with Chris' weird letter.

Leo's head slowly moved upwards to meet her gaze. He took a deep breath and said silently, "Chris is dead"

"What?", Paige shouted. Her mind felt unable to process the information.

Now Piper looked up and looked at her sister with a tear stained face and red eyes. "My … my s-son k-killed himself", she said and was shaking under sobs.

Paige just stared at both of them, as the implication slowly sank in. She felt her knees going weak and she dropped to the floor. This was impossible. It couldn't be, it couldn't be true. But deep inside her mind she knew it was true. She had seen the letter and she hadn't understood its meaning when she had read it. Now she did.

"Oh my god", were the only words she could manage before she, too, started to cry. She looked at the letter in her hand. It was probably the last thing Chris had ever written. She read the one line over and over again, as she slowly caught its meaning. He had felt like a nuisance, he had believed he was only disturbing their lives. And then he had killed himself. This was just too much for her to take in and buried her face in her hands while she dropped the letter to the floor.

Her nephew was dead.

It was the only thought spinning in her head. She would never see him again. He was gone.

Piper noticed the piece of paper her sister had dropped. She looked at it and saw the word "Everyone" scribbled on the back. Then she looked at the front and read the line. Her world seemed to stand still for a moment. She had already felt so very bad, but seeing this letter made it even worse.

Without saying a word she gave the letter to Leo who read it the way she did. Once he had finished it he slipped from the chair he had been sitting on continued to stare at nothing, sinking ever deeper in the self-loathing and self-hatred.

None of the three present members of the Halliwell family spoke as they were all sitting on the floor and blamed themselves for what had happened to the youngest member of the family, who was never going to be with them again.

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It was 1 pm and Phoebe Halliwell was pissed. Her sister had left sometime about two hours ago, without saying a word to her. She hadn't noticed at first, because she was still flirting with the guy in bad pants but she had stopped doing so soon and then noticed her sister's absence.

She had waited for her to return, and even called for her, in the hope she and her whitelighter senses would pick it up, but she hadn't come. The problem was, that they had gotten here by orbing and Phoebe didn't have a car available.

As funny as she found the old computers it pretty soon went very boring when most of the other visitors left and she found herself almost alone between machines that were old and rusty and very uninteresting all of a sudden.

So she had taken the bus. It was not easy to get to the Halliwell manor by bus, because the next stop was far away and was rarely used by busses. She had to change lines 6 times until she finally got to the one that went closest to her home, only to find out she had hit the wrong direction and was riding opposite of were she wanted to go. So she had left the bus at the next stop and saw that the next one in the right direction would come in a very long time and she had absolutely nothing to do while she was waiting.

Now she had finally managed to get the right bus and to get where she wanted to go and stood in front of the manor's door. She had decided on the way that bus-riding in San Francisco was not her favorite activity. Though she had never thought differently it was nice to confirm it again. She had taken off her shoes that were high-heel sandals half way to the manor because her feet hurt like hell. They still did though and she had almost stepped into a puddle but saw it before something happened.

She took a deep breath, opened the door and prepared herself for a session of serious yelling at her baby sister who had simply left her at this stupid museum.

But when she stepped over the threshold this plan was wiped clear off her mind.

The vibes that were coming towards here were enough for her knees to go weak. She had to grab the edge of the counter next to the door to avoid falling to the floor. The immense sadness and despair that were practically jumping at her were way too much to take in.

She concentrated on breathing and used a technique she had acquired a few years ago to block herself from other people's feelings. She was surprised when even after she did so the feelings were not gone, only backed off to a bearable level. These emotions were very strong.

Phoebe took another deep breath and stood up again. She walked into the living room and immediately saw were these feelings came from. Piper Leo and Paige were all sitting in the floor and crying do dearly that Phoebe felt the sudden need to pull them all in a tight hug. They all looked so miserable, especially Piper.

But it was better if she cleared the situation before she tried to comfort them. So she cautiously asked, "What's wrong?"

Piper looked at her younger sister and saw the concern in her eyes. But she couldn't say what was wrong. It was just way to hard. She couldn't voice these terrible words again. She looked at Paige and Leo in hope they could explain it to Phoebe so she wouldn't have to. Leo still looked too paralyzed over his son's death. Paige finally swallowed and spoke very slowly, "Chris is dead"

Phoebe released her grip on the shoes she had been holding and they fell to the floor with a loud "fump" "What? How?", where the only things she could get herself to say.

"Suicide", Paige said and sobbed again. Phoebe stared at her half-sister with her eyes wide open. She didn't want to believe what she heard but she knew from the expressions on her family's faces that it was the harsh reality. They had lost him.

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The funeral was only three days later. They didn't have a lot of time to plan it, but they had to do it on short notice, because the funeral company argued that the body wouldn't be good enough for it soon, as Piper had decided against cremation. She just couldn't burn her little boy. That was way too painful and she had the feeling it was just the wrong thing to do, so they didn't.

When Chris had still been alive Piper had used to deny the truth about his social life, but when she looked around the mausoleum, the same where they had Prue's funeral, she finally realized that he indeed hadn't had any friends. The room was way too empty and everyone in his class had known it was today. But none had come. The only people present were she, her sisters, Leo, her father, Darryl and Sheila, and some whitelighters they knew. No one else.

Had her son been so insignificant to the world? She now understood a little why he had felt unloved. Of course, most of it was hers and Leo's fault, but now she saw that it wasn't the only factor that had played a role.

She held out the hope that wherever he was now, he was a little happier. She hoped he finally found some place where would feel free. She cried throughout the entire ceremony as well as the others did, but she had finally some kind of feeling she could come to peace with it. Because maybe her son could now get the happiness he deserved. He shouldn't have died now and she would spend her entire life blaming herself for it, but she began to finally accept it. Of course she would never fully accept it, but she only wanted the best for her baby boy.

She hardly noticed how the ceremony went on, she was too busy grieving over her lost son. She looked more closely at the people. Leo was crying again. He had been all over the course of the past three days and he was again, but less loud now. Her sisters were weeping at each others shoulders, while her father was sitting next to them and tried to put on a brave face, while tears were running down his cheeks.

He had always had a special affection for Chris, and had loved to spent time with him. It was especially hard for him now, because Chris hadn't come to him when he had had his problems but rather chose this way out. In fact Victor was the only one who hadn't forgotten Chris' birthday, but the post office had somehow lost the package so Chris had never known his grandfather cared for him.

Then Piper looked at Wyatt and was disturbed as she saw how little affection he showed. He seemed to be really bored and rolled his eyes at the speech the women at the altar gave. Piper tried to believe he was just not comfortable with showing his emotions and tried to hold them in, but secretly she wondered if there even were any emotions about this. He had hardly reacted to the news that his brother was dead and didn't engage into any conversation about this topic.

After the ceremony Sheila Darryl and Victor went home while the two Whitelighters orbed back to Elderland. The Halliwell family went to the manor

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Back at the manor everyone was silent. It didn't really feel like home anymore, now that one of the occupants was missing forever. Wyatt went straight up the stairs without any words to the others, while the others went to the dining room and sat at the table.

During the ceremony Piper had had an idea she was now going to present to her family.

"I need to know if Chris is alright", she said as no one else spoke.

"What do you mean?", Phoebe asked and had no idea what her sister wanted to say. The boy was dead, of course he was not alright.

"I mean we can summon Grams and ask her how Chris is doing", Piper explained.

"That's a good idea" Paige said.

"Yes, I think so too", Leo said and for once he had a glimmer of hope in his eyes. Maybe they could even summon Chris.

"Great. Everyone d'accord?", Paige asked suddenly very enthusiastic that there was finally something they could do to ease the pain a little. The situation was so hard for Piper and Leo and for her and Phoebe, too. Maybe they would all be able to find some peace with the circumstances when they saw that Chris was doing ok.

"Depends on what D'accord means", Phoebe said startled by Paige's sudden attempt to speak French.

"It means agreed", Paige explained to her sister.

"Oh well, then yes", Phoebe said and blushed a little, because now she realized she did know the word from high school French, only she had hardly listened during the lessons, and rather stared at her boyfriends ass.

Piper got up from the table happy that her family agreed and went up to the attic. The others of course followed.

"Paige you get the candles, Phoebe you look up the spell in the book", Piper ordered. She figured it would be safer to look it up again because they hadn't used it in a very long time.

Paige searched a drawer in one of the old cabins and pulled out the items she was asked for.

"Got them!", she exclaimed.

"Good, I have the matches", Piper said and together with her sister she put the candles in a circle and lit them.

"you got the spell?", Leo asked Phoebe.

"Here it is", she said and pointed at the page of the book that was currently open.

"Good. Go", Piper said when she and Paige finished. They all stood back and looked at the circle hopefully when Phoebe recited

Hear my calls hear my cry Spirit from the other side Come to me, I summon thee Cross now the great divide

And as expected a whirl of golden lights Penny and Patty Halliwell came into the room.

They were both surprised as they saw their family's tear stained faces.

Piper didn't waste any time and got to the point immediately. "How is Chris?", she asked her mother and grandmother.

"Um… why would we know that?", Patty carefully asked.

"Uh that's supposed to be a joke, right?", Piper asked confused and was afraid of the answer. "He's dead he's with you and Prue now, right?", she asked and her voice grew louder while every inch of her body hoped for a yes.

"He's dead?", Penny asked completely startled.

"Yes. He has to be with you", Paige said and fear was evident in her voice.

"Um… well he isn't", Patty said carefully not to upset her girls.

"But… but you're in heavens. If he wasn't with you it would mean…", Phoebe said unable to finish the sentence.

"It would mean he's in hell"

TBC…

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A/N, woo that was a long chapter. I know it kind of repeats itself over and over again in the part where the family reacts, but there aren't lot of ways to do that so please don't be mad.

But I guess you are mad because I am so mean to Chris. Now you know where that sadistic smile came from. Guess I'm kinda psycho…

The story does still continue, or do you think I would be mean enough to leave it this way? No there's still more to happen.

Here some personal thanks but due to time problems only for the reviews that need an answer.

Phoebe-x15: you're right, it is the unchanged future. In this chapter I put some hints suggesting Wyatt turning evil. I hope you're not too mad at me for killing Chris.

Nic: I think you will cut me now. But I didn't think not asking so much for reviews would get me some. Who would've thought?

Calen: Well I didn't leave it where it was, but no one saved him. Are you angry at me now? 

Starr Light1: Nope, no therapy, at least not yet. But it's gonna be more than two chapters.

Foxhana: I had no idea the world was waiting for a fic like that, but it's good to know I was of service.

EosHeliosSelene: I'm feeling kinda guilty here, I hope I didn't trigger too many bad memories for you, sorry. But I'm flattered that my story can even be liked by people who made this experience, because I haven't so I'm kinda writing in the dark. Thanks for the review.

And thanks everyone else, I hope you don't wanna kill me too badly, there is still more to come and I hope the cliffhanger was good enough for you to stay tuned.