(AN: THE ONLY EXCUSE I HAVE IS WRITER'S BLOCK.
Yes, I apologize a thousand times for not updating this. I had NO clue where this story was going… and usually, when that happens, my stories just fall flat on their faces. I have never come up with a good ending. However, I actually like the ending of this one… which I just came up with while I typed it. I am soooo sorry to all of you for making you wait this long. Okay. On with the chapter, thanks for reading/reviewing, FOP doesn't belong to me, all that and a bag of chips, Kermit the Frog and his banjo, yadda yadda yadda. (Have I lost you yet?))
Lupe's boss lived on the edge of town, in a large building strangely unweathered by the elements of the old west.
"Is this it?" Commander asked Lupe. "Is this where your boss lives?"
"I believe so." Lupe knocked on the door lightly, but it opened anyway.
"Seems like an invitation to go in," shrugged Commander. She took one step in the doorway—
"OUCH!" Commander jumped back, rubbing her arms and glaring at the doorway in fierce anger. "That thing… zapped me! It sent electrical shocks through my entire body. And—how the hell did you get through?" she finished, staring at Guadalupe, who was inside the house.
Guadalupe shrugged. "I felt nothing…"
"But why couldn't I get through?" Commander asked, still looking enraged. "Is there something different about you that lets you get through?"
Juandissimo smirked. "I don't know, but let's test it on Cosmo!" With that, he roughly shoved Cosmo through the doorway.
"HEY!" cried Cosmo, tumbling through the doorway and landing at Lupe's feet. He stood up and grinned. "Well, I didn't feel anything either!"
"Dammit," muttered Juandissimo.
"Let's test it on YOU now!" cried Wanda, pushing Juandissimo through the doorway before he could object, with such force that he ran into both Cosmo and Guadalupe, knocking them both down.
"Oops," said Wanda, blushing.
Standing up and smoothing his hair back as if nothing had happened, Juandissimo said suavely, "Well, I did not feel any pain either."
"No… you would not feel any pain," said Lupe, now certain of her hunch. "And Cosmo and I would not either, and nor will Wanda and Luden when they come in. However, Commander, Teedie, and Edith will because… they are not fairies."
"This door keeps out people who aren't fairies?" asked Edith.
"Only one way to find out… come on, Luden." Grabbing her nephew's wrist, Wanda led Luden through the doorway. No zaps. No pain.
"Bully!" cried Teedie. "I should get technology like that for my room, except that it zaps girls!"
"I suppose that we shall have to finish this by ourselves," said Guadalupe, almost apologetically. "You will have to watch the children, Commander—"
"I came all this way just for nothing?" interrupted Commander, looking angrier by the minute. "I am not going to stand for this!"
"Nor am I!" cried Teedie. "Cosmo, Wanda, I wish that I was a fairy so I could go in there with you!"
"A-hem!" Commander and Edith folded their arms and glared at Teedie.
"Oh, alright. I wish Commander, Edie, and I were fairies so we could follow you."
Wanda sighed. "You certainly always get your way, don't you, Teedie?" She and Cosmo waved their wands, and with a POOF…
"Ooh!" cried Edith, floating in the air. "I have a pretty crown!"
"Bully!" exclaimed Teedie, doing midair summersualts. "Look at my wand!"
Commander, although looking significantly different; ie, smaller, as a fairy, was still the deadly beauty that she always was. Looking back at her wings, she grinned. "Normally, I object to being turned into different species all the time, but I must admit, I'm growing attached to the wings already."
"Alright, you're fairies, now get in here!" cried Wanda. She turned to Lupe. "So, do you think that your boss is a fairy? What led you to that conclusion?"
"I was right, was I not?" said Guadalupe, shrugging innocently, as Commander, Teedie, and Edith floated harmlessly through the door. She waved her wand, dropping the human disguises of the real fairies. "Why else would he have such a door? And a tiny trap door leading to a completely white room?"
"With no walls!" added Teedie.
"It was scary!" whimpered Edith.
"He has always been… different," Lupe continued. "Everyone who came to visit him without asking talked of the door that zapped them. And now I know that there is only one explanation! He is a FAIRY GOD PARENT!" On the last three words, Lupe spazzed in midair.
"What was that all about, dearest?" Luden asked.
"I have no clue," admitted Lupe. "But it was rather freaky." Glancing at Luden, she gasped in sudden realization, "What did you call me?"
"Oh, nothing." Luden smiled and slipped his hand in hers. Lupe blushed… but, for once, didn't object. In fact, she realized that she was squeezing his hand back… as they led the way to find her boss.
"Who knew?" she mused, seemingly to herself, but then she glanced at Luden. "I am a fairy in disguise, my obsessed stalker is a fairy in disguise, even my boss is a fairy in disguise. I wonder if this whole world…"
"I'm not a fairy disguised as a human," said Teedie, right behind Lupe. "I'm a human disguised as a fairy!"
Like Luden and Lupe, Teedie and Edith were flying side by side, hand in hand… although Teedie looked a little less accepting of this than Lupe was. "Do you know what room your boss is in?" the boy asked.
Behind Teedie and Edith were Cosmo and Wanda, also flying hand in hand. "Maybe we should yell his name really loud like when we were looking for Luden!" suggested Cosmo, grinning.
Juandissimo glanced at the three couples ahead of him, and turned to Commander, grinning roguishly. "I may not be able to have Wanda, but you are almost better, mi bonita! Care to make this group four pairs of lovers?"
"Get real," snapped Commander. "I've already got a love interest. True, he's terrified of me, but still… my heart is true only to him! Well, and to a few others." She pulled out a very long list. "Let's see… only twenty-six, at last count."
Paying no heed to the romantics in the back, Lupe turned to Teedie, Edith, Cosmo, and Wanda. "I do not know what room he is in… nor do I know his name. He never told any of his employees…"
"Well, how are we going to find him?" Edith asked. "There's lots of rooms in this place!"
"We'll have to yell really loud and get his attention!" said Cosmo, grinning. Throwing his head back, he hollered, "BACK ALLEY CHEESE SALESMEN!"
"Uh, what?" said Teedie, rolling his eyes.
"What an idiot!" muttered Juandissimo, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe it.
A door opened, and a man leaned out and stared at them. He wore the same type of upper-brow aristocratic clothes that Cosmo wore, but his hair, unlike Cosmo's mess, was short and sensible. He also, like many men of the day, had grown a beard and mustache in a style known as "whiskers".
"There you are." Lupe actually smiled at her boss.
He blinked. "Guadalupe, you're a fairy? Didn't see that one coming… and you brought your fairy friends, too!"
"Enough!" cried Lupe, dropping Luden's hand and buzzing towards him. "What is the deal with this treasure business? Is there even a treasure, if there is—or even if there is not—why did you tell nearly the entire town about it, and—"
"I think what our prostitute friend is trying to say is… What the fork is going on here?" Commander said.
"Well, since you're fairies, I'll tell you." Lupe's boss leaned against the door frame. "There is no treasure. I told the people in this town about it so they'd all go crazy with finding it, suspect everyone else of who knows what, and eventually kill each other."
Everyone blinked at him.
"Why would you want to do that?" Edith's little voice finally rang out.
"Because," said Lupe's boss, his face beginning to twist into a grimace of pure hate, "I have come to realize something that the other fairies must be too stupid to see… that humans are a virus! Their entire festering race will one day control the entire universe, including Fairy World! Once I'm done with this town, I'll go to another… and another!"
"Uhh…" Luden stared at him. "Not to say that I agree with you—because I don't—but wouldn't it be easier to just kill them off with your magic?"
"Luden, you moron…" Wanda slapped herself in the face.
"Of course it would!" cried Guadalupe's boss. "But I want to do all this without getting in trouble at Fairy World… and if I used that much magic at once, they're trace me and arrest me. Of course, now that I've told you this, and you don't seem to agree with me, I'll have to—"
POOF!
With one zap of her wand, Wanda conjured up a huge Brachiosaurus, one of the biggest dinosaurs to ever live. "Quick!" she yelled to her companions. "Zap up the biggest, most magic-using things that you can!"
"NO!" hissed Lupe's boss. Flicking his wand out of his pocket, he poofed up a humongous tiger… and it lunged straight towards Wanda.
"HEY!" yelped Cosmo, and in an instant he poofed up about fifty samurai warriors, which all attacked the tiger. He waved his wand again; a huge safe dropped on Lupe's boss with a CLANG. "Leave my wife alone, you back-stabbing… human hater! Guy-who-poofs-up-tigers-to-attack-wives!"
"If I knew how to use this thing, I'd help…" Commander stared at the wand.
"We've gotta try!" cried Edith. Taking careful aim at Guadalupe's boss, who had managed to crawl out from under the safe and was now lunging for Cosmo, she gritted her teeth, and ZAP!
A huge ball of fire shot from the seven-year-old's wand, knocking her backwards. Mr. Boss screamed, poofing up a huge hose and drenching it out mere moments before it would have consumed him.
"Wow, Edie, bully!" cried Teedie. "Let me try!" He aimed to one corner of the room—POOF! And another corner—POOF! POOF! POOF!
"Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" sang Teedie, looking at the zoo he had created. "And throw in a panther or two just for good measure!"
Commander figured out how to use her wand too, and was using it… albeit for her own good. "A new computer, a fifty-inch widescreen plasma, an iPod with twenty gigs of storage…"
The other three fairies were having fun too.
"One elephant, coming up!" cried Luden, poofing up a gigantic African elephant.
"Two elephants!" cried Lupe, adding two more.
"Well, I can make three!" cried Juandissimo, poofing up three more.
By now, the hallway was so filled with life that it was almost impossible to move… although Cosmo was still furiously poofing up chairs, one by one, to throw at Lupe's boss.
"Why are we doing all this?" Edith cried out to Teedie.
"I don't know," he admitted, "but I'm guessing that we'll find out eventu—"
BOOM!
"What in the name of my massive glutes is going on here?" Jorgen von Strangle hollered. Noticing the confusion, he waved his massive wand, making everything that had been magically created disappear, even the seventh chair that Cosmo was about to throw.
Wanda pointed to Lupe's boss. "Lupe's boss is actually a fairy—"
"Just like Lupe is, who knew?" added Luden.
"Lupe's ugly and I hate her!" snapped Cosmo.
"Oh, just get over it—" growled Juandissimo.
"He had a plan to kill off the entire human race—" continued Commander.
"Without using magic—" added Lupe.
"And he seemed really mean!" whimpered Edith.
"And we had a bully magic fight to get you to come!" finished Teedie.
Jorgen blinked. "Uh… I didn't catch any of that puny rambling."
"He's a bad fairy and needs to be arrested!" all eight yelled, pointing at Lupe's boss.
Jorgen gasped. "You! I know you! You're Montgomery Seward, that completely radical fairy who we've been looking for for years because you're too dangerous for society!"
"Curses, foiled again," muttered Montgomery.
Cosmo roughly pushed Montgomery to Jorgen's feet, and with a huge POOF, Jorgen blasted him away, presumably to Fairy World Jail. He then examined the rest of the fairies. "I don't recognize you… or you… or you… or you," he said, pointing to Lupe, Commander, Teedie, and Edith.
"Well, we're not fairies," said Commander smugly. "Except Guadalupe here. She's a fairy, she's just been on earth as a human for years."
But to Commander's—and Lupe's—surprise, Jorgen wasn't paying much attention to Guadalupe. Instead, his stare was fixed on little Edith. "You! Now that I know that you are merely a puny human, I do recognize you. You were just brought to my attention a few hours ago as an unhappy child needing a fairy godparent!"
"I was?" she asked, incredulously.
"I might as well give you one of these ones…" Jorgen pointed at Juandissimo. "YOU! You shall be this girl's godfather!"
"Ah, qué bueno!" said Juandissimo, grinning. "That means I shall have many chances to see Wanda!"
"You'd better not!" cried Cosmo, poofing up another chair and holding it aggressively.
"And as for you three…" Jorgen glared at Commander, Teedie, and Edith, and, pointing his huge wand staff at them, blasted away their wands, wings, and floaty crowny things. "Kiss your fairy butts goodbye! We cannot have humans pretending to be fairies! Fairies pretending to be human are bad enough!"
"I'm not a human!" cried Commander. "And I'm not this short, either!"
With a sigh, Wanda poofed Commander up to her full height.
"Ahh, that's better!" cried Commander, smiling.
Jorgen grabbed Luden and Lupe roughly by the wrists. "And now, I need to assign you two ungrateful, runaway fairies to a godchild!"
"A godchild?" asked Luden, hopefully. "You mean, both of us to the same godchild?"
"NO!" boomed Jorgen. "Of course not, idiot!"
"Oh well," sighed Luden. He smiled at Lupe. "Are you doing anything tonight, sugar?"
"Besides going out on a date with you, nothing." Lupe flashed Luden a smile.
"Great! Wanna go on a date with me?" cried Luden, completely clueless.
"I suppose I can work it into my schedule," said Lupe, rolling her eyes.
"And as for the rest of you… GET YOUR PUNY HINEYS OUT OF THIS PLACE!" Jorgen thundered.
"My thoughts exactly," said Commander, grinning that grin of hers. "See, I told you things would turn out alright!" And with that, using her strange powers she seemed to have because of being the author, she disappeared into thin air. However, her voice could still be heard quite clearly… "Hail to the chief!"
"My completely muscular work here is done," stated Jorgen. With that, he, Luden, and Lupe BOOMED out of sight.
"And our work here is done as well, eh, mi amor?" asked Juandissimo, smiling at Wanda.
"That does it!" Cosmo hurled the chair he was holding at Juandissimo, knocking him off to the corner of the room.
Edith gave Teedie a nearly pleading look. "When we're married, you don't have to be that jealous and protective of me, you know."
"Look!" cried Teedie. "I am not going to marry you!"
"Well…" Wanda smiled. "Maybe you two can work things out later." She raised her wand, Cosmo followed suit, and so did Juandissimo… and with a POOF, they were all gone, back home to New York.
THE END…Bully! It's the end! Whaddya know about that:)
