Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Harry Potter, or whatever other things I have chosen to borrow for this fic. What do I own in this story? I own Farmer, Nosering Man, Mullet Dude-o, whatever other odd characters are working at the asylum, and my plot. I think that's it. And anything that isn't from anywhere else. Yeah.
Story summary: When the rest of the Harry Potter series can no longer be finished because the characters get sent to an insane asylum, one fan goes on a mission to set things right.
Chapter Three: Insanity... Again
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"Hey! Hey, will you two stop fighting?" I ran over to where Ron and Krum were fighting. I managed to get them apart, with the help of Tonks, who seemed to be the sanest in the room. "What were you two fighting about, anyway?"
"He- looked- at- Hermione!" Ron yelled, attempting to punch Krum.
I grabbed Ron's arm, with some difficulty, as he was a lot bigger than I was. "So he looked at her! People look at other people all the time! It doesn't mean anything!"
"Yes- it- does!" Ron shouted.
"No it doesn't, Ron," said Hermione exasperatedly. She sounded rather sane as well, I noted. I would have to check the rest of the reports.
Thwack. Harry hit me with another tennis ball. I turned and walked over to him, hoping that Tonks would be able to handle the Ron/Krum situation. "What?" I asked Harry, hands on my hips.
Harry waved his arms around, pointing and gesturing. I had absolutely no idea what he was trying to tell me.
"I have absolutely no idea what you are trying to tell me," I told Harry, who waved his arms around more frantically, now jumping up and down as he did so.
"Sorry, but you're going to have to talk, or write it down, or draw me a picture or something. I'm not very fluent in Point-and-Wave, okay?" I told Harry with a shrug, then walked back to the chair and picked up my clipboard to read the rest of the reports.
Granger, Hermione – Was traumatized by the fact that all of her friends and teachers got sent to an insane asylum. More traumatized about the fact that she herself was admitted to the asylum. Tends to lecture doctors.
Dumbledore, Albus – Appears to be traumatized by the fact that he never got a pair of socks for Christmas. Believes he is a wizard. Seems to have a dislike of doctors.
What? All of these reports were crazy, but who the heck had written that one!
Tonks, Nympadora – Thinks she has the ability to change her appearance. Does not like doctors, and gets very angry if anyone calls her by anything other than her surname.
Weasley, Ronald – Has a strange dislike of Granger, Hermione speaking to almost anyone of the opposite sex. Has a strong dislike for Krum, Viktor. Also dislikes doctors.
I shook my head. Who had written these things? So everyone here might have some problems, but so far it seemed that they were no more insane than the average person. If you ask me, Banana Farmer and Mullet Dude-o had more problems than most of the people here. Well, Harry was a little… off, but I figured it was something he'd get over eventually. It doesn't matter quite as much in the books, but it helps if the star of a bunch of movies talks. It was probably the asylum that had thrown him over the deep end, anyway. I was absently pondering the origin of the phrase 'gone off the deep end' when someone tapped me on the shoulder.
I looked up to see another man with strange hair. He was balding, but what greying hair he had left, above the ears, and around the back, was in an Afro. He was wearing big, dark sunglasses, and had a long pointy nose. "Your shift's up," he said, opening the door for me. I put on my jacket, picked up my clipboard, and headed toward the door. "Oh, take him back to his room." Agent Afro motioned to Ron.
I led Ron towards the door. He was protesting, something about Krum, but I managed to get him to his room. Now where to go? I looked around. The name on the door across the hall was hanging from a piece of tape on one corner. I stuck the rest of the corners back on the door with a roll of duct tape I had found in one of the pockets of my jacket. 'Malfoy, Draco', it read. I shrugged, and reached for my keyring to open the door.
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A/N: Yes, I'm a horrible person who didn't update when I said I would… I'm sorry! But I'll put up the next chapter no later than Monday (yay for a day off of school!) and then I must honestly tell you that it may be a little while. But I'll try to write on this and my other fics this weekend. And if the next chapter doesn't get up (which I very much hope does not happen… I really want to post it), then… Well, I owe my readers something good!
As always… comments, questions, corrections, and criticism is welcome. I can't stop you from flaming, but any flames will be used for watermelon. Suggestions are also welcome. I have 1 chapter already written up after this… so any suggestions are very welcome! I want to put Draco in… but I'm not quite sure what to for him yet. Also, suggestions for any other characters are welcome! Just say the word!
