Author's notes: Thanks for the reviews, write again!
Disclaimer: Do not own Yu-gi-oh.
Rated for: Language, slight drugs
Enjoy!
Luminance
'Are you okay?' I hear the voice of my friend. 'No' I respond. It doesn't make me feel good saying this to him, but it's the truth. I don't feel okay. Not anymore. Not in a long while.
How can I? I still love him. I want to be with him. Maybe I should just go somewhere. Leave this city. I have always wanted to live in Tokyo. It used to be for totally different reasons though. Now, I just want to get lost there. Blend in with the crowd. Or maybe I just want to flee.
I smile. Mom always said that running from your problems is never the answer. 'You should always confront your difficulties, not run from them.' She used to say. I'm sorry I'm weaker than you, mom. I'm sorry but no matter what I do, I can't seem to solve this problem. No matter which way I go, it's a dead end. When it comes to him, nothing goes right.
I look around the room sadly. This gameshop, this room, so many happy memories. It seems they all went down the drain. I remember when we celebrated Yami's 5005th birthday. That was funny. We had the big cake, and happy 5005th on it and Bakura made fun of Yami saying that he's a walking corpse on wooden sticks. He actually got him a cane for his birthday! A cane! Yami was so furious that he threw it right back at him hitting him in the eye with it, and we had to get an ambulance. That was the not the funny part. 'The damn tomb robber deserves it. He should get worse for insulting me like that. Besides, he's the same age as me. Damn thief'. Yami said. But we could all the slight vexation in his eyes. Yeah, those were actually the good times.
Then, everything just flew right out the window. The laughter, the smiles, the joy. Instead, it was all replaced by sadness, burden and tears. Everything. Yugi became sick, Bakura got his bad news, grandpa Moto died that year following my mom, Tristan got a girl pregnant, and everything we had built all our lives just demolished in a blink of an eye. That's all it took. Building a life takes time, determination, and hard work. Destroying it just takes one blow. Like a card house. Take one wrong move and everything falls.
It all happened merely in a year. I guess it's true what they say. The way you spend New Years' Eve is the way you spend the whole year. Ours wasn't exactly pleasant. Getting drunk somewhere, passing out, blacking out. Getting caught up in a night of drugs, alcohol and sex. Not a good way to spend the most important holiday of the year. No, not at all.
Tristan will be a father soon. He used to tell me that the day he'll become a husband and the day he'll have a child will be the best and most memorable days of his life. Not exactly how he imagined for it to end up. Sure, he'll soon be a father, but never a husband, and never happy. It'll change him forever. He'll never be the same.
The girl is not exactly proper. To say it plainly, she's a slut. Just some whore he picked up. I haven't seen him smile in months. Not once. He always looks so tired and worn out. I guess he'll get a real job soon. He won't go to school. The worst thing is, the mother of their yet unborn child is probably going to leave him after birth. Then, he's on his own. How did he get in this shit.
I take a deep breath. I hold it in for as long as I can. I can feel my throat burn, and I'm getting lightheaded. My head starts to spin. Yami can't notice since he's so caught up in his own thoughts. I wonder if you can die by holding your breath. With my luck, probably not. I let go. New air fills my lungs. There so much air out there in the world. So much used air. As if we're borrowing it. One person breathes it out one breathes it in. It's cycle. Except we don't really ask 'Hey, can I borrow your air, I'm out.'
I've been thinking about death a lot lately. Something that I thought will never sneak into my mind. Death. It's weird. What will I do after I die? What I'm really afraid of is though is that nothing will happen. What if nothing happens? Nothing at all? Time stops, and you can't go forward nor back?
That's what I feel like when I'm in this place too. In the gameshop or at the mansion. Nothing happens. Time stops. Air doesn't move. Everything's quiet. The outside world is like a twilight zone. If you reach out, or just whisper, it'll vanish.
That's why I like to go outside. It's like a salvation. To see movement. People going somewhere. People breathing. People smiling and frowning. Showing emotion. Because right now, everyone around me lost their way, lost their light. They're trapped just like me. When one door closed, no other door opened. Will we ever be able to open the locked doors?
I got up from the windowsill. I looked at Yami. I don't want to burden him further with my presence, but I don't have anywhere else to go. He knows. He understands. He gives me another pity look, and I sigh. I walked out of the room, closing the door. Another closed door.
I walked downstairs. Everything looks like it always does. In fact, if you didn't know what was going on for the past couple of months, you wouldn't have noticed that something changed. The violet couch and its lavender pillows are in the same spot, the small, brick chimney, the happy faces on the walls, and couple streaks of light shining trough the small glass window above the door. Nothing has changed to the outer eye.
It's all inside. The house has lost its soul. It lost its brightness. It's just a house now. It used to be so much more. Where friends could share their joy and despair. Their happy moments and a comforting shoulder. A place where you felt home no matter what. Not anymore.
Everything turned to past memories now. Just something one can look back on and say 'Hey, that was me once. I hardly remember.'
Nobody comes here anymore. Marik and Malik have their own problems to deal with, Yugi and Yami go to doctor visitations all the time, Bakura locked himself out, Ryou moved on with his life and away from Bakura, Tristan will soon have a baby to take care of, Joey I don't even see anymore.
Last thing I've heard form him was that he hangs out at the Red Dragon. A gloomy place. They sell lots of drugs there. Cocaine, Heroine, Ecstasy, you name it. I guess he's an addict now. He hardly goes to school, and when he does, it's usually with black spots under his eyes, with a hangover, not even aware of his surroundings.
He fights a lot too. Beats up people for money, or rather they him. He's involved in that a lot now. Money, drugs, he definitely doesn't have that sweet, innocence that shined through his golden eyes. Now his eyes are the color of deep brown mixed with a dirty gray. He doesn't acknowledge or talk to us. And we don't really try anymore. As I said, we all have our problems to deal with.
We're all selfish now. We're all dirty. We're all hurt.
/to be continued…/
Write your comments and thoughts on this chapter. Tell me what you think. Their lives are not the same. What do you think will happen to whom? Tell me your predictions.
Till next time.
kisses,
mirage
! adeus !
