Love and Hate
Chapter Three - Trying Not To Feel
"Pansy? What are you doing here?" Harry spoke out of surprise.
Raising an eyebrow, Pansy looked around the dingy, dusty interior of the hotel bar. It had actually managed to look worse of the inside, she noted with an air of disgust, before walking carefully, cautious not to touch any of the dark marks that dotted the faded, splattered floor. Placing a hand on his bare wrist she smiled.
"Pansy?" Harry said quietly, hand almost jerking away from her cold touch. She tightened her grip, her smile never leaving her made up face.
"I don't normally frequent such places establishments as these, do I? No. But... I had heard that you were here. So I decided that to clear up matters, fresh air and everything." She sniffed delicately, before recoiling in disgust.
"Oh, I see. "Clearing up matters"? What do you want?" Harry harshly hissed.
Laughing almost a titter, as if she didn't care. Which as Harry reflected, she probably didn't. "Really, Harry! Stop being so rude, so crude. It can be quite unpleasant. I'm merely trying to be courteous and telling you that I'm leaving -"
"Me?" He broke in, "Pansy, go away. I don't, I won't care. i just don't want to." He looked defeated.
"No Harry. I will tell you. I'm leaving the country." His head rose slowly, as Pansy's head tilted thoughtfully at him. "Which, really is the one and the same."
"You're leaving your home?"
"Yes," she laughed, rather bitterly, "Mother has wanted me out, for many years now. Through," and she gave a tinkling laugh, "She would have preferred I would have been leaving for my marital home. But I think she sees that I am clearly not intending to rest on any thought marriage. She sees my lack of a ring of my finger, as a personal fault of mine. Which, oddly, is true. But then she and Papa, well... They are content with one another."
"Why?"
"Because," she waved her hand about, "A generational gap I suppose."
"Oh." Thinking of James and Lily, and how happy they were.
"Harry, I don't want to deal with you any more. I'm sick of people, of Britain. Of these people who assume they know anything about me. "I'm going to please myself," she nodded firmly.
"You're so selfish," Harry said in a choked voice, whispering as intent escaped him. "How? Why? You don't - "
"Dear Merlin!" Pansy muttered in exasperation, "Shut up, Harry! Please, if you knew me, which you assume to do and don't. You would clearly see, that I'm not happy, Harry."
"You - You're not happy Pansy?"
"Love really does blind you from the truth," she looked up from the ground, "You, um, You just see something in me that I am not. Do you know what I want to do when I grow up?"
"Twenty one, Pansy, you're twenty one. You're already grown up."
"You still don't get it do you? Well, as I figured anyway. You don't know me at all. So I suppose you don't love the real me. The real Pansy Parkinson."
"That's - "
"Not true? I know deep, down you do care, you're just that kind of guy, but I know you don't love me. I don't believe that."
"I do, Pansy," Harry spoke seriously, "I really do. I don't care what you do to me... I'll still love you." he fist slammed on the unpolished table top.
Startled, Pansy's eyes met Harry's, they burned deep with passion and emotion.
"No..." She shook her head forcefully, while her eyes were listless, lifeless. "No."
"Yes Pansy!"
Pansy's eyes were full of tears as she stood up, looking any where else but the flushed, angry Harry. She couldn't meet in the eye. It would be too much.
"No! I can't deal with you! Your emotions... I don't, won't love... I'm sorry," She whispered, tears streaming down her patchy pink cheeks.
"Pansy." Harry said quietly, but there was a distant afraid undercurrent.
"So sorry, sorry. I'm sorry."
"No."
"Yes, Harry!"
"Pansy..."
"I have to leave!" Whirling around as she shouted, she sniffed and wiped away some tears with the back of her hand. One last glance on him and she left, choking of the words left unsaid, leaving the decrepit bar.
Behind, left alone, Harry bit his lip, eyes staring wide out of pale, peaky face. Slowly a trickle of blood slid down his chin. Harry didn't notice, too intensely wrapped in a complex ball of emotions and feelings.
A fire lit his eyes.
"I hate you Pansy. I hate you!" Harry didn't notice the sharp tingling as salty left his eyes and hit his torn and bloody lip.
Harry hated her. Until her couldn't love her.
AN: Wow, an update. Through hideously short. Thanks you to the people who have reviewed.
