Mary-Sue the Magnificent
Chapter Six: I'm Alive Again!
"Back again?" asked a slightly bored voice as Mary-Sue woke up.
She looked up to see Mandos. "Oh," she said, understanding. She got to her feet. "I'm really sorry," she said. "It was Legolas again. He stabbed me!"
"I know, I know," said Mandos, putting his head in his hand. "It's never your fault."
"Don't make me stay here!" she begged, falling to her knees.
"I won't," said the Vala. "But watch out for these people. Did you know that even Arwen killed a Mary-Sue once?"
"She did?" asked Mary-Sue. "The Lady Arwen?"
"Yep," nodded Mandos. "You'd be surprised at the things she's done."
Mary-Sue looked terrified.
"But don't worry!" he said quickly. "She won't hurt you!"
"She won't?" asked the girl. "Is there anyone else I have to worry about?"
"Well, there is the Lady Eowyn, but as long as you stay away from Aragorn and Faramir while you're around her, you should be okay," he whispered, leaning down to her ear.
"You're sure?" she whispered back.
"Most definitely."
"Why are we whispering?"
"Because someone might hear us."
"But no one's here."
"You don't know that."
"Oh…"
"Now get out of here!" cried Mandos.
There was a flash of light, and Mary-Sue was alive again. She sat up to see Legolas at her right, glaring daggers at her from behind his sunglasses.
"So much for peace," he muttered.
Mary-Sue didn't want to be killed again, so she got to her feet and started off into the woods, wobbling slightly, as she hadn't recovered completely yet.
She was met by the sight of Boromir shouting and tackling Frodo to the ground.
"Give it to me!" he shouted.
"No!" screamed Frodo.
"Get away from him!" screamed Mary-Sue, that nonexistent wind sweeping up again and blowing her hair (which had no distinct coloring, as it changed so much) and whipping her very impractical skirt around her legs. She threw herself at Boromir and yanked his glasses off his eyes. Her eyes changed colors then, and with a screech of pain, the Gondorian collapsed into a faint.
"Frodo!" she called after the Hobbit, who was desperately scrabbling away from her.
"Will you try to take it from me, too?" he asked, holding the Ring out as she stepped toward him.
"Oh, Frodo," she said, making a very sad and angsty face.
"Will you?" he challenged.
Mary-Sue! hissed the Ring, calling to her. Don't you want to be leader of Gondor? You know your stupid brother can't rule a kingdom! Take me! TAKE ME!
Mary-Sue reached for the Ring… Her fingers inched closer… If she took it, she could rule over everyone! Her hand was almost directly over it… Frodo didn't pull it away…
Mary-Sue…Mary-Sue closed Frodo's hand over the Ring. "I would have gone with you to the end," she said.
"No, you wouldn't have," spat Frodo contemptuously. "Chicken! You die too much! Everyone always fusses over you; I'm the Ringbearer! I have the big blue eyes! Everyone should be paying attention to me! They're supposed to say, 'Oh, you poor little Hobbit! You have to defeat the big, mean Dark Lord!' But no, they all say, 'Oh, look at Mary-Sue! Isn't she perfect?' I'm sick of it!"
"You little ingrate!" shrieked Mary-Sue. "I get Boromir away from you, and then you talk to me like this?"
"I'll talk to you however I want!" yelled Frodo.
Because the two of them were screaming at each other, neither noticed the Uruk-Hai gathering silently around them. A couple snickered; watching them argue was quite entertaining.
"Hee, dinner and a show!" cackled one. The one next to it laughed.
"Next, you'll be taking it from me, too!" he cried, holding the Ring to his chest. "Well, too bad! It's mine! My only! My precious!"
"It's influencing you, fool!" she cried.
"No, it's not! I love the Ring. Don't I, Ringy? I love you! Yes, I do!"
Just then, Aragorn ran into the clearing to show them the very poorly drawn map he'd made. He came in time to hear Frodo say that.
"You love an inanimate object?" he asked, not even noticing the Uruk-Hai as they tightened their circle around the trio.
"Yeah! What's it to you?" yelled Frodo, turning on the spot.
And then, he saw the Uruk-Hai.
He was okay until he saw Lurtz.
Lurtz grinned and pulled out a dagger. "Hi, little hobbity Hobbit," he said with a grin.
Frodo didn't say anything at first. He looked at the Uruk-Hai, he looked at Mary-Sue, he looked at Aragorn, and then he looked at Lurtz again. And everyone else looked at him.
And then…
He ran from the clearing, screaming his lungs out.
All the Uruk-Hai took off after him, leaving Aragorn and Mary-Sue alone in the clearing.
As the Hobbit's screams echoed through the trees, Aragorn looked at his sister (who he still didn't know was his sister), and said, "You know, he could have put on the Ring."
At that moment, Legolas sprinted nimbly into the clearing. "What did I miss?"
"Well, Boromir attacked Frodo to get the Ring, so then I attacked Boromir, and then me and Frodo started fighting, and then the Uruk-Hai came, and then Frodo ran away," explained Mary-Sue.
"And he didn't even put on the Ring!" cried Aragorn.
Legolas looked at him.
"What?" asked the Ranger. "It would have made our lives easier at least."
Legolas sighed. "Let's go save him again," he muttered.
The three ran off into the trees. They hadn't taken more than ten steps when Legolas pulled out his bow and shot Mary-Sue. She fell to the ground, dead (once again).
Aragorn glared at Legolas.
Legolas shrugged. "I thought she was an Uruk-Hai!"
"What do we do with her now?" asked Aragorn.
"I say we chuck her behind a tree," said the Elf. "She'll catch up."
And they did just that.
A/N: Many thanks to Rhys (I love stupid people! What would we do without stupid people? And yeah, Stink-Boy takes stupid all the way. Thank you!), Super Shayde (I'm glad! Munches on chocolate koalas Yummy! Thank you! My emus!), Here comes the hockey puck (Aw, thanks! Hugs I'm glad you like the gifts. Have fun!), Nawyn (Gimli's the gentleman, remember? And I love Mary-Sue dying… makes for lovely scenes! Thank you!), annoying talking animal (I'm happy you liked it. Thank you!), and Random Person (LOVE the name! Giggle I'm glad you like it. I particularly enjoyed Mandos andher angsty childhood, so I'm happy you liked it, too. Thank you!)!
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