Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the first chapter :D! PEACE OUT :D!

Chapter 2: Making Mister Nice Guy

"Okay, guys. Gimme a sec and I'll have my pimped up two-door, four-seater Geonosian Solar Sailor ready. You cool wid dat, Sid?" He asked as he patted Sidious on the back.

"Er, um, yes. I'm 'cool' with anything…Anything that will get us to Coruscant in time." He replied.

Darth Sidious still felt quite uncomfortable with this new Dooku. The new Dooku even walked funny now, like he always had something heavy on his shoulders. And the pants…the PANTS! Why did he have to pull his pants THAT low? He could practically see the waistband of Dooku's boxers from where he was standing. And lo and behold, his old apprentice had his name embroidered on the waist band. "Count Jard Dooku of Serenno" it read.

/"Jard? His first name is Jard!"/ He thought to himself.

"Then it's all phat." Dooku said. He suddenly noticed where Sidious' eyes were. "And dude?" He asked, looking at Sidious suspiciously.

"Yes…um, dude?" Asked Sidious. And what's up with these overly used words 'dude', 'bro', and 'man'? Dooku's saying them like they're the period to every sentence.

"Stop staring at my crotch, man. That is soooo uncool. And really gay, like Maul." And with that, he turned around and walked towards the door to get the solar sailor ready.

"I wasn't looking at your crotch!" Shouted Sidious. "I was looking at your pants! I think it's scandalously too low. What will the Council say when you, Count Dooku, face them looking like someone who wants to expose his privates!"

Dooku opened the door but stopped on his way out. He looked at Sidious and Maul and tapped his chest with his hand doing the peace sign. "Peace out, bros. Call ya' later when the wheels are ready. And Sid, seriously dude, that was sooo uncool."

"I wasn't staring at your crotch!" Sidious shouted again in frustration as he shook a clenched fist in the air. "I am not interested in your crotch!"

The sound of Dooku closing the door echoed in the room, and now, Maul and Sidious were left alone as the count 'pimped his ride'.

"You WERE staring at his crotch, you know." Maul said. "I saw it with my own two eyes. In fact, if his crotch were a book, I'd say you were reading it."

Sidious grunted in frustration. "Can we SERIOUSLY drop this subject matter now! First of all, I was looking at his pants because it was waaay too low! Then I saw his name written on the waistband and ….UGH! Okay, that's it! END of subject matter! This will be the last time I will hear of this preposterous misunderstanding!"

"If you say so, master." Maul said.

He sat down on one of the chairs and laid his books on the table. He then asked one of the droids to get him a cup of tea. He thinks the tea will help his scholarly mind relax better amidst all the present confusion. He took a monocle from his front pocket and perched it over his eye. He thinks it will help him read better. As if!

Sidious pressed his thin lips into an even thinner line and placed his hands behind his back. He paced around the spacious room. Something was obviously bothering him.

"Something is obviously bothering you, my ol' chap." Maul said as he looked at Sidious. "Care to share your troubles with your former apprentice?"

Sidious looked confused. "Well, yes. You see, I've never really been nice my entire life. Sith Lords never do nice…Never did, never will…well, until now of course."

"How about when you're the Chancellor? You're nice when you're the chancellor, right? Everyone in the Senate looks up to you!" Maul said, adjusting his monocle.

"Well, when I'm the Chancellor, I PRETEND to be nice. But it's all just PRETEND…None of it is really REAL! But this time, THIS TIME, I want to be NICE! Like, really REALLY NICE! Like, Mr. Roger's nice and Elmo nice and, and BUNNY nice. I want to be soooo fuckin' nice, that the Jedi Council and the Senate and Mon Mothma…" His voice softened and beamed at the mention of her name. "…will think that I'm the nicest guy they've ever met!"

Maul suddenly stood up and raised his index finger in the air. "Ah! Then if it is the virtue of niceness that you want, then let me help you! I will guide you on your path to becoming the NICEST guy in the galaxy!"

Sidious cocked a brow and looked at him suspiciously. "YOU will help ME become the NICEST guy in the universe!"

"That is correct." Maul said proudly.

"YOU!" Sidious asked again. "Are you sure!"

"Why? Is there a problem with my offer!" Maul demanded to know.

"Maul, you've been a cruel, heartless and hate-filled bastard since the day you were born. Now how in the world do you expect to help me become Mr. Nice Guy? Do you know how many times you attempted to stick a lightsaber up my back when you were a kid! And remember that one time when you strapped my dog, Popo the First, to my Nubian speeder! And how about that incident when you dumped our newly bought toaster in the bathtub? That wasn't very nice!"

"Hey, nothing wrong with seeing if a toaster could float." Maul defended.

"I was in the freakin' bathtub when you did that!" Shouted Sidious.

"Pfft. Not MY fault that you raised me like a barbarian. You didn't teach me how to read. You didn't teach me how to write. You didn't even teach me any manners!"

"Teach you! I was afraid that you were gonna bite my head off!"

"ENOUGH!" Shouted Maul. He stood up straight and composed himself. "After all, the past is now gone. It has ebbed with time. The Maul that was then is not the Maul that is now. As you already know, I am now Darth Maul, the scholar of scholars, the bard of bards, the playwright of playwrights. Darth Maul…the literary master. Darth Maul, the great writer!" Maul looked proud as he thought of him as such.

"In fact…" He added. "Since you hadn't christened me with a first name, I am thinking of getting my own."

"And that is…" Said Sidious.

"Aristotle! Aristotle Ulysses! From now on, I shall be known as Aristotle Ulysses Maul! I believe it goes well with my new scholarly demeanor, if I say so myself."

"Uh, yeah, Aristotle Ulysses…whatever…" Sidious rolled his eyes.

"Oop! I saw that!" Exclaimed Maul.

"Saw what?" Sidious asked.

"You rolled your eyes and I found that disrespectful! You see, nice guys don't do things like that. Nice guys don't roll their eyes in irritation. Really, REALLY nice guys just SMILE. They just smile and play along even if they already feel like CRAP."

"And why would I want to do THAT?" Sidious asked, feeling confused and lost.

"Because you always want to please those around you all the time. That's why." He took a step closer to Sidious and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "After all, you DO want to please HER, don't YOU?"

Maul took Mon Mothma's picture from Sidious' pocket and dangled it in front of the old Sith Lord. "Sweet, nice Mon Mothma. Such a sweet and nice and pretty and noble young woman, isn't she? Now I believe she would want someone as sweet and as nice as her boyfriend, no? Someone her parents would approve of? After all, I doubt that they'd want an evil Sith Lord to be their precious daughter's boyfriend."

Sidious looked hypnotized as he looked at her picture. "You mean…I…I can be her boyfriend? Are you saying that that's possible, that it can really happen? That if I become nice enough, she will fall for me and only me?"

"Oh yes, my friend…very VERY possible." Maul said in a hypnotizing tone.

The old sith lord slowly reached out for the picture, his hands shaking as he looked at it like a moth drawn to a flame. But as he did, Maul just moved it a bit further away.

"Imagine it, Master…the girl of your dreams, becoming your girlfriend…"

"My girlfriend…" Sidious said, dazed and in awe.

"And when she becomes your girlfriend, she will hold you in her arms…"

Sidious' hands quivered as he reached out for the dangling picture. "Hold…me…in…her…arms…."

"And you know what'll come next once she's holding you in her arms?" Maul continued to move the picture away from Sidious' yearning hands. He felt like he was dangling a carrot in front of a hungry rabbit.

"What? Will she…will she…will she…" Sidious looked more dazed than ever.

"Say it, master! She will…k…kiss…" He was practically putting the words in Sidious' mouth.

"Yes…She will…SHE WILL….SHE WILL…KI….KIS---"

Before Sidious could say another word, blood suddenly exploded from his nostrils and flowed down his upper lip and trickled down his chin.

"Oh my!" Exclaimed Maul as he jumped back. Now THAT was one thing he didn't expect. "Um, your nose is bleeding." He said, pointing at Sidious' face.

"Of course my nose is bleeding!" He snapped. He seemed to have gotten out of his Mon Mothmic daze. "Now give me that." He snatched the picture from Maul's hand and placed it back into his robe's breast pocket where it rightfully belonged.

"You're uh, still bleeding, rather heavily actually." Maul could see the blood still flowing from Sidious' nostrils.

"Aww darn, now look what you did!" Sidious wanted to wipe the blood from his face with the sleeve of his robe, but he didn't want to get any of it on his clothing. After all, the last thing a NICE GUY like him needed was blood on his robes.

"Quick! You sit down and tilt your head forward. I know exactly what to do." Maul immediately guided his former master to one of the seats.

The door to the conference room swung open with the power of the force, and in strode, or rather, trotted, the hippest, baddest, raddest Sith Lord in the funky galaxy, Slim Dooky.

His eyes widened at the sight before him. "Aww SHIT! What the FUCK happened here!" He quickly made his way beside Sidious. "Dammit, Sid, your nose is bleeding all over the place! You two homies got into a fight or sumthin' while I wuz gone? Coz Sid here sure looks like he landed face first on concrete floor, yo!"

Maul carefully seated Sidious and slowly tilted the Sith Lord's head forward. "For your information, we didn't get into a fight. In fact, I'm not even sure what really happened." He carefully pinched Sidious' nose to stop the bleeding.

Sidious sighed and raised his hand. "It was me. It was my fault. You see…when, um, when I get really nervous or agitated or excited, my nose bleeds. Apparently, even I myself can't stop it from happening…Kind of like how you cannot stop yourself from closing your eyes whenever you sneeze. But the good thing is that it doesn't happen all the time…Only when I get really, REALLY REALLY nervous, or excited."

Maul raised his non-existent eyebrows and nodded his head in realization. "Hmm…no wonder." He mumbled to himself and shrugged. Looked like Dooku was right…Sidious truly WAS head over heels that Mon Mothma. Heck, the thought of her alone made the dark lord's nose bleed like a blood hose in a blood bank.

"Dude, that's really sick, man!" Dooku exclaimed. "Like, sick in a cool way! Damn, I wish I could do that. That would so rock!"

Sidious took out a handkerchief and rubbed the blood off his face. "Oh, trust me, my old apprentice…It is not as 'cool' or as 'funky' as you think it is. Just imagine standing in front of the senate and suddenly have your nose explode on you."

"Whatever. Anywayz, I got our hawt set of Geonosian wheels all up and ready in the docking bay." He said as he pointed at the door. "So if you homiez are ready for the ride of your livvveez, then lets go and ride outta this dumbass boring planet and get the funk goin' on in Coruscant!"

"What?" Maul asked, looking at Dooku.

"I think what Dooku's trying to say as that we better hurry up and get off this planet." Sidious said as he stood up. "He IS correct, you know. After all, the sooner we get to Coruscant, the sooner I can reverse the damage I had done. And the SOONER I will get to see --- HER!" His eyes twinkled at the mention of HER.

And soon enough, images of bunnies and rainbows and butterflies filled Sidious' mind as thoughts of Mon Mothma filled his head. Oh how he couldn't wait to lay his eyes on her again…Lay his eyes on her beautiful face, her smooth skin, her delicate hands, her well-kempt hair, her full, luscious red lips…oh those LIPS!

Dooku cocked an eyebrow and looked closely at the dazed Sidious. "Dude, his nose is bleeding again."

Maul rolled his eyes and sighed. "Don't worry. I'll handle it." He breathed in deeply and suddenly shouted "MON MOTHMA!"

With the mention of that name, Sidious suddenly jumped up and looked around like cat that had just woken up from a deep sleep. "Where! Where is she! Where is my BELOVED! I heard her NAME! WHERE IS SHE!" He zoomed around the room, looking under the table, under the chairs and behind the curtains.

Dooku placed a hand on Maul's shoulder. "You know what, bro? We seriously have to hook him up with that chick. He's literally bleedin' for her, man."

"At last, we finally agree on something, my fellow apprentice." Replied Maul.

"Word." Dooku said as he lightly punched Maul on the chest.

"You seriously gotta stop doing that though." He rubbed his chest. "I honestly find your new demeanor incredibly barbaric and primitive!"

Dooku snubbed Maul, and walked over to the jumpy Sidious, draping an arm over the dark lord's shoulders. "And you, dude." He poked Sidious in the chest. "YOU are gonna get LAID by that Mon Mothma babe. You stick with me in Coruscant and she'll be your boo in no time! That's a promise from one bruthah to anothah." He clicked his tongue and winked at the reformed dark lord.

"Um, word?" Asked Sidious, not sure of how to react to the 'new' Count Dooku.

"Word." Replied Dooku, nodding his head. Then he stepped away from Sidious and moved towards the door. "So whaddya boyz say we get the motor runnin, eh? We don't got all day, yo! Let's get the partay starteeeeed!" He shouted.

"YES! Off to Coruscant we go!" Exclaimed Sidious, clasping his hands together.

"Certainly! Perhaps it is THERE where I will find my INSPIRATION!" Cheered Maul. He quickly gathered his books and followed Sidious and Dooku out the door.

TBC :D!