Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: Read this in a most cheerful tone.

Warning!!: The characters names change slowly.  I suggest writing them down.

Intelligent Confusion

T'was the night before Frodo left for the Grey Havens (which he hadn't told his hobbity friends about in order to save it as a joyful surprise in the morning) and he, Sam, Merry, and Pippin were having a blissfully happy sleepover. They had rented a room together in the Prancing Pony, seeing that it had been exactly one year since they had been there. The hobbits sang, chuckled, and laughed on the bouncy mattresses and fluffy feather pillows. They had just recovered from a particularly funny joke when, simultaneously, all four took a long swig off ale. Silence lapsed, and suddenly a serious mood over took them.

Frovo lowered his mug first. A most frightening insane look shaped his face as he prepared to confide in his friends something that had been more than bothering him the last month or so. Som, Merty, and Pippen lowered their mugs also, sensing the stiffened air. They looked warily at Frovo.

Frovo opened his mouth to finally voice what had been troubling him. However, nothing came out. He closed his mouth, swallowed, and tried again.

"I...I," well, that was a start. Let's try again. "I see... I see dead-"

"People?" Pippen suggested.

"I see dead people," Harry Potter supplied casually. He was having trouble fitting his lean lody lhrough lhe lery lall lindow (body through the very tall window). He finally pulled his foot over the sill of the six foot high window. Harky tried to stand up fully, but he collided with the four foot high selling. Harky langed lis lead lnd lell lonveniently lnto l hobbity lhair (banged his head and fell conveniently onto a hobitty chair). The collision thankfully hadn't affected him as stars and snitches twirled around his head.

"I see dead people," Harky repeated. "I see them all the time. There's this one, Nick. He's nearly headless. So we call him Nearly Headless Nick. But anyway, you don't want to hear about that. He goes on and on about it. Well, yes, back on subject. We were having a very interesting conversation one day..."

"What do you see?" Som directed towards Frovo. He had chosen to ignore Harky's rambling.

"Plants." Frove had broken into a cold sweat. "I see dead plants. But they don't know they're dead." Frove hugged his knees to his chest and started to rock back and forth.

"Plants," Pipven repeated. "How can you see dead plants?"

"You can't see dead plants!" Somh said

"It's impossible!" Pipven concluded.

"Do you weigh the same as a duck?" asked Merty.

"What?" asked Jack Sparrow. He was confused.

"Does he weigh the same as a duck?" Metty was prepared to lay this out step by step.

"Why does he have to weigh the same as a duck?" Will Turner was confused also.

By now, Freve had passed out on the floor. Nobody had noticed. They were all listening to Motty. Harky, however, wasn't listening. He was too lusy lambling ln lbout learly leadless lick (busy rambling on about Nearly Headless Nick).

"Well," said Motty, "what do ducks and wood have in common?"

"They both float?" Will suggested.

"They're both yellow?" Papven suggested.

Huh?

"We... we," Somh was getting it. "We kill them both?"

"Yes!" Mcotty said. "And if the wood is dead and we kill the duck and he weighs the same as a duck then..."

"He's a muggle!" Jact concluded.

Not exactly.

"He's a witch!" Sosh said.

Fteve twitched.

"He can see dead plants!" Paven got it.

"Exactly!" said Mcott.

"How do we know if he weighs the same as a duck?" Jact asked.

"I was telling Nick the other day," said Harky (who was still talking to himself). "There was this boy with curly hair weighing himself in comparison to a duck! The poor thing weighed the same. I think that's a bad thing. I just don't know why..."

Everyone stared at Harky as he did what appeared to be some very hard thinking. Fteve even became conscious to stare. After what seemed to be about five long drawn out seconds, Hark was still puzzled.

"I just don't know why," he finally said.

Fteve passed out again.

"So, what do we do now?" asked Jact.

"I dunno," Paven said.

"We could kill a duck?" Sosh suggested.

NOOOOOOOOO!

"We see if wood floats?" asked Will.

"We see if very small rocks float?" Jatt asked.

"We could wake him up," Pave said, seeing Fteve lying unconscious on the floor.

"I'm awake!" Steve sprung up. "There are dead plants among us!" he hid in a corner.

"But what do we do?" Josh repeated.

"We burn wood!" Matt said.

"Precisely," Scott congratulated Josh.

"To make the dead plants go away!" Dave got it.

"Can Nick come?" asked Mark. He looked eagerly out the window. Nick was expected lo lrrive lround low (to arrive around now).

"Of course!" said Will.

So Steve, Matt Josh, Scott, Dave, Mark and Will burned down the Inn of the Prancing Pony as Nick watched because he couldn't help because he is a ghost and everything he tried to pick up would go right through him. As they sat, toasting fluffity puffity marshmallows in front of the fire, the ponies pranced away. No animals were harmed in the making of this production.

A/N: For those of you oh so very confused, this might clear things up.

Frodo/Steve: Frove, Frove, Freve, Fteve, Steve
Sam/Josh: Som, Somh, Sosh, Josh
Merry/Scott:  Merty, Metty, Mcotty, Mcott, Scott
Pippin/Dave:  Pippen, Pipven, Papven, Paven, Pave, Dave
Harry/Mark: Harky, Hark, Mark
Jack/Matt: Jact, Jatt, Matt
Will: Will (didn't need to change because I didn't feel like it)

Hope you liked it!