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sugr4sawyr: Here's some Sawyer for you. I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 7: Things Fall ApartKate bolted towards the woods with Jack at her heels. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back from the trees.
"Jack those are my children out there!" Her jaw was set and she stared at him through steely eyes, "Let me go."
"Kate, we can't go in there. You know that. It's too…"
"Too what, Jack? I swear to God, if you keep my from trying to get to my children I will kill you."
Jack held on to her arm, "I don't doubt it Kate. And we're going to find them. We are. But you can't go in there."
"Don't tell me what I can't do! Don't tell me to play by your rules."
"Kate, listen to me." He grabbed her other arm and pulled her close, staring her directly in the eyes, " Listen. They're fine. They know how to survive out there. They're fine. You know that."
Kate fought the tears that began to well in her eyes, "There's something out there Jack. We've seen what it can do. How do I know that my children are fine? What I do know is that something is wrong."
"Kate you would know if they weren't okay. You would know what, wouldn't you?"
Kate stared back at him, trying to steady herself. Jack could see the realization in her face and he let of her arms. For a moment she stood in front of him but taking a deep breath she turned and walked down the beach.
Jack let out a breath and noticed the crowd that had gathered. They all looked worried. He tried to smile.
"It'll be okay. We'll wait out the night. At first light we'll start looking for the kids."
" Jack. What the hell is that thing doing back here?"
He turned to Charlie who stood at his side staring towards the woods.
" I don't know. Maybe it never left." He reached out and squeezed Charlie's shoulder, "The boys are going to be fine. They'll all be fine."
Charlie nodded and then turned away in the direction Kate had stalked off.
"We can't just wait here all night."
"Sayid, you know we can't go out there." Jack answered the other man wearily. He knew Sayid's quick temper, knew how far he would go to protect his wife and daughter. " Nadia's fine."
Sayid shook his head, his dark eyes full of fire, " Do not speak to me so calmly about my daughter. You know nothing about being a father."
Jack looked down and swallowed, "I love each of those kids. I would never let anything happen to them. You know that." He turned to where Sun stood over Shannon with Eucalyptus, encouraging her to take deep breaths, "How's Shannon?"
" Her daughter is missing in the woods with some man eating monster. How do you think she is?" Sayid gave him one last piercing glare and then walked back to help his wife.
Jack took a deep breath. He knew this was the right thing. They couldn't go out there. Not like this. Not where that thing was.
But there was no way he was going to let anything happen to those kids. He wouldn't allow it. After all, he had a promise to keep.
"Well doc, I'm glad to see that this whole island experience hasn't taken the edge off your drive."
Jack looked up with an irritated scowl, " Did you need something Sawyer or did you just come by to toss around some more witty banter?"
Sawyer cocked his head to one side, "Well, I don't know. I never did think your banter was all that witty. All that doctor lingo and all. An ignorant man from the south like myself often doesn't know what the hell you doctors are talking about."
Jack just rolled his eyes and shook his head, turning back to the tee. Sawyer looked and around to make sure that no one was listening and then took a deep breath.
" I was wondering if you had anything stronger than that stuff you normally give out for headaches."
Jack looked up, "You having headaches again?"
"Sometimes."
"Maybe you just need some new glasses. I could have Sayid make you a new pair." He smirked.
Sawyer's eyes narrowed, " My glasses are just fine. It's just the headaches."
" How often?"
"Lately, about once a day."
"What kind of pain?"
"Now, what the hell kind of question is that? It's pain. The kind that hurts. Damn doctors and their stupid questions."
Jack shrugged, "I don't need to help you."
Sawyer let out a breath, "Okay, fine. It's sharp pain. At the back of my neck."
Jack nodded, "Any other symptoms?"
Sawyer looked away for a moment, " I've been losing my balance a lot lately, when I wake up in the morning sometimes I can't feel my hands and I sometimes smell a burning smell that's not really there." He looked back at Jack and gave him a half smile. "So doc, what's the diagnosis? Need to ask me about my past sexual activity?"
Closing his eyes, Jack folded his arms across his chest. He ran through the possibilities in his head and every time he came back to the same conclusion. Although he didn't know quite how to put it into words. Looking up he could see that Sawyer already knew the answer. He shook his head at the worry on Jack's face.
"Well, I didn't peg you as one to show that much concern about me. I'm guessing it's not good. So I'm just gonna turn around and walk away before you spout some medical mumbo jumbo in my direction."
Sawyer turned and walked away down the path and Jack watched him disappear. He let out his breath and ran his hands over his face. This was not something he wanted to deal with. There was nothing he could do. Even if he tried, with the lack of medical equipment, there was no way he could fix it.
Jack flung his golf club to the side and cursed into the wind.
Later that night
"This should help with the pain."
Sawyer looked up and the package that Jack held out to him. He reached for it and nodded, "Thanks." Bending his head down he sniffed the contents.
"What is this crap?"
" Sun made it." Jack sat down next to Sawyer in the sand and rested his arms on his knees. He looked out in the direction Sawyer was staring and saw Shannon, Kate and Claire running around on the sand with the children. Kate ran up to James from behind and threw the squealing child in the air. She brought him back down and blew a raspberry on the side of his neck. Their laughter drifted down the beach to where Jack and Sawyer sat.
"I don't want Kate to know."
Jack looked over at the other man, "Sawyer, if your symptoms get worse then she's going to figure something's wrong."
Sawyer shook his head, " No. She won't find out. I just want to enjoy the next days. As it always was."
"You never know how long it's going to be Sawyer. It could be weeks, months…"
"Days." Sawyer looked over, " After a certain amount of time you just come to know things. There are things you don't even need a doctor for."
Jack nodded.
" Kate doesn't need to know."
" You're just going to let her be shocked?"
Sawyer smiled, " I know it's selfish. But that's the kind of guy I am. My life hasn't been all that perfect. I'd like to enjoy the last few days of it. Besides, Kate's strong."
"Yes she is."
Sawyer laughed and ran his hands through his hair, "I guess it there's one other person on this island who can understand that woman, it'd be you. And I'll have to admit. Back there at the beginning, I was sure she would choose you over me."
Jack laughed, "I don't know. I'm not really sure that there was ever even a choice in her mind."
The two men sat in silence, both watching Kate playing with her child. Sawyer looked over and saw the way Jack looked at the mother of his child. He sighed and smiled to himself, shaking his head.
"I guess, I'm gonna need you to make me a promise."
Jack looked at his curiously, "And what's that?"
" James and Kate. I need you to promise that you'll take care of them."
Jack let his chin drop to his chest, "Sawyer…"
"No, I'm serious. I want you to make sure that they're okay. That Kate keeps on living. Cause you know, people like us tend to shut the world out sometimes and I don't want her to do that. And I want you to make sure that James…" Sawyer's voice cracked slightly and he took a deep breath, keeping his eyes trained on his laughing son. "I want you to make sure that James know how much his father loved him."
Jack nodded silently trying to fight the growing pressure behind his eyes.
" I think you and I both know about the whole missing father complex. I don't want James to go through that. I need him to know that I always loved him. I guess… I guess we all need that." Sawyer suddenly seemed to lose himself in thought for a moment. Jack almost stood up to leave him alone when Sawyer turned to him with a half smile, " Hey, did I ever tell you about the time that I spent in Australia before the crash?"
Jack looked at him with an amused expression on his face, "Well, no. I don't think we've ever really sat down to talk about the past."
Sawyer nodded, " I was there for a while actually… looking for someone. It's not really important why. But this one night I ended up in this bar."
"I don't really need to hear about your past indiscretions."
"Don't worry doc. This isn't that kind of story. Anyways, I was sitting at the bar, drowning my sorrows as we like to say and there was this other man sitting there. We started talking and then he said something that really stuck with me. He said, 'That's why the Red Sox will never win the World Series."
Jack's head shot up and he stared at Sawyer in bewilderment.
" He started talking about how he was a doctor and had gotten into some trouble. He talked a lot about his son. About how his son thought he hated him. But he didn't hate him. He said he was thankful actually. That he had done him a service. Called his son a great man and said he loved him." Sawyer fell silent unable to meet Jack's eyes.
Jack could feel his whole body shaking as he tried to process Sawyer's words,
" You met… When did you… You're just bringing this up now?"
Sawyer nodded, "Never really felt like the right time. I guess I didn't get it until now."
Jack shook his head, " For three years I've thought…he hated me."
"Nah, that wasn't hate I saw in his eyes. Personally, I'd kill to have a father that talked about me like that." Sawyer's voice got quiet and Jack didn't hear his next words, "I guess I actually did."
He didn't know what to think. Didn't know how to process it. He wanted to lash out at Sawyer. Yell at him for keeping it from him so long. He wanted to blame Sawyer for those three years of guilt. Instead he turned to him with his jaw set firmly, "James will always know how much you loved him."
Sawyer nodded, a smile on his lips, "Thank you Jack." He stood up and Jack stared down at the ground. Then he noticed Sawyer's hand stretched out in front of him. Jack took it and they shook hands, understanding each other for the first time.
Jack watched Sawyer walk down the beach, grab James and swing him up to sit on his shoulders. Kate smiled at him and said something Jack couldn't hear. Sawyer slung his arm around her shoulder and the three of them walked off together towards their shelter.
He sat there in silence for a moment until he could take it anymore, a sob escaped his lips and his head fell to his knees. He let the emotion pour out of him, his shoulders shaking with sobs.
One week laterShe sat by the fire, her knees pulled up to her chin. Her gazed was focused on the flames and she watched them leaping up towards the sky, licking the burnt wood in attempt to obliterate it. Jack approached her slowly and sat down next to her on the log. Kate didn't look up.
"James is asleep. Claire's got him with her for the night."
She nodded slowly without letting her eyes leave the flames.
Jack looked around, unsure of what to say, unsure if there was even anything to say.
"I was always fascinated with fire when I was younger."
Jack looked over in surprise as Kate began to speak.
" I would just sit and stare at the flame of a candle. Completely overcome by the colors and the heat, the way it danced. There was something so soothing to it. I don't really know why."
Jack wasn't sure what to say and Kate finally let her eyes pull away from the fire.
"It was a beautiful service."
"It wasn't me. Claire put it all together."
Kate nodded and Jack noticed for the first time the piece of paper she held in her fist.
"What do you have there?
Kate looked down at the tattered letter, "Something of Sawyer's."
He didn't ask anymore about it.
"Jack, can I ask you a question?"
Jack was shocked at the weakness in her voice, the sound of vulnerability that she often tried to hide.
"Of course."
"Did Sawyer say anything to you? Anything about headaches? Anything to warn you that this might happen?" She looked up at him pleadingly and Jack could see the tears pooling in her deep brown eyes. He wanted to give her all the answers.
He shook his head, "Nothing. I'm sorry."
Kate nodded and they sat there for countless moments until she brushed away the tears that slid slowly down her face. Getting to her knees she reached out and held the letter over the smoking fire. Jack could see her lips moving; either in prayer or talking to someone who couldn't hear her. He didn't know. Then in one quick motion she dropped the letter in the flames. It lay there on top of the burning log, for a moment unharmed, as if the fire had no power over it. And then slowly the edges began to blacken and curl and the paper started to smoke. Together, Jack and Kate watched as the letter slowly disintegrated, turning to smoke that curled quietly into the star filled sky.
"I can't just sit here like this any longer."
Jack flew to his feet as Kate marched by him with resolve in her step.
"Kate. Please don't do this."
"I have to Jack." She looked after him, "Now, you can either go with me or go run around spouting off the rules to someone else. Right now I'm not going to listen."
"I'm going with her."
Jack spun around at the sound of Sayid's voice.
" You guys, please don't do this."
"Those are our children out there." Sayid slid his backpack onto his shoulders and turned to Shannon who stood behind him with a look of fear on her face, " We're going to find Nadia." He placed his hand on her cheek and smiled reassuringly.
Shannon looked back at him with a distressed look on her face. Jack could tell that she was torn between worry for her daughter and concern for her husband.
"Sayid, Kate. This is too dangerous."
"He's right. You can't go out there. It's not going to help anything."
Jack knew that voice. He hadn't heard it in twenty years but he still knew that voice. He turned around slowly and everyone stared in shock at the person who had spoken.
Locke was back.
Author's Note: Okay, so I've been a bit emotional lately so I kinda cried while writng this chapter. But I guess it's a good thing because the story just came pouring out and I wrote this in about two hours. I hope you enjoy. Please read and review.
