Each individual chapter will have a different rating, different pairings, different spoilers, and a different setting and timeline. Multiple people were involved in writing this fic, I do not claim to have written anything other than my own characters. I do however claim to have come up with the plot, story idea, and organizing it all. The others who write characters in this fic are well aware that I am posting it, and contribute willingly. This fic is an ongoing project with an unknown number of parts, with alternate storyline as of the fifth laboratory incident. Enjoy!


Of Love, Anger, and Apprehension
Rating:R (Language, violence, SEX! But the sex is mostly at the beginning. Plot's about halfway in.)
Pairings: HavocxRoy, HavocxEd, RoyxEd, or generally, HavocxRoyxEd
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
Spoilers: Oh hell I don't know anymore!
Setting: Lisa Delgardie's house, Geriko.
Timeline: The day after Roy, Ed, and Havoc arrive in Geriko.
"Dammit Jean..." Roy tightened his grip again. "Dammit..."

Havoc sat there, his hands clenched tight. There was nothing he could do or say at this point.

He dearly wished he could cry.

"How many have I lost already... I can't lose you... if I do I'll break..."

Havoc half-turned so he was looking into deep obsidian eyes. He smiled lovingly. "I'd never do that to you, not in a thousand years."

"You almost did just now though..." Roy shook his head lightly.

"Not a chance," he said. "Not a chance in the world. Give me a little credit, will you? I'm a lot tougher than I look."

It was only half of a lie. He would have held out much longer, but in the end, he probably would have died. No use in telling Roy that...

"It's that attitude that's going to get you killed, Jean..." Roy brushed his hand against Havoc's face.

"No it won't." Havoc shook his head, rubbing his thumb against the inside of Roy's wrist. "I know my strengths and limitations. All I ask is that you trust me on this one."

"You nearly got yourself killed just now, you expect me to just trust that you're going to be okay? I worry you know..." Roy brushed his lips against Havoc's. "Can we forget about today... just for a little while..."

"Be gentle. I'm still sore in a lot of places..." He kissed Roy fully, tongue slipping in.

Yes... forgetting the horrors of the morning would be a nice thing...

Roy ran his fingers through Jean's hair, mouth yielding to the other man's tongue as, for once, he relinquished all control, trusting Havoc fully.

Edward stirred slightly, two-toned eyes flickering open to Jean and Roy as he felt something squirm in the pit of his stomach. He started to crawl forward, only to feel a sharp jolt of pain up the length of his left arm right to his shoulder, ending up draped across Havoc's back.

That they would do something like this right there in front of him, he surmised that it was best not to say a word. Instead, he settled for licking up Jean's neck to trace the edge of his ear, drawn in by the growing air of raw need.

Havoc purred at the warm tongue running over his neck. One hand slid up Roy's neck to bury into his black hair, the other resting on his back. He nipped at Roy's lower lip, enjoying the small surrender.

He ran his teeth gently down Roy's throat, licking at the faded bruises.

Roy shivered slightly, tilting his head to the side for easier access to his neck as he lifted his other arm to toy with the tie that held Ed's hair together just below the thick plait.

Lithe fingers traced down Roy's arms, one at a time, undoing the buttons at the cuffs of his uniform and moving on to the front. Ed gave a frustrated growl as he fidgeted with the buttons and clasps, mentally cursing the complexity of military uniforms.

Havoc neatly unbuttoned Roy's jacket, chuckling a little to himself at Ed's impatience. He gently bit the hollow of Roy's throat.

Ed mimicked Havoc's action on his own neck, biting a bit harder than usual to show his irritation at being shown up on undressing Roy. He could do it better any day, he was just trying not to screw up Roy's uniform by shredding it via alchemy.

Roy's fingers gently combed out Ed's braid, so that a golden veil cascaded down over his shoulders. He then shrugged out of the jacket, moving just enough so he could unbutton his own shirt and just enough to notice Ed's hands working with Jean's shirt.

When Edward's eyes flickered to his, Roy obeyed, leaning forward and into the kiss that was offered.

Havoc growled squeakily, his abused ribs protesting being squeezed between two rather unyielding bodies.

Ed slipped the shirt off of Havoc's shoulders, breaking away from Roy as his head dropped to nip and suck at Jean's neck not so gently. He deftly flicked open Havoc's pants and slipped cool automail into his boxers.

Roy sighed at the loss of contact, moving to kiss along Havoc's jawline and up to his mouth, fingertips teasing a nipple as he nibbled pleadingly on Jean's lower lip.

Havoc loosed a startled gasp that settled slowly into a purr. He allowed his head to drop back against Ed's shoulder, hands running lazily through Roy's hair.

Automail shifted slightly, cool metal slowly stroking against hot skin, fisting lightly after pushing down the offending fabric. Ed slid his left hand down to his own pants, wasting no time in freeing himself from the confines of tight leather and making his arousal very known against the small of Havoc's back.

Roy scooted closer to Jean, one hand trailing down Ed's bare back and slipping past the waistline of his pants, squeezing his ass, the other hand leaving Havoc's nipple and tracing down his side as his mouth left the other man's to trail love bites down his neck.

Gentle nips were placed along Jean's collarbone, and a hot tongue left a trail of saliva down his chest, circling the same nipple his fingers had been teasing earlier before he bit lightly and licked to soothe it before sucking.

Havoc sharply sucked in a gasp of air, his eyes becoming unfocused. Ed's hand was pleasantly cold, and dammit Roy was too good at this by far. A soft growl purred out, Havoc turning his head to bite possessively at the side of Ed's neck.

The youngest of the three hissed slightly as the feel of sharp points pressed roughly against his skin. Ed moved slightly, just enough to rub himself against Jean's back as he returned the bite, this time to Havoc's shoulder, and lightly squeezed with his right hand before releasing.

The cool metal fingers trailed up, brushing with a surprisingly light touch against an already pert nipple, the one not occupied by Roy's mouth, before pinching softly.

Experience led Roy downwards, lips and teeth and tongue running down the slightly salty path that Edward had traced up. He let out a light sound of irritation at the fabric that still clung to Jean's hips, followed by a swift nip at the base to earn the reflexive thrust, which allowed Roy to slide the impending articles clear down to Jean's knees.

He was painfully aware of his own condition, as well as the fact that he really wasn't receiving any attentions at all, but he let that pass in his subconscious will to simply give up all control and be led back out of this hell he'd found himself thrown into. It was this unconscious submission that had him wresting off Jean's socks and pulling the rest down with them. It was this that had Roy Mustang kneeling between his subordinate's legs, dark eyes gazing upwards, pliable, waiting for instruction this time.

Havoc gazed affectionately at his superior officer, his hand caressing neck and jaw, then drifting over to lightly run through his hair.

"Follow your bliss..."

Roy simply gazed back still. 'Tell me,' his eyes whispered, 'Tell me what to do and I will... I'm a slave to your desires, use me...'

'I won't tell... I'll ask...'

Havoc applied a gentle pressure, smiling wryly. "We've been through this before, Roy."

Ed wrestled with his own pants for a second before tossing them off to the side, violet eye focused on Roy as he murmured against Jean's neck. "If he wants to give up control like that you might as well take advantage of it..." he nibbled idly at Havoc's ear. "You want his mouth or his ass, I'll take whatever you don't pick..." Ed had practically purred that statement.

A brief frown flickered over Havoc's face, gone before anyone could see it. He set aside his thought for later. "I'll take his mouth. If you don't mind, of course."

Edward leaned forward to place a brief kiss against the corner of Havoc's mouth before standing and moving around behind Roy, fingers making quick work of the military boots and pants, noting curiously that Roy hadn't been wearing underwear as he trailed automail fingers down Roy's spine. "Of course I don't mind..."

Roy shivered under the brush of automail, responding silently to the unspoken request and dipping his head, tongue trailing along Jean's length as he shifted his knees apart, hands moving to the small of Havoc's back.

Havoc groaned as Roy's fingers brushed by his psuedo-tail. He began to purr when he felt the wet heat engulf him.

Quickly coating two fingers with his own saliva, Ed slicked himself, recoating his fingers to press inside of Roy. He lingered there only long enough to be sure the man was well enough lubricated before his own impatience caught up with him and he removed his fingers, hands moving to Roy's hips as he lined himself up and pressed in fully.

Edward's head swam for a few long moments, and he fought to calm his breathing a bit, leaning against Roy's back and giving both of them the time to adjust, dilated violet and gold eyes looked towards Jean's face but not really seeing. "Fuck..."

Roy groaned, pulling back to press his face against Jean's thigh to muffle the sounds he made at the sudden intrusion, body tensing as his fingers gripped Havoc's back and ass, a low wail stifled into heated skin. He distantly registered the warm and cold weight of skin and automail against his back, and the hard, wet length against his cheek.

Havoc gently stroked Roy's hair, a faint smile on his lips. "Shh... it'll be okay..."

Roy nodded just barely, steadying his breath as he forced his muscles to relax. Getting slightly impatient with Ed's zoning out, he shifted his hips, pushing back against him.

When white heat shot up his spine he moaned softly, trailing his tongue back up Havoc's length to circle the tip, breath ghosting over heated skin.

In response to the impatient movement, Edward slowly pulled himself upright again and almost all the way back before thrusting back in, voice caught in his throat as he eased into a steady rhythm.

Havoc purred, his oversensitive body feeling every single twitch Roy made. He fell back bonelessly, content to just bask in the sensations.

The instant he felt Ed move, Roy surrounded Jean with the velvet heat of his mouth, vibrations from a moan reverberating through Havoc from base to tip as he worked to mimic Ed's pace, back into the thrusts and forward to take Jean in again, teeth grazing lightly ever so often. Something far back in Roy's mind was amazed at how well Havoc controlled himself, since he knew that if Ed were in the same position he'd surely be bucking by now.

Havoc purred deep in his throat, stretching his arms luxuriously over his head. He gasped softly as Roy's hand brushed by an espescially sensitive spot.

Gasps and moans were muffled against Jean's groin each time Ed thrust in again, but Roy kept moving, tongue caressing and swirling around the shaft. Fingers danced up Havoc's spine, other hand rubbing consistently at his tailbone and Roy sucked hard when he felt Ed's hand close around him, pumping in time with his own, now shorter, thrusts.

With something like a punctuated snarl, Havoc came, becoming even limper than he had been before.

Roy swallowed awkwardly and pulled back, reaching up and pulling Jean down for an open-mouthed kiss that he moaned deeply into when he came, mind hazing over as he leaned against Havoc. Distantly, he heard a strangled groan and felt heat flood through him and spill out, vaguely registered the weight of another body at his back, happily muddled as the feeling of fullness left and a light kiss was placed against the nape of his neck.

Lisa looked up at the cuckoo clock. She wiped her hands on her apron and sauntered out to the head of the stairs.

Opening the door to the basement just a little, she called, "If you three boys are done making up with one another, lunch is ready."

To a fuzzy mind, it would seem that she said "making out, not making up"...

Roy made a noncommittal reply, still slumped against Havoc with automail dead weight heavy against his back. He heard a snort from Ed's general direction at the making up/out comment.

Havoc's stomach growled loudly. "I think that's our cue," he said amiably, ribs slightly squashed from the weight of two men. "I don't think any of us has eaten for at least a day..." He tried to wiggle out of the pile, but finally gave up. "Someone's going to have to move, and it ain't me!"

After hearing what sounded distinctly like a snore, Roy sighed. "Right... Don't look at me... You try lifting the dead weight of automail off your back after orgasm..."

"Fine," Havoc replied snippily. He got his arms in position and heaved, dumping the other two onto the cold stone floor. "When in doubt, push." He grabbed his pants and started getting dressed.

Roy winced as a rather pointy automail elbow 'broke his fall' after Havoc's push.

He let out another wince as he got to his feet, groping for clothes and coming up with Ed's pants, grumbling slightly and tossing them at the still prostrate blond.

Said blond grunted in reply before attempting to use the pants for a blanket and rolling over on his side.

After pulling up his pants and finding his shirt - How the hell did it get over there- Roy proceeded to get dressed. Failing at professionalism of course, seeing as his ass currently felt like it was on fire, in a bad way mind you, and he wasn't exactly anything short of unruly. "If I ever... ever get the idea to let somebody else top again... shoot me in the foot and tell me it's just the insanity talking and that it'll all be better in the morning..."

Havoc burst out laughing. "My, my," he said cheerfully. "Not used to being subordinate to anyone, are we?"

"Not in a long time, Lieutenant..." Roy glanced down at Ed as he buttoned up his shirt. "Can I kick him?"

The blond opened his mouth, paused, then grinned widely, showing rather sharp teeth. "Go for it. Of course, I recommend running like hell afterwards."

Roy reached for the uniform jacket and slipped it on, thinking better of it. "I can't be sure who it would hurt more... me or him..." The point was accented by a tentative rub at the base of his spine.

"I could always hold him down for you," Havoc suggested, heading towards the stairs. "The fireworks would be well worth it."

The 'sleeping' blond in question was now sitting up, glaring daggers at the two older men without a word. Edward had halfassedly cleaned himself up with a sheet corner before tugging his pants back on, not taking his eyes off the other two for a second.

Oh yes, they would get what was coming to them...

Roy noticed how suddenly the air in the room became rather... suffocating. It would do best to leave now. Ah, yes, shoes were nice... With a quick fix for his hair and the straightening of a lapel, Mustang simply nodded and made a beeline for the door.

Havoc twitched guiltily, grabbed Roy by the front of his jacket and dragged the man up the stairs. Very, very quickly.

Pants fastened and belt-of-doom in his grasp, Ed stormed up the stairs after them, still without a word, though the look in his eyes spelled pain.

Lisa looked up when she heard thundering steps and yelps of surprise. She blinked, seeing Roy and Jean tumble out of the door in a tangle of arms, legs, and panic.

She decided prudently to break the news later.

Roy let out a sound that could only really be classified under the category of 'meep' as he swore the entire foundation was shaking under Ed's feet. "You were the one who pressed it further you know..."

Havoc began to giggle. He tried to crawl further out of sheer panic, but he collapsed, laughing uproariously.

For some reason, after seething a few moments at the mortified ball of... Roy and Havoc... on the kitchen floor, Ed couldn't seem to remain angry.

Perhaps that was his stomach's fault, because he smelled food, and hadn't eaten for the longest time. Or maybe it was the look on the Colonel's face... heh... wait... Food now, mangle later!

Edward simply dropped the belt as he idled past the men on the floor, looking around for the source of the foodsmell he'd been entranced by.

Lisa pointed into the kitchen. "Roast beef, a salad, milk, and apple pie for dessert. After you've served yourself, we need to talk."

Roy kind of stared for a moment. On one hand, Edward Elric, the walking time bomb of rage, had suddenly forgotten rage. On the other hand, Havoc was laughing hysterically. On the other hand... wait... other hand? He looked at his hands. Well damn.

Ed froze suddenly, chills trickling and prickling up his spine as he heard The Most Despised Word Ever.

Lisa blinked innocently. "Did I say something wrong?"

Havoc had managed to slither across the floor by then, still gasping. He grabbed Lisa's hand and hauled himself up. "You said the four-letter word that begins with 'm'," he murmured into her ear.

Roy wasted no time at all in preparing a nice portion of the food for Ed and steering him away to the table. "Here's a glass of water, Fullmetal, now eat."

Just as the blond's head had ratcheted around to give the Look Foretelling Pain And Damnation (borrowed from Izumi-sensei of course), Ed had been shoved in front of a rather nice smelling plateful of food.

Once again, the stomach took over, and Ed was practically inhaling what was on the plate.

Havoc made to follow suit, but Lisa just had to remind him, "No vegetables right now, Jean. You're still on a strict diet. No milk, either."

Havoc made a face. "No coffee?"

"Coffee you can have."

Ed choked on a now rather offensive bit of meat, which now was plastered on the Colonel's forehead.

Roy picked up a napkin and wiped his face and the front of his uniform, making an attempt at dignity and not quite reaching par.

"Miss Delgardie, do you mind..."

Lisa stuck her tongue out at Roy. "All right you goons," she said, steering Havoc over to the table. "You're all leaving tomorrow morning on account of a courtmartial, a promotion, and a personal meeting with Bradley. So you're going to have to decide what you're going to do about my cousin and uncle post-haste."

Edward on the other hand was completely clueless as to the situation as of recent. "Let me guess," he swallowed the chunk of food in his mouth, "I'm finally getting courtmartialled for defying my superiors so much, and for human transmutation, Mustang's getting another promotion, and Bradley wants to check on his new toy."

Roy's dark expression showed otherwise, and he'd just opened his mouth to calmly, coolly remind Edward of his position and get in a few jabs at his insecurities, when he felt a rather looming presence behind him.

Mustang was suddenly reminded of the time Mrs. Curtis paid him an office visit and happened to pop in at just the wrong time... No good could come of this...

Lisa grabbed Ed, easily hauling him out of his seat and throwing him against the far wall. It was quite a way to fly, and with a pissed-off chimera doing the hurling, it was quite a stop.

"No, you stupid little rat!" she roared in an almost frightening resemblance to Izumi. "Watch your mouth next time, or I swear to God that Izumi's going to pick you up in pieces!"

Ed only had time to crack open one eye lazily, widen both eyes about as wide as he could, and manage an 'erp!' before it really became evident how much Lisa was influenced by his Sensei.

The ponytailed blond slid down the wall to the floor, propping himself up with automail limbs and scowling. This wasn't Izumi! Only Izumi could do that to him and get away with it! ...Then again this was very much like Izumi...

Roy cleared his throat at the long silence that followed. "Please excuse Fullmetal for the time being... Despite being a legal adult he tends to still act like a child sometimes..."

"A child! Children hardly ever come up with something that cruel and damaging for someone they love! Unless of course, Major Elric sees the Lieutenant as nothing more than a toy!"

Havoc looked up from the summons paper. "Lisa, cool it. I daresay that Ed was trying to be funny, as he sometimes does." He set the paper down, scooting it across to Roy. "Well, looks like things have caught up to us. I'm being promoted to Captain, and you're being hauled in for fraternization with two subordinate officers. Bradley wants to see us before the courtmartial and the official promotion. I wonder what he has in mind."

At first Ed's jaw was agape as he stared at Havoc, then Roy... Havoc... Roy...and then he burst out laughing.

He couldn't help it! The look on the Colonel's face was priceless! And the way he was just gawking like that! He looked like a damn fish! Edward was beside himself.

Roy was taken aback at first, at the news, and then again at Fullmetal's antics. After a minute he composed himself again and stood, leaving his plate still full on the table. "I'm assuming if they are aware of fraternization then they are also aware of those involved, Edward."

Face stern, Mustang made to leave the kitchen, in favor of the bed upstairs. He really didn't care if he slept too much. "No doubt Bradley has something in store... I know it's mostly between us right now, but I'd like to bring the Miracle Alchemist into the circle, if you don't mind..." And he knew damn well that Edward had no idea who he was talking about. It was better that way for now, and he needed to think. Preferably alone.

Havoc wasn't sure if Lisa was trying to break the tension or something else, but the woman hauled him up and squealed, "Congratulations, Jean!"

And then she kissed him. Not just an affectionate peck on the cheek, but a full-on romantic kiss.

Edward proceeded to turn several shades of red, first from embarrassment, then from rage. "Why the hell do we have to bring somebody else into this! And am I all of a sudden not GOOD ENOUGH as an alchemist to GET THE FUCKING JOB DONE-"

And then his brain registered what was happening. And not only was the Fullmetal Alchemist now as red as his coat, but he saw just about the same color.

Roy had spun around to shoot another retort back at Ed when his eyes met with just the sight he'd been the least prepared for.

He wasn't even mildly aware of the sparks that were being emitted from his tightly clenched, gloved no less, fists. Nor was he aware that he was moving, or that the look on his face was the one that tended to send subordinates to the bottom of the ladder and enemies to Hell.

No, at the moment Roy Mustang was only aware of rage.

The two chimerae disentangled, though they were still hugged close. "Jean?" Lisa said very, very softly. "I am sorry about that, but they needed a distraction."

"No problem," he replied woozily.

The air in the room was practically thick with fury, almost overbearingly so, and the silence wasn't really helping the tension either.

That silence, however, was soon interrupted by a low growl from Ed's direction and the telltale clap and crackle of an alchemical reaction that flashed in near-violet eyes.

Mustang's eyes flitted briefly to the sparks, the glint dancing in his own eyes that he hadn't even realized were so predatory. Though he kept his posture rigid, his hand was at the ready whether Roy wanted it to be or not.

"That was some distraction," Havoc murmured. "I think that what they were fighting about earlier has become a seriously moot point."

Lisa grinned, releasing Havoc. "That's what I'm here for. Besides, I think it's sweet."

"Spare me."

"M'm..." Lisa eyed Ed. "I don't think it's normal for him to be frothing at the mouth, is it?"

"Normal, yes. Healthy, no."

Through a narrowing of eyes and a snarl, Ed lashed out. Target: throat of Lisa Delgardie. Spontaneously erupting pillars kept Havoc back long enough for the ponytailed blond to land a square hit with the automail leg to the woman's side.

Something in the back of his head snapped along with that first bone, though, and it wouldn't be long before this territory dispute came to something worse.

Before Jean could get a foot in, however, there was a snap and a wall of flames temporarily separated him from the action. Roy still stood there, still wasn't very happy, but at least had a little more sense than Ed did at the moment.

"If she's anything like Mrs. Curtis I'm sure she can take care of herself just fine against him... he'll calm down..." Although the heat of the flames dancing cold and bitter in Roy's eyes didn't do much to say he was exactly calm himself.

Roy got treated to a liquid gold glare, hatred flaring deep and angry. "That's my cousin!" Havoc grated. "Ed is going to kill her, you ass! And don't you dare say she deserves it. She kissed me for a reason, and I'll bet it's a damn sight better than the one you have for letting Ed do this to her!"

He dove through the sheet of flame, bowling Ed over in a whirl of teeth and claws.

Ed let out a yelp of surprise at being torn away from his goal, claws bringing the pain he needed to get his head back on straight, as for a moment the eyes that stared at Havoc were pure gold again before being speckled with the violet tinge of confusion and a rising, senseless anger.

Roy just stood there, watching the flames vanish as he stopped caring, eyes no longer full of rage but tired. Mustang's gaze settled finally on Lisa, some part of him screaming to see if she was okay, weakly. It was a look that said 'what kind of a man am I if I can't even help them?'

"Go away," Lisa said tiredly from where she knelt on the floor. "You have no business being here." She lifted her head. "What the hell made you bring up the Miracle Alchemist? Is it your idea of a sick joke?"

Havoc watched Ed warily. Something wasn't translating. He felt no pain from the burns he had to have sustained, but there were circles on his chest, back, and biceps that felt like they were being torn.

Suddenly, he just wanted to give up. He wanted to make the world go away, crawl into a dark hole, and forget that he ever loved Ed or Roy.

"What do you mean sick joke...?" Roy didn't quite understand. Normally he would've put it off as anger, but this seemed more substantial, like she knew something he didn't...

"He's under my command, I haven't had contact with him since Fullmetal came back..."

"There's a good reason for that, Colonel. I doubt you're ever going to see Alphonse again."

Edward finally really looked, and violet was chased from gold as fast as it had returned, memories flooding back again just when he really needed to forget what that felt like.

To just forget what it felt like to be back in Munich, what it felt like to suddenly find what he'd missed and then have it die, spasming, in his arms.

Even if it was just a glimpse of one circle he knew exactly what they were this time, but he couldn't get the image out of his head. Before he knew it he was clinging to Havoc, sobbing against his chest like he'd done back then, even though it wasn't all that long ago.

Dark eyes narrowed slightly as Roy crossed the room. He was surprised that Edward hadn't even noticed his brother's name, but considering the circumstances he ignored it. "What do you mean, what's happened to him..."

Havoc's face registered nothing, a frozen mask of weariness. His arms went instinctively around the boy's body, but he felt so sick of the farce that they were trapped in.

Lisa snorted. "Equivalent trade, Colonel. That's what I mean. The very face of Hell looking back at you in a body you know."

The only sound for a while was Ed's whimpering, muffled sobs, interspersed with whispers and gentle touches as the boy calmed.

'Don't leave me again... Don't wanna lose you again Jean...'

Havoc hugged Ed tighter. Wordlessly, he rocked back and forth, soothingly rubbing the boy's back. The one thing Ed asked of him was the one thing he couldn't give.

Finally, he just whispered into Ed's ear, "I love you more..."

Roy felt suddenly sick, slitted violet eyes and a devilish sneer flashing through his memory. He had to steady himself against the counter. "What did he lose..."

"Something more precious than I can recognize," Lisa said quietly. "Having no humanity myself, I can't recognize it in other beings."


Please review, constructive criticism and questions appreciated, flames will be deflected back at you by Roy. n.n;