HOW LIKE A FALLEN ANGEL – CHAPTER 5

We popped right into the medical center. I was instantly screaming for Dr. Bement or anyone to help me. Even though it was three AM, the doctor was there in under a minute. The fuzzy slippers were a bit silly looking, but at the time I wouldn't have cared if she was wearing a hula skirt.

"She has three bullet wounds, lower left chest, upper right abdomen and a crease above the right eye." I said this as I shoved Dawn into her arms. I indicated the girl, "I've taken care of her physical trauma, and she should be asleep for about forty-eight hours. Where can I put her so she's out of the way?"

The doctor waved at a room off to the side; she did this as she was shouting orders at her two nurses, telling one to prep the OR and another to help stabilize the patient. As I gathered the girl up and was headed for the room, I heard one of the nurses ask if she should get Buffy. That was one confrontation that I wasn't looking forward to. Once in the room, I put a gown on the girl and put her in the bed and tucked her in. God, she looked so peaceful, so serene. I left her room, closed the door and pulled a chair up next to it. I sat down, grateful for the rest, and promptly passed out.

Snippets of conversation washed over me, fading in and out; like I was listening to a weak signal on a broken radio.

'Does anyone know what happened?'

'Can Willow help?'

'Has he said anything?'

'Who's this other girl?'

'How is he?'

Finally a hand was shaking me; "Ian, wake up Ian."

My eyes slowly drifted up to the doctor's, I was afraid to see what was there, but I had to know "how is she?"

"She's weak, she lost a lot of blood, that's been replaced and she's been treated for infection. She had a concussion from the head wound, and part of her left lung was damaged, but neither of these are life threatening. The other shot damaged her liver, and that's tricky. In a situation like this, the liver will either resume functioning or shut down; if it starts back up, she'll live, if not . . . ." she faded to silence.

"How long until you know?"

"Within twenty four hours."

"Is there anything anyone can do, myself, Willow, anyone?"

"Just wait and pray that's all."

I just nodded and she walked away. After a bit of time, I'm really not sure how long it was, Buffy was there asking me what had happened. I told her every detail, wanting her to scream at me, hit me, anything to help assuage the guilt that was in me. Instead, she asked to see the girl. I took her to where she was. She was still asleep, peaceful, angelic, and for a second I hated her. She would live, while Dawn might die; her life sacrificed for a person who would never know that Dawn Summers had ever existed. I shook off my anger as unfair, and after asking Buffy to stay and make sure I didn't fall, I went into her mind to see how she had gotten to where she had been, and who she was.

It was incredibly draining, but it was something I had to do. I almost cried, she was a true innocent; kidnapped from a suburb on the south side of Buffalo, offered up by these swine as an appeasement to a demon. Grace Adams was her name; she wanted to be an engineer when she grew up. I came to myself and asked Buffy to contact her parents. "Just say that she is alive and she'll be back in a day or two."

"You sure" she asked.

I just slumped and nodded, unable to find anymore words.

It was ten in the morning, seventeen hours till we would know for sure. I sat back down in my chair and waited; not wanting to move and reminding myself to breathe every now and again. People would come in and out, occasionally they would try to talk, but I was lost in my mind; remembering Dawn in the thousands of ways that I did; her smile and laugh, her courage and compassion, her beauty and toughness. Again, bits of conversation washed around me, but I just sat and remembered her.

'I tried talking but he just sat there like a rock. God, I just wanted to pound him, just to produce a response.'

'He'd probably just thank you for that B; I doubt he'd even try to defend himself.'

'Does he respond to anything?'

'Oh yeah; just ask him to leave for a while, you'll get a response.'

'Really'

'A couple hours ago, I just suggested we go for a walk or something. You know lets get some fresh air, that kind of thing. And then he turned and looked at me.'

'He just looked at you?'

'Yeah, I know how it sounds, after all we're talking about Ian right, this sweet, gentle guy. I keep forgetting how truly powerful he really is; anyway all he did was look at me, but let me tell you B, I'd rather deal with the First again then have him look at me the way he did.'

'Just from a look?'

'It was like looking through a door into the heart of Hell.'

'Do you think he's dangerous?'

'Hell yes, if your sis dies, he'll make what Willow did will look like penny ante stuff. I really don't want to be around to see that.'

'What would he do?'

'I don't think he knows and right now, I don't think he cares.'

An hour after that, I felt two flares; my fellow Seraph had arrived. I didn't want to see them, but I had to. I waited at the door to the medical area. I could feel them approach, and knew that they were a bit afraid; I could understand their trepidation. The came up, but before they could say anything, I spoke.

"I do not hold what has happened against you; right now all anyone can do is wait to see if she lives or dies. I want you both to know that I will always be there for you, no matter what. Even if I have to bend or ignore the rules, you can call on me at anytime for anything, if you need my life, you have but to ask. I will never let you down; but I will never forget that I am the only one of us that can say that." I began to close the door and muttered "your help is not needed for this assignment, go away." I finished closing the door in their faces. I felt their distress and pain, but I didn't care. Right now, Dawn was all that mattered. I sat back in my chair, and taking Dr. Bement's advice, prayed

As I was sitting, I became aware of a feeling stealing over my mind, a calm being forced upon me. I knew that Willow was trying to help, but I was not in the mood for such ministrations. I broke the spell, not violently, but emphatically enough to make sure she got the message that it was unwanted. I just sat back and lost myself in remembering. At seven that night, the doctor came in. I took her a bit to shake me from my reverie.

"I just told her sister, and I wanted to tell you; her blood work came back normal, she's going to be just fine.

I slumped forward, babbling my thanks to her to God to anyone listening for that news. The doctor was trying to slip away, but I stopped her. Two thing doctor; one, I can never thank you enough for what you have done; tow; could you please see to my shoulder, the pain is considerable and I believe that the bullet is still there and I cannot heal if it is." I stripped away my coat and shirt, displaying the ugly wound; Buffy was just coming out of Dawn's room when I collapsed into her arms.

When I woke up, it was Faith and not Buffy that was with me. "You know Ian, for a smart guy, you can really be a dumbass."

"Thanks" I said "with positive talk like that, I'll be up in no time."

"I'm serious" she said "how is waiting on treatment gonna help anything?"

"Well, up until I passed out, I really didn't care if I got better or not."

"You never struck me as suicidal."

"Guilt can do that."

"What's given you such an attack of the guilts?"

In response, I got out of bed. I could feel that my shoulder was healing nicely, and motioned for Faith to follow me. "This is Grace Adams" I told Faith. "I had to make a choice; heal her or heal Dawn. Duty or Love in other words; and I chose duty, and now I despise myself for it. Dawn almost died because of my devotion to duty. Look at her, pure, innocent, she wants to be an engineer and design space stations, she loves her parents and has a Black Labrador Retriever named Creosote; and I was a second away from sacrificing her life, because Dawn was hurt. I know I would have hated myself if she had died, but I know I also hate myself for letting Dawn suffer. I guess I'm just screwed either way."

"You've had hours to re-think what happened, would you have done anything different, is there something that you forgot or didn't do that caused this?"

"No, I mean, intellectually I know you're right, but emotionally I just can't buy it."

"Yet"

"I hope."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, actually, I'm gonna wake her up and explain what happened, then we need to take her back to her parents, I could really use your help,"

"Why"

"Well, because if the questions get too tricky, I can't lie; and it would be handy to have someone around who could. That and when I wake her up, having just a guy there isn't a good idea."

"OK, count me in."

"Oh, and Faith"

"Yeah"

"Sorry I scared you earlier, I was a bit stressed."

She gave a little smile, "I guess we all have our bad days."

Together, and with our friendship intact, we began to wake up Grace.

Faith reached out and gave her shoulder a little shake. She came instantly awake and bolted upright in the bed "where am I, who are you two"?

"In a safe place" Faith answered, "my name is Faith and this is Ian, we've been taking care of you for a couple of days; can you tell us what you remember."

Her brow creased "I remember walking home from the Library and . . . . I think someone hit me, and then it gets jumbled, the woods, and a fire and people talking a lot, and I think I heard shooting, and then I'm here, wherever that is."

"This is a place for taking care of people, and you needed taking care of" I answered. "Grace, I want you to listen, you were attacked and kidnapped by people who we demon worshipers; they did things to you that you don't remember right now. But what's important is that nothing was your fault. You didn't do anything that caused this, you aren't a bad person or evil or being punished; it's like you were struck by lightning, it just happened. It's easy to think that it's your fault, but I want you to remember that it isn't. You'll start to remember details over time, but you must promise to remember that it wasn't your fault. The people who did this are already being punished, so you never have to worry about them again; you just need to concentrate on getting better."

It was painful to watch the emotions flicker across her face, anger, disbelief and despair, but I pushed a little bit of myself into her mind and was pleased to see resolve there.

"If you will excuse me, I need to make some calls, so I'll leave you with Faith for now, and then we'll see about getting you home."

I hoped that I hadn't hit her with too much, but I trusted Faith to help the young girl deal with what had occurred. I called Father McLaren in Buffalo so that he would be prepared if she needed counseling and I called the girls parents, assuring them that she would be home safe later today. They were grateful, but a little unsure about what was going on. I was worried about police involvement, that could be awkward, but I had a couple of ideas on how to avoid it. I promised to explain everything when we arrived. I looked in, and Grace was telling Faith about her dog, and Faith was telling her about the silly things that Annie had done lately. Leaving them to it, I went to see Dawn.