(AN: Surprisingly enough, I don't have an author's note. But I'm typing this anyway to avoid breaking tradition. Just one thing—I've never had a character swear more than Teedie does in this chapter. Sorry about that, but hey… he's mad!)
"What?" cried Commander, looking at Guadalupe incredulously. "You know where they are? How? And where?"
"I do not know for sure," Lupe quickly clarified. "But I do have an educated guess. When Jim was questioning me, he asked me if I knew anything about a hidden treasure that my boss had. I know nothing about such a treasure, but Jim did remind me of a small hole in my boss's office. It was not large enough for a full-sized human to fit through. My guess is that these big surly guys grabbed the two youngsters and made them go through the tunnel."
"Wanda's gonna go ballistic in three seconds," announced Cosmo. "Three, two, one…"
"You mean that tiny, asthmatic Teedie is crawling and hacking his way through some dark tunnel to find some treasure that probably doesn't even exist?" Wanda shrieked.
"No," said Commander glumly. "Tiny, asthmatic Teedie is crawling and hacking his way through some dark tunnel to find some treasure that probably doesn't even exist… with Edith."
"Oh, well then that's alright!" said Cosmo happily.
"No it's not!" yelped Wanda.
"Well, okay, it's not alright, but it's better than just one of them going in alone," said Cosmo, sounding almost sensible. "Scary things aren't as scary if you have someone else with you. Unless that someone else is an ax murderer. Then it's even more scary."
"The green-haired moron is actually making sense," said Juandissimo, sounding shocked.
"Yeah, think about it, Aunt Wanda," said Luden. "Either one of these kids would go crazy going in some dark, cramped place by themselves. Any of us would. But having someone to talk to might keep their sanity in check… at least a little bit."
"This is all well and good," interrupted Commander, "but neither of them should be in there in the first place. And if any future president and first lady dies on my conscience, I swear I'll kill myself. So Lupe, where's your boss's office?"
Guadalupe stood up quickly. "I will show you."
…………
The other six were worried that, if the children did survive, they might go crazy from the darkness. As the big surly guys slammed shut the door choking off nearly all the light in the tunnel, this was certainly an unwelcome lingering thought nagging at Edith's mind.
Teedie, on the other hand, was too angry to be frightened.
"Bastards. There's no other word for it."
"Teedie…"
"Those men are Bastards with a capital B. Stupid sons-of-bitches sending us in here for their own perverse greed."
"Teedie, stop it—"
"Why, if I ever get my hands on those mother-fu—"
"Teedie!"
"Eeeedie!" Teedie's voice took a dramatic turn, almost pleading. "You know they are. You know it." He stuck out his arm in front of him, than the other, than the other, slowly but steadily plunging himself into the darkness, Edith clinging firmly to his ankle.
"I don't care if they are or not," said Edith, sounding like a goody-goody teacher's pet. "One of your high breeding should not be using that sort of foul language, Theodore Roosevelt."
"Fine, I'm sorry," mumbled Teedie. He suddenly remembered a pestering curiosity. "Just how did you wind up in Nevada, anyway?"
"I could ask you the same question." Teedie couldn't see her, but he was sure that Edith was smiling.
"Well then, why don't you?"
"Because I know."
"How? And, while you're at it, I wouldn't mind if you actually answered my first question. What the hell are you doing here?"
"Teedie!"
Teedie sighed. "What the… earthworm… are you doing here," he mumbled, as something small, long, and slimy—most assuredly an earthworm, although he couldn't see a thing—fell into his hair. He pulled it out in disgust.
"Well." Edith drew in a short, deep breath, sounding like a gossipy old lady about to tell the scandalous story of what she saw Mr. Jones doing that day. "I went over to your house to play with Conie—"
"Don't lie, you little lovebird."
"Alright, alright, to see you—but you weren't there. But there was this lady named Commander. She's really weird. I thought she was crazy, but she brought me here somehow, so she must be magic or something. She knows the future."
"Wait. Did she have red hair, yellow eyes, enormous boobs, and wear pants?"
"Yes! She did!" Edith sounded delighted. "Do you know her? Is this…" Her voice fell. "Is this all just some practical joke you and Ellie are playing on me? Like that time you locked me in the closet when that funeral procession went by?"
"No, I don't know her!" cried Teedie. "But I met her in that general store. She says I'm going to be president."
"She told me that, too. And she said I'll be your first lady."
"Over my dead body." Teedie coughed, with clean air becoming rarer and rarer the further they crawled down the tunnel. "And the way things are going, it'll probably be dead very soon." He took a short breath to try to save on air, but his windpipe was already closing as it was. "I think I'm going to have another attack," he winced, for the first time sounding scared.
Edith said nothing, only making a small whimpering noise and clutching Teedie's ankle tighter.
"So anyway… did Commander happen to tell you why I was here?"
"She did, but I couldn't really understand it. It involved fairies, though."
"Fairies!" cried Teedie. "You know about fairies?"
"Yes," said Edith. She paused for a moment. "Commander told me that it was alright that I knew about fairies, because since she was the author, she could make exceptions to the rules. Or something like that."
"Oh… so that means that I won't lose my fairy godparents. I hope."
"What are they like?"
"They're great. Wanda's really nice, but she can be tough on you when she needs to be. And Cosmo's insane." Teedie sighed. "I wish they were here. They grant nearly everything I wish for, as long as it isn't against Da Rules."
"You mean, if they were here, you could wish us out of here?"
"Probably." Teedie coughed again. "I'm done talking for awhile, Edith. Got to save my breath," he said abruptly.
"Certainly," said Edith.
They continued crawling. It was impossible to know for how long. Edith's breaths grew short from fear while Teedie's grew short from asthma.
At one point, something warm and fuzzy brushed against Edith. Giving a shriek of fear, she immediately did what instinct told her to—grab Teedie as tightly as she could.
"What?" cried Teedie, the first word either had spoken for ages.
"Something just ran past me, and it was warm and fuzzy and gross!" Edith had a death grip on Teedie's legs—his upper legs, that is. Her head was pressed in fear against his buttocks.
Teedie didn't like it one bit.
"How big was it?" he asked. "About a foot or so?"
"I couldn't see," said Edith. "But… probably…"
"It was probably just a mole," said Teedie. "They just eat earthworms and stuff. Totally harmless. Now get your head off of my butt."
"Sorry…" Edith lowered her arms back to his ankles and lifted up her head. Teedie continued plowing through the darkness, but stopped suddenly, causing Edith to crash into Teedie's behind again. "Look!" cried Teedie.
"What?" asked Edith.
"Can't you see that?"
Edith strained her eyes. She couldn't see much of anything, even with the help of that vague light in the distance…
"Light!" she cried.
"Now I know what they mean when they say 'the light at the end of the tunnel'!" cried Teedie triumphantly. He began to crawl faster.
"But Teedie, what if there's no treasure there?" Edith asked, frantically crawling to keep up with Teedie.
"I don't care about that fucking treasure, I just want out!"
"Teedie!"
"Uh… that stupid treasure." The two crawled faster and faster, getting oh so close to that blessed light!
Finally they emerged…
…and were too stunned to speak.
The room was white. Totally white. No windows, no doors, no openings of any kind except the tunnel they had just crawled out of. No treasure. The room was completely empty save the two children.
They both stood up slowly.
"Is there supposed to be treasure in here?" Edith asked quietly.
Teedie shook his head. "I don't know. Let's look around for some, though. And an exit. But not too far… I don't want to lose sight of this tunnel. It seems to be the only thing in here."
He took Edith's hand and slowly took a few steps forward, taking all the whiteness in. It was blinding. And maddening.
"I'm scared, Teedie," whispered Edith.
"Me too," said Teedie. "Never any inbetweens with us. We either have to be in all black or all white. Hmm…" He moved back towards the hole and put his arms on the edge. Then he moved them to the side, towards the white. His hands fumbled. "There's no wall here," he said incredulously.
"What do you mean?" asked Edith fearfully.
Teedie walked around… behind the hole. There was nothing there. "This hole just… exists. There's no wall that it came out of. It's just hanging in space!"
Edith pulled herself closer to Teedie. "You mean… does this room have walls? Any walls at all?"
Slowly, dramatically, Teedie drew in his breath. "I don' t think so."
Edith began to wail. "We're in a never-ending room!"
"This is bizarre!" Teedie moved over to the other side of where the hole was—where it could thankfully still be seen—carrying Edith with him, clutching to Teedie as if here were a doll. "Are we in some sort of alternate dimension?"
"Wherever we are, there's no treasure," moaned Edith.
Teedie sat down by the hole, feeling a bit comforted by touching it. Edith retained her death grip on Teedie.
"One thing's for sure, I don't want to go back in there. I'd rather be in here." Teedie glanced down at Edith, who was gazing up at him with large, frightened eyes. He sighed unhappily. "Why on earth did Commander even bring you here, anyway?"
"I don't know," said Edith. "I told you, I thought this was all just some practical joke you and Ellie were putting on me."
Teedie started to chuckle. "Like when we locked you in the closet when president Abraham Lincoln's funeral procession went by my grandfather's townhouse." His chuckle grew into a laugh. "I can't believe you remember that. You… you weren't even four years old!"
"Of course I remember it!" said Edith. "That closet was dark and scary… and so were all those soldiers from the Civil War without legs and arms crying! But… I remember it for another reason, too."
"What?" Teedie looked curious.
Edith smiled. "Well… normally I'd be too shy to say, but since we're probably going to die a terrible, grisly death of thirst and starvation in this endless white room, I might as well tell you. It was when I first started falling in love with you!"
Teedie rolled his eyes. "Like I said earlier, you weren't even four. How could you have known what love was? How could you now? Even I'm too young to be involved in stuff like that."
"It doesn't matter." Edith nuzzled against Teedie's chest. "All I know is someday, somehow, I'm going to marry you."
"Yes, because Commander told you so."
"Oh, I knew before she came. She just made me believe it more."
Teedie made a phht sound. "Commander's insane. She doesn't know what she's talking about."
"I don't think she is. How did she know you were here? How did she get us here?" Edith smiled.
Teedie sighed and unconsciously laid his head on top of Edith's. "Well, crazy or not, I certainly hope that she knows where we are now, and how to get here."
Both children closed their eyes, and were asleep in minutes.
