Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LIFEFORM

Chakotay lay in a warm soapy bath and let the water soothe his tired body. It had been a long day. He had been on an away mission to a nearby planet to gather some much needed energy resources and he had walked over difficult terrain.

"Mind if I join you?"

Chakotay opened his eyes at the sound of his wife's voice. Kathryn was standing beside the bath dressed in a white robe.

"Not sure there's room for the four of us," he teased.

Kathryn smiled, took off her robe, and climbed in opposite him.

"The crew were so happy to receive letters from home today," Kathryn said, closing her eyes and letting her body relax in the warmth of the water, "and were glad to be able to send theirs. It's been so long."

"It certainly has," Chakotay replied.

"I was worried that we'd lost permanent contact with home, seeing as we weren't able to establish contact last month, even though we were back on course." She paused. "I can't say I'm not concerned about what Starfleet Command will say about our relationship, but hopefully they will understand, given our circumstances."

Chakotay hesitated with his next words. "Did you tell them you're pregnant?"

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked into his. "No," she replied quietly. "No one knows except you, me, and the Doctor. I thought it best to take things one step at a time."

"Agreed." He paused. "But I think we should tell the crew. I would hate for them to find out any way other than directly from us."

Kathryn nodded. "So would I." She paused. "Neelix is holding a Talent Night on Friday. That would be the perfect opportunity to tell them."

Chakotay had to smile. "I take it you won't be performing the dying swan this time."

Kathryn laughed. "Not for a long while yet, I'm sure." She let herself relax into the water once more. "As it happens, my sister was telling me in her letter that my niece, Katy, is about to start ballet lessons. She's all excited about it and wants an outfit just like the one I used to wear. Phoebe's been showing her pictures of me as a ballerina." She looked at Chakotay again. "What news did you receive from home?"

Chakotay was a moment in answering. "My sister says that it's only a matter of time now before the Cardassians are driven out of our homeworld. Their regime is on the verge of collapse and the internal resistance is stronger than ever."

Kathryn smiled warmly. "That's wonderful news, Chakotay. Really wonderful."

He nodded, but his manner was not one she would have expected from a man informed of the impending liberty of his people from oppression.

"But you don't seem as happy about it as I would have thought."

"I am," he replied. "I couldn't hope for better news." He paused sadly. " I just... I just can't help wishing that the rest of my family were alive to celebrate it."

Kathryn's gently lay her hand on his leg and caressed him softly as a small gesture of comfort.


Talent Night was proving the success it always had been in the past and so far the highlight of the evening had been Tom's ten minute comedy sketch.

Chakotay had briefly left his seat to get a drink for himself and Kathryn, and when he returned, found Neelix trying to persuade her to perform the dying swan.

"Not tonight," Kathryn said. "I..."

"But you're so good, Captain," Neelix interrupted. "And it's been so long since you danced for us..."

"And it will be a while again..."

"Oh please, Captain. Just a short dance..."

Chakotay handed his wife a glass of apple juice and then took a sip of his own. "You heard the Captain, Neelix. No dying swan this time." He put his drink on the floor, close to the base of his seat. "But I can offer you a croaking toad if you're interested."

Kathryn almost choked on her drink at those words and looked up at her husband in surprise. "Are you meaning what I think you are?"

Chakotay had to smile at the look on her face. "About time I participated."

"But you hate to perform before people..."

"There's always a first time for everything."

All Neelix's attention was on Chakotay now. For years he had been trying to persuade him to perform. "I knew you would want to take part eventually," he said, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "What are you going to do for us, Commander? A poem? A magic act?"

Kathryn smiled as she remembered that day long ago when she had told Chakotay he could entertain the crew by phasering an apple she balanced on her head.

"I'm going to sing," he smiled.

Sing? Chakotay sing? She had never so much as heard him sing in the shower! Even Neelix seemed surprised.

"I didn't know you could sing, Commander," he said.

"Well, perhaps I can't," Chakotay teased. "But I'll give it my best."

Neelix punched Chakotay's arm in an encouraging gesture. "That's the spirit, Commander."

"But I will need a guitar," Chakotay continued. "And an amp for it."

"Leave it to me, Commander," Neelix said happily, and before Chakotay could say another word, Neelix had disappeared.

Kathryn still couldn't quite believe Chakotay was going ahead with this. And since when had he played the guitar? He didn't even seem to like music that much.

She took another sip of her drink, but before she could question him, Naomi approached them.

"Are you going to dance for us tonight, Captain?"

Kathryn laughed. "Did Neelix put you up to this?"

Naomi shook her head. "I've just heard that you dance good. Are you going to dance?"

Kathryn put her hand to Naomi's cheek. "Not tonight, Miss Wildman. But you and Icheb danced well together earlier."

"We've been practicing a lot, Captain," Naomi replied. "Ever since Neelix told us of the show."

"And it certainly paid off."

Naomi was just about to speak when Neelix began to address the audience. "Ladies and Gentleman," he began, "I am very pleased to announce that our very own First Officer is going to sing a song for us. Please give a warm welcome to Commander Chakotay!"

Chakotay knew that was his cue to go on stage and he made his way without looking at all the people around him. Showmanship just wasn't in his nature and he always felt rather conspicuous on stage. But he was amongst comrades and friends and whatever discomfort he felt left him as soon as he was on the stage. Neelix handed him a beautiful brown guitar and fixed a microphone to his shirt.

"All set, Commander."

Chakotay thanked him and turned to the audience as Neelix left the stage.

"Before I begin," he said, "there's something important that the Captain and I would like to tell you." He paused, trying to choose his words carefully. "Many things have happened to us all over the years, and many times we have done things under mind control that we wouldn't do in our rightful minds. We all lived a different existence on Quarren and were not at all aware of our duties and responsibilities on this ship. We didn't even know this ship existed. We were all workers at the plant and we all lived different personal lives. But our old existence had not been completely erased and that's why so many of us were drawn to each other in friendships or in relationships, and why the Captain and I became lovers." He paused. "Having children was not something the Captain and I ever considered while we were Captain and First Officer of this ship, but as a result of our time on Quarren, we've found out that we're going to be parents."

There was a moment of silence as the crew absorbed this news, and Kathryn held her breath, unsure what their reaction would be. But once again the crew surprised her in the best possible way as they got to their feet and applauded. Kathryn got to her feet as they did so and B'Elanna, who had been sitting next to her, turned to her. "Congratulations, Captain," she said warmly, and then drew her captain and friend close.

Kathryn returned her embrace and then broke away from her to join Chakotay on the stage. The crew cheered louder as she did so.

"Thank you," Kathryn said. "Thank you all." She paused. "It was, of course, a surprise at first, and an even greater one when we found out that we're having twins ... ."

The crew cheered again at this and there was more applause.

"Boys or girls? "Tom cried from the audience.

"One of each," Kathryn smiled. "They're not identical." She paused. "It was a shock to us, but now we're both delighted." She then fell serious. "I know it won't be easy to be a mother and a captain, but I want you all to know that my commitment to getting this ship home is absolute, and that will never change."

Neelix, who had been standing at the side of the stage, approached her.

"I know no one in this room doubts that, Captain. Congratulations."

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you, Neelix."

He put a kind hand on her arm and then turned again to the audience. "I'm sure you're all eager to congratulate the Captain, but first I think we should hear Commander Chakotay sing!"

The crowd again cheered at this.

"So, once again I present our very own First Officer, Commander Chakotay."

Kathryn left the stage with Neelix and took to her seat again as Chakotay sat on a stool that had been provided for him. Kathryn was surprised at how comfortable he looked with a guitar in his arms and watched curiously as he strummed and tuned the instrument. At last he was ready and addressed the audience.

"I'd like to dedicate this song to my wife," he said.

He began to play the guitar, his fingers working skillfully, and then began to sing. Kathryn listened and was deeply moved at both the beauty of his voice and the song.

So suddenly, so strange
Life wakes you up, things change
I've done my best, I've served my call
I gave to you my all

So suddenly, so strong
My prejudice was gone
You needed me, I found my place
I'm different now, these days

Now the greatest reward
Is the light in your eyes
The sound of your voice
And the touch of your hand
You make me who I am

You trusted me to grow
I gave my heart to show
There's nothing else I cherish more
I'll stand by you for sure

Now the greatest reward
Is the love that I can give
I'm here for you now
For as long as I live
You make me who I am

So suddenly, it's clear to me
Things change
Our future lies in here and now
We made it through somehow

Now the greatest reward
Is the love that I can give
I'm here for you now
For as long as I live
You make me who I am
You make me who I am

As Chakotay finished, the crew cheered, but all Kathryn was aware of was him and his eyes gazing in to hers. He smiled warmly and she smiled in return. This was a moment she would never forget.


Chakotay sat in bed, reading, while Kathryn took a quick shower. His left leg was aching a little and he stretched, trying to relieve the tension. As he did so, Kathryn emerged from the bathroom, dressed in a white robe. Petal, who was sleeping in her doggie bed in the corner of the room, looked up as she entered and wagged her tail briefly. Then she settled back to sleep.

"I had no idea you could sing or play the guitar," Kathryn said, making her way over to the bed. "Why haven't you ever told me?"

Chakotay put the book down on his bedside cabinet. "It just never came up."

Kathryn climbed onto the bed. "But you're so good."

He smiled a tired smile. "Thank you."

"I'm serious, Chakotay. And you have such a beautiful voice. Yet I've never heard you sing."

"It's not something I do much."

"Then you should." She smiled. "And you can learn me to play the guitar."

Chakotay turned away from her uncomfortably. "I don't think I could..."

"Of course you could. And I'd love to learn to play. I've always..."

"I can't," Chakotay said, raising his voice. "I'm sorry."

Kathryn fell silent, stunned at his outburst. Chakotay so seldomnly raised his voice.

He ran his hands though his hair, sorry for his sharpness. He turned to her again and Kathryn saw infinite pain in his eyes. "I just can't, Kathryn. I'm sorry."

He got up slowly and wandered over to the window. He stared out at the blackness of space, his shoulders hunched, a tortured figure. Kathryn got up to and went over to him. Pain knifed her heart when she saw a tear on his cheek. She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder.

"What is it?"

He made no answer. He couldn't. Instead he just wept. Kathryn stroked his arm, totally at a loss to understand, but wanting nothing more than to ease his pain. "Come here," she whispered, drawing him close. "Come here." Chakotay gathered her in his arms and Kathryn held him tight in return.

He wept a long time, but at last his sobs ebbed and he drew away.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"No," Kathryn answered. "Don't be sorry. Just tell me what's wrong."

He turned away from her and looked out of the window again. "The reason you've never seen me play the guitar before is because I couldn't. I would try, but I just couldn't. Every time I did, I kept thinking about how it used to be, how we would all sit and sing together around the fire. And I would think of her ... Rennay."

"Your youngest sister?"

Chakotay nodded. "My grandfather taught me to play the guitar and I taught Rennay. And she played so well, sang so well. Her voice was beautiful, so clear and pure." A tear ran down his cheek. "We all used to love listening to her sing, no matter what song it was. And she loved it when I sang with her. She idolized me. I was so much older than her, you see, and had more patience with her than anyone else. She would follow me everywhere, even when I didn't want her too, and if she had a bad dream or hurt herself, it was me she would come too. I would often wake up and find her lying in the bed beside me." Anger once more began to surface and he clenched his fists. "I should have been there when the Cardassians attacked. I promised her that no matter where I was, I would always be there if she needed me. I promised I would never let anyone hurt her." Tears choked his voice. "But I wasn't there. When they beat her and raped her and then took her life, I wasn't there."

He wept softly again and all Kathryn could do was draw him close again.

"I'm so sorry, Chakotay," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. But you can't blame yourself. There's nothing you could have done. They would have killed you too. She wouldn't have wanted that."

"I know," he replied, drawing slightly away from her. "But when I think what they did to her ... I wish I had been there ... I wish I could have done something, even if it was only to take her life myself and spare her the pain ... That's no way for anyone to die ... Such pain ... such fear ... ."

"You don't know for sure she suffered so much," Kathryn said gently.

"I do," he whispered. "Caliv, a neighbor and survivor, told me. He witnessed all they did to her." He drew away from Kathryn, anger again boiling. "And when I think of it..." He leant his arms against the wall, trying to compose himself. "When I think what they did to you ... I'm so angry, Kathryn. I'm so damned angry..."

"And you have every right to be," Kathryn replied. "I was angry for a long time too. But it does no good, Chakotay. You once told me that no one is dead as long as we remember them. And what we should remember is not the way they died, but the person they were when they were alive, the love we shared with them and the laughter. And for you, the music. Otherwise, their only legacy is pain and grief. She would want you to sing, would want you to play the guitar. And the best way to honor her memory is to enjoy doing both."

He nodded. "And I did enjoy it. For the first time in years I enjoyed it. I just ... afterwards ... the memories ... and with the memories, guilt."

"I understand. But you have nothing to feel guilty about, darling. There's nothing you could have done. And she would be glad that you weren't there. She would be glad that you're still alive." She paused. "As you know, I blamed myself for years for what happened to my father and fiancé. But it wasn't my fault. It was an accident. And neither was it your fault that you weren't there when the Cardassians attacked." She moved her hand to his hair and ran her fingers through it. "You did nothing wrong in leaving the tribe and joining Starfleet. We all have to find our own way in the world and follow our dreams, where ever they may take us. Your father should have encouraged you, not saddled you with all the guilt that he did." She paused again. "You can't blame yourself, Chakotay, for things that were out of your hands."

"I know," he whispered. "I just ... sometimes I've wondered..." He stopped, couldn't say it.

"What, Chakotay?"

"Why my older-self came back to Voyager and didn't go back in time and save them, save her." He paused. "Because in his future none of this had happened between us. We weren't married, weren't going to be parents. He could have stopped all the terrible things happening to my family and stopped Voyager getting stranded. Because if I hadn't joined the Maquis, you wouldn't have been going to the Badlands in search of us. It would kill me to lose you now, Kathryn, but if all this hadn't happened..."

Kathryn stroked his arm. "He had knowledge we can never have, Chakotay. We can't second guess his decisions. He could only travel back in time once, and that once had to be to a time where he could make a difference. Perhaps there was nothing he could have done to save your family, nothing that was guaranteed to work, or perhaps it would contaminate the timeline too much. But he could make a difference to us. We can't know, Chakotay. And we can't guess." She took his hand in hers. "All I know is that I'm so very grateful to him."

Chakotay squeezed her hand and then touched her face with his other hand. "So am I." He paused. "And let's talk no more of the past. It's haunted us both long enough."

Kathryn nodded. "It certainly has. But I want you to talk to me, Chakotay, no matter what it's about. I don't want you to feel that you can't, because of what happened to me or for any other reason. Understand?"

He nodded. "So long as you do me the same honor."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "Deal." Then she smiled and tugged at his hand. "Come on, let's go back to bed. I've got something to show you."

Chakotay followed her back into bed and Kathryn reached into the bedside cabinet beside her. She pulled out a white envelope and smiled at her husband, her eyes sparkling with joy.

"Pictures of our babies," she said proudly. "The Doctor took them this morning during my exam. He wanted to see that both babies are developing properly, given my age."

Chakotay usually accompanied her to her weekly exam, but ship business had unfortunately prevented him this time. And the day had been so busy, that this was the first moment she had to show him the pictures. Kathryn opened the envelope and handed Chakotay a photograph edged in blue. Chakotay looked at the picture and a million emotions stirred in his heart. There, before his eyes, was the image of a tiny human being. It was only eight weeks old, and yet already seemed perfectly formed with a beautiful little face, button eyes, tiny hands, and little feet.

"Our son," Kathryn whispered.

She then passed him the second picture, edged in pink.

"Our daughter."

Chakotay looked at this picture too and saw the same tiny perfection.

"Oh Kathryn," he whispered.

Kathryn nestled her head against his shoulder as she too looked at the pictures. "It was incredible," she said. "I wish you could have been there, Chakotay. The Doctor inserted a camera into my womb and I saw them on screen." She smiled at the memory. "They were so beautiful. Even though they're so small and would fit into the palm of my hand like Tom Thumb and Thumbelina, they moved their legs and spread their tiny little arms as though they were dancing."

"They are amazing," Chakotay said quietly, totally in awe, "absolutely amazing."

Kathryn nestled closer. "I'd like us to name them," she said softly. "They should have a name."

Chakotay nodded. "I'd like us to name them too." He kissed her hair. "What names do you like?"

"For a girl," Kathryn said hesitantly, unsure if he would like the name, " I've always liked Silvia. I've always thought it's such a pretty name. It reminds me of silvery stars and moonlight."

Chakotay smiled. "Silvia. I like it."

Kathryn drew slightly away from him. "You do?"

He nodded. "One of the things I most remember about Quarren is the beautiful silver moon. It's very appropriate considering that's where she was made."

Kathryn smiled and lost herself in his eyes a moment. Then she turned back to the pictures. "The only trouble," she continued, "is a boy's name to go with it. I think their names should complement each other, don't you?"

Chakotay nodded. Then he gave a suggestion. "What about Silvesta?"

At that, Kathryn's eyes lit up and she turned to him again. "Oh yes, Chakotay, that would be perfect!"

Chakotay smiled, dimples showing in amusement. "Then I think we've decided." He had to laugh. "That has to be the quickest time in deciding on baby names ever. Tom and B'Elanna are still deciding."

"That's because they can't agree," Kathryn laughed.

"Perhaps middle names will take us longer," he teased.

"Or quicker," she replied. She then fell serious. "What about Rennay?"

Chakotay smiled softly, deeply touched. "I would like that."

"And I was thinking Kolopak for our son, after your father."

Chakotay brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face. "But what about your father?"

"Our son will already have the Janeway name," Kathryn answered. "I'd like him to have part of your history too."

Chakotay smiled again. "Then Kolopak it is."

They gazed into each others eyes and then Kathryn placed his hand on her stomach, holding it there with her own. "Silvia Rennay and Silvesta Kolopak Janeway," she whispered.


Distant noise disturbed Kathryn's sleep and she woke up. Coming to her senses, she realized that Chakotay wasn't beside her and Petal's bed was also empty. She sat up a little.

"Computer, what time is it?"

"The time is 05:57 hours"

It was too early for Chakotay to be getting up for his shift. Something had to be wrong. Chakotay was always such a good sleeper. Kathryn got out of bed and put on her robe as she walked into the living room. The lights were dim and she could hardly see, but she made out Chakotay's form lying on the couch and Petal's on the floor beside him. Chakotay was rubbing his left leg and clearly seemed to be in pain.

"I'm alright, Kathryn," he cried, his voice breathless. "You go back to bed."

"Like hell you are alright," she replied. "Computer, maximize lights."

The lights came on and Kathryn quickly made her way over to him. She gasped when she saw his leg. His shin was an ugly red and swollen to almost double size. Chakotay was panting, the pain unbearable. Kathryn knelt beside him, annoyed he hadn't woken her.

"You should have woken me, Chakotay..."

"I didn't want to disturb you," he replied. "I've called the Doctor. He should be here any moment."

Just as he spoke, the door chime sounded. Kathryn turned towards the door. "Come in."

The doors opened and the Doctor came in.

"Chakotay's leg seems to have some kind of infection," she said, getting to her feet as the Doctor made his way over to them. "It's red and swollen and he's in a lot of pain."

The Doctor knelt beside Chakotay and began to examine him.

"I've just attended to Ensign Harris and Crewman Frix in sickbay," the Doctor said as he worked. "They woke up with swollen limbs. I believe they've contracted an unknown virus, while they were on the away mission with the Commander a few days ago, possibly from an insect bite. I detected multiple foreign bodies within their bodies that were growing rapidly, but seemed to reach maturity as I was monitoring them. I've given them something for the pain and confined them to sickbay until I can find a cure. I was going to inform you later this morning, if you didn't contact me first." He paused. "I'm definitely detecting the same foreign body within the Commander's leg." He put a hypospray to his neck. "That should ease the pain, Commander." He got to his feet. "There's nothing more I can do here. We'll have to go to sickbay."

Chakotay tried to get up off the couch. "As you say, Doctor."

The Doctor helped him to his feet and Chakotay leant against him.

"I'll come with you," Kathryn said.

Chakotay turned to her. "No, Kathryn. You get some rest. I'll be alright."

"I insist, Chakotay." Before he could argue further, Kathryn contacted transporter room one. "Janeway to transporter room one. Transport Chakotay, the Doctor, and myself to sickbay."

Within seconds, they all appeared in sickbay. The Doctor helped Chakotay to a biobed while Kathryn looked around the room.

"I thought you had confined Harris and Frix to sickbay, Doctor," she said.

"I did," he replied.

"Well, they're not here now."

The Doctor looked around and then frowned in frustration. "They must have returned to their quarters. I gave them strict instructions not to leave sickbay without my authority. They need to be closely monitored." He sighed. "I'll have to recall our delinquents."

He finished helping Chakotay onto the bed and hit his commbadge. "Doctor to Greg Harris and Crewman Frix."

There was no response.

"Doctor to Greg Harris and Crewman Frix."

There was still no response.

"Computer, locate Greg Harris and Crewman Frix."

The Computer voice responded.

"Greg Harris and Crewman Frix are not onboard."

Kathryn swallowed. "What's going on?"

"I don't..." The Doctor stopped in mid sentence as he saw hundreds of silver beetle like insects clinging motionlessly to the metal base of the biobed next to the one Chakotay was lying on. He gestured to them with his hand. "Captain..."

Kathryn followed his hand and saw the mass of insects. Chakotay did too. The Doctor saw that there were more on the biobed that Frix had been on.

"They're on the next biobed too."

Kathryn turned to the Doctor, hardly daring to think what she was thinking, let alone believe it. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"If you're thinking what I believe you are," he said. "Computer, erect a forcefield around sickbay and another forcefield around the Captain and Commander Chakotay."

The forcefields were erected and the Doctor approached the biobed. He studied the shimmering insects closely and saw that many of them seemed to be laying eggs. Before he could seize one of the creatures for dissection, he would have to erect another forcefield. Disruption might cause them to scatter wild in sickbay.

"Computer," he said again. "Erect another forcefield around myself and biobeds 2 and 3."

"Forcefield erected."

The Doctor then seized one creature and was relieved to see its removal did not disturb the others. He then took another creature from the other bed.

"Computer," he said. "Remove forcefield around myself and biobeds 2 and 3 for 5 seconds. Then remove the forcefield surrounding the captain and Commander Chakotay"

The forcefield was removed and the Doctor escaped it just before it was re-erected. Then the computer removed the forcefield surrounding Kathryn and Chakotay.

The Doctor took the creatures over to a work bench and analyzed them. Kathryn and Chakotay watched silently, both trying to absorb and make sense of what was happening.

At last the Doctor was done. He turned slowly towards his Captain and First Officer and, from the look on his face, his findings had confirmed their fears.

"As we thought, Captain," he began. "They contain traces of the remains of Greg Harris and Frix."

Kathryn swallowed and it was a long moment before she could speak. "But how ... where did they come from?"

The Doctor made his way over to Chakotay and began examining him quickly, talking as he did. "I believe they came from inside Harris and Frix, Captain."

Chakotay questioned next. "A macrovirus?"

"It seems to be a hermaphroditic lifeform that can be transported by insects at microscopic size, and then grow to macroscopic proportions within the body, and grow again as it devours it's host."

Kathryn bit her lip, her fear rising. "What can you do?"

"I'm not sure Captain," he replied, "but the Commander doesn't seem to have as many creatures in him as Harris and Frix evidently did. That's in his favor."

"I didn't receive as many bites," Chakotay answered. "I kept my jacket on."

"There's got to be something you can do, Doctor," Kathryn continued.

"Killing these creatures outside the body will be easy, but it might take me hours to find a way of killing them inside without damaging healthy cells. And we don't have hours, not if they devoured Harris and Frix so quickly."

"But there must be something that will kill them..."

"I can't risk..." He stopped, analyzing some data. "Wait a minute. The leg the creatures are gathering in is the one with the steel rod I placed in the Commander's tibia when I was reconstructing his legs following the accident." He scoured more data. "Indeed, they seem to be using it as a base to lay eggs, just like they are doing on the biobeds. They must be attracted to metal. And if that is so, all the creatures will flock there." He bit his holographic lip and looked up at Chakotay. "Amputating your lower leg as soon as all creatures have attached to the rod is the only way I can guarantee saving your life."

"I see," Chakotay whispered, the lowering of his eyes being his only display of concern.

"The only conclusion I can draw is that they are attracted to metal like magnet and when they found no metal in the bodies of Harris and Frix, they devoured them in the attempt of escaping their body. Or perhaps the magnetic properties of metal is somehow necessary to nurture their young. I have no way of knowing what their next move will be after they have finished laying their eggs. They may start devouring your body in order to escape it."

"I understand," Chakotay said quietly. "Do what you have to do."

"And I may be able to save your leg once it's removed, but even if I can't, I'll be able to provide you with an artificial limb that will look and feel like your own."

Chakotay nodded and cast a glance at Kathryn. She was visibly trembling and white as a sheet. Concern for her supplanted concern for himself. He reached for her hand. "You go and inform Tuvok what has happened."

"I don't want to leave you," she replied. "And what of the creatures? We need to dispose of them somehow..."

"I'll destroy them, Captain," the Doctor interrupted, "once I've operated on Chakotay. I doubt they will grow any larger, and even if they do, should be no threat within the forcefield."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "Go, Kathryn. I'll be alright."

Kathryn really didn't want to leave him, but he was right. Tuvok needed to know. She squeezed his hand in return. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"The operation may take some time," Chakotay replied. "You get something to eat. A drink at least."

Kathryn nodded, obliging him, but eating was the last thing she felt like doing.

"The last of the creatures has gathered in your leg," the Doctor interrupted. "I'm going to have to operate now. I don't know how long we have."

Kathryn squeezed Chakotay's hand again before drawing away from him. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Chakotay nodded and then the Doctor blocked her view of him as he put Chakotay to sleep.


As she was still in her nightclothes, Kathryn returned to her quarters via transportation, changed, and then summoned Tuvok. She told him what had happened and told him to inform the crew about the deaths of Greg Harris and Frix. When he had left, Kathryn replicated herself a cup of warm milk with honey and sat on her couch to drink it. Petal curled up at her feet and went to sleep.

Suddenly, Harry's voice sounded over the comm.

"Kim to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn rubbed her tired brow. "Janeway here."

"We are receiving a direct communication from Starfleet Command."

At this, Kathryn sat up straight, all attention. "Starfleet Command?"

"They have found a way of communicating with us briefly. Admiral Paris wishes to speak with you at once."

Kathryn got to her feet, disturbing Petal. "Put him through to my quarters. Janeway out."

At that, she went over to her desk and turned on the monitor. Instantly, Admiral Paris's face appeared. Happy tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. It had been so long since she had seen her friend and mentor.

"It's good to see you, Sir," she said emotively.

Admiral Paris shared the same emotion. "You too, Kathryn." He smiled warmly. "And to see you looking so well."

"You too." She paused. "How have you managed to communicate with us?"

"I have explained it all to Ensign Kim," he replied, "and don't have time to repeat it now. "I only have a few more minutes before this transmission collapses. But we hope to be able to establish a connection with you for several minutes every day."

Kathryn smiled. "That would be wonderful, Sir."

He nodded, and then shifted rather uncomfortably. "However, I'm sorry that my first communication with you isn't going to be a pleasant one." He bit his lip before continuing. "We received your letter about your marriage to Commander Chakotay and I'm afraid there has been a very negative reaction to it by many."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly. "I knew there would be some opposition. But I promise you that my relationship with Chakotay doesn't interfere with my capacity to captain this ship."

"It's not the fact that you are in a relationship that concerns people," he replied, "no one expected you to be alone, it's just the person you are in a relationship with. There are those who feel that because of your relationship with Chakotay, a former Maquis, you will delay getting the ship home to prevent him having to go to trial."

"But that's ridiculous," Kathryn cried. "I'm doing all that I can to get this crew home as soon as possible. Chakotay and I are both doing all that we can."

"I have no doubts on that score, and have done my best to convince those members of Starfleet Command who believe otherwise, but my words are falling on deaf ears. There have also been protests by family members who fear for the return of their loved ones." He paused. "I regret to inform you that Starfleet Command has decided that Tuvok should be Captain of Voyager instead."

"No," Kathryn replied, "I will not accept that."

"I'm afraid you are going to have to, especially if you wish to continue in Starfleet when you return. Being so far away they have no way of enforcing this without your co-operation, but I am told to tell you that if you do not resign as Captain in favor of Tuvok, you will no longer be welcome in Starfleet Command when you return."

"But that's unfair," Kathryn cried. "Let me speak to Starfleet Command...".

"I'm afraid there isn't time, not today."

"Then when?"

"We hope to establish contact with you the same time tomorrow. You can talk to them then. But I wouldn't hold my breath, Kathryn. The opposition is..."

The sound crackled and the picture broke up as the connection was lost. Then the screen went blank and all was silent. Kathryn buried her head in her hands. She didn't need this right now. She really didn't need this ...

"Doctor to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn withdrew her hands. "Go ahead, Doctor."

"The operation was a success. I'm just about to wake Chakotay."

Relief consumed Kathryn at that. "I'll be right there.


There was no sign of the creatures when Kathryn arrived at sickbay. The Doctor had clearly been able to dispose of them easily. Chakotay was lying unconscious on a biobed, propped up on pillows.

"He is clear of the lifeform, Captain," the Doctor said as they approached the bed. "But the Commander has just undergone a serious operation and will be weak and in some discomfort for a while."

Kathryn gazed at Chakotay lying on the bed and her heart fell heavy when she saw his left leg. Where the Doctor had severed just below the knee, was a white bandage. She then looked up at the Doctor.

"Were you able to save his leg?"

"I'm afraid not, Captain," he replied sadly. "I did what I could, but when I disturbed the creatures they began to devour his leg. Within seconds it was gone." He paused. "But as I said, I can create an artificial limb for him that will adapt to his body and look and feel apart of him. His movements won't be restricted in anyway."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes, but she managed to suppress them by remembering that he was so lucky to be alive, unlike poor Greg Harris and Frix.

"How soon can it be done?"

"Any time, but I want to wait until the Commander has recovered from this operation as it will entail another, much longer, one."

"When can he return to our quarters?"

"It would be best if he stayed here, Captain. He needs rest and so do you."

"I think he'll rest better in his own bed, and I'll rest better if he's with me."

The Doctor sighed. "As you wish, Captain." He moved to put a hypospray to Chakotay's neck and wake him, but Kathryn stopped him. "Let me, Doctor. And I'd like us to be alone."

The Doctor nodded and handed her the hypospray. "Very well, Captain."

Kathryn watched as he left and then sat in the chair next to Chakotay's bed. She put the hypospray to his neck and then took his hand in hers as he woke up.

"Welcome back," she whispered as his eyes settled on hers.

Chakotay squeezed her hand gently. "Did it work? Am I clear of the creatures?"

Kathryn nodded. "All clear." She then gently put her hand to his cheek and tried to be as kind as she could with the next words. "But the Doctor couldn't save your leg."

Chakotay's lip trembled and he closed his eyes. "I see."

"But as the Doctor said, he can create an artificial limb for you that will become a part of your body. You won't even know the difference."

Chakotay opened his eyes and gazed into hers. She saw so much pain there. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.

"This won't ... change how you feel about me, will it?"

The question took Kathryn aback and she squeezed his hand, almost in protestation. "Never, Chakotay," she said firmly. "Never." Her voice then became gentle. "How can you even think it?"

Chakotay hesitated. "The same reason you did when you were Cardassian..."

At those words, Kathryn felt so ashamed, ashamed of her past foolishness. "Oh, Chakotay." She kissed his hand. "I'm so sorry. I was just so afraid I would lose you. I love you for you, but at the same time you're such an attractive man. One of the reasons I never told you how I felt was because I didn't know if you could really be interested in me. Not as more than a friend. I've always been insecure that way. And then when I looked Cardassian, it was just so much worse..."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "Didn't I tell you one night long ago that you are beautiful?"

Kathryn nodded. "But I didn't know if you really meant it. We were alone there, afraid, and I was the only woman you were ever likely to be near again. And when we got back to the ship it was like nothing had happened. You never once told me again how you felt." She paused. "All my life people had said I was clever, or brave, but rarely beautiful."

Chakotay reached up and put his hand to her cheek. "You're beautiful in every possible way, Kathryn."

Kathryn gazed into his eyes and then took his hand in hers again. "And so are you, Chakotay. Nothing could change how I feel about you. Whatever we face, we face together."

As he nodded, a sadness filled her heart. He had no idea about what had happened with Admiral Paris and she just couldn't tell him. At least not now. And if she could persuade Starfleet Command that her relationship with him had not effected her ability to command the ship, he would never need to know. No one else knew, not even Tuvok. But he would have to know about the transmission. If she didn't tell him, someone else would. The news was all over the ship.

"And we've had some good news," she tried to smile. "Starfleet Command may have found a way of communicating with us for a few minutes each day."

"That is good news," he smiled.

She nodded. "We even received a transmission from Admiral Paris and I got to speak to him face to face."

"You did? That's incredible. How?"

"I'm not sure. He didn't have time to explain. But apparently he told Harry, so I'll speak to him later."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "If we do manage to have daily contact, the crew will be able to speak to their families."

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "And it would be so good to see my mother and sister again. I've missed them so much."

Chakotay squeezed her hand again. He knew the truth of that. "It would be good to see my sister too," he said.

Chakotay noticed how pale Kathryn looked, how tired, and he was concerned that she hadn't eaten like he suggested. "I'm hungry," he said kindly. "What time is it?"

"I'm not sure," Kathryn replied. She had completely lost track of time. "Computer, what time is it?"

"The time is 09:41 hours".

"Near enough to breakfast for me," Chakotay smiled. "Join me?"

Kathryn hesitated, but then nodded. She wasn't really hungry, but she knew that she had to eat. "I'll just go and get the Doctor to examine you. Then we'll set you up in our quarters and I'll make us breakfast."

"Replicated I hope," Chakotay teased.

Kathryn had to smile. "Replicated, I promise."

With that she kissed his forehead and Chakotay watched as she went to fetch the Doctor.

END OF CHAPTER THIRTEEN