Each individual chapter will have a different rating, different pairings, different spoilers, and a different setting and timeline. Multiple people were involved in writing this fic, I do not claim to have written anything other than my own characters. I do however claim to have come up with the plot, story idea, and organizing it all. The others who write characters in this fic are well aware that I am posting it, and contribute willingly. This fic is an ongoing project with an unknown number of parts, with alternate storyline as of the fifth laboratory incident. Enjoy!


Downward Spiral of Insanity
Rating: PG-13 (Mostly language, and gore)
Pairings: HavocxEd
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
Spoilers: Noooooone!
Setting: Train to Dublith and Izumi's house.
Timeline: Day after smut. Heading to Izumi's house, at Izumi's house.
Havoc woke up some time later with a splitting headache and a tongue that felt like sandpaper. He groaned a little, wiggling to get the heavy lump off of him.

Then he woke all the way up and realized what was sleeping on top of him, where he was, and why he was so dratted cold. And blushed bright red in embarrassment.

Shivering, the aforementioned 'lump' curled up into a tight ball, clinging to Havoc's arm in the process. "Nnngh..."

Havoc dithered for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to wake up the boy with minimal application of energy. Finally, he settled for tugging on the boy's hair. "Yo. Fullmetal."

A momentary lapse of thought, yes, but forgivable.

Said boy yowled, hands immediately flying to his head, which he rubbed furiously, one violet speckled golden eye peering open in annoyance. "What was that for!"

Havoc's brow furrowed. "Ed...? What's wrong with your eyes?"

He had caught a strange flicker in the boy's irises.

"Aa? It's bright...'s'all..." Ed sat up, stretching and rubbing his eyes.

"That's not what I meant," Havoc said mildly. "I may be colorblind, but not shade blind. There was very definitely something not amber in your eyes right then." He grimaced right after he said that.

Edward blinked, staring at Havoc. "What are you talking about, Jean? My eyes are perfectly fine! You're seeing things!"

But there were the violet flecks again, in both eyes, splotching across molten gold in the morning light.

Havoc's eyebrows reached nearly to his hairline. "You lie like a mattress, Ed. And don't insult my intelligence. Or have you never encountered an offended lion? You very definitely have some different color in your eyes – it's a slightly off shade that doesn't match.

"Don't think that because I can't see color doesn't mean that I can't see gradients. My eyesight's a lot keener than you could ever imagine." He stretched bonelessly, groaning as several small things in his back popped and snapped back into place. "So 'fess up, boy, otherwise I'm never going to stop pestering you." He opened one slit-pupiled eye. "And if I hear you say 'curiosity killed the cat', you're dead meat."

"I still don't know what you're talking about you know..." Ed huffed slightly, groping absently for his coat.

"Oh, well." Havoc creaked to his feet, grabbing the bits and pieces of his clothing. He began to get dressed. "Check in the mirror over there if you don't believe me," he said, nodding towards a little medicine chest mirror over on the far wall. The pants and boots were on, and he was buttoning up his shirt. "Are you still planning to go see Madame Izumi again?"

"I still need to talk to her about a lot of things... she understands it better than anybody else I know..." Ed yawned, pulling on various articles of clothing. After finishing clasping his boots he zipped up his pants, wincing as the mechanism caught a hair or two-he hadn't bothered with underwear. With a sigh he pulled on his black tank top, shortly followed by the jacket, coat slung over the bed as he combed his fingers through his hair to get out most of the big tangles before rebraiding it.

Finding himself at a loss for a hairtie, the blond alchemist huffed, clapping his hands together and transmuting a red tie off of his coat and tying the somewhat messy braid off. He walked past the mirror, only catching a glimpse of himself, but enough to make him stop dead in his tracks.

Slowly, Edward turned to face the mirror, rubbing his eyes and leaning closer, shock sweeping over his face. Oh, he was awake now, no question there.

In another moment, he'd backed up and tripped over onto the bed, curling into a fetal position and muttering words of disbelief.

Havoc blinked, dropping his new set of tags over his head. "Walk much?" He kicked up the mess of steel wire up onto his boot toe, balancing it for a few seconds before flipping it into the wastebasket. "What's up?"

"Uh..." Was Ed's only response, as he just lay there curled up, clutching at his shoulder.

Havoc drifted over and gently pried Ed's fingers up. "So there's the dog in the woodpile. Looks... unpleasant."

Violet flecked golden eyes turned with Ed's head to look distantly at Havoc. "Wha...?"

Havoc's eyebrow popped up again. "Way to verbalize kiddo. What the hell is wrong with you? Sit up straight, look me in the eye, and act like the military officer you are."

"Military... officer... am I really..." Ed sat up, looking at his hands, then absently rubbed his shoulder. "Fuck, Jean... I don't even know what I am... how... could I be one of them... they have no souls..."

"Bite me, figure of authority," Havoc snapped acidly. "I'm so glad you have such a high opinion of me." He raised his hand, then lowered it slowly. "If you hate us so much, just leave."

"Wh... no, not you, Jean... those... byproducts of human transmutation... soulless creatures with a body and a psyche... I can't be one of them... can't be... I have a soul, don't I!"

Havoc shrugged, biting at the bandages on his wrists. "I dunno. What's your definition of 'soul' anyway? If you're talking about the will to live, then every being has a soul. If you're talking about the ability to love, that's up to you. If that's the case, I'm not too sure that you've ever had a soul."

Ed froze for a moment, tears threatening to escape, but he willed them back and forced himself to stand, grabbing his coat and shoving it on. "I'm going to Izumi... you probably shouldn't come..." Pulling the coat more tightly about his frame, Ed walked towards the door, head downcast so that his bangs hid his eyes.

Havoc followed silently. "Major Elric, where you go, I go."

"I can order you to stay here, Jean, I don't want to but I can..." Edward walked out the door and into the hallway, heading for the main entrance.

Havoc grabbed Ed's hood, hauling him back against his body. "You may have been wrong about that soul part... you seem just as indecisive as a normal human. By the way, you may want to neaten up your hair if you go out in public."

Ed bit his lip before responding. "Do you even have a brush in here..."

Havoc dug through a pocket. "Here's a comb." He tapped it down on Ed's shoulder.

Edward clenched his fists, shoulders heaving once in a silent sob as the tears ran down his face again. He made no move to take the comb, or to walk away.

"Don't cry Ed," Havoc said gently. "I'm sorry that I said what I did. It's just that you keep going on about how you're such a monster and not worth anything. How do you think that makes me feel? If you're a monster, what does that make me? A machine built only for murder?

"That's what I am, you know. You were brought back because someone cared enough to yank you back. I was brought back because they needed someone able to hunt down the people who wiped out an entire platoon." He hugged the boy around the shoulders.

The boy shook again, choking out a half-audible sob as he leaned back against Jean. Ed tried to say something... but words failed him, and he simply let it all out.

"Shh... things will work out... it's not nearly as bad as it seems."

Slowly but surely the sobbing died down, when Ed found that no more tears would fall.

He'd been leaning heavily against Havoc, and the warmth was comforting... so different from how cold he'd felt since he came back... soon his mind was in a daze.

"Are you all right?"

Havoc didn't dare say anything else. Their relationship usually had several ups and downs, but never this many in one day.

He wondered why they always fought and carried on like this. Ed asked a stupid question or made a stupid comment and he responded with an equally stupid answer. It was always nerve-wracking to have to tiptoe around the youth's feelings to see if he was in a good mood or stuck in a well of self-pity.

Instinct and pride demanded that he pay back hit for hit and word for word. But whatever better nature he had (some would argue he had none) always persuaded him to bow down and take the blows as they came.

"Happy medium," he murmured, somewhat bitterly.

Edward reached up a bit weakly and wiped at his eyes, sniffling a bit. "Come on... let's go..." His human hand slipped slightly cold fingers through Jean's, giving a tight squeeze to the other man's hand. "I'll be alright..."

"We're not going anywhere until you blow your nose and comb your hair," Havoc said briskly. He snorted back a slightly hysterical giggle at the powerful resemblance to his own mother. "And when we get on the train, there are several things we need to discuss."

"I can take care of my hair on the train, Jean... and it's just a case of sniffles, I'll be fine..." Edward sighed slightly.

Havoc yanked out a handkerchief. "I'm sure. Take it and blow your nose."

Ed managed a half-smile, taking the cloth and appeasing the Lieutenant by blowing his nose into it, sniffing again. "Can we go now?"

"Sure. Let me grab my jacket and hat." He let go of Ed and turned around to go back into his room. "We can phone in at the train station in Dublith," he said over his shoulder.

"Nn..." Ed nodded, pulling his red coat tightly around his shoulders, as though it suddenly got colder in the room.

"Something wrong?" Havoc asked, coming out and settling his cap firmly over his ears. He adjusted the braiding on his jacket.

"Nn... I'm fine..." Edward shot Jean a somewhat weary smile. "You ready?"

"Yeah..." Havoc's eyes narrowed under the brim as he began to walk towards the massive foyer. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Jean... Don't worry so much..." Despite his insisted reassurance, Edward still leaned slightly against Havoc as they walked.

"If I didn't worry about you, who would?" he retorted. "You don't seem particularly inclined to."

They made it out the door, Havoc having to flash his military ID. Strangely enough, they had made it out completely unmolested by military personnel.

"Odd," Havoc murmured.

"Nn? What's odd?" Gold eyes flecked still with violet looked up at Jean questioningly.

"If I had sneaked out of the Medic Ward, I would have been mobbed by doctors. Now, no one pays me a second thought." He gave a strained smile. "Just like the good old days."

Ed managed a grin. "Guess I'm like your escort or something, ne?" He leaned against Jean again slightly.

Havoc slid an arm around Ed's shoulders. "I wish I had you in Ishbar the first time around. I left AWOL from more hospitals than I care to remember." He grinned faintly. "I kept running out so much that the old colonel of my battalion finally threw me in solitary. He told me I was on thirty-day detention because I refused to stay put and get better. I smarted off to him and he clobbered me across the face, putting me back in the hospital yet again. So I skived out again and joined up with my squad." He chuckled. "I was one hell of a terror back then."

"I would've held you down and kept you in there..." Ed grinned slightly at the thought, resting his head against Havoc's side.

"You probably would have – ouf!" Havoc tripped over a crack in the sidewalk, hitting the pavement painfully on one knee.

Having Jean's arm around him, Ed went down as well, automail elbow scraping the concrete and making sparks fly. Luckily he managed to keep any of his limbs from real damage, and he turned immediately to Havoc, crawling up to tend to his knee if need be.

"Owwww," Havoc hissed. "That's going to leave a bruise." He got up to his feet, wincing as something popped in his knee. "C'mon, kiddo. We have a train to catch." He offered his hand down to the boy.

"You okay?" Ed asked as he took the hand, pulling himself back up a bit shaken still from the sudden fall.

"Give me a little credit here – I've managed to walk away with worse injuries. It's just a bit of skin lost and some bruising." He began walking in the direction of the station, his stride just a little uneven from where he favored the one leg over the other.

Ed looked down, true, he knew how that could be, he'd done pretty much the same before... but it didn't stop him from worrying still. "Nn..."

"Don't worry. If it makes you feel better, I'll raid the Supply car again for some antiseptics when we get on the train."

Edward nodded, taking hold of Jean's hand as they walked, more to comfort himself than the other, though, as he gave it a light squeeze. "Nn..."

Havoc stopped, turning around and putting the back of his hand against Ed's forehead. "Are you okay? Usually you're a lot chattier than this." His blue-green eyes were worried.

"Just thinking is all... I'm fine I swear!" Ed pouted indignantly at the childlike treatment he was getting.

"So that's what that grinding noise is," Havoc remarked thoughtfully. "At first I thought it was an elderly car, then I thought it was the train. But I was wrong! It's just little Ed, trying to think."

A bubble of rage was surfacing in his chest, ready to pour out in a fit of nails, metal, teeth, and flailing limbs. But Edward settled at the moment for a seething glare.

Havoc grinned cheerfully. "Good. Now I know you're back to normal." He started walking again, the limp alternately clearing up and getting worse. "D'you mind telling me what you were thinking about?"

"No, but it doesn't mean I'm going to tell you even if I don't." Ed stole a glance at the torn knee of Havoc's uniform.

Havoc blinked. "Run that one by me again?" He caught Ed's glance down at his torn knee and decided to ignore it.

"I think I'll pass on that one..." Edward grinned lazily up at the sky.

Havoc tweaked the boy's ear affectionately. "You've never grown up out of being a little horror, y'know that?"

"I guess it's just the way I am!" Ed chuckled a bit, swatting absently at Havoc's head.

Havoc lazily caught Ed's wrist. "Glad to see you're so unrepentant."

Ed smiled, tiredness showing on his face again as he leaned once more against Havoc. "Are we almost there..."

"Yeah. You think you can manage the steps, Sleepless Wonder?"

"Oh hush... I got plenty of sleep! I'm not tired!" Ed protested, standing up on his own to prove it.

Havoc watched, amused, as the boy swayed a bit on his feet. "Right. Not tired at all."

"Sheddap..." Edward felt a bit lightheaded, and his vision swam for a moment before blacking out completely, his eyes closing as he swayed, falling against Havoc.

"Oh, for...!" Havoc's eyes flared for a minute, then he picked up the boy.

The conductor grinned sardonically. "Planning to go far, mate?"

"Yeah. Dublith. Put it on Major Edward Elric's tab. The Fullmetal Alchemist," he clarified at the blank look.

-

Edward stirred in Jean's arms, whimpering slightly as he opened his eyes to military blue, looking up to see the somewhat darkly outlined eyes of the Lieutenant. "Nn... what happened...?"

"You blacked out," Havoc told him.

"Nnngh...'s cold in here..." Ed shivered suddenly, wrapping his arms around Havoc's midsection and burying his face against the military jacket.

Havoc took off his cap. "Now I know you're sick. It's hotter than blue blazes in here."

Ed frowned, looking up at Jean again, the violet starting to fade from his eyes as he sat up, suddenly tugging at his collar. "Oh... it is getting a little hot..." The boy pulled off his coat, tossing it against the other seat.

"You're absolutely nuts," Havoc remarked, getting up to open a window. "I swear, you have multiple personalities."

Edward blinked again, leaning against Jean. "I don't know why it was so cold all of a sudden..."

"Whatever it was, just try not to faint on me again. You have to try to keep control over your body. What if that chimera assassin had popped up while you were out?"

"I-...sorry..." Ed looked down at his shoes, sighing slightly.

"Ed, look at me. I know you hate taking orders from me, and you probably don't like it very much when I say something that bursts your bubble. You have to learn to control these outbursts, you have to realize there are more people out there who are like me, and you have to realize there are plenty of people out there who want to kill you – whether for pay or because of a grudge. You can't let your guard down at all.

"Right now, I'm expendable. You're not. Granted, I'll probably end up fighting for you, and probably end up getting hurt pretty badly. That's the way the world works. But I can't protect you on my own. I need your help."

He sat back, waiting for the volatile little hellchild of Edward Elric to blow up in his face.

Wincing slightly at the tone of voice, Ed curled up on his side in the seat. "Sorry..."

His voice was relatively meek, especially for him.

"Ed, sit up and look at me. A stupid little 'I'm sorry' isn't enough anymore. You're nineteen years old, and you've been through things that I wouldn't experience in my nightmares. You're an adult now. Act like one!"

"I didn't ever get a chance to be a child, I'm taking my childhood now, thanks..." Edward curled up tighter, defiantly.

Quick as lightning, Havoc reached out and grabbed the front of Ed's coat, hauling him close.

"Wake UP, Major Elric!" he snarled right into the youth's face. His eyes glittered weirdly, and long, sharp fangs were bared ferally. "This isn't some game! This is a matter of life or death, both yours and mine! You can act like the spoiled little brat you are when this is finished and I'm either dead or retired!"

Edward sighed, shrugging off Havoc's hands and snatching his cloak back from the other side of the car, pulling it tightly around his shoulders with a shiver. "...'s cold... can't cope with this right now just give me time to sleep..." Weary, dull eyes looked at Havoc through half-closed lids, fatigue obvious.

Rage boiled behind Havoc's catlike eyes. "Dammit, Ed!" he roared, slamming his fist into the partition. "I don't know why I care, but maybe I shouldn't!"

He got up, entire body tense, and left the compartment, slamming the door so hard that little cracks spider webbed through the laminated wood.

Edward curled back up again, whimpering slightly, as he let the tears run out of his dull amber eyes and soak the seat. He lay there still, not sure if he was really alive then... aside from the throbbing pain in his chest.

Stupid little gopher, Havoc thought bitterly, rubbing his temples hard. He wasn't trying to soothe away any headache. He was forcing one on himself, just to prove that he was human and could feel the pain.

Going outside the car, he climbed up top, perching on the roof and letting the wind caress him.

"Why does he have to ignore me?" he said to the sun. "Why do I have to scream and shout before I get a reaction? Why do I have to say things I don't mean?"

The boy inside huddled under what little warmth his red coat gave him, shivering like mad as violet crept across golden irises and he whimpered pathetically, tears making him only that much colder.

Havoc watched the greyscape fly past, sadly watching normal life go by.

Normal. He and Ed certainly weren't normal. Havoc himself couldn't even cry anymore.

A passing tree branch nicked his cheek, and blood trickled down like a tear.

The only thing that reminded Ed that he must be alive was the pain in his chest, his heart ached... horribly...

Why is it so cold...

Havoc dropped down to go back in their compartment, but not to apologize. This time, Ed had to apologize.

He opened the door, limping slightly and eyes colder than flint. He stood over the boy, watching him.

The warm draft into the room went unnoticed as anything other than another burst of cold air against Edward's skin, and he shivered again, curling into a tighter ball against the icy cold he felt around himself.

Havoc closed the window. "Wake up, Elric. You're having a nightmare."

Edward cringed at the words, but other than that didn't move. "I wish it was a nightmare..."

"Suit yourself. I'm going to Supply to get some bandages and antiseptic. And a change of clothing." He limped back out.

Edward reached out suddenly, stumbling off of the seat and dropping his coat in the process as he got to his feet a bit shakily and followed. "I'm sorry... I... don't know what's happening to me..."

"Well, I hope you'll be able to find out what the hell's wrong with you and fix it. It's getting on my nerves," he said, voice curt. He didn't look back.

With that remark, Ed clutched his shoulders, sliding down the wall of the nearest compartment divider and to the floor of the aisle. "I..."

Havoc half-turned towards the boy. "You what? You want forgiveness, absolution, absolvement? I'm sorry, not this time. I'm not going to knuckle under and give up anymore. You have to find your way through this, not ignore it like you have been." His face was hard, but there was a tiny glimmer of compassion in his slit-pupiled eyes.

"I... Oh, god... Jean I don't feel so good... I..." Edward's sentence was cut off as his eyes clenched shut and he promptly emptied his stomach of its contents right in the middle of the aisle.

Perhaps the more horrifying sight wasn't Ed at the time, but rather what was in that messy bile...

A violet eye stared up at Havoc from the pile, goop dripping sickeningly away from its pupil to reveal the bloodshot mass of white substance and the red tangle of veins. Edward cupped a hand over his mouth, eyes still tightly shut against the searing pain in his throat that threatened to rise again at any moment.

Havoc blinked twice, horrified and revolted. Then his over-loaded brain short circuited and he passed out.

The dizzying sickness in his gut caused Ed's brain to wretch suddenly, and before he could open his eyes to see the sickening mess that he'd spewed up, he was out of consciousness, slumped against the wall.

In a matter of moments, a gurgling sound had come from the sickly little mess that was on the floor, and it was gone as well, acidic contents apparently having eaten through the floor of the compartment and depositing somewhere far back on the tracks.

Military instinct came back and Havoc managed to wake himself up. He dug claws into the wall, dragging himself up by inches.

"Not sick my ass," he retorted, turning around. And promptly fell over. "What the hell was that!"

Edward groaned, slowly coming to as one violet eye and one gold looked a bit hazily at Havoc. "Nnngh...?"

"I think I'm seriously disturbed," Havoc told the young man frankly. "And I think I need a cigarette." He got up and wobbled his way to the door closest to Supply. "I'm certainly not going to ask you what the fuck just happened."

Ed coughed wretchedly for a minute, and simply lapsed back into unconsciousness, too weak to keep himself upright.

Deciding that it was a decent place for the kid for a few minutes, Havoc popped in and out of the car, grabbing Ed and hauling the boy and his goodies back to the compartment and locked the door. Still seriously disturbed.

Trying to ignore it for a few minutes, he began to clean his knee.

Edward suddenly shot up in the seat, having been just seconds away from screaming his lungs out at the searing pain that threatened to rip him apart. Slowly his breathing returned to normal, as wide eyes, one violet and one gold, stared ahead.

"Ed, it's all right," Havoc said gently. "The nightmare's over..." Under his breath, he added, "for now..." He scooped up a few painkillers. "Do you need these?"

Ed nearly jumped out his skin when Havoc spoke, slowly calming down and shaking his head to the painkillers. "I... I'll be fine... thanks..."

"You sure? You said you weren't sick, and look at what happened. I'm disinclined to believe you right now."

He divested himself of the jacket. "You're not going to suddenly go screaming around like a monkey, are you?"

"No... I won't... I don't know what came over me..." Edward pulled his coat around his shoulders tightly, sighing. "You shouldn't have come..."

"Excuse me?" He unbuttoned his shirt, tossing it onto the discarded jacket. "Am I hearing a hint of martyrdom in your voice?"

He grabbed a clean, thin cotton shirt, slipping it on and beginning to do up the buttons. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you didn't like me anymore."

"I... sorry... I just... think I needed to do this alone..." Ed brought his knees up to his chest, pointedly trying to avoid looking at Havoc while he changed.

"Riiiight. Letting you run off into the sunset without so much as a goodbye? I may be a thick, insensitive clod, but I'm not stupid.

"Besides, who's going to take care of you if I don't?"

Havoc slid out of military-blue pants into brown wool ones.

Ed finally stole a glance at Havoc, smiling a bit wearily. "Always have to make it hard for me to mope alone, don't you?"

"That's what I'm here for." Havoc tied a black silk string tie under the collar, adjusting it so that it rode comfortably. He slid on the brown suit jacket. "How do I look?"

Edward winced visibly, cringing as the image shot into his brain from the other side.

Am I...dying?

Tears suddenly leaked out of violet and gold eyes, and Ed looked down, fists clenched tightly.

"Ed...? What's wrong?" Havoc got up, sitting next to the boy. "Something I said?"

"It's... nothing just..." Ed shook his head, closing his eyes. "Just something I remembered..."

Tugging lightly on Havoc's tie, the younger boy pulled him into a gentle kiss.

No... you're going back... where you belong... to be alive...

"Don't lie to me, Ed," Havoc said, voice rough. "It was something I said."

He gently disentangled himself. Putting his hands on Ed's shoulders, he said, "Look. I don't know what's going on, but I'd like you to tell me. Something's wrong, and I want to know what."

"It might've been something you said but it wasn't something you said here..." One violet eye and one gold looked up at Havoc.

"The other side and the gate won't leave me alone..."

Havoc sighed heavily. He passed his hand over his face. "I – there's really nothing more I can say. I've said it all, haven't I?" He rubbed his temples tiredly. "I'm getting too old for this."

"You don't have to say anything..." Edward shot a cold glance at Havoc. "And one more crack about being old and I'll have you wear a collar for a week..." There was a hint of an amused grin.

"Good lord, not a collar," Havoc said sarcastically. "That'd make all your dreams come true, wouldn't it."

"Maybe back then..." Edward mused slightly, tracing the slight point of Havoc's ear with his fingertip.

Havoc scooted back, out of reach. "You sure recover quick." Honestly, he was wary of such a recovery.

"I know... it's weird... it worries me, to be honest..." Ed scooted closer again, tilting his head slightly. "What's wrong?"

"Besides the fact that one part of me is scared out of his wits and I'm backed into a corner?"

Edward stopped his advancement, sitting there on the seat like a hurt puppy. "Honestly, Jean... you're not the only one who's scared of me right now..."

"I'd hope not! I may hauk up hairballs, but you're hauking up eyeballs! That's enough to make anyone slightly panicky." He eyed Ed warily, waiting to see how that comment went over.

"What? I what!" Ed stared in idle shock after the comment sunk in.

"You. Threw. Up. An. Eyeball." He nodded towards Ed's face. "Creepiest damn thing I ever saw in my life. Probably explains why one of your eyes is a different shade than the other."

"It is!? I DID!?" Ed suddenly felt the urge to vomit again, stomach giving an awful wretch. He clutched his gut, doubling over with a pained wince.

"NOT IN THE COMPARTMENT!" Havoc yelled, unlocking the door. "If you throw up, do it outside. I don't want acid eating through the floor in here!"

"Nngh!" Ed winced again, collapsing on the floor of the compartment with a pathetic little whimper. "What's... h-happening... to m-me..!"

"Why the hell are you asking me? You're the alchemist, I'm just the experiment!"

Ed groaned, shivering, as a bluish white light crackled up around his body for a moment, then died down. "I... it's... cold..."

A memory from his leonine half shot up like a bullet – the feeling of being helpless as frightening blue-white lightning consumed his consciousness, stinging like the kiss of a mamba, burning like the plains fires, the soft, slow kiss of death wearing destiny's cloak...

Havoc pressed himself back against the wall, whimpering slightly.

Edward just huddled there, cringing every so often amidst shivers, it was cold... cold like death and they were coming for him again...

Havoc reached across the seats, grabbing his discarded uniform jacket and threw it at Ed. "Wake up, Major, before we both go insane!"

"I am awake... I think I am..." Edward pulled the jacket around his shoulders, inhaling the scent of smoke and calming slightly.

"Do me a favor and don't ever do that again," Havoc growled, stepping over the boy to get the pack of cigarettes and lighter that he had filched out of Army Supply.

"I'm sorry... really..." Ed whimpered, not knowing just what he'd done to cause that kind of reaction, though he curled up tighter in the coat.

"Just stop apologizing, all right?" He lighted a cigarette, inhaling gratefully. "I don't care if you're sorry or not! I care that these little outbursts are physically and mentally debilitating to the both of us, and could get us killed!"

A tiny whimper was all that came out of Ed for a good five minutes, before he dared to speak up again.

"I think... when I'm around you... I just get... scared... that I might lose you... and the fear takes over..."

"You're not going to lose me," Havoc said gently. "Well... we both run a very possible risk of me dying," he amended. "But I can withstand a lot more now – I won't go that easily. So stop being afraid. If anything, it'll make my life harder."

"I guess I just can't help it... I keep... seeing the other side before... and..." Edward shivered again. "Keep me warm... please..."

Havoc knelt down, putting his arms around the boy. "Just promise me that you'll think over what I've said, all right? I don't want to have lost my temper at you for absolutely no reason." He unbraided Ed's messy hair. "I thought you were going to fix your hair on the train," he said, gently kidding.

"Nn... I did say that, didn't I..." Edward let out a half-hearted chuckle, leaning into Havoc and feeling the warmth that radiated from the other man's body. "I promise I'll think about it..." He sighed gently.

"I guess that's as good as I'm going to get, isn't it?" He began working his fingers through the boy's hair, using his claws like a brush. "Good lord, man, do rats nest in your hair?"

"Dunno... you're the one with your fingers in it... you tell me..." Ed snuggled up against Havoc a bit more.

Havoc's fingers snagged at a particularly tough tangle. He picked through it, trying to smooth it out without hurting the boy.

The boy winced slightly, tensing up at the slightly painful tug, but relaxing again as it came undone.

"You're awfully quiet," Havoc murmured.

"Nn... don't have anything to say..." Edward sighed again, burying his face in Havoc's jacket.

Havoc shrugged. "All right." He began to braid Ed's hair, neatly, quickly and professionally.

Havoc's fingers in his hair were soothing... and Edward soon felt the haze of drowsiness fall over his thoughts and start to drag him down.

Havoc held the drowsy boy in his arms, feeling a little tired himself. He was stressed from all the occurrences of that day, and his knee was beginning to hurt a lot. He let his head fall back and his eyes close.

Edward sleepily found himself wrapping his arms around Jean's waist once more, supporting the older man as well as being supported, as the haze of sleep finally took over.

Havoc's eyes closed all the way and he slid off into darkness.

-

Edward awoke to the sound of a whistle blowing loudly through his dreams, and the hazy voice of a man yelling 'Dublith! Last call for Dublith! Dublith, all off! Next stop, Bomu!"

"Nn... Jean... 's time to go..." He rubbed at his eyes drowsily and yawned.

Havoc snapped awake, grabbed his stuff and sprinted for the door. "How long was I asleep!"

"Ack, I don't know! Hey! Wait for me!" The previously tired braided blond was out the door in a few seconds flat, darting after Jean.

Izumi watched the train carefully, looking for a blond alchemist in a red coat to come tumbling out. Colonel Mustang had phoned her earlier to inform her that the little bundle'o'trouble was headed her way.

Havoc was first off the train, followed shortly momentarily by Edward, in all of his red-coated, blond-braided, newly restored nineteen-year-old glory.

Havoc felt a powerful fist connect with his solar plexus, and he flew backwards, bouncing ingloriously off the train's siding.

"WOOOOF!"

Izumi realized, a bit belatedly, that the man she had just belted wasn't Ed. Oh, well.

"EDWARD ELRIC!"

Said braided alchemist skidded to a stop, eyes wide and staring at Havoc slumped against the train, jaw agape. Slowly his head turned towards the voice that had yelled his name, only to be met with an astoundingly hard blow to the jaw, causing him to follow his appointed 'bodyguard' into the side of the train with a sickening THUD.

"You miserable, scapegrace little terror! What the hell have you been doing!" Izumi roared at the prone teenager.

To the stunned man in the brown suit, she offered her hand and her apologies. "I'm Izumi Curtis. You are...?"

"Fizz..." Havoc could hardly breathe. Damn, Ed's teacher was scary!

Ed coughed, hacking up a bit of flesh and nearly losing his ability to string together coherent thought, before Izumi-mode sank in. "Being dead? Does that count?" He really shouldn't have said that... Al would get such the beating...

Izumi froze dead in her tracks, unable to believe what she just heard out of her former student's mouth. She hauled Ed up by the front of his jacket. "What?"

"It's the reason I came here in the first place... I suppose Al hasn't kept in contact with you at all then if you didn't know..." Edward lifted his hands to pull down the coat and shirt underneath to show the red as blood array drawn on his left shoulder. "Not dead anymore though.."

Shocked beyond her worst nightmares, Izumi let Ed drop. "Young man, I think you need to explain yourself." The sight of that array disturbed her deeply, but she couldn't think why. "Come, on let's go to the shop." She noticed Ed's escort get to his feet, and gave him a hand. Then she noticed something quite odd. "You – you're a chimera, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am." He dusted himself off, his chest creaking slightly. "Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc, cat of the military, at your service." He wasn't quite fond of how his voice came out as a breathy squeak, but that would go away soon.

Pulling the cloth back up to cover his shoulder again, Ed joined the others, briefly squeezing Jean's hand, despite his downward gaze. The simpleness of the gesture spoke volumes, though.

'I need you...to help me get through this...'

Havoc squeezed Ed's hand back. "I've been basically drafted as Major Elric's bodyguard for the time being. If you would be so kind as to put up with me as well as the Major, I would be grateful." He flashed a winning smile. "I don't bite."

In spite of her worry, Izumi smiled back. "I think we can manage to find a cubbyhole for you, Lieutenant. If you'll follow me." She turned on her heel and moved off.

Edward's hand slipped free of Havoc's, as he slowly trodded after his former teacher.

Havoc limped after the two alchemists, feeling like the rear-end of a freak parade – an insane alchemy teacher, a freak of alchemy, and a freak of nature. Just what he wanted out of life.

He growled at himself. Why was he thinking such mean things?

"Come on, you two. We don't have all day." Izumi was worried stiff, and that made her even more abrupt than usual. "Hurry up, Ed, otherwise you'll be doing laps around Dublith."

"Yes, Teacher..." Ed picked up the pace, still staring at his shoes as he walked.

After a few tense minutes, they finally arrived at her home. The boys were out on a fishing expedition, so they would have relative privacy to discuss exactly what was going on.

Havoc's instincts tingled as soon as they got into the house. "Well... I'll go upstairs and disappear for a while," he said quietly. "I doubt I'll be of any help right now."

Edward shot a glance at Havoc, eyes wide for a moment as if to say 'you're going to leave me?'

Havoc looked levelly back at the anxious boy, his thoughts clearly written on his face.

'Do you really think that I'd be of any help?'

Edward bit his lip, two-toned eyes still gazing back.

'I need you...'

Havoc put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "You'll be fine," he whispered. "Izumi's truly worried about you. And, odd as it seems, she really does care about you." He made to go upstairs.

"Lieutenant, would you mind staying down here?" Izumi called from the kitchen. "And do you want a cup of coffee or tea?"

With those words ringing in his ears, Ed grabbed Havoc's hand, dragging him back to the kitchen stubbornly.

'You're going to stay whether you think it's necessary or not!'

Somewhat bemused by the turn of events, Havoc allowed himself to be dragged into the homey kitchen. "Coffee would be fine. Black, preferably."

Izumi set down the carafe on the small kitchen table. "We have pumpkin bread and nutbread, so help yourself." She got out two mugs and a glass, filling the glass with water.

Edward absently nibbled on a heel of pumpkin bread, leaning slightly against Havoc in the process.

"All right, Ed, Lieutenant. Take a seat, and I want to know exactly what's happening."

"Where to begin..." Ed continued to nibble absently at the bread, not really tasting it.

Izumi snapped a towel at the back of the boy's head. "Don't be flip with me young man. Do what I've always told you to do – start at the beginning and finish at the end." She sat down across from the chimera and her former student. "Omit anything that doesn't have to do with what you are."

"Ow! Careful with that thing!" Ed rubbed the back of his head slightly. "I died, three years ago...I've been living on the other side for those past three years, Al brought me back. I don't know how."

Izumi felt really old for the first time in her life, and she knew she looked it. "Al read Dante's books. He had to have.

"I don't think Al knew what he was doing. It looks like it was a knee-jerk reaction to your death, just like what you did for your mother." She rested her forehead in her hand.

"Did I really teach you two that badly? All these theories, these hypotheses, these postulates. You know why they haven't been proven? It's because no reaction of that magnitude or type has ever been pulled off completely. Something always goes wrong." She looked levelly at her former student through her fingers. "For you... I think that your body's unstable. You're caught between three places and your physiology isn't strong enough to withstand the constant three-way tug. And your mind probably isn't stable enough to handle whatever's being thrown at you, either."

Edward leaned more heavily against Havoc now, sighing with a pained grin. Knows me too well...there's teacher for you..."I don't know what Al lost though... it doesn't appear as though he's lost anything... it's worrying me..."

Izumi shrugged. "I don't know either. He hasn't spoken to me in weeks. He asked me for access to what I salvaged of Dante's library, and I haven't seen him since.

"Remember, Ed: What's lost doesn't always have to be seen or touched. There are lots of things people can lose that aren't tangible."

"I know..." The braided boy set down the half-eaten heel of bread. "That's what worries me most..."

Izumi nodded. "You should be. There's nothing really that we can do right now, seeing as none of us knows where he is. But you... you look a little pale. Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine... just... just a little tired is all..." Edward shuddered at a cold breeze that only he felt, subconsciously leaning more against Jean.

"Don't lie to me," she said. "Get yourself a glass of pickle juice and go upstairs and lie down for a bit. I'll call you for supper."

Knowing better than to defy Izumi's orders, Edward nodded solemnly and went to the fridge to pour said glass, sipping idly at it as he trudged upstairs.

"Pickle juice?" Havoc asked, quirking a small grin.

"It fixes everything except a broken heart," Izumi said, smiling a little herself. "And I'm sorry."

"What for?" Havoc asked, smiling sunnily. "You haven't done anything to me yet."

"I'm sorry for decking you like I did. I mistook your for Ed. Sometimes, pain is the only way to get that boy to listen."

"I know." Havoc sipped his coffee appreciatively. "But I honestly wonder about how hard it is for him. When he was fighting with me, he made a very good point: I had never seen the 'Gate' and I didn't know what it was like to be pulled constantly back and forth between here and there."

Izumi sighed. "I think his main problem is essentially three things. One, he's in denial about a great many things. Two, you've become a chimera, which he's always regarded as an inferior life form, no matter how perfect. Three..." Here she sighed again, sipping her coffee. "He's become something he's always hated and feared."

"A homunculus."

"In a manner of speaking, yes. He can't be a true homunculus – one eye is still amber, he apparently doesn't need to consume the Red Stone, and I don't think he has an Oroburous symbol. I think what his brother used to pull him back was a fusion between soul transmutation and human transmutation."

"What makes you think that? I know about the array thing on his back –" he winced at the memory, "but is that really enough?"

"I don't know. I'm sure you've noticed how his eyes flicker from amber to violet when he's in the grip of any strong emotion. That indicates homunculus. But the array you've mentioned is something else entirely." She rested her forearms on her thighs, cradling the mug in her hands. "Bear in mind, Lieutenant, I'm just guessing on most of this. I don't know what Alphonse did, and I don't want to know, quite frankly."

"Are mood swings a possible byproduct of it?"

"I'd say that's just him being in shock. He wants one thing, the Other Side wants something else, he can't reconcile the two." She paused for a minute. "I think what we're dealing with is something as close to the perfect bringing back of the dead that humans can do."

"The younger Elric is certainly the Miracle Alchemist," Havoc murmured.

"But even Edward is flawed," she reminded him. "Alchemists can make a chimera with perfect recollection of his past life and just a few minor visual clues as to abnormality while retaining superior power. It's just a matter of combining two minds, two bodies, and two instincts, with the human being most prominent. But bringing back the dead..." She shook her head sadly. "In pulling the soul back from the Other Side, essential things are lost. Some things are added, but I doubt they're very good – memories of the coldness, the eyes, the loneliness." She met him eye for eye. "The Edward we knew three years ago is dead. He is almost the Edward that would have been here if he hadn't died, but a good part of his core personality is gone. Leeched out by the world transference. I don't think what Alphonse did was a kindness. The dead are supposed to stay dead."

"But now that he's back, we can't let him die," Havoc argued.

"I know. Perhaps... maybe this is too much to ask from anyone, but maybe if he stayed around those he was close to three years ago, he'd regain some of what made him Edward."

"That may not work," Havoc said soberly. "We've changed too much. All of us. Things have gotten grimmer, and we can't afford to let ourselves get used to each other again. There's a war brewing, and we're either going to be dead by the time it's over, or hurt very, very badly." He struggled for a minute. "Given my druthers, I'd rather keep Ed in a safe place until all of this blows over, but I can't. He won't let me, Central won't let me, and I can't let myself do it because it'd be telling him that I have no faith in him. And I can't do that. Not to Ed."

Izumi smiled briefly. "You're a good man, Jean Havoc. And you," she said, turning around to glare at the steps, "are eavesdropping. Didn't I tell you to go upstairs and get some sleep?" Her scowl got just the tiniest fraction more frightening. "How long have you been there?"

There was a clattering crash as Ed toppled down the rest of the stairs, rubbing his head in pain. He hissed a bit at the bump forming on his head and one gold, one violet eye stared helplessly at Izumi. "Eheh... sorry?"

"Ed, how much did you hear?" Havoc asked hopelessly, swiveling to look at the scapegrace major.

"All of it..." The trodden boy got to his feet, slipping into the chair next to Havoc and curling his knees to his chest. "Sorry..."

The maniacal light popped back into Izumi's eyes. "Sorry? Sorry! You little fool, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"Nothing at all..." Ed sat there, awaiting the inevitable beating he was about to get.

Izumi rubbed her temples. "I don't know what to do with you, Ed. You're nineteen years old. You should know better."

Sensing impending doom, Havoc got up. "I think I'll go take a walk," he announced.

There was a sharp tugging on Havoc's sleeve that warned of worse were he to leave now.

"Ed, go with him. Maybe he can knock some sense into that thick skull of yours. Besides, I need to get started on supper."

Ed looked at Izumi with a mild shock, then turned to Jean, standing and leaning against him slightly. "Nn.." He nodded.

Havoc made good his escape.

"Hey! Wait for me!" Ed stumbled out of the house after Havoc, soft curses strung out under his breath.

"I can't move that fast, kid. I think I screwed up something in my knee." Havoc was limping noticeably now, favoring his left leg. He winced.

"Sit down." Ed's words left no room for question. "Right here."

"Nah. I'll just walk it off."

Ed wasn't going to let that slide. "You might be my bodyguard but I still outrank you. Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc that is an order sit your ass down NOW!"

Havoc turned around and leveled a finger at the boy. "Give me five good reasons why I shouldn't pound you into pulp for pulling rank on me."

"I'm still your superior, I CARE, you're HURT, I'm tired of you treating me like a little kid, and I'm sick and tired of the fact that the only person you care to even show the proper authority is Mustang!" Ed spat back, frustration in his voice.

Pent-up frustration and anger exploded violently. But it wasn't directed at an inanimate object or himself.

With two quick steps, he lashed out, hitting Ed across the face with the back of his right hand. "I'll start showing you proper respect when you start acting like an adult!" he snarled, his voice sounding like an enraged lion's growl.

Edward took the blow in full, staggering back against a light post to steady himself. The man could hit hard, that was a given. But he deserved it...

The blond alchemist didn't even say a word.

Havoc stood there, chest heaving, shock scrawled across his leonoid features. He'd just struck a superior officer... and damn, it felt good!

Staggering up straight again and wiping a tiny trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth, Ed simply grinned. "I'm surprised you hadn't gotten up the guts to do it sooner, Jean... Hell knows you should have..." There was a bit of bitterness in his voice, but if you looked close enough, you could tell that it was false.

Havoc looked up warily, tensed to run like hell. "I'm not sure I follow, sir."

"Cut the bullshit Jean, we're beyond 'sir' here, if we weren't, you'd be euthanized by now and you know it..." A flicker of violet shot through his still-golden eye.

"Fine, then. Ed, what the hell are you saying? That you wanted me to belt you one? God knows you needed it, with you acting like you have. But..."

"How else am I supposed to know that this isn't just some bad dream? What goes around comes around, and so far none of it's come quite all the way around... I needed it..."

Havoc smiled shyly. "I think we're in agreement there."

"Gonna deck me again, eh, Jean?" Ed tilted his head a bit. "Didn't get this side yet, I'll give ya a clean shot..."

Now the Lieutenant grinned. "I'll take a rain check on that one. Who knows, you might piss me off again."

"Feel free to take it anytime..." Shadows flickered in front of Ed's eyes but he tried to pay them no heed.

Havoc turned on his heel and began to limp off. "Remember, Ed. While we're here, you ask me as a friend. Don't order me around." He waved a hand idly. "Remember, I'm more than capable of causing more serious bodily harm."

"Yeah... Then in that case get your injured ass back here and lemme check out that knee..." Edward grinned outwardly, but inside he could hardly manage a grimace.

"Ehhh... do I have to? I'm here now." Havoc put his hands on his hips. "It's probably nothing more than severe bruising, anyway."

"That's enough for me to worry about either way, Jean, I'll come there you just have to promise me to sit. Now." Ed slowly made his way up to Havoc.

With a capitulating sigh, Havoc plunked down. With a groan, he stretched out the leg in question. "Damn, I am getting old."

"What did I tell you about those old comments..." One violet eye and one gold snapped up to meet Havoc's as he knelt beside the man, pulling up the leg of his pants to observe the damage.

Havoc grinned ruefully. "I had hoped you were joking."

"I might have to just take myself up on it though..." There was a hint of a playful grin as Ed pressed carefully against the bruised and scraped knee. "Tell me where it hurts..."

Havoc yowled as soon as the slightest pressure was put on his knee. "There," he said weakly.

"Nn... just bruising, eh?" Ed lifted Havoc's leg, carefully letting it bend at the knee. "Does that hurt as well?"

"A little. Not as much as when there's pressure on it."

"Hnn... Can you move it with full range yourself with minimal pain?" Edward prodded a bit at the underside.

"Define 'minimal'," he said with a grimace. "It's fine until I stand."

"Perhaps bruised... possibly sprained... You should still stay off of it for a while and rest... It's not a good idea to further injure it as it is..." Ed ripped the bottom of his coat to make a makeshift bandage. "And you should really clean it...it's looking infected..." Clapping his hands, he wet the rag with some water vapor from the air, and dabbed at the scratches.

He hissed. "Dammit, Ed, just leave well enough alone. I'll be fine."

"I have the right to be worried, don't I Jean?" Edward paused, looking up at Havoc again.

"Well... yes..." He fell silent, wrangling with his pride and his respect for the boy.

"You're not unbreakable... and I worry because I care..." Ed sighed, wrapping his arms around Havoc's shoulders and pulling the man into a hug. "You'll put me too high on your priorities and end up getting yourself hurt because of it... and then I'll just feel guilty..."

"Ed, I've never been high on my list of priorities. What I have to do for other people is more important than what I have to do for myself. That's why I'm a soldier." He stroked Ed's hair. "I don't want to lose you. That's why I push so hard."

"Whether or not I wanted to be I've been forced into the role of a soldier myself... After all this, I'd say it'd be hard not to call myself one.. The military is more my home than home itself, but I'll push right back if you think you're going to sacrifice yourself in my stead, I'm not worth it..." Ed closed his eyes, holding the other man closer.

"Don't devalue yourself. You're worth as many shots at life as I can give you. You're still young; you have a chance to change your life, to retire and become something else." His own arms tightened.

"I'm old, you know. Too old: I reached peak performance years ago. I really shouldn't be out on the front lines anymore.

"I've made my living killing people for over a decade, ever since I was a little younger than yourself. It's only justice that I get killed fighting for you."

"Not if I can help it... I'd never forgive myself..."

Hah... you're crying again Ed... you baby...

"It would be an honor to die like that..." Havoc's voice was dreamy. "Fighting to protect someone I love. No... that's not a bad way to go at all... and everyone has to go at some point or another. I'll fight like hell to stay alive, but when I die, just let me stay dead. That's all I ask for."

"I'm not making that mistake again, you can trust me on that..." Ed nuzzled his head against Havoc's neck, sighing again.

"Good. I don't want to be like someone's plaything, yanked across who knows where and beyond."

"I wouldn't wish this kind of a life on you or anybody..." How long had they been sitting there? Edward couldn't help but wonder.

"We should probably start heading back to your teacher's place," Havoc said, voice slightly rueful. "Dinner's probably done, and the sun's beginning to set."

"Now I remember the real reason I didn't want you to come along..." Ed pulled back, smiling a bit ruefully himself. "She'll always be home you know..."

"Yknow..." he started thoughtfully. "Even though she whaled us pretty good on the platform, I think right now she's too worried about you to think about doing anything. Much too worried. Help me up, will you?"

Ed got up, chuckling a bit to himself, and extended a hand to help Havoc up. "Promise me you'll stay off of that leg until it gets better? I'll bring you meals in bed..." He smiled a bit mischievously.

"You? Bring me meals in bed? Good lord, no." He shook his head, smiling, remembering the last encounter with food, Ed, and himself.

He started off, his limp even worse.

"Hey! I said take it easy! Stay off that leg, dammit!" Ed hooked Havoc's arm over his shoulders to act as a support. "I'll make you stay in that bed even if I have to transmute you into it, Jean... and despite the fact that I know that would be extremely kinky..." His voice trailed off.

"This before or after you put me in the collar?" Havoc said humorously. He let Ed 'support' him, but kept his weight on his own feet. He hated being helped like that.

"Hmm... I'll have to think about that..." Ed grinned, leaning a bit against Jean despite being there to support him.

"I was kidding, Ed. Kidding!"

Edward chuckled a bit in response. "I'll let you sit at the table tonight, but after that it's up to bed, okay?" Perhaps he had ulterior motives...

"It most certainly is not!" Havoc said indignantly. "What about my duty?"

"I'll stay with you if you're that insistent about duty, Jean..." Ed practically purred.

"Er..." He wasn't quite sure how to answer that. They arrived on the stoop of Izumi's kitchen door. "Why don't we discuss this later?"

"Fine by me..." Ed grinned and opened the door. "After you?"

"Fine..." He stepped in, only to be greeted by a bustling Izumi.

"Food's on the stove, kids," she said, carrying a stack of books.

Knowingly, Ed idled past Havoc, making to set a place for himself and Havoc and serve whilst his teacher busied herself with other things.

"Oh, and Ed? If you need me, I'll be in my study." Her face was black with wrath. "I'm doing the research your brother didn't do. Hopefully, I'll have you back to close to normal in a few weeks." She disappeared, and closed the door to her study behind her.

Ed shuddered at the look on his teacher's face. "Scary..." He busied himself, finally sitting down and getting to his food.

"You know, your teacher is one supremely scary woman," Havoc remarked, still standing.

"Sit down and eat already..." Ed managed after swallowing the mouthful of food he had.

"You haven't seen scary yet..."

Havoc moved slowly and painfully to sit down. He stared listlessly at his plate. "Not hungry, really..." He poked through it. There wasn't enough meat to feed a stuffed lion, really...

He frowned. Now, where did that thought come from?

Eyeing Havoc's idle prodding, Ed finally got the hint and stood up, moving to the fridge and pulling out a barely cold ham that seemed to have been put there recently. "Nn.." He said through a mouthful of potatoes, tossing the ham to Jean as he went back to his seat.

"I told you, I'm not hungry," Havoc repeated. Not even the ham looked good in this state.

What you want is an animal fresh from the kill, still twitching, still bloody and warm...

He got up abruptly, revolted by his thoughts. "I'm going to go upstairs," he said in a strained voice.

Ed stopped in mid chew, swallowing what he had in his mouth and sighing, putting the meat back in the fridge before Izumi freaked for him leaving it out. "You alright?"

"No," he replied shortly. "I'm hearing voices and I suddenly have an urge to hunt and kill my own food. No, I'm not all right."

"Maybe you should get some sleep...?" Ed didn't really know what to think of it, he knew it was no doubt the lion's instincts trying to take over, he just didn't know what to do. "Let's get you upstairs then..." He stood up and made to follow Jean.

"No, don't follow me. That's probably not too good of an idea right now." He winced at a twinge from his leg. "Just tell me where the antiseptics and bandages are. I can fend for myself..."

The 'I think' wasn't spoken, but understood.

Stubborn as he was, Ed wasn't going to let up. "I can take care of myself, you know..." He walked up to Havoc and gave him one of those 'I'm not letting you go off alone' looks.

Havoc sighed. "Fine."

He began to slowly climb the stairs, wincing every time he put his weight on his knee.

"I'm tempted to carry you, you know... I don't like that wincing... maybe you should just sit down for a minute..." Ed placed a hand on Havoc's shoulder warily.

"I'll be okay, Ed. I'll sit down when we get to wherever you're going to stuff me for the night." He made it to the top of the staircase, breathing a quiet sigh of relief. "See? That didn't kill me."

"Alright fine..." Ed huffed, steering Jean into the room just right of the staircase.

Once inside, he closed the door, pulling back the sheets and turning on the bedside lamp. Pulling up a chair, Ed took a small book out of the beside table drawer and sat down, slipping on a pair of reading glasses and opening the book to the marked page.

Havoc blinked. "Hey. You mind telling me where the antiseptics are?"

"Nn? Oh... right... you sit down on the bed I'll get them." Edward stood, setting down his book and shuffling to the bathroom to get some supplies.

Havoc sat down, discarding his jacket and tie. He unbuttoned the first two buttons of his shirt.

Why the hell are you mothering me, Ed?

Ed came back a minute later with the antiseptics, a damp washcloth, and some fresh bandages, as well as antibiotic cream, and set the materials on the bed next to Havoc. "Something the matter?" He noted the slightly miffed expression on the Lieutenant's face.

"It's nothing." He kicked off his boots, rolled up the pant leg and blanched. "Strike that. I'm going to have to lance my knee."

Ed frowned. "Just some minor bruising, hm? Off with the pants, I'll get some more towels... and a blade, I hope you don't plan on using your claws for that..." He stood, running his fingers through his loose bangs and sighing as he headed for the door.

Havoc bit the tip of his tongue, chuckling at Ed. "However did you guess?" he murmured, ignoring the order to get rid of his trousers.

Returning from downstairs with a small knife and some more towels, Edward took a seat across from Havoc. "You don't want me to have to transmute them off do you?" He made to clap his hands.

Havoc grabbed a roll of bandaging, bouncing it expertly off Ed's forehead. "Please. I can do this with my trousers on."

He placed a towel over his thigh, close to the festered injury. Taking the knife, he lanced the wound quickly, squeezing out the pus. When it had seeped onto the towel, he folded the soiled cloth into another towel and liberally spread antiseptics and antibiotics over the cuts. He bound the mess neatly with another roll of bandages.

"See?"

Ed sighed again, wishing he hadn't stared at the procedure as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "Fine..." He took the supplies and moved them to the bedside table. "Going to sleep now?"

"I wasn't particularly planning on it, but if Mother insists..." He cocked his head. "You look vaguely disturbed."

Trying to hide his worry, Ed smiled, unconvincingly. "I'll be fine... and don't call me 'Mother'... That disturbs me when I keep having thoughts of you in bed you know..." He frowned.

Havoc rubbed the scar on the left side of his neck. "What's up?"

"Nothing..." Ed pointedly averted Havoc's gaze, attempting to appear lost in the book he had been reading previously, pushing up his glasses a bit.

Havoc reached over, gently sliding the glasses off the young man's face. "Ed, tell me. Something's obviously disturbed you. I'd like to know what it is."

Pouting, the alchemist squirmed in his seat a bit. "I don't know, Jean, I just..." Ed paused, not quite sure what to finish that with.

Havoc folded the glasses, putting them on the bedside table. "You just what?" He began to unbutton his cuffs, fumbling slightly with the right-hand one. "What's wrong?"

Edward whined slightly, he knew Izumi's study was directly downstairs from this room, too, and that made it worse..."I..."

Having finally triumphed over the stubborn button, Havoc rolled back his sleeves. "You're not making any sense."

Ed sighed. "I know that..." He stood, pacing around to the other side of the bed and sitting on the edge. "Feeling a little better?"

"Yeah. I think the infection was what was making it so painful to walk. The pus and swelling would have been pressing against a lot of nerves and muscles in there." He stretched, his back cracking. "I'm going to lance it again in the morning, just in case."

"Ah..." Ed stretched as well, kicking off his boots and tossing his coat somewhere across the room, before the jacket soon followed.

That action was followed by a yawn and another stretch, before he flopped down on the bed and curled up under the sheets, back to Havoc.

Havoc ran a hand through his hair. "You know, Ed, you still haven't answered me as to why you looked like you'd just swallowed a slug after I bandaged my knee."

"It's nothing, don't dwell on it so much... get some sleep or something..." Ed tried to wave it off as though he were tired, pulling the covers up under his chin.

"I have the right to be worried, don't I, Ed?"

Edward cringed. "Stop using my words against me, dammit..." He sat up, spinning around to bombard Jean with a full-on glare.

Havoc smiled sweetly. "So you're allowed to pester me, but I'm not allowed to pester you? Is that what you're saying?"

On pure whim, Edward tugged at Havoc's shirt collar, pulling him closer to press his lips into the hollow of the other man's neck, eyelashes brushing faintly against his cheeks as he moved upwards, nibbling lightly on Jean's lower lip.

Havoc stiffened in surprise. He attempted to peel the boy off, but Ed had a death-grip on his collar.

Moving along Havoc's jaw line to lightly tease the scars at his neck, Ed sighed. "Is it my fault I can't get enough of you?"

"At least warn me when you're going to pull something like this." Despite his grumbling, his head moved aside and back.

"I tried... do you have any idea how hard it is to hold back despite knowing that Teacher would kill me for doing this here?" Ed whined, looking into Jean's eyes.

Havoc smirked. "Then don't do it."

"Do you have any idea how loud my conscience is screaming at me not to?" Edward pulled back, curling onto his side of the bed again and whimpering.

"So that's what that tiny voice is..." Havoc grabbed a pillow. "I guess I'm sleeping on the floor."

"No you're not... come here dammit!" Ed gave up on trying and rolled over, pulling Jean down into a fiercely hungry kiss, a tear running down his cheek.

I'm sorry...

Havoc grunted as Ed's action forced his lower lip against one of his canines. It wasn't really the pain that bothered him, just the influx of blood that nearly made him choke.

Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?

Sputtering slightly, Ed pulled back, instinctively flinching and curling up, faint traces of blood still on his lips. "S-sorry..."

Havoc coughed, trying to get the blood out of his windpipe. He scrubbed his lips with the back of his hand, a bright streak of red left from knuckle to wrist. "I swear I'm going to file down my teeth sometime!"

"Sorry..." Ed's voice was weak and small, as he continued to inwardly curse himself and his lack of control.

Havoc smacked his pillow down over Ed's head. "For crying out loud, it's not your fault! Neither of us can help it if I have abnormally long and sharp teeth!"

"But I should be able to at least control myself!" Edward snatched the pillow and hugged it tightly to his chest, looking teary-eyed at Jean.

"You've never really been good at control," Havoc pointed out. "Witness when I call you 'a short, little, mutated peanut from hell.'"

"I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S A SHORT LITTLE MUTATED PEANUT FROM HELL!" Edward promptly tackled Havoc in a momentary fit of rage.

Havoc started laughing, fending the boy off. "See what I mean?"

Izumi looked up at the screech of rage that emanated from Ed's room. She shrugged. Someone had probably insulted someone else. No real surprise there. Though, if they continued to carry on like that for more than an hour, she'd have to give both of the boys some of her Special Punishment.

"Shut up!" Ed couldn't help but laugh at himself for still flying off the handle like that, as he turned the sudden onslaught into a playful wrestling match.

Havoc found himself pinned underneath the alchemist. He grinned up at the young man. "Truce, then?"

"Maybe..." Ed grinned. "What's in it for me?"

Havoc yoinked Ed's braid. "Me not calling you names. Does that count?"

Ed winced. "Hey! Don't DO that!" He grinned playfully down at Havoc. "What else?"

The older man pondered for a minute. Hitting inspiration, he tugged Ed's head down, kissing him lightly. "That?"

"Hmm..." Ed pondered for a moment, licking his lips. "Will there be more of 'that'?"

"What's in it for me?" Havoc parroted.

"You scratch my back I'll scratch yours..." Ed leaned down and kissed Havoc again.

"Glad to see we're in agreement."

"Funny...I swear you've said that before in a similar situation..." Ed shoved the thought aside and instead proceeded to lay plaintive nips along Havoc's jaw and down his neck to his collarbone.

"So?" Havoc tugged the boy's head up, engaging him in a fierce kiss.

"Nn..." Ed willingly submitted, hands already moving to unbutton the rest of Havoc's shirt.


Please review, constructive criticism and questions appreciated, flames will be deflected back at you by Roy. n.n;