10

Parcheesi

Chapter 6: 14 Just Held Such Better Days, When I Still Felt Alive

By: Keiko

Disclaimer: Look, I am seriously tired of doing this. We all know who owns Harry Potter and Co. It's obviously not me.

DancingFlame: Yay, a new reader! Thanks for the compliment. I wrote the poem about a year and a half ago, so I guess it could be developed more. But, if you like it, then it must not be that bad.

La Faerie: Another new reader! I'm so happy. I think I read some of your stories, before they got deleted. As far as I can remember, I did. Put your stories back up.

ADepressedSpooty: Why, thank you for your AWESOME compliments! You're a good writer too! Did you like the stories I recommended?

Kill Mary Sue: Two words: Shut Up. You should really keep your personal opinions to yourself, because not everyone will agree with you. People who cut have reasons, you know, it's not like we just do it cuz we thinks its fun. It's an exit, a way to express pain and hurt, since all the other methods that the therapists' suggest don't work. What you said was really insulting because this story holds parts of my own life, which was really hard to write. Basically, if you don't approve of what I'm writing, don't read, and I'd appreciate it if you would keep your opinions to yourself until you learn how to be nicer. Oh, and that little comment, "Cutters should just grow a spine and kill themselves." It's people like you that actually drive some of us to attempt that. I know that first hand. Do me a favor, and do something, hon. you need to snap back into reality. Not everybody is just like you. You know, idiotic. I wonder if you have any friends?

A/N: In this chapter, every character except Harry and Ginny were a bit OOC. I'm sorry, but it had to be done. Please don't hate me. The words between the slashes are song lyrics from S.O.S. by Good Charlotte, and the chapter title was from a song by Blink-182, called Adam's Song.

"Will you please stop doing that, Granger!"

"Stop doing what?" Hermione's eyes glazed over, wondering what would come next.

"Stop looking at me like you're going to run if I come any closer!" Draco barked.

Well, that was her intention, but, whatever… "Sorry, I didn't notice."

"As I said formerly, don't provoke me, and you'll have nothing to worry about."

Internally, Hermione preceded to scold herself for showing the worst sign of possible weakness; fear.

'That's what they feed of off, Hermione, fear. Don't let them eat you.' She reminded herself.

"What did you say?" Draco stared at her, alarmed.

"Nothing." He dropped it, but he knew what he heard.

"Can I leave now?" Hermione kept her head down, not daring to look at him.

"Good-bye, Granger." He said monotonously.

With a swish and flick of her wand, she stored all personal belongings in her messenger bag, and left.

It was Wednesday, the second day of the three-day break that the students were given as a reward for performance.

Draco and Hermione had met for the project that Monday night, but both were cranky, and hadn't been able to achieve much.

So they decided to meet again, early in the morning, when the school was still asleep and they're minds were fresh.

Once again, Hermione descended from the room on the spiraling stairs downward.

It was one fifty when she reached the Great Hall, five minutes after lunch had ended.

She made her way to the Grryfindor common room, where she was sure Ron, Harry, Ginny, or Neville had saved a fruit or two.

Sure enough, Harry had an apple and an Orange inside of a small cloth, that he held in his right hand, that wiggled uncontrollably as he conversed ecstatically (about Quidditch, she thought,) with Ron.

"Hey, guys."

Harry and Ginny said hi back, but Ron stood up and mumbled, "I'll see you later." and made his way up to the boys' dormitory.

"Well, that was rude. He could have at least said hello." Hermione dropped her bag in the chair that Ron was sitting in previously, and plopped down next to it.

She watched intriguingly and worried as Harry and Ginny wiggled in their seats uncomfortably.

"What, are there pegs in the cushions, or something?" She asked, humorously.

"No," Ginny answered quietly.

"Then why a—"

"Mione', are you cheating on Ron?" Harry looked up, at stared her in the eyes, perhaps searching for some kind of truth.

"What? No!"

"Are you sure? Are you sure that you're not lying to me? Because if you are, I'll never speak to you again." Harry stood up now, unable to sit under the conditions.

"Harry, I'm not lying to you, and I am not cheating on Ron!" Hermione stood up too, to level with Harry.

"Yes, you are, Hermione! You are lying to me; I can see it in your eyes! How could you lie to me? After all these years—"

"Harry what are you talking about!" She was hysterical now, close to tears, "I'm not lying to you! I'm not! I would never cheat on Ron! Where is the evidence for these allegations?"

"Ron has the evidence, but I saw it." It was Ginny this time that decided to speak up, "I read it all Hermione. I can't believe you. I thought you were more than that."

"What? I-I--read what? What did you read Ginny? Please tell me."

"It was a letter. From a muggle, apparently. I think his name was Gavin. Who's Gavin, Hermione?" Harry stepped closer to her as he spoke those last three words.

"I-I—Oh, god." Hermione sank back onto the chair. "I swear it's not what you think. It really isn't, I swear."

"The-the things that were in that letter. Hermione, they were despicable. How could you sink so low? HOW?" It was Ginny who'd gone hysterical now.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, GINNY, SO SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!"

Thank Merlin that the common room was empty.

"I DON'T HAVE TO SHUT UP! THIS IS MY BROTHER WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. YOU BROKE HIS HEART, AND I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! NEVER!"

Ginny grabbed her magazine that she had left on the table, and ran out of the common room.

There was a moment of silence before anyone spoke again.

"Harry, please. I've been your best friend for six and a half years now. You have to believe me."

He responded in a quiet, hollow, tired voice, void of emotion. "I want to believe you, Hermione, I do. But I don't know how."

And then he left too, leaving Hermione standing by herself in the middle of an empty room.

"This can't be happening. This cannot be happening."

But it was happening.

Hermione decided to take a walk around the castle, after her visit to Moaning Myrtle's empty girls' room, to calm her nerves.

Neither party was watching where they were going, so they bumped into each other, knocking Hermione to the wall softly.

He turned around to face her, "Oh, excuse me. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She said, hoarsely.

Blaise continued to stare at her, studying her face and body, in an amused but disbelieving sort of way.

"What are you looking at?" Hermione glared at him, demanding an answer.

"I'm sorry, you just…remind me so much of someone I used to know." Blaise dropped his head down to look at his shoes, memories overcoming him.

"Well, I'm not her, am I?" Hermione said rudely, and stomped away.

Blaise's eyes followed her as she walked away, and he answered her question. "No, I suppose you aren't…"


Hermione made her way to the library, where she found a satisfying book at settled down at a table that she thought to be empty.

"Guess reading isn't all you do, aye Hermione?" Ron had laid the book he was reading down, and closed it lightly.

Hermione stared at him, and got up to leave the library when he grabbed her arm.

"What? Guilty conscience won't let you face me? Is that it?" He was glaring now, but keeping his voice to a low whisper.

"I have no guilty conscience, Ronald." She said, looking away from him.

"So then why can't you look me in my eyes?"

"Look, Ron, I'm not cheating on you. If you want to believe that, then fine. But for someone who has been my best friend for over six years, you should be ashamed of yourself. You should now me by now and know that I would never do that!" She was looking him in the eyes now, wanting him to believe her, and wanting him to hurt as well.

Ronald glared at her, "So, It's not true, then. Is that it? The letter was just a prank?"

"What bloody letter?"

Ron stuffed his hand into his right pocket, and pulled out a crumpled piece of Xerox paper.

He proceeded to read it to her. "Hermione, I miss you. I know you miss me too. Are you afraid to write to me? It wouldn't kill you, you know. Here I am, night after night, all by myself, masturbating because you're not here, I have to do it all on my own—"

Hermione gasped, and tried to grab it from him "Give it here, Ron."

"I miss the way you tremble when I touch you--"

"Shut up, just shut up." Hermione was crying now, at a lost of what to do.

"I miss the way you cry out my name when I'm inside of you—"

"Stop it! Stop it, Ron, just stop!" She ran out of the library, and into the almost empty hall, where Ron followed her.

"So, I guess you're not cheating on me, huh? It was just some massive mix-up, huh?" It was Ron who was crying now, silent tears rolled down his face.

"You don't understand," She pleaded

"So make me understand! MAKE ME!"

Hermione leaned against the wall, weary. "I can't. I can't make you understand."

"Then we're through. Finally, something that we both can understand. "Ron looked away, and walked the opposite way.

Hermione ran to the only place where she knew she could be alone. The tower in which she and Draco worked.

When she finally reached there and she could close the door, she broke down, everything coming out at once.

And she just cried, and cried, and cut, and cried, and cut…until her arm was bloody, and her eyes were swollen and red from the assault of her tears.

/Is anybody listening? Can you hear me when I call? Shooting signals in the air, cuz I need somebody's help/

The window, it looked so pretty, and the forest, it looked so vast, and the air, it looked so pure. Hermione wanted to be pure too.

/I cant make it on my own, so I'm giving up myself. Is anybody listening, listening/

Dying was the only way out it seemed.

/I've been stranded here and I'm miles, away. Making signals hoping they save me. I lock myself inside these walls/

Hermione stood up from the corner where she was curled.

/Cuz out there I'm always wrong, I don't think I'm gonna make it. So while I'm sitting here, on the eve of my defeat, I write this letter and hope it saves me/

She was leaving, leaving this horrible place of destruction and pain. She hoped they missed her.

/Is anybody listening, can they here me when I call? I'm shooting signals in the air, cuz I need somebody's help, I cant make it on my own, Si I'm giving up my self, is anybody listening, Listening/

It's too bad they wouldn't listen when it was safe.

/I'm stuck in my own head and I'm miles away, would anybody notice if I left this place. Looking at myself tonight, wondering if I'll survive. How in the hell did I get so far away this time/

"I'll see you there mommy, and you too daddy."

/I had high hopes for my life. Back when I was still alive. I used to want to live forever. Is anybody listening? Do you hear me when I call. I'm shooting signal in the air, cuz I need somebody's help. I can't make it on my own, so I'm giving up myself. Is anybody listening? Listening/

Hermioine was standing at the windowsill now. It would be easy to fall, since the window extended from floor to ceiling.

/I'm lost here, I cant make it on my own, I don't wanna die alone, I'm so scared, Drowning now, reaching out, holding on to everything I know, crying out, dying now, need some help/

Hermione spread her arms, eagle-like, and was about to fall, when to strong arms gripped her blindly, and pulled her back in before she could actually fall.

Hermione screamed, the shock of her attempt and her thoughts hitting her fully.

'What was I thinking?'

"Have you gone absolutely mad granger?" Draco was standing over her, with a thin cloth wrapped around Hermione's left arm as a tourniquet.

Se didn't respond, still in shock.

And then, she jerked her body away from Draco's, and glared up at him. "Get off of me."

Draco glared down at her "You would think that respect would be granted for someone who just saved your life."

Hermione stared at him distantly. "I didn't want you to save me."

"So that was a conscience attempt?" His eyes opened wide.

"It was."

"No way."

"Yes. Now go away, so I can finish what I started."

"HELL no."

She glared at him once again, and sat on the floor.

"What is WRONG with you?" He asked, flabbergasted.

"WOULD'NT YOU LIKE TO KNOW."

"Actually I would."

"They think that I'm cheating on him."

"Who, the Weasel?" Hermione nodded her head meekly, "Are you?"

"Technically."

"It's either yes or no."

"I don't know."

"If you are having sex with someone other than the weasel (why anybody would wanna shag the weasel is beyond me) than it's a yes."

"So then yes, I am. But not because I want to."

"What do you mean not because…oh. Well that answers a lot of questions."

"Oh. HAHA, OH! What a realization, huh? The almighty bookworm mudblood Granger is being raped and beaten, and sodomized everyday. OH!"

"Granger, calm down."

"NO!"

"I think you should go to Madame Pomfrey."

"Are you crazy. I'd rather not be locked up in St. Mungo's, thanks."

"Then go to Dumbledore."

"NO," She barked, still sitting in the corner, and cuddling her legs, and crying, "Why are you pretending to care?"

Draco looked at her. "…Malfoys don't pretend to do anything, we simply act. And I don't care, I'm just doing my duty as Prefect."

"I don't need help."

"Sure you don't."

Hermione drew her knees close to her chest, making her look small and feeble.

After Draco had performed the most effective medical healing spell he could at his age level, he helped Hermione up, and helped her down the stairs (much to his dismay).

"I really think you should speak to Dumbledore. I mean there's only but so much I can do, really."

"I never thought I'd say this, but…thanks Draco."

"I never thought I'd say this but," A rare smile appeared on Draco's face. "You're welcome Hermione."

And from that moment, Hermione's life began to change drastically.

/Is anybody listening, can they here me when I call? I'm shooting signals in the air, cuz I need somebody's help, I cant make it on my own, So I'm giving up my self, is anybody listening, Listening/

Updating within a week, I promise.