Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

HOMEBIRD
Part One

The mess hall was busy. With Voyager still stationary and all repairs to the ship complete, there was very little for the crew to do except socialize. Kathryn watched from a corner of the room as the crew laughed and talked together. It warmed her heart to see how happy they all were, but she was beginning to feel uneasy about the amount of time they were spending in this asteroid zone. It had been over a week since they had found The Homebird and time they couldn't afford to waste was passing by. They were closer to home than they ever had been, but there was still a long way to go.

Just as she was about to take a sip of water, B'Elanna approached her.

"Captain," she said, "I really must speak with you."

Kathryn gestured to the empty chair opposite her. "Take a seat."

"Not here," B'Elanna replied. "In Private."

Kathryn got to her feet. "Let's go to my ready room."


Almost before the ready room doors shut behind them, B'Elanna spoke.

"I didn't want to say anything until I was sure, Captain, but I believe we can repair that alien ship enough to use it to get home."

Kathryn turned to her, sympathy and kindness in her eyes. "That ship has extensive damage, not to mention no warp core. And even if it was in peak condition, we still wouldn't know how to operate the ship safely."

"Complete repairs are not necessary. We only need to restore structural integrity and make necessary repairs to primary systems. It shouldn't take more than a few hours, not if we have the whole crew working on repairs. Enough of the ship is undamaged to hold over four hundred people. We don't even have half that."

"But neither do we have a warp core capable of powering the ship..."

"On a permanent basis, but a permanent warp core isn't needed. We only need to be able to power the ship long enough to get to the Federation. According to my calculations, our warp core will power that ship at transwarp for approximately 3.8 minutes. At maximum transwarp speed, that ship is capable of getting us close to earth in approximately 2.9 minutes."

Kathryn tried to subdue the rising hope inside. There were still so many obstacles. "When my father, Lieutenant Tighe and Lieutenant Riley tried to fly that ship at transwarp, they almost destroyed it. We can't take that risk. Remember what happened with the slip-stream technology."

"They didn't know what they were doing. Seven knows a lot about transwarp technology and she too is of the opinion this will work. According to my calculations, because of previous damage to the ship and increasing pressure on the warp core, we will begin to lose structural integrity at 2.7 minutes, but by then we should be somewhere in the Federation."

"Losing structural integrity could cause the ship to explode..."

"Not if we came out of transwarp at 2.5 minutes, ejected the warp core, turned off engines, and let the ship come to a gradual standstill. The ship's systems would probably blow out but the most we would experience is turbulence."

A part of Kathryn wanted to believe that it would work, but another part of her was still doubtful. So many times over the past seven years it had seemed that they had found a way to get home, only for their raised hopes to turn into dashed dreams. And besides, even if it was possible to make that ship transwarp capable, they were still inside an asteroid zone that allowed only for a safe speed of warp 2.

"Even if we could make that ship transwarp capable," Kathryn surmised, "we're inside an asteroid zone. We can't even travel at maximum warp, let alone transwarp..."

"At transwarp speed, everything in our path will be obliterated. The asteroids are no obstacle."

Kathryn considered this a moment and then put her hand on B'Elanna's arm. "You're a very capable engineer. If you say this is possible, I believe you. But there's a lot at stake here. If your calculations are correct, we can only attempt this once. There'll be no second chances. That means that before we could even attempt it we would have to destroy Voyager as there's no way we could leave her behind and risk her falling into the wrong hands. But once Voyager is destroyed, there's no way we can get her back again. If our attempt failed, we'd either be permanently stranded here or wherever we did manage to travel too. It's a big risk, B'Elanna, and one I'm not prepared to take."

"I wouldn't suggest this unless I was sure, absolutely sure, that it would work. I have no doubts, Captain." She held out a padd to Kathryn. "It's all in this report, Captain. Study it yourself and you'll see that I'm right."


The door chime sounded and Kathryn looked up from B'Elanna's report. "Come in."

The doors opened and Chakotay came in.

"There's nothing for me to do on the bridge. I thought I'd head to the labs and see how research is coming along on the asteroids."

Kathryn didn't answer. She was staring vacantly at the padd in her hands.

"Is everything alright?"

Slowly, Kathryn got to her feet and turned to her husband.

"B'Elanna thinks we can repair The Homebird and use it to return to the Federation. I've read her report five times and I have to admit it's convincing..." She paused and was clearly conflicted.

"But?"

"To attempt this, we'd have to sacrifice Voyager. We couldn't leave her behind and risk our technology falling into the wrong hands."

Chakotay stepped closer. "B'Elanna wouldn't recommend it unless she was sure it would work."

"I know." She paused again. "Every part of me wants to do this, Chakotay, but I won't make an alone decision on destroying Voyager like I did seven years ago when I destroyed the array. We'll only do this if every single senior staff member agrees."


The senior staff listened almost incredulously as their captain recited to them what B'Elanna had said to her.

"If B'Elanna believes this will work, then I believe her," Kathryn said. "But I won't make an alone decision this time. While I don't regret destroying the array to save the Ocampa, I do regret making that decision alone. I won't make that mistake again. We won't do this unless every person in this room agrees." She paused. "But, before we vote on this, are there any questions?"

Harry spoke. "If we destroy Voyager, what will happen to the Doctor and all the data we've collected on alien species in the Delta Quadrant?"

"The Doctor's holo-emitor means he can exist independently of this ship. In fact, the holo-emitor is more capable of sustaining his program than Voyager. It has extensive memory capacity and has been especially designed for the purpose. The reason we have kept the Doctor's program integrated into the ship is because if something goes wrong with the emitor or it is lost, we won't lose the Doctor. When we return to the Federation, all necessary back-ups can be made." She paused. "As to the data we've collected, we'll transfer those to portable files so nothing is lost." She looked around. "Any more questions?"

There were none.

"Alright," she said. "Hands up all those who think we should do it."

Holding her breath, she waited for the senior staff to respond. B'Elanna was the first to raise her hand, followed by Tom. Tuvok and Chakotay raised their hands together, followed by Seven, Harry, and the Doctor.

"Looks like we're all in agreement," Tom smiled.

Kathryn breathed again but butterflies began to fill her stomach. "Then let's inform the crew." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to all. Please report to the mess hall immediately. I repeat. Janeway to all. Please report to the mess hall immediately."

The connection then terminated.

Kathryn turned to her senior officers. "Make your way to the mess hall. Dismissed."

Everyone began to leave the room, but Kathryn stayed behind and looked out at the rainbow asteroids. When they were alone, Chakotay went over to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"What is it?"

Kathryn was a moment in replying. "For so long I've dreamed of getting this crew home. I just never thought it would be in another ship."


The mess hall was packed when Kathryn and Chakotay arrived there and everyone was talking amongst themselves. Excitement and curiosity were evident in their tone. Word had clearly got around already.

Kathryn cleared her throat and prepared to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please..."

At the sound of their captain's voice, the crowd fell silent.

"I have gathered you all here this morning to make a very special announcement. B'Elanna Torres has discovered that by using Voyager's war core, it is possible to make The Homebird transwarp capable again just long enough for us to return to the Federation. When all necessary repairs and modifications to the ship have been made, we will transport to The Homebird and destroy Voyager."

At this, the crew turned to themselves and talk filled the air.

"I make no pretense that it will be easy to do. Voyager has been our home and our haven for all these years. But we can't leave her behind and risk her falling into the wrong hands. When all repairs and modifications are complete, either myself or Commander Chakotay will speak to you all again. Thank you."

Chatter once more filled the air and Kathryn turned to B'Elanna who was standing close by. "B'Elanna, take charge of all repairs. Have as many crew members working on them as necessary." She then turned to Seven. "Seven, begin transferring data to files."

"Yes, Captain."

Kathryn searched the crowd, looking for Justin, and went over to him when she found him.

"Justin, I'm going to need you to familiarize me with The Homebird. Let's go to my ready room."


Kathryn rubbed her tired eyes as she tried to assimilate as much knowledge as she could on The Homebird. The action was not unnoticed by Justin.

"I suggest we stop for lunch," he said kindly.

"Not yet," Kathryn replied. "I've still got a lot to learn."

"We've been at it for over two hours and you have more than adequately covered the information you need on the ship for this mission."

"I like to know everything about the ships I command," Kathryn replied, "from the exact measurements of the bridge to the number of windows."

"A quality to be commended, but if all goes to plan, this mission will last only minutes. Everything you need to know, you already do."

"It will go to plan," Kathryn said, rather defensively. "There's no way I would destroy this ship if I thought there was any real risk of failure. I trust B'Elanna and I trust Seven. If they tell me this will work, I believe them." She got up from her chair and wandered over to the window. "But you're right. I am wasting my time absorbing all this detail. That ship will either get us home, or it won't, based on what I already know."

Justin couldn't help smile.

Kathryn frowned. "Why do you look at me that way?"

"You haven't changed a bit, Kath, you really haven't."

The ease of his manner and warmth in his smile relieved Kathryn's tension. "And is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"That depends," he teased.

"On what?"

"Whether you're a friend or a foe. I'd hate to meet you in battle." He got to his feet with a smile. "Lunch?"

"Lunch," Kathryn smiled.


Chakotay looked around the quarters that had been the happiest home he had ever known and a heavy sadness welled inside. He wanted to get the crew home as much as Kathryn did, but a part of him was apprehensive too. His future in the Federation was so uncertain. He already knew there was a high possibility that he and the other Maquis would have to go to trial, and while Admiral Paris had said they would most likely be treated leniently, that could not be depended on. How they would be treated would depend so much on the state of affairs back home. And politics, at even the best of times, was a fickle fortune. If it served the Federation's interest to treat him and the Maquis with leniency, then they would do so with all grace, but if it served their interests to make an example of him, they would do that with all force.

The nursery door opened and Celes emerged from inside with Stevie. He was dressed smartly in a yellow outfit and had a little white hat on his head. "Are repairs to the ship complete?"

"Not yet," Chakotay replied. "But any time now."

"I've dressed the twins ready for the trip and packed a couple of bags with things they'll need."

Chakotay smiled. "Very thoughtful of you."

Suddenly, a light shone before him and Q materialized.

"Commander Chakotay," he said impishly, "we meet again." He turned to baby Stevie and smiled. "This must be Janeway Junior."

Chakotay questioned. "What are you doing here?"

"Come to see Kathy, of course."

"The Captain's busy right now."

"Preparing to get that alien wreck ready for flight, I know." He smiled. "But I think you'll find she'll walk through that door in exactly 3.2 seconds."

No sooner had he finished speaking when the door opened and Kathryn came in. She stopped and sighed when she saw him.

"Q."

Q stepped forward and kissed her hand. "Pleased to see me?"

Kathryn withdrew her hand and smiled. "Considering that our last three out of four encounters were not exactly trouble free, let's just say I have my reservations..."

"Well, there is nothing untoward in my visit this time," he replied. "I just wanted to wish you well in your valiant attempt at getting home."

Kathryn stepped closer, a little flirtatiously. "Tell me for sure if we'll make it..."

"And spoil all the fun?" He clicked his fingers and instantly Stevie appeared in his arms. "But I will say this is a fine little fellow you have here..."

Stevie began to cry in the strange man's arms.

"And you're frightening him."

"Me?" He turned himself into a green-haired clown with a red nose. "I'm not frightening you am I?"

Stevie cried even louder and Kathryn stepped forward. "Give him to me."

She took her son in her arms and rocked him gently. "There, there, sweetheart, it's alright." Then more for Q's benefit than his. "Q's not really a monster."

She then held Stevie out to Celes. "Take him to the nursery."

"Yes, Captain," Celes said and went on her way.

"That's unfair," Q said as Celes disappeared into the nursery, "depriving me of his company. I made you Godmother to my son."

"And not a role to envy," she said, half teasing, half serious.

"You should return the favor," Q teased, "imagine all the fun the little humans and I would have together."

Instantly, Silvie and Stevie appeared, revolving in mid-air around Q and dressed as frogs.

"Q!" Kathryn exclaimed in alarm...

Silvie and Stevie disappeared and Q became himself again.

"Don't be alarmed, Kathy, I wouldn't hurt them...trust your old Q. After all, it is a term of endearment in some parts of the galaxy."

"Really..." Kathryn said, her tone sarcastic.

"On the green and blue planet you're so fond of. In fact, in a tiny little land they call Wales..."

"Well, it's no term of endearment here," Kathryn replied.

Q frowned. "Aren't you the least bit glad to see me, Kathy?"

Kathryn had to smile. "Maybe just a little bit."

Q beamed a smile and turned to Chakotay. "Did you hear that, Chuckles? You have a rival for Kathy's affections. And I don't just mean the Tighe-guy."

He clicked his fingers and Stevie again appeared in his arms. "And to think this little man could have been ours, Kathy. Oh, the bitterness of regret..."

"Q..." Kathryn protested at the sight of her son again.

"Only playing, Kathy..." Stevie disappeared and Q turned to look at Chakotay, rather in frustration. "Don't you have somewhere to go, Chuckles? Your presence is beginning to irritate me."

"I could say the same thing," Chakotay replied.

"Cheeky, Chuckles," Q answered. "But what can I expect but ingratitude from such an inferior species..."

"Not so ungrateful," Kathryn replied. "I can never thank you enough for saving us from the Andorak."

"All in a day's work," he smiled. "Or rather in your day that is. My day is both an eternity and an instant...But what is the point of omnipotent powers if all one does is keep them to oneself? It's at least charitable to share then once in a while...or twice..."

The word caught Kathryn's attention. "Twice?" She paused. "Do you mean Elissia?"

"Elis saw me what? No, no..." Petal appeared in his arms. "I mean this red bundle of joy."

"It was you," Kathryn said as it all clicked in place. "You created the temporal anomaly..."

"Yes, and more than once as Cheeky Chuckles here made five from two and two the first time...The trials of superior intelligence..."

He put Petal to the floor and the animal sniffed him.

"But it was years before you knew me," Kathryn considered. "Why save me then?"

Q sighed. "You should know the answer to that, Kathy. The past is the present and the future is the past. For you to be here now, I had to save you then. But, I'll admit I didn't realize it until I brought my son to Voyager and found some ghastly woman in your place..."

He clicked his fingers and Petal turned blue.

"A more agreeable color, don't you think?"

Kathryn was just about to respond when B'Elanna's voice sounded over the comm. "Torres to Janeway. Report to Engineering...The Homebird..."

Kathryn answered. "I'll be right there."

"I see that's my cue to leave," Q said, enjoying his own play on words. Then he clarified. "Q and cue..."

"Yes," Kathryn smiled. "I got it..."

He smiled in return. "Have a pleasant flight. Good day..."

He disappeared and Kathryn was left looking at a blue furred Petal.

Q suddenly reappeared. "Sorry," he said. Petal became herself again and Q disappeared.

Kathryn turned to her husband, slightly bewildered. "Repairs to The Homebird are complete. Tell the crew to start collecting all personal belongings and to await further instructions."

"Right away," he smiled.


Kathryn looked up at Voyager's transplanted warp core as she entered Engineering. It looked so small on this ship, so out of place.

"I'm sorry to have to call you here," B'Elanna said, approaching her captain as soon as she entered the room. "But there's a problem."

"What kind of problem?"

"Our warp core isn't performing as it should. I can't explain it, Captain, and I've spent the past two hours searching for a cause, but I can't find one. And I don't know where else to look."

"What do mean isn't performing as it should?"

"It isn't performing to maximum capacity. As it is now, the warp core will only power the ship at transwarp for approximately 3.1 minutes. That's still long enough to get us to the Federation, but unless I can detect the problem, I can't say for certain that the warp core won't fail."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly.

"What I can tell you is that it shouldn't fail in mid-flight. The problem seems to be at start up. Three out of ten times it wouldn't power up. Those seven times it did power up, it wasn't performing to maximum capacity. This was just for regular warp. We can't pre-test the demands of transwarp because it would consume too much power." She paused. "I'm confident all will be well, that if it doesn't power up sufficiently the first time, it will a second or a third, but I can't guarantee it."

Kathryn was silent a moment as she tried to absorb this. "What would you say are the odds of our success?"

"To play it safe, I'd say sixty-five percent."

Kathryn turned away from her and looked up again at the warp core. "Keep trying to locate the problem. Get whatever help necessary. If you still can't find it, then we'll reassess our plans."

"Yes, Captain."


Kathryn sat in her ready room, the cup of coffee in her hands cold. The door chime sounded, but Kathryn was a moment in responding. "Come in."

Chakotay came in. "Download of data is complete."

Kathryn made no reply. Instead she got to her feet. "There have been some...unforseen complications," she said quietly.

Chakotay bridged the distance between them. "Go on."

"The warp core isn't powering up as it should. In short, that ship might not get us home after all. The odds are still in our favor, but they're considerably less than they were three hours ago."

"I see," Chakotay replied, absorbing this.

"B'Elanna's trying to locate the problem, but is having no success. Unless she can find it and correct it, we're going to need a change of plan."

"What do you have in mind?"

Kathryn was a long moment in giving her answer. "I stay behind on Voyager."

Chakotay inhaled sharply. "No...no way, Kathryn..."

"It's the only way. The odds are either that ship will get the crew home or it won't. If it doesn't work, we'd still have Voyager."

"And if it does work?"

"I'll destroy Voyager and follow you in the Delta Flyer..."

"It would take you years to get home!"

"We don't know that. If damage to the ship isn't too bad then it might be repairable and you can return for me with a spare warp-core... "

"And if damage is too extensive that the ship can never be used again? It's out of the question, Kathryn, absolutely out of the question..."

Kathryn lay her hands on his arms. "You're thinking as my husband, Chakotay, not as my First Officer. Right from the beginning we said we wouldn't allow our personal feelings to cloud our professional judgment and we can't start now... There's a very good chance that ship can be used one more time to get the crew home and we have to try... And that means I have to stay behind..."

"No, Kathryn..." Tears flooded his eyes. "You can't do this..."

"I have to, Chakotay. And there's nothing you can say to change my mind..."

"Then we'll all stay. You, me, Silvie and Stevie..."

"And what kind of life would it be for them? They need to go home with you..."

"And they need their mother!"

Kathryn turned away from him. "Don't make this harder than it is, Chakotay..."

"I won't leave you behind, Kathryn, and neither will the crew..."

"It's my decision..."

"And it's wrong..." He grabbed her arm, harder than he intended and turned her to him. "I won't let you do this. We'll find another way..."

"Such as?"

"Initializing self-destruct but making sure there's plenty of time for us to attempt to get home before it completes..."

"It's too risky..."

"How?"

"Aliens might capture Voyager before she's destroyed. We can't take that chance..."

"But this space is uninhabited..."

"We don't know that for absolute sure. Just because we're not detecting any lifeforms doesn't meant there aren't any... We can't risk our technology falling into the wrong hands..."

"If there were aliens here, they would have captured The Homebird a long time ago."

"Not necessarily. There's a big difference between an occupied ship and an abandoned one."

Chakotay stepped away from her, fighting his frustration. "You can't do it..."

"I don't want to," Kathryn continued, "but I have too. And in your professional judgment, you have to know I'm right. Needs of the many..."

"Then I'll stay," he said.

Kathryn turned away. "This is no longer up for discussion."

"It damn well is," Chakotay cried. "I'm not letting you do this, Kathryn. If you want professionalism on this, then I'm giving you an impartial assessment. If it's imperative that someone stays behind, then I am by far the better candidate than you. In the eyes of the Federation, I'm a Maquis criminal who will go to trial when we get home and perhaps land in jail. With you stuck out here, who then looks after our children? I have no close family other than you, Slivie and Stevie who would miss me, and I'm not the crew's captain. And it's the duty of a First Officer to protect his captain even with his life. If someone is to stay behind, it has to be me. The Captain can't argue with that."

His determined gaze met her eyes and Kathryn had to look away from him. He was right, every part of her knew he was right, but she didn't want him to be.

The door chime suddenly sounded.

Kathryn forced out her voice. "Come in."

B'Elanna came in. The overwhelming tension in the room weighed upon her as soon as she entered and made her uncomfortable. "We've tried everything, Captain," she said uneasily. "We can't locate the problem."

Kathryn stared out of the window and was a long time in responding.

"Then we have to change our plans," she said quietly. "Chakotay will stay behind on Voyager."

B'Elanna's eyes widened in alarm. "What?"

Kathryn turned to her, forcing herself to be strong. "We can't destroy Voyager when there's a strong possibility the mission will fail..."

"But a higher probability of success! And even if there wasn't, how can you even think of leaving him behind?"

"We can repair The Homebird and go back for him," Kathryn said calmly.

B'Elanna almost scoffed. "When we get that ship home, she'll be a write off! There's no way she'll ever be able to fly again..."

"You don't know that for sure..."

"I would bet my life on it! We'll be pushing her to the limit to get her to the Federation!"

Chakotay interrupted. "Whether The Homebird can come back for me is irrelevant. Someone has to stay behind on Voyager as a precaution, and that someone has to be me..."

"No it doesn't," B'Elanna argued. "And if doing this means we have to leave someone behind, then we won't do it. All for one and one for all...isn't that what you always say, Captain?"

Chakotay answered before she had the chance to. "And if we don't do this, how many people are going to lose their lives in the years it takes to reach the Federation? This is our best chance yet of getting the crew home and we have to take it..."

"No," B'Elanna cried. "Not if it means sacrificing you. And I know everyone else will feel the same..."

"It's already decided."

"Then undecide it!" She turned to Kathryn. "You can't do this, Captain. You can't let him sacrifice himself..."

"It's my choice," Chakotay said.

"You risked all our lives to save Roxa and Vixi," B'Elanna went on. "And we could have ended up anywhere, even further into the Delta Quadrant than we were to begin with. Why do less for Chakotay? Why sacrifice him? It's wrong..."

"Roxa and Vixi was different," Chakotay said.

"How?"

"B'Elanna's right," Kathryn said at last. "It has to be me that stays..."

"Why any of us?" B'Elanna continued. "Why not just set Voyager up to self-destruct and then if we make it home she will and if we don't, she'll be safe... No one has to stay behind..."

"We can't risk her falling into the wrong hands..."

"And how likely is that?"

"As likely as getting pulled to the Delta Quadrant by an alien from another galaxy, but it happened! We can't take any chances..."

"Then let's not do it!"

"I can't let this chance to get the crew home slip by. We have children on board, babies. If I have to sacrifice myself for that, then I will...If all goes to plan, I'll destroy Voyager and follow in the Delta Flyer..."

"It would take years..."

"I'm not debating this any further, Lieutenant. We're going ahead as planned, only I will stay behind..."

"No way..." she cried.

"It's the only way... If we don't get the crew home now, we're talking of perhaps another eighteen years of traveling. Longer if for some reason we can't fly at maximum warp. We are traveling through uncharted and unknown territory and it's almost certain there will be hostile aliens along the way. Lives will be lost. I'm not prepared to let that happen."

"But what of your life?"

"Needs of the many..."

"I'm staying," Chakotay sinterrupted. "We've already settled this..."

Kathryn turned to him "But it's not your..."

"It is, Kathryn. It is..."

B'Elanna could listen to no more of this and fled from the room...

Chakotay turned to Kathryn and seized her gently. "It has to be me, Kathryn. We know that as Captain and First Officer, and we know that as husband and wife..."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and Chakotay took her hands in his.

"This is my decision, Kathryn. And I believe it's the right one. We could get home in eighteen years time and never lose anyone, or we could find another way home next week, next month, next year and never lose anyone, but on the other hand we might lose many more people before getting home, even a child, and I can't take that risk. We have the chance now of getting the crew back to their families and we have to take it, even if it means personal sacrifice."

Kathryn broke away from him as another tear ran down her cheek.

"And you know I'm right, Kathryn."

Kathryn nodded. "But I can't bear the thought..."

Chakotay tentatively drew her close and as she responded, held her tight.


B'Elanna sat on her couch, arms around tucked up legs, weeping painfully. She was alone as Miral was with in the holodeck with Tom. The door chime sounded, but B'Elanna ignored it. It rang again. Still she made no response.

Suddenly, the doors opened and Chakotay came in. B'Elanna looked up at him and got to her feet.

"You can't do this, Chakotay..."

"I have too," he said kindly.

"But it's wrong! And I can't believe the Captain's even thinking of it..."

"It's either her or me, and it has to be me..."

"But we don't have to do it! We'll get home another way..."

"And probably lose people in the meantime. It has to be this way."

"But we've never sacrificed anyone... It's all for one and one for all..."

"Exactly, one for all...and I have to do this...I have to do this for everyone..."

"But you'll be stranded here all by yourself...You'll never make it home... You can't do it... And everyone will agree..."

"Agree or not, it makes no difference. I have to stay behind, just like the Captain and I had to stay behind when we were infected with that virus six years ago. Sometimes a sacrifice is necessary..."

"But you're sacrificing your life on what ifs and maybes. Who is to say people won't die when we get home? Would you blame yourself for that too? That we should have stayed out here longer?"

"That's different..."

"No it isn't...What happened to live for the moment, to do what is right for the present because we can't know the future?"

"There's a big difference between sacrificing the present for an uncertain future and sacrificing a certain future for the present..."

"But this is wrong!" Angrily, she turned away. "Dammit, I wish I'd never even come up with the idea!"

"If you hadn't, someone else would have..."

"We don't know that..." She clenched her fists, fighting the emotions... "It's not right you sacrifice yourself for this. It was my idea. I'm the one who should stay..."

Chakotay turned her to him. "Now you listen to me. I'm the one staying and that's final. I'll hear no more of you staying or Kathryn staying. I'm staying. It's my place and it's my duty, both as First Officer and Kathryn's husband. When we get back, we don't know what will happen to us. We might be exonerated or we might end up in jail. It depends how the wind blows. The crew needs their captain to get them home and if she sacrificed herself, it would ruin the homecoming they have waited for for years. They love her and trust her and they need her to see them through this. The crew don't need me in the same way. Apart from you, Kathryn, Vixi, Naomi, Tom and Harry, no one will really miss me. I might be First Officer but I'm also an ex-Maquis and their feelings for me don't run as deep... It needs to be me, B'ei. It has to be..."

B'Elanna was still not convinced. "But they need me less than they need you..."

"No they don't. They need you to get them home. They need their Chief Engineer. You can't let them down. Please, B'Elanna. I need your support on this."

"B'Elanna broke away from him. "It's a hell of a lot to ask..."

"I know that. But we have to do this. We have too. If nothing else, I have to do it for Silvie and Stevie, so they can have a normal life, and you have to do it for Miral. I need your support, B'Elanna. Don't let me down."

B'Elanna leant against the sloping window frame for a long moment and then turned to him. "Alright. We'll do this for the children. But you'd better get back to us, big guy. Understand?"

Chakotay nodded and then gave a grateful smile. "Thank you."

END OF PART ONE