Part V: Separation Anxiety

Chapter 17

The winter light had long since faded from the windows when I again held Yugi, limp in my arms. He was not asleep this time. He was inside himself, speaking with Yami in his soul room.

Yugi had woken around 6:30 pm, just after Mokuba had brought me dinner. I convinced Yugi to share the sandwiches and chips with me, unsure of the last time Yami had thought to feed him. We didn't say much; I was unsure if I should warn Yugi of what Yami would soon tell him. I did think it was the Spirit's responsibility to admit what he had done, but I also wanted to spare Yugi any pain that I could. Undecided, I said nothing.

I kept physical contact with Yugi as we ate, then curled my body around his sitting form after setting the tray aside. We continued to sit in silence, waiting. I think that Yugi knew we were waiting for something. He rested against me in the dark, quiet room.

/Seto./

"What?" Yugi looked up at me strangely. I had heard Yami's voice, but apparently Yugi had not. /What the hell is going on/ I thought to myself.

/I'm using the Millennium Rod to control your mind./

The dry response was clearly in my head, not my ears. /Not funny, Pharaoh./ I spat the title out in my mind speech. Amusement, not my own, replaced my surprised anger.

/Relax, I just wanted you to know I'm going to talk to Yugi, now, and ask him to join me in his soul room. Be there when he wakes up./

/I don't take orders from you, Yami, and I certainly don't need you to tell me where I belong./

/So Touchy/

/Hn./ Once more I felt the alien amusement, then it was gone. Yes, I think this friendship was working out quite well, so far. As long as the bastard stays out of my head.

Yugi twitched in my arms. "Wha-?" He looked up at me. "Seto, the mind link, I can feel it again! I—"

"Go to him. I'll be here."

XXX

"Do you still want to be with only me?"

Yugi had stayed in his trance-like state for hours. I had stayed, holding him, wiping away the occasional tears that leaked from his closed eyes. Mokuba had come in to say goodnight sometime during those hours. I felt guilty for not tucking him in, but I knew he understood. When Yugi had 'woken,' he had come to full awareness very quickly, and had turned to me immediately to inquire about our status.

I was shocked by the question and unsure of how to answer in a way that would dispel his fears. While my brain sought the perfect sentiment to assure him, words came out of my mouth unchecked.

"I always want to be with you, Yugi." The look of shock on his face mirrored my own as the words hung in the air between us. Then Yugi's face warmed to a gentle smile and he fell forward, pressed his face into my chest, and sighed. I wrapped my arms around him and found that I could still breathe, that the weight of commitment was not so heavy.

When Yugi shifted so his cheek replaced his forehead against my chest, I asked, "So, what are you thinking?"

Yugi looked blankly into space and raised his free shoulder. Then he suddenly sat up and turned towards me, his face stiff, his eyes livid. "I can't believe he did that! He makes you live his unfaithfulness as if it were you, and then had the gall to kiss you after! What the hell was he thinking? He doesn't deserve your kisses anymore! Bastard!"

It's not that I didn't expect Yugi to be angry. I expected him to be raging. But not on my behalf. Not because of Yami's infidelity or that stupid kiss. "Yugi, what about… the rest of it?" I did not want to point out his victimization if he did not feel like a victim, but… it was just a little surreal. "What about what he did to you? You… you should talk about it, I think." Isn't that what the self-help books and annoying talk show hosts always say?

Yugi seemed to deflate, all his righteous anger pouring out of him. He sighed, his shoulders lifting and falling with the deep breath. "I'm not sure how I feel about that right now. I… I want to focus on being glad that everyone is okay and that the world isn't in need of being saved. I was locked in my own mind for two weeks because the Ph… Yami… didn't want me to know he had a crush. I guess, compared to what we've been through… It's kind of anti-climatic."

There really wasn't a response I could give to that. I was sure that there would be more to be dealt with, but we would just have to deal with it as it came.

"It's getting late, do you want me to bring you home?"

"No, Grandpa won't be back from visiting Professor Hawkins until tomorrow. I… I don't want to be alone. That's the worst part, you know? I used to be able to feel Yami, even if the mind link was closed and we weren't merged. It's like he physically took up space in my body, and now he is gone. The emptiness… it hurts. Physically hurts."

Like a tumor, I thought. When a brain tumor is removed, it leaves a space in the skull, where the brain has been shoved out of the way. The shifting of the brain as it adjusts to the lack of pressure can cause headaches, even seizures or stroke. The recovery can be as painful and dangerous as the disease.

Yugi's tumor had been removed. How long would his recovery take?

I held Yugi a moment longer, then placed him beside me and rose, walking towards the door. "I'll go open a guest room then, you can stay here. Or, I can sleep in the chair, if you want me in the room--"

"Seto." Yugi's amused voice cut me off and brought me around to look at him. He was crawling back onto the bed in his boxers, his outer clothing in a pile on the floor. He climbed under the covers, but left them turned down in invitation. He smirked. "Shut up, get undressed, and come to bed."

His smile softened, then he flipped over and curled into a ball. I was left speechless for a moment, then began unbuttoning my shirt. "Yes, sir!" I said softly, so he could hear if he was still awake, but wouldn't be startled if he was drifting. Not a boxers man myself, (I didn't understand how Yugi fit them under the tight pants he favored) I changed into flannel sleep pants before sliding in next to Yugi. He immediately wiggled up flush to my body. I turned, spooning him, my arm around his waist and my face buried in his hair. Smiling, I drifted off to sleep.

XXX

The next morning I awoke with Yugi's head on one shoulder, and Mokuba's hand on the other. I started to get up, surprised, but Mokuba held me back with his hand and put two fingers of his other hand on my lips. "Hush, you'll wake Yugi," he reprimanded me. I blinked and he continued. "I am leaving to go to school soon. I wanted to know if I could go to Caleb's house after school. His mom said she can either bring me back after dinner, or I could spend the night and you can pick me up at the soccer game. I need to know so I can pack."

I blinked some more. It was too early to think that hard, and Mokuba had not removed his fingers. I nodded.

"Yes I can spend the night?" Mokuba face broke into a radiant smile. I wasn't sure if that was what my nod had meant, but it sounded reasonable enough. I nodded again.

"Thanks Big Brother. See you tomorrow!" He removed his fingers from my lips and his presence from my room. I sighed. No point going back to sleep now. Even if waking did mean leaving Yugi's warm body behind.

After I showered and dressed, I woke Yugi by tracing my fingers over his skin until his eyes fluttered open. "If you want to hop in the shower, I'll have breakfast ready when you come down." He smiled blearily and nodded, and I left him to it and went downstairs.

When Yugi came down, he took over setting the little table, and had a plate ready with a paper towel just as I finished the sausage. We moved around the kitchen as though in a choreographed dance; the occasional brush of our bodies was intentional and electric, but familiar, as though we had done this many times before.

Neither of us spoke. Not about breakfast, or Yami, or my declaration of commitment last night. At least two of those topics would probably need to be discussed further, but Yugi did not seem inclined to speak, and the silence was not uncomfortable. When we had finished eating, we began our dance again, clearing the table, and putting away the food. The dirty dishes were stacked in the sink, and when the table was clear, Yugi turned on the water to wash them.

I stepped behind him and turned it off. Yugi turned to me and raised his eyebrows in question. I put arms around him and lifted him to sit on the edge of the sink. I kissed his forehead, and then rested my head against his. "I just want you to know, I'm here for you: whatever you need. If you want to talk, I'll listen. If you just want to be here with me, I'm here. If you want me to take you home, I can do that too. Whatever you need."

Yugi looked into my eyes, and I could tell he was smiling, though I was too close to see his mouth. "What I need…? I'll think about it. What I want…?" He leaned back and now I could see the smirk and the gleam in his eyes. "I want you."

Suddenly there were hands in my hair, a soft, demanding mouth on mine and legs twined around my waist. Yugi's neediness surprised me, but I did say I would be what he needs right now. I pulled back from the kiss just enough to gently bite down on his lower lip.

"Have I told you yet how much I missed you?" Yugi's only response was a moan as I moved down his jaw, using lips and teeth and tongue to memorize his taste and feel all over again.

I moved one hand under Yugi's shirt, brushing soft skin pulled tight over firm muscle, seeking out a nipple. Yugi's head fell back, his mouth lolling open as he gasped and moaned. His legs tightened around me, bringing our hips tighter together. Yugi opened his eyes and forced them to focus on me.

"Seto, won't you take me upstairs?"

I stopped breathing, which was painful considering how rapid my respiration had become in the last few minutes. Yugi had not quite gotten to the point where he was ready again for clothes-off, and in his current situation, I wasn't sure that he wouldn't regret it. Sex with someone who'd just been betrayed by and separated forcibly from their other half seemed about as scrupulous as sex with a drunk person.

Yugi lifted his hips and I could feel that his body was ready and willing. He head had fallen back again, and his lips parted to gasp out, "Please…"

I did not have a chance to answer as a voice behind me brought both of us to attention.

"Oh, Pharaoh's brat! You are even more delicious in the throes of passion than I imagined.

My eyes narrowed and my voice lowered dangerously. "Marik! How did you get in here?"

He merely raised one shoulder in answer to my demand, and kept his eyes on Yugi. "I did try hard to convince the Pharaoh to wake you so you could join in on the fun. He wouldn't even let me play with you when you were sleeping." Marik exaggerated a pout. He looked back at me, "Oh, but where are my manners? Don't let me interrupt. I was looking for the Pharaoh, but I can wait until after the show."

My only response was a deep growl, which I was surprised to hear echoed by Yugi. Before either of us could say or do anything, another voice brought three pairs of eyes to the other side of the kitchen.

"Marik! What are you doing here?" Yami's booming 'Pharaoh' voice echoed in the small kitchen, his living presence as menacing as his magically enhanced voice. I inwardly smirked. Looked like the Egyptian would get what he deserved.

Marik did not seem intimidated in the least. He merely batted his eyes and crooned, "I was looking for you, My Pharaoh."

Yami sighed heavily. "Tomb Keeper, I told you to stay in Egypt, that I would contact you. And here I find you, not 30 hours later, having not only disobeyed me, but making an ass of yourself and me."

Marik's eyes gleamed. "Will you be punishing me then, My Pharaoh?" He sounded way too excited.

Yami growled. "Watch your step, Servant. There are punishments even you won't enjoy." Yami paused for a moment, seeming to remember my and Yugi's presence. He looked at me apologetically. "Seto, I don't mean to step on your toes. This is your home, and the insult was directed at you and Yugi. I will step aside if you wish to deal with him."

I was impressed that Yami was making the effort to stand by our agreement from yesterday. But Marik… not my issue. "Hn. That is your responsibility."

Yami nodded. "Yes, and I apologize for his behavior. He will owe you an apology as well."

Marik had sidled up to Yami while we were speaking, gliding across the floor as fluid as water. His body undulated, almost like cat demanding physical attention. And sure enough, Yami's hand unconsciously rose to Marik's head, petting his pale hair. Yami suddenly realized this and removed his hand, anger and frustration clear on his face.

If I don't believe in destiny, I sure don't believe in karma, but it was satisfying to see Yami suffering as the result of his decision. I couldn't believe he had put Yugi through hell for that. Unless he somehow liked this arrangement. I was quickly losing all respect for my previous incarnation, if the harlot currently rubbing himself on Yami was any indication of the Pharaoh's taste in men.

Yami ignored Marik and addressed me again, his eyes flickering only briefly to Yugi, still on the sink in my arms. "Sorry for the intrusion, we will leave you now."

He grabbed hold of Marik's hand and pulled him towards the door. Marik let himself be led, but turned back, grinning. "Sorry to leave prematurely, maybe some other time, hm?--uh."

Yami had pulled him through the door with a growl, nearly pulling Marik off his feet. A few seconds later I heard the front door close and relaxed, exhaling a breath I hadn't been aware of holding. As my body relaxed, Yugi's tensed against me, then began shaking all over. I turned to look at him, my eyes as wide as his.

"I-I'm s-sorry, I d-don't kn-know what's…" Yugi took a ragged breath and abruptly burst into tears.

XXX

My concern that Yugi wasn't really up for sex was correct. What he needed, we decided, was an increase in emotional intimacy, to know I was not going anywhere. I do think that physical intimacy could have reinforced that, but Yugi seemed too fragile to argue the point.

He was, in fact, quite broken. He joked about it, saying that he could probably really use therapy to deal with his new fear of being alone, and with the emptiness he felt where Yami used to be. But how could therapy deal with something that made him sound crazy, not just hurt and lost? I considered hiring someone anyway, and paying the person enough to believe anything, but Yugi wouldn't have accepted it, and how good could a therapist be if he or she were willing to sacrifice ethics for money? So we all did the best we could to be there for him, while he worked things out for himself.

Yes, we all. Yugi had spent less time with his friends in the past months that we had been dating, and now he worked to even that out. It meant that I had less alone-time with Yugi, but we made the time we had count, and he needed the support of the dweeb gang as much as mine. Hn, yes, even a cocky bastard such as myself could recognize that I couldn't be the be-all end-all in Yugi's life.

Yugi also continued to meet with Ryou and Bakura every Thursday. Instead of him helping them, they were able to help Yugi, as they had a unique understanding of mind links and other halves.

Ryou invited me to come for dinner one night, and I was surprised by the gentleness with which Bakura treated Yugi. I had joined him outside while he smoked, and voiced as much. His eyes glittered dangerously, but he shrugged and pulled on his cigarette.

"I know what its like to be screwed by the Pharaoh. Least I was never so innocent."

With that he released the smoke he was holding in his lungs, flicked the butt, and turned to walk back in the house. Ryou's voice floated out the window. "Bakura, pick up that butt, or else!"

Bakura snarled, but found the butt in the grass and placed it in a tin bucket painted with sunflowers. I had smirked at his obedience, and when he met my gaze he scowled. But then he shrugged, smiled and winked, and his steps as he walked back in were springy, and hopeful.

My time with Yugi was also cut into by Yami. After some experimentation, Yami found he could maintain his physical form even at a great distance from Yugi. He could also appear instantly at Yugi's side, no matter where he had been, but was unable to then return to his previous location. So he and Marik had flown back to Egypt. I supposed that Yami needed the space to train his boyfriend a little better, or perhaps needed to learn from Isis and Odion how to control him. As there was still much that needed to be said between the two, Yami and Yugi would speak via mind-link, meeting in Yugi's soul room. He did this only in my presence, needing to have me there when he 'woke.'

The time that we truly had to ourselves, we used well. We still spent Saturdays with Mokuba, still cuddled while watching movies. And if we didn't do much beyond that to indicate we were more than friends, well, that just had to be okay right now. I'd have to be some kind of shmuck to pressure a broken boy into sex because I couldn't control my needs. And even if I was a shmuck, I was definitely in control.

Besides, Yugi and I knew what we were about. And that meant we had all the time in the world to get beyond this. If anyone was surprised that I was so calm about commitment, they were looking at it the wrong way.

Seto Kaiba doesn't lose.

I don't plan on losing Yugi.

Ever.

XXX

A/N –

Um, just one note, really. That last part there was originally going to be expanded and a chapter on its own, but I decided I liked it better this way. So the next up is the rather sweet fluffiness that doesn't have a name yet. It's all written, but not typed, so...

I have my cousin's wedding (being a bridesmaid is torture), and a road trip to Virginia (yay, road trip!) in the next two weeks, but, I'll update soon.

Review Responses:

Dragon – Yeah, those two are kinda fun to write, though, they are in a rather rocky stage just now… Hmm, not sure if Yugi reacted as you expected…

Dark Hikari Twilight – Thank you! That is a great compliment and I really appreciate it. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.