Part 3: 'Dib The Homicidal Maniac'
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(Author's Note: Woo! FINALLY!!!!!! Sorry it took me FOREVER to update. I don't really have any excuse except for....laziness.... and that I have been uploading (downloading?) pictures for the net. I hope to have a Side 7 gallery sometime soon... Anyway, the Lord has blessed me with new inspiration for the fic. So here it is! Yay!!

And for Luver-Of-Ralts!!! --- Hands L.O.R. a huge ice-cream sundae with about a dozen cherries on top. --- 'Dat fo' you!!! And ICE-CREAM SUNDAES WITH CHERRIES GALORE for ALL my reviewers!!!!!! Enjoy!! )

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A year. A whole year.

It had started on a...tuesday, he believed. Zim hadn't shown up at skool. Dib had been suspicious, but dismissed it.

Then more days went by, with no sign of Zim anywhere. No yelled threats from the tops of invisible robots, no evil doomsday devices... not even a tack in a chair.

The boy had gone to Zim's house to investigate--it wasn't like Zim to be absent from the outside world THIS long.

Upon reaching the front fence, Dib had a strange, sinking feeling. The dwelling looked oddly...dead. No longer lit by a spooky green glow, it's windows were pitch black. Not even the T.V.'s faint blue flicker shown out through their panels.

Disturbed, Dib had walked home, vowing to spy on that stupid lair every day until Zim reappeared.

A week passed, and the base remained silent. Surely the dumb little robot would have to have gone out to get a brainfreezy, or tacos, or candy, or SOMETHING by now!!!!

But the camera Dib had set up across the street a week before said no.

Taking his chances, the paranormal boy had raced into the yard and up to his enemy's front door. Surprisingly, the nomes did nothing to stop him.

They just sat there, as lifeless as the rest.

"ZIM!!!" He pounded on the cold metal, "Zim, you pile of scum! I know you're in there!!"

Silence.

"Okay, you're just ASKING for it now!!!"

Dib reached into his backpack, yanking out a heavy text-book.

"FINE!!!!"

Expecting a thousand alarms to go off, he hurled it into the nearest window.

'SMASH!!!!'

He waited.

Nothing.

For a moment, he hesitated. But when Zim didn't run out squealing at him, he kicked out the rest of the glass and jumped into the living room.....

"What the--?!"

This was a trap!! It had to be! Why would Zim have gotten rid of all his computer systems?!

Upon inspection, however, he found the rest of the home was the same. He had tried to get down into the labs, but found all the entrances firmly welded shut. Obviously, Zim had wanted to erase all evidence of this being anything other than a normal, deserted old house.

What happened? Dib stood in his arch rival's former home sadly. Why would Zim just up and leave? No fight, no surrender, not even a cold goodbye.

More importantly, where had he gone? Back to Irk? Or had he found a different, better planet to doom?

Dib spent the rest of his skool-year in a miserable state, becoming almost 'normal' in society's eyes. He decided that it wasn't worth it...tracking Zim down. Wherever the alien had gone, he'd gone there for a reason, and it was probably lightyears away.

He would have to face it: Zim just wasn't coming back...

&&

The fact that his enemy had returned thrilled Dib.

The fact that his enemy had him strapped to some kind of sparking device...

Far less thrilling.

But, on a more pleasant note, he had FINALLY figured out why Zim left. Oh, yes. After capturing his nemesis, the Irken had ranted endlessly about how the amazing ZIM had been oh-so-terribly wronged.

From as much as Dib could see, though, he felt far more sorry for the new wife. It was blatantly obvious that she held even less a position in Zim's eyes than that daft robot, GIR. She didn't seem to notice, however. What was her name again...?

"FOI!!! Don't you DARE touch that equipment!!"

Oh yeah.

Foi. What a weird name. Well, 'Zim' wasn't exactly orthodox either... But really, she definitely wasn't what he had pictured Zim would have for a mate. Well... he'd actually never pictured Zim WITH a mate... But if he had, it certainly wouldn't have been her.

Then again...

Tiny, cute, and SHORT. It made sense. The only reason Zim could even remotely tolerate Foi was because (in his and every other Irken's standerds) he would always be lord over her. Just like with GIR; just like how he wanted to be over earth. How could he stand her otherwise?

He couldn't.

Little did Dib know about Foi being a "Natural-Born". The absence of a metal P.A.K. on her body should have given him a clue, though. It would have sealed his case.

Right now, Foi was sitting on the floor with GIR, munching on some type of frosted cookies. "So, you dress up like a halloweeny... and steal candy?"

"Nuh-huh!!!!"

"Cool!!"

Dib snorted, "That is NOT what Halloween is abo--"

"SILENCE!"

Zim's irate growl echoed throughout the chamber, silencing the boy's protest. "So, interfering DIB-beast, what do you think of my new, IMPROVED base?"

"It's okay, I guess, but---WAITAMINUTE!!!! What are you gonna' do to me?!!"

The alien burst into an ear-shattering round of high-pitched cackling, "Pathetic, ignorant, worm-baby!! I was expecting you to ask that sooner or later, and I have prepared for it in full!!! Now, prepare YOURSELF, Dib---for your horrible DOOM!!!!!!!"

Grinning like a madman, Zim raised his index finger high over a glowing blue button.

"G'BYE, DIB!!!!!!!!!"

And, with a spectacular flash of blinding white light, Dib's body sizzled, melting down into a slick, slimy paste, which oozed gruesomely onto the cold metal floor!!

"Eh?!"

Or, at least, that's what SHOULD have happened.

Unfortunatly (for Zim), the little Irken's plan ended up like most of his plans ended up--

A rather un-spectacular failure.

He stood, stupified, gaping in awe before---

"WHAT HAPPENED?!!?!!"

Glancing behind him, Dib saw the reason his almost-murderer's machine had been sparking earlier: A spilled cup of thick, yellow-white fliud.

"My 'Lemon and Salt' 'freezy!!!!" A certain little android cried out in dismay,"Why do 'dis be?!?!"

"GIIIIIIIIRRRR!!!! How could you?!! You KNEW that was a restricted area!"

"I did?"

"AAARRRGGHHH!!!! You stupid robot!!!!"

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Poor GIR.

In retrospect, it probably would have been a better idea to have kept his mouth shut.....

As if GIR had retrospect.

Fortunatly, as far as punishments went, this wasn't so bad. Better than that 'dog skool' Master had taken him to that time. Eek. They didn't even serve Brainfreezies there!!!

Braaaiiiinnnfffrrreeezzzzyyyy....... He wished he had one right now.

But..... Didn't that have something to do with why he was facing the wall? Being made to sit (shudder) STILL for five seconds? He couldn't remember.

Wait... Remember what? Hmmm.....

Oh yeah!!!

"MASTER!!! Can I have a Brainfreezy?!?!"

"NO!!!!!!!"

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Meanwhile, Foi was having a lively conversation with her husband's hated rival.

"So... what are you going as for Halloween? I mean, if Zim doesn't kill you and all?"

He shrugged, apparently unfazed at being chained to a wall. "Ah, I was thinkin' of dressing up as a monster or a zombie or somethin'."

"Really? 'Cause you'd make a great homicidal maniac."

"Homicidal maniac??"

"Oh yeah! Just wear dark clothes, get some fake knives and blood --BOOM!!-- you're a bonafide serial killer!!"

" 'Dib The Homicidal Maniac'. Heh... It has a cool ring to it. So...What are you going as?"

"Strawberry-Frosted Cupcake!!!"

"Uh... huh..."

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(A/N: Woo! My back's in paaaaiiiiiinnnnn.... But it's worth it!! Hope you guys forgive me for being so late. It shouldn't --Lord willing-- happen again. I've already started up the next chapter ...

Dib: Well, at least I sounded cool.

Indeed.

Dib: Thanks.

Yup.

Dib: There'll be more of me in the next chapter, right?

(Suddenly spooky) Oh, yeeeesssss...

Dib: Why do you sound all... creepy?

No reeeeaaaasooonn...

Dib: (Gasp) You're gonna' do something horrible to me, aren't you!!!

Of course noooottttt...

Dib: GAH!!!! You ARE!

Hee-hee, you worry too much, mah paraniod friend. Anyway--

Dib: I am NOT paranoid!!!

.....You're in denial again.

But things ARE gonna' be heatin' up pretty soon--and not just for Dib.

Dib: I knew it!!!!!!

See you soon, friends!! R&R!!! )