WEEE! Let the adventure commence :D! here we goooo….
Chapter 6: Road trip
The ship continued to fly out the exit of the docking bay and it skyrocketed into the atmosphere. The solar sail slowly expanded from the trunk, and it had the words "DOOKU IS DA MAN!" spray painted on it in huge letters.
Dooku looked out the window towards the planet below them. "Grievous is sooo gonna whoop my ass the next time he sees me." He said.
"Well I did warn you about running someone over. But did you listen to me? Noooo, nooo, of course you did not. And now look what you had done…ran poor Grievous over like roadkill. Woe to him indeed. A tragedy, if you ask me." Said Maul.
"Whatever, man." Shrugged Dooku. "He should've looked at where he was goin'! If there's one thing a brother needs to know to survive…that's to never EVER run into the docking bay when the Slim's trippin' his ride!"
"Oh don't worry, Dooku. I'll keep that in mind." Said Maul. "And IF I do end up running into a docking bay while you're, as you said, 'trippin' your 'ride', I will definitely unsheathe my lightsaber and proceed to a-'rippin' your head off your shoulders."
Dooku suddenly winced and he flexed his neck. He didn't know why, but when Maul talked about decapitating him, it made him feel rather --- 'uncomfortable'.
In order to shake the wary image from his mind, he stuck his tongue out at Maul and went back to focus on 'drivin' his wheels. He shifted the ship's gear to gear 2 and stepped harder on the gas pedal, causing the ship to jolt forward.
Palpatine immediately grasped on the arm rest of his seat as the ship sped faster through open space.
"Struck a nerve, have I?" Asked Maul, tilting a brow. "Perhaps you've foreseen it too? Your supposed demise in the hands of that Skywalker fellow? Oh oh oh…What do you humans say? 'Look ma, no hands'! And in your case, no head!" He gave out a hearty and exaggerated 'british' laugh, and almost fell off his seat.
Dooku, who was hidden behind his chair, raised his hand and gave Maul the finger.
Maul gasped and covered his gaping mouth in horror. "How DARE you defame me with THAT, that profane SYMBOL! UUUGH, how UN-civilized!"
Palpatine, too, gasped at what Dooku had done. He found it --- NOT so nice. "Well he is right, you know." Said the Chancellor to Dooku. "That WAS rather uncalled for."
The count just rolled his eyes and increased the volume of his music. He couldn't believe he was associated with these uncool and lame peeps. Then the current song ended and the next one started. Dooku's face suddenly lit up as the next song began.
"Shit! I love this song!" He exclaimed. "Hey, guys, check this out! This is perfect fo' our road trip, yo!" He pumped up the volume even more, causing the inside of his ship to pulsate and vibrate with each and every bass beat.
Then the song's words began…
/ If you wanna go and
take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold
D's
Oh why do I live this way/
Dooku brought his lightsaber close to his mouth and he shouted... "HEY! MUST BE THE MONEEEY!"…out loud.
His head and shoulders moved and flowed and bumped and grooved with the music. For someone who was already at the eighth decade of his life, he STILL had it going ON. Whoever thought the count could groove and grind like that?
Then the second stanza began…
/ If you wanna go and
get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must
I feel this way/
"HEY! MUST BE THE MONEEEY!" He shouted again at his saberphone.
Dooku continued to dance in his seat. Palpatine, on the other hand, leaned down and looked at the CD's scattered on the floor. "Don't you have any other kind of music?" He asked as he fingered through the CD cases. "I don't recognize any of these musicians…Who ARE these people? Eminem? Jay-Z? Nelly? Black Eyed Peas? 50 Cent?" He picked up each one of them to take a closer look. "Snoop Doggie Dogg? R. Kelly? Usher? I honestly don't recognize these artists."
Then he eyed one of them in particular. It was hidden under all the others. "Oh." He said as he picked it up. "And what's this? It looks nice and sweet. It has a pretty lady on the cover…Mandy Moore?"
Dooku quickly yanked the CD case off the Chancellor's hand and threw it at the back. "Uh, dunno how it got there, man. It's probably my sister's." He said. His eyes were focused on the open space before them, so as to not run into anything…again.
"Now that was rather impolite. I was looking at the cover!" Then Palpatine's eyes narrowed. "And sister? You don't have a sister…"
"Um…" Said Dooku. His grip on the steering wheel tightened and his palms started to sweat. / "Dammit!" / He thought to himself.
He told Grievous to get rid of that CD…Well, not really get rid of it…more of like, HIDE it where no one could find it. "Of course I do!" He exclaimed. "Er, half-sister, that is! Yeah! I have a half-sister! Uh, you see, my dad went around a lot in Serenno and I think he bonked some chick in one o' them clubs, you know."
Heck, he could barely even remember his father.
Palpatine looked at him suspiciously. "Are you suuuure? Because if you don't want that CD, then I would kindly fetch it and keep it with me. I'm actually thinking of giving it to Mon Mothma. She's into music too, you know. I have seen her attending some concerts in the Coruscant Opera House."
The Chancellor was about to stand up, when Dooku's hand shot sideways towards the Chancellor and he held him down on his seat by his shoulder. "Uh, no…I don't think so, dude. My sister might get all bitchy if I lose that CD. And you know how them chicks are when they get bitchy…They get all naggy and angsty and shitty all day."
Palpatine could feel Dooku's hand pushing down on his shoulder hard. "Well, if you say so." He slowly lifted the count's hand off his shoulder.
Then the chancellor, being the nice guy that he was, leaned down and neatly rearranged the CD's on the floor in alphabetical order. "But, what happened to all your other records?" He asked, looking at Dooku from the corner of his eye. "You had such a complete collection of Mozart, Beethoven, Andrea Bocelli, Pavarotti, and the like. I found those incredibly amusing, really. They relaxed me on those days when my EEEVIL plans didn't go as planned."
"Pfft! Those records are for pussies, yo! I mean, they DON'T GOT THE FUNK, you know what ahm sayin'?" Dooku continued to groove with his favorite song and whispered its lyrics whenever he could. "But if youz wonderin' where they are, I threw them out there at the back in the junk compartment!"
Maul suddenly unlatched his seatbelt and stood up. "DIBS!" He shouted while raising his index finger in the air. Then he ran to the back of the ship and went into the junk compartment to search for the CDs.
Dooku shrugged. "See? Told you they're for pussies."
Palpatine looked confused. "I honestly don't know why you keep on referring to Maul as a cat. I mean, if I were called a pussy cat, I wouldn't mind it at all."
The count just rolled his eyes and sighed.
Soon enough, Maul came running back, holding Dooku's discarded CDs in his arms. "I can't believe you've disposed of these audible works of art! To even think of defaming such musical legends is a blasphemy on itself."
"You wanna keep 'em?" Asked Dooku, who was busy drivin' and groovin'.
"Why of course I do!" Maul said happily. "In fact, I shall listen to them while I write my masterpieces. I believe they will greatly inspire me…more than your horrid music ever will!" He sat down and placed the CD cases alongside his books.
"Hey! Just lay off my music, k?" Said Dooku.
Dooku's favorite song ended, and the next one began.
"Aww man." He groaned and slapped the steering wheel. Then he leaned forward and pressed the rewind button of the CD player. The current song stopped, and after a couple of seconds, Nelly's "Ride with Me" song started to play AGAIN.
"Now THAT's what ahm talkin' about." He shouted. He bit his lower lip and got jiggy on his seat, waving a hand in the air and shaking his shoulders from side to side.
He brought his saberphone close to his mouth and sang with the music.
"If you wanna go and
take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold
D's
Oh why do I live this way?"
Then he looked behind him and pointed the faux microphone at Maul's tattooed face.
"What!" Asked Maul.
And the song continued…
/ Hey! Must be the money/ Sang Nelly.
"Aww shit, you missed it!" Said Dooku. "You were supposed to sing that line, man! I gave you the floor! You know, 'HEY! MUST BE THE MONEEEEY!'" He shouted, imitating the specific line from the ongoing song.
"Well I refuse to participate in this!" Maul snuffed. "I find this song degrading and politically incorrect. And the grammar! Oh the terrible grammar!"
Dooku made the 'L' sign on his forehead with his thumb and index finger as he sat back on his seat. Then the song continued with the next stanza, and he sang along with it, still using his lightsaber as a microphone.
"If you wanna go and
get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must
I feel this way?"
He looked behind him again and pointed the microphone at Maul. But instead of Maul singing, the Chancellor suddenly grabbed Dooku's wrist and pointed the 'microphone' at him instead.
"HEY! MUST BE THE MONEEEEY!" Shouted Palpatine.
"Shit! You got the groove, yo!" Said Dooku, nodding his head and smiling at the chancellor. "Now move your shoulders like this!" He moved his shoulders up and down with the beat. "Grind it! Show me some gyration, man! Feel the music flowin' through you like the force…like hot Bacardi slidin' down your throat!"
Palpatine looked at Dooku and desperately tried to imitate the count's movements. Unfortunately for him, he didn't seem to have it goin'. In fact, he looked like he was just endlessly moving his shoulders up and down like some defective battle droid.
Dooku grimaced at Palpatine's desperate attempt to 'groove'. If groovin' was midichlorians, then Palpatine's midichlorian count would be a negative ten. No…in fact, make that a negative ten point five…point nine.
"Uh…okay okay…that's cool, man." Dooku said as he held Palpatine down on his seat. He held the former Sith Lord by the shoulder and forced him to stay still. "Just uh, sit back and relax okay? No more groovin' for you for now."
"But I want to know how to do what you do!" Said Palpatine. "I want to learn how to 'dance'! What if I find out that Mon Motha likes dancing!"
"Okay, dude. If that chick o' yours is into dancing, then I'll teach you when we get to Coruscant, okay? But not here, man…not here…I'm busy drivin'." Dooku immediately placed his hand back on the gear shift and tried to look busy driving.
/ "Damn! Palpatine may be the fuckin' Lord of the Sith…but this dude can barely move with the beat!" / He thought to himself. / "God, the way he was DESPERATELY tryin' to dance sent shivers down my spine. What a loser!" /
/ "Hey! I heard that!" / Said Palpatine through the force. / "I can read minds, remember?" /
Dooku's eyes widened. / "Sorry, master." / He replied.
/ "Ha! Looks like YOU got --- how do you call it --- owned!" / Said Maul, joining in Dooku and Palpatine's force conversation.
/ "You know what? I dunno why, but I suddenly have the urge to go back there and KICK YOUR ASS!" / Replied Dooku.
/ "Then get back here and do it! I'm ready for you, you vagabond!" /
/ "Meh…I'll do it later. My favorite song's still playin', yo!" / The two continued to converse in the force.
/ "True." / Replied Maul.
/ "…" / Dooku's presence in the force suddenly vanished.
/ "Excuse me…Dooku? Are you still there?" / Asked Maul.
/ "Oops! Sorry about that. The song stopped so I had to rewind and play it again." /
/ "Ugh!" /
The 'Ride with Me' song started to play yet again for the third time, and Maul cringed in his seat. He felt like pulling all of his horns off.
/ "Why! Got a problem wid dat!" / Asked Dooku.
/ "You've already heard that song twice! Aren't you sick of it yet!" /
Then Palpatine's presence in the force was strong again. / "Um, can't we have a normal conversation now? If other people were around, they would find this rather offensive…You know, the three of us talking in the force where they can't hear." /
/ "Hey, Palpster, your back! You were off the line for a while there!" / Said Dooku.
/ "Yes, I AM back, but I'm going to go off now. We do have mouths, you know…mouths to talk with. Anyway, off I go…" /
Palpatine has logged off the forceline.
/ "Yeah, me too!" / Said Dooku. / "Oh oh oh! Here comes my favorite line…"
The Slim has logged off the forceline
Dooku quickly brought the mic to his mouth and shouted, for the 5th time during that trip… "HEY! MUST BE THE MONEEEEY"…along with the music.
/ "Oh God, there he goes again!" / Sighed Maul. / "Oh well…Might as well join my two comrades back in the real world." /
Darth Maul has logged off the forceline
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