Each individual chapter will have a different rating, different pairings, different spoilers, and a different setting and timeline. Multiple people were involved in writing this fic, I do not claim to have written anything other than my own characters. I do however claim to have come up with the plot, story idea, and organizing it all. The others who write characters in this fic are well aware that I am posting it, and contribute willingly. This fic is an ongoing project with an unknown number of parts, with alternate storyline as of the fifth laboratory incident. Enjoy!
Strip Blackjack, or Strip Tease?
Rating: PG-13/R (Language, implications...uh...it's strip poker, you do the math!)
Pairings: Havoc, Roy, and Ed. Playing strip poker.
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
Spoilers: Oh hell I don't know anymore!
Setting: Train. Whee.
Timeline: Train ride from Geriko to Central.
Roy shifted restlessly again, alternating between staring out the window and staring at his two prone lovers strewn about the train compartment in a miraculous not-mess.
What time was it now? Oh, right... The dark-haired man readied a shoe. They'd been sleeping for twelve hours straight now...
Havoc curled tighter in the corner, dreaming happily about chasing fast-moving fuzzy things across a really, really dull landscape.
"...Oh, hell..." Roy dropped the shoe in favor of shoving the both of them off the benches and onto the floor with one good push from his foot.
Havoc latched onto Roy's leg with one hand, dragging him down too. "Asshole." Looking more like a bedraggled feline than ever, the tallest man crawled back up onto the bench.
Ed did a superb job of ignoring the fact that he'd been relocated, while Roy yelped slightly upon being dragged down as well. "You've been sleeping for the past twelve hours, Jean, you have to get up sometime!" Roy said with a huff, crawling back up beside Havoc.
"Haven't you realized yet that cats sleep a lot? Now, use your superb and highly touted, praised, valued, etc. intellect and tell me what that means." Yes, Havoc got very, very grumpy when woken from a well-deserved nap.
"Haven't you realized yet that I don't give a damn if cats sleep a lot because you're still human to me?" Roy watched as Ed finally started to realize where he was.
Havoc just stuck a tongue out. "I do share some physiological irregularities with a cat," he pointed out.
Roy dragged Fullmetal up onto the bench as well, rousing him from muddled sleep. "Doesn't mean I'm excusing your being a lazy bum."
"Screw you, old man." Havoc curled back up.
"Oh, for..." Roy elbowed the sandy-blond. "You're no younger than I am and you know it!"
Havoc held up two fingers. "Two years and three days."
Mustang narrowed his eyes. Or perhaps he squinted. "Not enough time to count as me being old."
Ed huffed and grumbled, about ready to boot the both of them out of the car. "Sheddap already will ya!"
"If I'm awake, you're awake," Havoc said snippily. He dragged his jacket up over his head. "Following that logic, go back to sleep."
Roy shook his head and pinched the two blonds on the arm. "You've slept enough today! There are things that need to be discussed!"
Havoc switched himself around with surprising swiftness, burying his teeth in Roy's sleeve. "Shut up, old man!" he growled around cloth.
The smaller man jerked his arm back on reflex alone, "This is serious business and you know it, or have you forgotten where we're going and what we have to do?"
"I'm trying to, dammit! I don't particularly want to think about something like that when I'm trying to relax." Roy got treated to a blue-green glare. "Unlike someone here..."
"There's not time for relaxation right now..." Roy sighed, letting his head droop.
"...You two arguing is giving me a headache... Lighten up, Roy, seriously..." The smaller blond dangled a pack of cards in front of the brunette's face. "Up for a game or two?" The decidedly wicked grin and the look in Ed's eyes probably didn't do much for credibility.
"Listen to the squirt," Havoc said comfortably, scooching closer to Roy and barely purring. "And you could do with a good something or other to unwind."
Mustang immediately bristled and tensed. "...I don't think I like where this is going you two... There's still the issue of--" he'd began, only to be cut off by Edward's lips. Just to silence him, nothing more... yet... "One game..."
"Only one?" Havoc was flat-out purring at this point, fingers stroking the tear in Roy's sleeve. "Come on..."
Roy shivered slightly, barely detectable. "...Maybe two..."
Ed brushed a bit of dark hair out of the man's face. "What say we just play..."
Havoc twigged instantly and his eyes began to sparkle mischeviously. "Oh, what are we going to be playing this time," he purred sweetly.
Roy tried to sink into the plush seat, just to get away from the distractions. How would they ever get anything done like this!
"I was thinking maybe... oh... blackjack..." The grin and the nearly purred tone in Ed's voice screamed ulterior motive.
"Fun game, that..." Havoc murmured. "But..."
Roy didn't like where this was going. At. All... "But what..."
"Oh, nothing..."
"But what, dammit!"
A sickeningly sweet smile. "Nothing!"
"Nothing my ass!"
Havoc tugged briefly at the waistband of Roy's pants. "Such a nice one, too," he purred.
Roy slapped Havoc's hand, trying to look miffed. "Quit avoiding the question!"
Havoc nodded over at the manically-grinning Ed. "Ask him."
"Strip blackjack," the boy answered simply, already done dealing the cards.
Roy paled slightly. More because the blood was just leaving his face and going elsewhere...
Havoc's grin was probably illegal.
With a clap, the blond alchemist had transmuted the booth into a three-cornered room with a small table and the deck of cards in the center, one person at each corner of the room. "I'll stay, either of you need a hit?"
"Don't you think we should explain the rules to the poor man, first? It looks like he's going to pass out," Havoc said, indecently cheerful.
Roy growled and looked at the cards. "I know how the fuck to play blackjack, dammit!"
"I meant more like... how to play the fun part. The person with the lowest count takes something off. Unless of course, someone goes over twenty one, and in that case, highest loses clothing."
Ed frowned. "So we're not playing the version where the winner chooses which article the losers take off?"
"Never liked that part."
Roy really wished he could just meld with the booth about now.
Ed shrugged. "Well, it's explained, let's get going!"
"Of course..." Havoc nibbled a nail distractedly.
"Hit..." Roy mumbled absently, mind still half elsewhere.
Ed obliged, handing the man another card with a sly grin. So much for a poker face, Fullmetal... Roy thought.
Havoc sighed. "Hit."
The younger blond dealt another, followed by yet another when Roy chorused 'Hit me again.' He could have dealt something more sinister, but that could wait...
Havoc held up a hand. "I'm set."
Roy flipped over the card and groaned. "Do we have to do this?"
"Of course! You agreed to it, after all."
"We all set?" Ed flipped his cards. "Blackjack! Looks like I'm safe!" He couldn't help but grin as Roy's cards were turned. "Fuck, Roy, you're supposed to tell me if you're already over twenty one, not take another hit!"
Havoc snickered, flipping his cards to show twenty. "Poor Roy."
Ed gathered the cards up and shuffled a bit. "And no, insignia buttons don't each count as a piece of clothing..."
Roy, having been in the middle of trying to disentangle what he had, growled slightly, settling on throwing the jacket at Ed as revenge.
"Well, well. Did you expect one of us to lose first round?" Havoc grinned smugly. "You're dealing with the best gambler in your staff and his protege."
"Shut up and deal... And if I find out you're cheating, Ed..." Roy let the threat hang as the boy dealt the next round.
"Which is entirely counter-productive to the entire concept of cheating," Havoc commented, glancing at his cards.
"Stay..." Roy muttered in response, watching the younger blond take another card and do a good job of ignoring the comments about cheating.
"Stay."
"Show 'em!" Ed displayed his cards, a total of twenty, and leaned back.
Roy shrugged, flipping his to show twenty as well. Both of them looked to Havoc. He grinned sheepishly. "Nineteen."
Before Roy could even manage a word, Ed had snatched all the cards and redealt, waiting.
Havoc neatly hung his jacket on an available peg and picked up his cards. "M'm. Hit."
Ed followed suit, and Roy took another as well. For all the years the Colonel had to perfect his poker face, this wasn't exactly the situation that had him using it, and it was obvious. "Go over again?" Ed purred.
"Respectfully, sir, you suck at this."
"Shut up, Lieutenant..." Havoc earned a boot in the shoulder.
And he returned said boot, smacking the man square in the chest.
Ed couldn't quite tell if the sound Roy made was closer to a squeak or a wheeze. "Hit or stay, people, let's get going here!"
"A bit eager, aren't you? Stay."
"Stay..." Roy coughed slightly, sock-clad toes idly working the clasps on Ed's boots as the boy took another card. "Twenty one!" That earned a kick. "You're cheating, Elric.."
"Did you really expect anything less?" Havoc demanded, sliding his cards back. "Think Roy. Think really, really hard."
"I thought he might have grown up at least that much!" Roy eyed the blond rubbing his shin and glaring. "By default, Ed, you lose this round... and I deal next time..." He gathered the cards before Fullmetal could strike back.
The taller blond sighed. This was going to turn into an all-out brawl soon...
With a growl, Ed threw down his coat, scattering a handful of face cards and aces in the process. "Hrmph!"
Sighing, Havoc let his head drop down onto the table so very, very gently.
"Now that we can assume Fullmetal will have to play fair... let's resume, shall we?" It seemed that discrediting Ed had gotten Roy back into his 'cocky-superior-self-sure-bastard' mood. Cards were dealt and Ed took a hit.
Havoc, still facedown, dragged his under so he could see. "What the hell. Stay."
"Blackjack," Roy said casually, "now which of you two has the lower?"
Havoc put his face-up on the table with a loud slap.
Ed grumbled. "Eighteen.."
Still not sitting up properly, Havoc toed his boots off. "Deal again."
Roy did so, taking a second card and not complaining when Ed took three, one right after the other.
"Mmph." Havoc's hand groped unsuccessfully across the tabletop. "Someone give me a card, will you?"
Roy flicked one his way. "Maybe you could reach them if you sat up right..."
Havoc flipped him a rude gesture before grabbing the card and retreating. "M'm."
Ed was close to ripping the cards to shreds. Roy took note of it. "What's the matter, Edward? Didn't plan on losing?"
Havoc started counting, curious as to how long it would take for blood to be shed.
Trying to act the man, Ed simply shook Roy's toes off his boots and undid them himself.
Havoc sat up, blue eyes slightly sleepy. "I'm assuming the kid made it up over twenty-two, then."
Roy checked the cards thrown at his face and nodded, wondering just how Ed had managed to pull that off. Shrugging, he shuffled and dealt again.
Havoc yawned and stretched. Picking up his cards, a mischevious grin split his face.
Roy glanced at that look. "I think it's safe to assume that our feline friend has blackjack..." Roy took another card and set the three down. "Nineteen..."
Ed shrugged, laying out a pair of tens. "Twenty."
"Seven."
"You did that on purpose..." Roy eyed Havoc.
"Why would I want to lose on purpose?" the man said innocently. "Seems kind of silly to me..." He yanked his shirt up over his head.
Ed's grin slowly returned. Now it was shaping up to be a real game..."Quit oogling and deal, Mustang!"
"Pervert," Havoc muttered.
"I was not oogling, Fullmetal!" Roy just dealt the next round. Although he did admit that the game itself was starting to get in the way...
"Sure felt like it to me," Havoc quipped, glancing at his cards. Finally!
"I'll stay..." Roy commented, followed shortly by Ed. "Well?"
"Stay."
"Seventeen," Roy flipped his cards, and Ed just looked at Havoc.
"Blackjack."
"Nineteen," Ed tossed his cards to the middle of the table and waited again, watching idly as Roy took his goddamn time unbuttoning his shirt.
Havoc just used to time to take a quick catnap.
Catnap noticed, Roy deposited the shirt on Havoc's head. "We're already staying, get with the program, Jean..."
Highly unappreciative, Havoc returned the shirt with an added fist inside, connecting with a very satisfying thump to Roy's chest. "M'm. Stay."
"Ouf..! You're abusive today you know that!" And so it went on..
Roy couldn't quite remember how far they got before the cards just seemed to disappear and the meaning of 'win' and 'lose' became completely different again, but he knew he'd managed to keep his pants on up until that point..
That is, until Ed lost for the last time and transmuted 'strip blackjack' into just plain 'strip tease'...
Please review, constructive criticism and questions appreciated, flames will be deflected back at you by Roy. n.n;
