Thanks a ton to boogle and shaun for reviewing chapter seven! It's been a while since I updated, so I am going to update now so you can read my story. This is the LAST chapter! So please review!
Escape
"Erm . . . yes. I've really got to visit the little boys room," said Rimmer quickly, staring at the guard.
"Boy, you're standing in it!" she hollered at him pointing at the jail cell.
"Oh, yes, of course. But do you really mean to tell me that I have to go . . . number two . . . in this cell too?" he asked, peering around for anybody else who might have been listening.
"Yes!" shouted the guard and added another padlock onto the cell door. She then smiled sweetly at Rimmer and continued on her rounds.
"Ohhh," Lister moaned, "am I almost dead or am I almost dead?"
"Kryten! Lister's waking up," said Rimmer excitedly. For him, it was a bit creepy to see Kryten sew up Lister's leg seven times. Maybe with Lister awake Kryten would take a break.
"Oh, sir," said Kryten, bustling over to where Lister was lying, (in Rimmer's arms, having had Rimmer drag him to the cell door), "You should not be awake. I still haven't operated on your leg!"
Rimmer made rude hand signals behind his back, though his thoughts directed them at Kryten. "Kryters! As I told you before, Lister is o-kay!" he said, stretching out his words.
"Yea, man, I'm okay," said Lister as he sat up. "I've just got a leg cramp." Rimmer had motioned to Lister with the kill signal to try and make Lister not say anything about leg's, but to no avail.
"A leg cramp!" yelled Kryten loud enough to wake everybody on the island.
"Uh," Lister said, surprised by Kryten's outburst and distracted by Rimmer's frantic signals. "No. I was just remembering a dream I had," seeing that Kryten's face was not changing expressions, Lister changed the subject. "Where's Cat?"
"Sleeping over there, sir," replied Kryten.
"Listy!" called Rimmer, "We've made contact with Holly. She's got Red Dwarf –
"She found it!" interjected Lister.
Rimmer gave him a very mean look. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," another mean look, "Holly found Red Dwarf and she's in orbit around this planet. She can't come down and get up, obviously, so we have to break out of this cell, find a transport, steal it, and take off to Red Dwarf."
"Oh is that it?" asked Lister sarcastically. "I'm going to wake up Cat."
Lister moved towards Cat but was blocked by Kryten. "Mr. Lister I really must protest. Cat is very injured and cannot be woken until he is fully healed."
"There's nothing wrong with him Kryten. I'm going to wake him up, now," Lister replied. He reached down and shook Cat on the shoulder. There was no response. Lister bent over by Cat's ear and shouted, "Wake up you smeghead!"
That got a response. Cat sat straight up and said, "Luck virus."
"Luck virus?" asked Rimmer, "what for?"
"For finding my automatic bikini waxer!" said Cat, as if it was the most obvious thing.
"No," said Lister, "For getting out of here." That caught everybody's attention. "Remember when Rimmer had that holo-virus. When he dressed up in the plaid dress and army boots?" Rimmer gave him a dirty look. "Well, we used the virus to find all the equipment we needed and to break out of our cell. So, let's use it to break out of our cell and find a ship!"
"That would be a very good plan sir, but poor Cat is too sick to move!" said Kryten.
"What!" asked Cat, jumping out of bed as Kryten tried to take his temperature. "I'm not sick. Let's go!"
At that moment, if Lister had been injected with the virus, the story would have ended perfectly, with no fighting or death at all. Unfortunately, that is not how the story goes.
"Hello boys," said a familiar voice, the voice of Malyne. "It's dinner time. Who's hungry?" The Dwarfers looked at each other but none of them said anything. "Rimmer is hungry. I find that holo-light makes good eating."
Rimmer gulped, but Lister patted him on the back and whispered, "We're going to save you." Cat however, had to ruin Rimmer's mood even more by telling Malyne that maybe the light tasted good with margarine.
Malyne grabbed Rimmer's wrist and practically dragged him out of the room. "Bye bye boys," she called to the remaining three.
"Oh, this is terrible. Completely awful. Now Rimmer had to eat buttered light," murmured Kryten, knocking his head against the wall.
"Cat, find the luck virus," ordered Lister.
"Is that the blue virus," asked Cat, rummaging around in a box.
"Yea."
"I can't pick it up."
"Why not?"
"Blue with fuchsia, are you nuts?"
"Just pick it up Cat," said Lister.
"You are ruining my reputation," said Cat as he handed Lister the syringe.
Lister in turn handed the virus to Kryten, who, having recovered from his little tantrum, injected it into Lister. "Okay, sir, get us out," said Kryten.
"How?" asked Lister. Cat watched, amused.
"I need a key," said Kryten.
"Like this?" asked Lister, holding up a small metal key.
"Perfect." Kryten put the key into the door and opened it. They all filed out.
"I need a Brazilian Automatic Bikini Waxer."
"What, like this?" asked Lister, holding up a Brazilian Automatic Bikini Waxer.
"Thanks bud," said Cat. Kryten gave him a stern look.
"Now," said Kryten, "I need a doorway that will lead us to wear Mr. Rimmer is being eaten. And a gun. Two actually. I changed my mind. Three guns."
Lister ducked down onto the ground and picked up three guns before stopping in front of a doorway that would supposedly lead them to Rimmer. "Lock and load boys," said Lister.
Cat and Kryten did and Kryten opened the door. The sight that they saw was unbelievable. All five sisters in their insect form were hovering around Rimmer, sucking out his light.
"Hiiii, ya!" shouted Lister as he let loose his gun and, surprisingly, downed every single bug.
"What a stroke of luck!" said Cat, running forward to pick up Rimmer's light bee, for he had shut himself off. "Hey bud, you've been injured!" he said to Lister.
Kryten was horror stricken as he turned to look at Lister's leg. "Your leg wound has re-opened. I insist you let me heal it."
"No Kryten, you can do it on Red Dwarf. We've got to get out of here," replied Lister, brushing away the blood that was running down his leg.
Kryten looked flustered. "Fine sir, but if you die, you did it unto yourself. Now, I need a transport vessel."
Lister opened a random door which led to a . . . transport vessel. He was now noticeably paler because of blood loss. In fact, there was a trail of blood from the room where they found Rimmer to the vessel that he was now approaching. "Get in," he shouted, despite the pain.
They did. Cat took the driver's seat while Kryten ushered Lister to a seat and got out his sewing kit.
Lister took one look at the needle and thread Kryten was now holding, "You've got to be kidding me!"
"This may hurt a little sir," said Kryten and he plunged the needle into Lister's leg and began sewing up his leg.
"So ends the luck virus," murmured Lister.
Cat, meanwhile, had started up the vehicle and contacted Holly. "We'll be up there in about fifteen minutes, cutie."
"Erm, Cat? Are you okay?" asked Holly. Being called cute was usually a complement, but from Cat, who knew?
"Eeeeewieyuck. I just called you cute. My dignity is slipping!" Cat had grossed himself out. He started the engines and headed for Red Dwarf.
Rimmer turned himself back on.
"You're looking pale bud," said Cat as Rimmer approached.
"I've just had half my light eaten and all you can say is that you think I look pale?" Rimmer held his hand up to his face. "I do look pale."
Lister wandered back into the cockpit with a thread hanging from his leg. "Good to see you alive, Rimmer."
"Oh ha ha. Very funny."
"At least, we're free," said Lister, quoting his favorite movie. Then he burst into tears, that movie always made him cry.
Well, that's the end. Please review and tell me how you liked it. I tried to make it a little longer than usual. Well, thanks to everybody!
