Chapter 2

Have you ever spent hours just thinking about the right guy?

I know I did.

Considering my not so brood experience with men, I always thought I have too high standards. Cause I didn't manage to like anybody very much. I've even been called 'cold-hearted'. Which is ironic because all I ever wanted was to fall in love… but apparently it's not enough to want it.

I've always had a thing for guys with beautiful smiles. You know, the kind of guy that is not necessarilly extremely handsome but who turns into this really beautiful guy once he starts smiling. I suppose it's because a beautiful smile usually suggests a great personality.

When Pacey first came to talk to me he had this great smile on his face. I didn't notice anything else, just the smile. And it was enough. I knew I liked him the minute I saw him. I hoped he'd be playing Colby, but since I'd already met Dawson by that time I knew he wouldn't. Unfortunatly for me, he plays Petey, the guy I'm least likely to kiss in the show. And that sucks. Cause I'd really love to kiss him.

Of course when he stopped smiling and turned out to be cute anyway, I was lost. I kept levitating around him on the set, trying to get a glimpse of what he really was. He joked all the time and, guess what, his jokes were actually funny. All of them. Or maybe I'm just more hooked than I'd like to admit.

I've always known that I want a funny guy. I couldn't stand being serious all the time. Maybe because I'm such a child inside.

And… the banter… ok, so the banter was part of the show, but even though I know what I said and what he said had been carefully written before by other people who probably thought for hours for each paragraph, I must say it came natural. And the way he looked at me, my God he was so funny. So funny and so cute that I actually fear I'm not going to be believable in my so-called Colby crush. Cause I can't possibly like a guy like that, when I've got a guy like Pacey. Who would?

I read the script and I couldn't believe it. I mean, Colby is supposed to be this God's gift to women kind of guy, because all the girls in the show want him, but the truth is that he's boring as hell. Dawson's ok, he's not bad looking and when he's himself he's actually quite nice. But Colby… I couldn't possibly picture myself falling for a guy like Colby.

So anyway, I asked Pacey to grab a bite with me although I had just finished my sandwich. But I'd eat twice the amount I ate tonight if that would guarantee me a date with him. Hell, I laughed so hard tonight that all the fat I put on by eating was probably eliminated through laughter.

I get to the set. Second day of shooting. We're shooting the pilot. God I hope this does it and gets to be a regular show. It would do wonders for my acting career and I have a feeling that it might just improve my social life too.

I see Pacey standing in the corner, eyes shut. So he's not a morning person. Somehow I suspected that. God he's so cute with his hair all messed up. I hope they don't change it too much, looks much better like that…

"Hey jailbait" I call him by his show nickname.

He opens his eyes and there's that smile again. Oh dear. My heart has gone wild.

"Ice Queen" he winks. I wonder if anyone noticed if I just dragged him into the bushes.

"Had a good night sleep?"

"Not really"

"No? Why not?"

"See, there was this gorgeous lady that I had dinner with that haunted my thoughts and didn't let me sleep"

Oh. My. God. He called me gorgeous. Marry me.

I'm out of words, I'm out of breath and the ground under my feet seems to be slipping away.

"You?"

Me what? Me Joey. You Pacey. Me wants to kiss you senseless right about now.

"Had a good night sleep?"

I'm dumb. I'm making a fool of myself in front of him. That is not such a good idea. Quick, come up with good comeback. Brain stuck. Help.

"Uhm, no… for simmilar reasons"

Don't smile. Don't smile.

He smiled.

"Hey guys" Dawson turns up out of nowhere. Good, I can catch up on my breathing now.

"Hey Dawson. How was your first night in Capeside?"

"Pretty good. I think I'm going to enjoy living here"

"Yeah, me too. Speaking of which, have you found a place to live?"

"I found more than one but I just can't afford any of them."

"Me neither. Is it just me or this town is too expensive for its own good?"

"No, not just you… we could try getting one together, that could work"

Pacey smiles again. I try to look somewhere else, I swear, I try… but it's not working.

"Hey everyone!" Nigel shouts from the other end of the set. "Come on, it's time to start"

End of a long day of bantering with Pacey. And it didn't end when the camera didn't roll. And it was such a turn on… hold on, did I just say that?

I'm gonna admit something to you: I'm 19 and still a virgin. Not technically, technically there was Chris in the junior year. But that didn't feel like sex, it was…. I don't know how I should call it. You know the movie 'never been kissed'? Well, I've 'never been made love to'. Not in the proper sense of the word. No fireworks. The earth didn't move for me yet. Not because Chris didn't try but because it didn't work. I actually considered being a frigid. Really. No-one ever did it for me.

So the prospect of being turned on by someone who has yet to touch me (well, not really, he grabbed my ass a couple of times yesterday… but that was a part right? Not that it felt like one… I actually enjoyed that – just don't tell anybody) is a bit funny to think about. And yet it's true.

You know the whole 'the most erotic part of your body is your brain' stuff? It's true. Really. Who needs touching when you have this whole back-and-forth bantering that keeps going and going until you're going mad…

So… the day is over… and I have yet to want to go further than a few feet away from Pacey. So, you know, who said I can't feel anything was wrong. I actually have stalker tendencies. I practically followed him all day long like a lost puppy. Next thing I know I'll be arrested for sexual harressment. Or something of the sort. Not that I'd mind sharing a cell with Pacey… which I wouldn't if I were his stalker. Stop! Go home! Get sleep! Re-activate brain!

He is approaching. Heart switches to alarm mode.

"Hi" he says softly.

"Hi"

"Have you had a good day?"

"It was ok…" I try not to sound to enthusiastic but my cheeks are burning up. Operation 'play hard to get' going straight to hell.

"You did great"

Operation 'kidnapping Pacey before anyone else realizes what a great guy he is' has entered the planning phase.

"Thanx" my cheeks must be violet by now.

"So, apparently I'm moving in with Dawson"

Small talk. Sounds good.

"Yeah, I heard, good for you"

"What about you?"

"My parents have nicely agreed to support me and bought me a small apartment above the grocery store."

"That's cool. My parents aren't as nice as yours, they decided I need to learn a lesson for not wanting to have a 9 to 5 job... so they pretty much let me on my own."

What a bunch of bastards! I suddenly wish my parents hadn't bought me an apartment so I can move in with him and Dawson. Minus Dawson.

"So…"

"So…"

He stuffs his hands in his pockets. He seems a bit… troubled.

I wish he asked me out. He has to be the one making the first move, he's the guy and everything. And besides if I ask him out I'll never know whether he actually wants to go out with me or not. He'll just come cause he's too nice to say no.

Awkward silence.

"What do you think of the show?" He asks. I clinch my fists in frustration.

"It's very good. I think it's got a pretty good chance"

"Yeah, I think so too…"

Awkward silence phase two.

"So…"

Here we go again…

To hell with it. I've only got one life to live, by the time he asks me out I'll be 80.

"Wanna go out sometime?"

The moment I say it I turn red. And he's got a big grin on his face.

"Wasn't that supposed to be my line?"

"I wouldn't like to have wrinkles on our first date"

He laughs and I'm in love.

"Sure. How about now?"

"Now would be good"

"Let's go."