Authors Notes:

Hey guys sorry I'm one day late posting, I had a huge science test and writers block I really really want to know what you guys think of this chapter and it was the hardest to write I really need to know you're thoughts. I would like to say again thank you to all my reviewers. Dans-girs-4ever, Odessa, and Kimikeli I appreciate the reviews so much and would really appreciate them for this chapter. I would really like to know if I'm any good at the whole sadness thing or if you guys felt anything when reading this so please review they mean so much to me................So hope you guys liked it (crosses fingers and stares at review section)

Disclaimer: As usual I own nothing except the plot! Well... actually I found a pencil on the ground today in class.

Chapter five ( Rain and Memories)

Lily stood at her window her fingers tracing lazy patterns on the fog she stared out into the grounds at the pouring rain engulfing the grounds in a bath of darkness. The only light shone from her bedside lamp, she didn't want to turn on the dorm light afraid of disturbing the dark and somehow comforting peace.

James flew high over the quidditch pitch on his broom trying desperately to catch a quaffle accidentally hit by Sirius who couldn't tell the difference between a quaffle and a bludger in the pouring rain that threatened to obscure all sight in the darkness of the quiddtch pitch.

Lily's eyes wandered from the forbidden forest to the lake that was reflecting all of the water droplets pouring into it, her eyes lingered there a little longer taking in the odd kind of beauty that the lake held in the rain. Her eyes captivated by each drop of rain that fell, it seemed so strange that something so dark, gloomy and unwanted could be so depressing and yet so beautiful at the same time. Her mind drifted off to a far away memory of her father about a year ago.... her eyes fell from the lake and to the scar on her lower leg...............

Memory................

Lily was at the kitchen table it was late at night and Patunia was away with that boyfriend of hers Vernon or something leaving Lily in the old empty house awaiting the inevitable time when her father would come home. Lily dreaded the nights when Patunia wasn't home she did hate her sister but when Patunia was there her father didn't dare hit her for fear of scaring her bout of course he didn't care if he scarred me for life or even if I dropped dead right now thought Lily bitterly to herself, at least then he wouldn't have to pay for my school right? Lily started to feel hot tears threaten to come out of her eyes but she didn't dare shed them, he wouldn't allow it...

James could feel every gust of wind in his very bones causing him to shiver involuntarily in his already soaking wet quidditch robes it was now impossible to even make out the shape of the player next to him let alone the quaffel.

"Bloody hell James just call of the damn practice and let us get the.....Inside!!" called an angry Sirius somewhere to James left...or was it right.

James kept the practice going for another 5 minutes but found it to be completely useless as he now couldn't make out the broom he was sitting on he signaled the rest of the players to touch down doing so himself.

"Well that wasn't a complete waste of time!" said a very sarcastic Sirius as he made his way to the changing rooms lugging his beaters bat behind him.

James made his way to the captains office and flung himself down on a chair throwing his broom down in frustration and stripping down and making his way to the showers, and turning on the hot water closing his eyes letting the waters warmth caress his already soaked body allowing his mind to wander but it always landed on the same thing Lily.

Memory continued:

Lily lifted her hands to her eyes trying to wipe away any sign that she had been crying, but it was too late. Behind her she heard the door open and her father stumble in the door clearly drunk by the way he stumbled and clung to the closet as he kicked off his shoes and made his way over to Lily...

Lily silently tried to edge her way away from the kitchen but had no such luck....

"Lily get me my fucking coffee you little tramp!"

"Yes Dan" replied Lily (her father had refused her calling him dad, insisting that she was no daughter of his.)

Lily silently edged her way back into the kitchen staying as far away from her father as possible.

Lily boiled the kettle and stared down at her shaking hands as her face started to burn with unshed tears. It killed her inside that she had to call her own father Dan.

Just then Dan yelled over the blaring television "Where the bloody hell is my coffee you little bitch!"

"It's not done yet Dan I'm sorry" replied Lily quietly almost afraid to speak at all.

"Can't you bloody well do anything right? He screamed viscously turning back to his game.

"Lily fought heard to keep back the tears that threatened to erupt at any moment, she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry she wouldn't give that to him. So she just turned back to the kettle as thoughts drifted through her mind.

It shouldn't have to be like this she thought to herself, I shouldn't have to be like this I shouldn't have to call my father by his first name, I shouldn't have to be afraid of coming home, I shouldn't have to let him make me feel this way feel.... Unwanted, useless, powerless and in her head she knew that he was wrong...Then why couldn't she just make her heart believe it?

Lily got up and carried the tray with the kettle and cup in her arms 'Oh why couldn't mom still be alive?' Lily said to herself not realizing that she had spoken it aloud.

"What was that you little bitch?" Her father asked as he got off the couch and took one terrifying step towards her. "What you wanna know why your mother died?" he asked "It was because of YOU she's dead and it's all YOUR FAULT!!!! If I didn't have to pay for that bloody school then your mother would still be alive!!!! Not buried 10 feet under the ground in Dirt!!!!

"I-I offered not to go I told you I wouldn't" stammered Lily in a hushed whisper. Dan ignored it and went on.

"It is YOUR FAULT YOU AND ONLY YOU" he said swiping the tray and knocking it out of her hands.

Lily screamed as she felt the searing pain from the scolding hot tea scorch her entire body.

"YOU KILLED YOUR MOTHER AND IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD" her father screamed as he grabbed her shoulders with his rough hands and thrust her against the wall. "It's your fault Lily and I hate you for taking my wife away from me" he said in an almost deadly whisper and then struck her against her face leaving a gashing red mark across her face.

Lily felt her legs start to give way as her father bent down and picked up one of the cups.

He stared at her for a minute with an expression that she couldn't read and said, "GO TO HELL YOU BITCH! And threw the cup at striking her across her lower leg, Lily cried out in pain as she felt the warm blood gush out of her body.

"Please" Lily thought to herself "make it stop."

Memory over

Lily took her eyes off her leg the memory too painful and turned her eyes to the quidditch players leaving from the change rooms, but she only counted six so who was missing?

James towel dried his hair his thoughts still on Lily, Lily the girl who meant more to him then anything the girl who he loved with all of his being. And the one girl who he up until now thought that he couldn't have. But after his talk with Remus he felt like he had a chance, a chance to be happy again to be loved by the one he loved with every fiber of his being. The girl who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But one thought nagged him at the back of his brain 'what if Remus is wrong?' but somehow in his heart he knew he couldn't be. They were meant for each other nothing made him feel the same as Lily's laugh, her smile or even when she looked at him, granted she hadn't done a lot of that lately but somehow he knew it was there. He wandered onto the quidditch pitch once again engulfed in the rain and darkness. It surrounded him and made him feel cold and alone, but off into the distance he could see light, it was almost magical (no pun intended) it was like a ripple of hope in the darkness that surrounded him. And he stood there in the rain transfixed by it.......................Then he saw her he could tell it was her he could spot the flaming red hair a mile away it was Lily, and their eyes locked for what felt like hours it almost looked like she was smiling. After what seemed like forever James raised his hand and waved completely oblivious cold nipping at his bones. But then it happened she waved back and smiled before drawing the curtains closed.

James felt the heat rise through him and had a warm feeling inside, just her acknowledging that he was there was enough to warm his entire body despite the terrible coldness that surrounded the grounds. But James didn't move even when he saw Lily draw her curtains, he just stood there with stupid grin on his face the rain pouring down harder than ever he didn't leave for an hour and only came when Sirius and Remus called out to him.

The y had both seen the exchange between Lily and James but they weren't the only ones......

Lily stared out her window at James as he stood there in the pouring rain not even looking like he noticed, then he raised his hand and waved, she waved back an unexplainable smile playing across her face as she closed her curtains.

Little did she know that Jenny and Nikki were standing at the door and had witnessed the entire exchange...................

James lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling the same stupid grin across his face (he had gone to bed in his wet clothes)

'Please, I love her .....I need her with me'

Lily lay in bed staring at the empty beds beside her, a smile still played across her face lighting up her eyes (This was the first time she had felt truly content and happy.)

'Please, all I need is for somebody to love me'

Authors Notes: Anyways there it was , was I any good with the whole sadness thing did you guys feel anything when you read it ?... Maybe one of you cried? (gets down on knees and prays) anyways please review I really don't know about this chapter I really want to know what you guys think and I'll try to get another chapter up by Friday please review I appreciate them soooooo much and check three times a day for them thanks you guys you've bee so supportive ( hugs for everyone)

Jamesnlily4ever