Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

LIVING DEAD
Part Two

A soft west wind blew, rustling through trees, sending brown autumn leaves tumbling to the ground. Petal played amongst them, chasing a leaf as it blew in the wind, and then diving beneath a bed of russet leaves and rolling in them.

Kathryn sat on a wooden bench beneath a large oak tree, but was oblivious to all that was going on around her. All was fog and confusion in her mind. Could her father and Justin really be alive? It was not impossible. She had learnt over the years that nothing was impossible. But she couldn't believe it, she didn't want too. Chakotay was right. She was afraid. She was afraid of believing they were alive only to find out that it was all a cruel deception.

The holodeck doors opened and Chakotay came in. She glanced at him briefly, but then looked away.

Chakotay walked over to her and stood before her.

"Everyone on the ship has been given a clean bill of health from the Doctor. We've transported them onboard, and Roxa's providing them with refreshments in the mess hall."

Kathryn made no response.

"B'Elanna and Seven and a team from Engineering have gone back to the ship to see if there's any technology on it that will be of use to us in some way. It will probably take them a couple of days to check out everything."

Silence.

"Your father wants to see you," Chakotay said kindly. "Go and see him, Kathryn. He's waiting in the guest quarters."

Kathryn didn't so much as flinch at his words and Chakotay gazed at her sadly. He wanted so much to take her in his arms and hold her close, but he knew her well enough to know that she needed space right now. She needed to come to terms with this in her own way, in her own time. Slowly, he turned around and left the holodeck. As he did so, Kathryn closed her eyes as tears brimmed them.


The ship was quiet, hardly anyone present in the corridors. Kathryn was glad of that as she stood outside the guest quarters and stared at the door, trying to summon the courage to press the door bell. Her heart was racing and her trembling hands sweaty. She wanted to run away, wanted to be anywhere but here. And yet another part of her, the stronger part, knew she had to face whoever, or whatever, lay behind that door. She closed her eyes, held her breath, and pushed the button.

A voice that had once been dearly familiar called out. "Come in."

The doors opened at his words, but it was a long moment before Kathryn was able to enter. When at last she did, her eyes scoured the room, dreading what they would see and yet at the same time longing for what she hoped they would. At first she saw nothing but furniture before a window of streaming asteroids, but then her eyes fell upon an old man who stood at her right hand side. He was wearing a baggy brown overall that rendered his body shapeless and his face was covered with a white beard. But Kathryn recognized him straight away. The vision of him blurred as tears welled in her eyes.

"Daddy," she whispered.

The old man opened his arms to her and all Kathryn could do was hurry into them.


The mess hall was busy as Voyager's newest members ate and drank and talked with the senior officers. Tuvok was preparing to give them all a tour of the ship, Harry was organizing where everyone was to sleep, and Naomi and Vixi were busy entertaining the other children who ranged in age from three to ten.

Chakotay searched the crowd, looking to find Justin, and found him standing with Lawrence Hillman. Chakotay studied him carefully. He was a tall man, slim, and very handsome with panther black hair and light blue eyes, much more handsome than Chakotay had imagined. The pictures Kathryn had didn't really do him justice. Chakotay's eyes fell to Justin's hand and he longed to see a wedding ring there, a sign that he was pledged to another woman just as Kathryn was now pledged to him, but his eyes fell on naked skin. He shivered and tried to ignore the sinking feeling inside, the rising fear that all that existed between him and Kathryn would disappear as soon she clapped eyes on her former love.

But, if it the situation wasdifficult for him, he couldn't imagine how Justin was feeling. From what Kathryn had told him, she and Justin had loved each other deeply. If he didn't have someone else, if his heart was still in a way Kathryn's, finding out she had married would be sure to hurt.

"It is very kind of you to welcome us this way," Lawrence said, spotting Chakotay looking at them.

"Not at all," Chakotay said kindly. "We're glad to have you here."

"It's a fine ship you have," the man continued. "And from what I hear, a very resilient one."

"Yes," Chakotay answered. "We've had more than our share of run ins with hostile aliens over the years. Voyager has protected us well. Most of the credit has to go to our Captain for our survival, though. No crew could have a better one. She's got us out of even the most hopeless situations."

Justin gave a soft, almost sad, smile. "Sounds like Kathryn. She was always very determined."

"I know she'll want to speak to you," Chakotay said. "She just needs time to come to terms with this. Losing you and her father the way she did, it almost destroyed her."

Justin lowered his eyes and was a moment in answering. "I hear that you and she are married."

"Yes," Chakotay said quietly. "We married over a year ago."

Justin nodded and then looked up again. "She's a very special woman, Commander. I hope you know that."

There was a definite edge to his words, a hostility, even a threat. But then, if the situation were reversed, he would feel the same. He would want the man who had taken his place in Kathryn's life to love her as much as he did.

"I do," he replied. "Never doubt that."


"I can't believe that all these years you've been alive," Kathryn said tearfully, gazing in awe at the man before her who was undoubtedly her father. "I thought you were dead."

"As I did you, Goldenbird," he replied, equally as emotional. "I never thought you'd survived."

"I was thrown free of the shuttle," she explained, "didn't get trapped inside..." A tear ran down her cheek. "They searched everywhere for you, Daddy, every inch of the water... but they couldn't find you. We assumed you'd been eaten by fish."

Her father couldn't help smile. "A very heroic fate."

Kathryn had to smile too and then squeezed her fathers hands as she fell serious again. "I missed you so much...We all did..."

Her father looked at her with infinite sadness. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm so sorry I ever asked you and Justin to come on that test flight."

There was so much pain in his eyes, so much regret, that all Kathryn could do was draw him close. "It wasn't your fault, Daddy. You couldn't have known what was going to happen. It was an accident. I blamed myself too...for years I blamed myself, but it was no one's fault. It was an accident."

Her father drew her slightly away. "Why in the world would you blame yourself? The accident had nothing to do with you..."

Another tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "Because I couldn't save you. I came around, saw you and Justin trapped inside the cabin. There was a console near by and I dragged myself over to it. I thought it was working and wanted to transport you to safety, but could only read enough power to transport one of you. I didn't know what to do. I loved you both so much and I couldn't choose. I just couldn't. So I tried to save you both. But then the console failed and the ship sank."

"Oh Kathryn," her father whispered. "My precious bird. There would have been no power...not if the ship was in pieces. It would just have seemed as though there was."

"I know that now," Kathryn answered. "But for so long I didn't and I just blanked everything out of my mind...couldn't remember...a form of self-protection I suppose..." She paused. "For a long time I didn't know if I could ever go in another spacecraft. But I knew that I had too. As hard as it was, I knew that I had to get on with my life and face my fears. So I went back to Starfleet and it was the best thing I could have done. I channeled all that I was into my work and I soared through the ranks at warp speed."

"So the Starfleet database told me," her father said gently. Then he smiled. "I couldn't help look." He took her hands in his again. "But I hope that somewhere amongst all that you made time for Kathryn. Life isn't just about rank and honors. There's a whole lot more besides."

"It was difficult," Kathryn said, "to allow myself to love again. Always at the back of my mind was the fear of loving only to lose again. But there was someone. We were going to marry, but Voyager got pulled to the Delta Quadrant before we had the chance and he married someone else, thinking I was dead."

"I'm sorry."

"No," Kathryn said, looking up at him. "Mark and I we...our relationship was more 'comfortable' than anything else. He didn't like commitment and I didn't really want to commit to anyone so it served us both to have a relationship that was long-term but that gave us both the independence that we needed." She paused. "Even if we hadn't got stranded, I don't know if we would ever have married. I think deep inside we both knew that we were marrying for the wrong reasons. I loved him, I loved him very much, but I never really felt for him what I felt for Justin, or what I came to feel for Chakotay."

"Your First Officer?"

Kathryn nodded and then held up her left hand. "And my husband." She paused. "Starfleet Command didn't exactly approve, but we won them round."

Her father smiled. "Starfleet Command is full of old sticklers who have nothing better to do than give orders all day. Believe me, I was one of them." He reached out and put his hand to her cheek. "I'm glad you found someone to share the journey with, Kathryn. Life's a lonely road when you travel it alone."

Kathryn nodded. Then she took a deep breath, gaining courage for the next words. "But there's some things you should know. He's not exactly my First Officer. He..."

"I know," her father replied. "He was a freedom fighter you were sent to capture. Commander Tuvok told me all about how you got stranded in the Delta Quadrant." He smiled. "I'm so proud of you, Katie. I'm so proud that you destroyed that array to save those people, so proud of the way you've taken care of your crew all these years. Not many captains could have done it."

"I have a good crew," Kathryn answered. "And Chakotay has always been a great strength. I don't think the Maquis would have integrated themselves so well into our crew if it wasn't for him." She paused. "He might be a criminal in the eyes of the Federation but he's a good man. If the Cardassians had killed my family and subjected my people to brutal oppression, I would have fought for them too."

"Speaking of family," her father said hesitantly. "How is your mother and Phoebe? Commander Tuvok said you were in contact with the Federation a few months ago."

Kathryn smiled. "They're both fine, Daddy. Mom still lives in our old home in Bloomington and Phoebe lives close by with her husband and four year old daughter, Katy. They named her after me."

Tears welled in her father's eyes. "Then...I'm a grandfather..."

Kathryn nodded, his joy touching her heart. And, from his words, he clearly didn't know about Silvie and Stevie. "Come with me, Daddy," she said softly. "There's two people I'd like you to meet."


Ella was sitting on the couch reading a book when Kathryn arrived at her quarters with her father. The young girl stood up when they entered, but Kathryn held out her hand in protest. "As you were, Lieutenant." The girl sat again and Kathryn turned to her father.

"Follow me."

She led her father to the nursery, where Silvie and Stevie were fast asleep in their cot.

"Meet Silvia Rennay and Silvesta Kolopak," Kathryn said proudly, "your grandchildren."

Her father turned to her. "You mean...?"

Kathryn nodded. "Much to Chakotay and I's surprise." She smiled warmly. "But the best surprise I ever had."

The old man gazed at his grandchildren and a tear ran down his cheek. "Oh Kathryn," he whispered. He clumsily wiped away another tear. "I'm sorry... I just..."

Kathryn put her hand on his shoulder. "I know, Daddy," she whispered. "I know..."


The doors to the mess hall were shut, but even from outside them, Kathryn could hear the chatter inside. A part of her still couldn't believe that this was really happening. It felt surreal, like a dream. Many times over the years she had dreamt that her father and Justin were still alive. In dreams they had often been reunited. But it was real. She had known that the moment she saw her father. It was totally different to when that alien had impersonated him. There had been a coldness about him, an aloofness, that had made her suspect from the beginning that he wasn't her father. But this time she had known it was really him the moment she looked into his eyes. And if he was real, that meant that Justin was real too...

The mess hall doors opened as Kathryn approached and she felt her heart beat faster as her eyes fell on all the people inside. Somewhere in there was Justin...

She walked into the room and looked around. All was an unfamiliar sea of faces. Then her eyes fell on a familiar one. Chakotay. He hurried over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She was very pale and trembling beneath his touch.

"Did you see your father?"

Kathryn looked up at him and nodded.

"And?"

"It was him..." Her eyes shifted to the people around her. "And now I've got to see Justin. Is he here?"

"He's gone back to the ship," Chakotay answered. "He was needed there."

"Then I'll go to the ship too..."

"You can see him later, Kathryn... We've decided to hold a party on the holodeck tonight...give everyone the chance to meet our new passengers. You can have some time alone with him then..."

"No," Kathryn replied. "I need to see him now." She broke away from Chakotay. "You take charge of everything here. I'm unavailable for the rest of the day."


The shield around the ship had been deactivated so Kathryn was able to transport directly to the bridge. She looked around as she materialized. It was a large bridge, almost twice the size of Voyager's. Seven was busy working at a console, but otherwise the bridge was vacant.

"Captain," Seven said when she saw her captain materialize. "We were not expecting you."

"Where are the others?"

"In Engineering with Lieutenant Hillman. Lieutenant Tighe is downloading data."

Kathryn shivered at the sound of Justin's name. "Where?"

"He did not say."

Kathryn pulled out her tricorder and surveyed her surroundings, recording lifesigns on the ship. She located B'Elanna and the team from Engineering in another part of the ship, herself and Seven on the bridge, and a single lifesign in a room close by.

Without another word to Seven, she made her bearings and left the bridge.


The corridor outside was dimly lit but the walls and floor were solid. There were a number of doors at even intervals. But according to her tricorder, Justin was in the first room. She made her way to the door and found that it was open. Holding her breath, she stepped inside.

The light was poor and the room small, but there, in the corner of the room, was the dark form of a man. He was working at a console, his back to her. Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. Even from that angle she recognized him. Justin had always stood that way over a console, head lowered, shoulders hunched.

"Justin..."

At the sound of Kathryn's voice, Justin froze. Then slowly, slowly, he turned to her. Kathryn gasped as her eyes met his and felt as though she couldn't breathe...

"Kathryn," he whispered.

They gazed at each other a long moment, and then Kathryn slowly bridged the gap between them and put her arms around him. Justin responded and they held each other tight.


Chakotay closed the buttons on a blue shirt he was wearing for the party and then looked at his watch again. It was almost eight o'clock. The party was about to begin but still there was no sign of Kathryn. He hadn't seen her for hours... since she had told him she was going to the ship. B'Elanna and Seven had returned over an hour ago, but Kathryn and Justin were still there. He tried to tell himself that they were just talking, catching up on old times. They certainly had a lot to talk about. But at the same time he couldn't help be afraid...afraid that he was losing her...that he had lost her already.

The door chime sounded, commanding Chakotay's attention, and he left the bedroom for the living room.

"Come in."

It was Ella. Celes wanted to go to the party, so had asked Ella if she would look after Silvie and Stevie instead and Ella had gladly agreed. She hated parties and loved to spend whatever time she could with the twins.

"Am I too early?" she asked when she saw that Chakotay wasn't quite ready. His shirt was hanging over his trousers and he had no shoes on his feet.

"No," Chakotay replied with a kind smile. "You're right on time." He gestured to the couch. "Make yourself comfortable."

Ella did as she was told and Chakotay went back to the bedroom. He tucked in his shirt, put on his shoes, and then went over to a small mirror on the wall to comb his hair. As he did so, he gazed at his reflection. He looked tired, old, and his black eyes and graying hair were such a contrast to Justin's blue against raven black.

"Computer," he said, "locate Kathryn Janeway."

The computer answered. "Kathryn Janeway is not onboard."

Chakotay closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands. He couldn't wait anymore. He would have to go to the party without her.


By nine o'clock, the party was in full swing. It was being held in a beautiful Victorian hall simulation, complete with an orchestra, a dancefloor, elegant table and chairs, and a very real buffet organized by Roxa.

Chakotay sat alone in a corner of the room and watched absently as couples waltzed before him to classical music.

"The captain not joining us?"

The voice was Tom's and Chakotay turned towards it.

"I don't know," he replied.

"I suppose she wants to spend time with her father," Tom continued. "Incredible, isn't it? That he was on the ship?"

"Yes," Chakotay said softly.

Tom was about to speak, when B'Elanna appeared. "There you are," she said, taking his arm. "I was beginning to think I'd never find you in this crowd."

"It is packed in here, isn't it? And there's more than twenty three faces I don't recognise here. I'm sure Harry's added holograms to the program even though I told him not too.."

Tom's words faded into the background as Chakotay saw the holodeck doors open and Kathryn come in. She was wearing a beautiful long pale yellow gown that fell off her shoulders and shimmered in the light. A matching shade of high heels graced her feet, and her hair was swept back from her face, a pretty white flower decorating it. She looked stunning and seemed to be glowing with happiness. Chakotay's eyes wondered from Kathryn to the man beside her, and his stomach sank when he saw that is was Justin. He was just as smartly dressed in a white suit and shiny black shoes, and Kathryn didn't seem able to take her eyes off him. They walked over to the buffet table, laughing and talking, and after Kathryn had said something to Roxa, they moved to the dancefloor.

Chakotay watched, his heart aching, as Justin slipped his arm around Kathryn's waist and drew her close for a waltz. They moved slowly, gracefully, around the dancefloor, their bodies blending together in perfect harmony.

It was too much to bear. Without a word, Chakotay got up and left the room.


Alone in the privacy of his office, Chakotay leant against his desk and wept painfully. He was losing Kathryn. Of that he was certain now.

The door unexpectedly opened and B'Elanna came in. She had followed him from the holodeck in concern.

"What is it?" she asked as the door closed behind her. "Why did you leave like that?"

"I'm losing her," Chakotay said tearfully. "I'm losing her and there's nothing I can do about it."

"Losing who?"

Chakotay turned to her. "Kathryn..."

B'Elanna frowned. "But you seem so happy together..."

"We were, but she's not going to want me anymore..."

"I don't understand..."

"That man she was with just now, the one she was dancing with...he used to be her fiancé..."

"Lieutenant Tighe?"

Chakotay nodded. "A week before their wedding, they went with her father to test fly a shuttle he'd been working on. It crashed, and both Justin and her father were lost, presumed dead." He turned away. "She's not going to want me now that she can have him again."

B'Elanna bridged the gap between them and lay her hand on his arm. "You're her husband, Chakotay. She loves you. And what about Silvie and Stevie? Do you really think she'll break up your family chasing yesterday's love?"

"I don't want her to stay with me because of Silvie and Stevie," Chakotay said, turning back to her. "It wouldn't be fair to us and it wouldn't be fair to them." He broke away from B'Elanna and wandered over to the window. "And they're only babies. They know nothing yet. It would be easy for them to grow up accepting him as their full time father." He paused. "I saw the way she was looking at him. The way he was looking at her. And then how they danced together, his hands all over her... I don't stand a chance, B'Elanna, not a chance..."

"His hands would have to be on her if they were dancing," B'Elanna reasoned. "Just trust her, Chakotay. Look at what she's risked to be with you. She could have lost her rank. Would she really have done that if she didn't truly love you?"

"Not as much as she loved him," he cried.

"You don't know that," B'Elanna said, going over to him. "When you love someone, you don't quantify it. You just love them. This man hasn't been a part of her life for years. Of course finding him like this is going to stir up a lot of emotions for her, but that doesn't mean she loved him more than she loves you or that she wants to be with him now."

Chakotay turned to her helplessly. "What should I do?"

"Just trust her," B'Elanna said gently. "You can do no more."


Chakotay sat on the couch in his living room and gazed at the picture in his hands of him and Kathryn on their wedding day. It had been the happiest day of his life. It was true what he had told Kathryn on the night of their first wedding anniversary...he had never been as happy as he had been since they married. She completed him, and he understood now what his mother had told him about a man alone being only one half of a whole.

The doors opened and Kathryn came in. Chakotay put the picture down on the couch and stood up.

"Kathryn..."

He wasn't expecting her so soon. She seemed surprised to see him too, confirmed by her words.

"I thought you'd still be at the party."

"I left a while ago," he answered. He then lowered his eyes. "But I didn't think you'd be leaving so early..."

"I didn't really want to go," she replied. " I'd rather just have quality time with Daddy and Justin. But I thought I should go... just for a while." She paused, and then spoke quietly. "I'm sorry."

Chakotay looked up at her. "What for?"

"For the way I behaved. You were right. I was afraid. I didn't want to believe they could be alive because it would hurt too much if they weren't." She lowered her eyes now. "You were also right to insist on taking us back to the ship. If you hadn't then..." her words trailed and she looked up at him, infinite warmth and gratitude in her eyes. "Thank you."

Chakotay smiled softly, holding her gaze. Then he spoke. "I was just about to have some supper. Join me?"

"I can't," she replied. "I've already arranged to meet my father for supper. I just came here to change into something more comfortable."

"I see," Chakotay said quietly.

"I'd ask you to join us but I think he wants it to be just the two of us."

"I understand," Chakotay replied.

A little cry filled the air and both Kathryn and Chakotay turned in the direction of the nursery.

"I'll go," Chakotay said. "You go and get changed."

Kathryn nodded gratefully and then made her way to the bedroom as Chakotay went to the nursery.

Inside the nursery, Chakotay found Silvia crying in her cot. Her little hands were clenched tight and her face was contorted in angry determination. Chakotay picked her up and carried her out of the room so she wouldn't disturb Stevie. He had learnt the hard way that a solo cry usually become a duet.

Guessing that Silvie was hungry, Chakotay went over to the replicator and replicated a warm bottle of milk. He then carried his daughter over to the couch and sat with her, holding the bottle to her mouth after he had tested the temperature. Silvie stopped crying as soon as the teat entered her mouth and she sucked away, looking up at her father.

Chakotay gazed at her in return, a deep sadness inside. He loved Silvie and Stevie so much. And he had so many plans for them...all the things they would do, all the things he would teach them, and all the places they would go, even if it was just on the holodeck. He wanted to be a part of their lives every day, to be the kind of father to them that he had always longed for ... a father who was present, a father who would protect them with his life and never let anyone harm them...

But now it seemed he would lose them along with Kathryn. She would divorce him and marry Justin, just like she had planned on doing all those years ago. It would be alright while they were still on Voyager: he would get to see Silvie and Stevie every day, get to be a part of their lives. But when they got home, which he knew could only be a matter of time, everything would change. Kathryn and Justin would make a home of their own wherever they chose to do so, and he would see Silvie and Stevie less and less.

The bedroom door opened and Kathryn appeared. She was dressed in blue jeans and a white sweater and her hair was tied back in a ponytail.

"I don't know what time I'll be back," she said. "Don't wait up."

"Alright," Chakotay replied quietly.

Kathryn walked over to him and Silvie and kissed her daughter's head. "Be a good girl for your Daddy."

Just as she was about to walk away, Chakotay called out. "Kathryn..."

She turned to him. "Yes?"

He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that he couldn't bear the thought of losing her, but somehow the words got transformed between his brain and his mouth.

"Give your father my regards."

"I will," she replied.

She then headed for the door and manually opened it. Chakotay watched as she left and felt as though his life and his soul went with her.

END OF PART TWO