Part 5: Are YOU a Maniac?

2--

(A/N: Hey, everyone! I'd like to apologize for the lateness. I REALLY AM SORRY. I have been busy working on several pieces--three for this site, one to perhaps publish in the regular world.

THAT'S why I have been so late. I feel bad, yes. But I can't force myself to grunt out horrible chapters-- you'd just critisize me for that too.

Thank you, those who did review. I am very grateful.

OATMEAL-RAISEN COOKIES FOR ALL MY REVIEWERS!)

2--

"Buy. Buy. Buy. Buy. BUY." The robotic monotone echoed from the top of the high ceiling as Zim and Foi walked through the mall. Well, actually, Foi was can-canning through the mall. Why? Because she CAN!

Ahahahahaha!

...Whatever.

Anywho, Zim was too busy to notice his mate's mad dancin' skillz. He was searching for his arch-enemy...TOGA-MAN! The horrible guy who stole his latest plan for world conquest!

...Just kidding! He was searching for Dib.

I mean, did you REALLY think he was searching for some man in a TOGA? Oh, you odd, odd person. I PITY YOU!

"He's close... I can smell his wretched...stink." Zim hissed menecingly. "It's horrible."

"Oof!" Foi ran into an 'Ugly Pants' display, as she had been can-canning backwards for the last three sentences.

"Be careful!" Zim yelled in horror, pulling her out from all those ugly, ugly pants. "You'll crack your head open and explode!"

Foi smiled, amusement in her eyes.

This he noticed, and he glared at her. "What?"

"Nothin'..."

"WHAT?"

She giggled, "You sound like an over-protective dad!"

Zim had NEVER been so offended as was in those two seconds.

"Let's just go." he growled.

She began can-canning once more...

"AND STOP THAT!"

2--

The woman sighed heavily, "'Greg's Horrible Costume Shop That's Full of Crap'. how may I...ugh...HELP you?"

"Um, hi. I'm looking for some kind of Homicidal Maniac outfit."

"Yay for you."

"Uh...can't you help me?"

She groaned, "Whaaaaateeeeeevvvvveeeeeerrrrrrr..."

AND SO SHE (grudgingly) DID. Dib was ever-so fascinated by the outfits she (grudgingly) showed to him, but his eyes finally locked upon a black and white shirt with a 'Z?' symbol on the front, a pair of black and white striped pants, and HUGE, knee-high boots with silver straps. "That one!" he exclaimed with the kind of glee that only homicidal-maniacs-in-training can muster.

"Will that--hopefully-- be all, Sir?" she groaned.

"Um, yeah..."

"One hundred and eighty dollars."

"WHAT? That's a rip-off, you know!" he cried as he handed her the money. "The whole outfit's worth only sixty bucks at the most!"

"Yeah, well, stinks to be you. Do you want some kind of sewing kit with that?"

"Uh...no. Why?"

"Because that collar's gonna' rip as soon as you try to fit your big head in there."

Dib had NEVER been so offended as he was in tho-- well...actually...he HAD been so offended before... Ah, well...

Stinks to be him.

2--

"MICE!"

Foi caught her husband as he descended from a four foot leap. All across the floor of 'Smelly Animals R' Us', mice crawled-- the result of Foi's over-abundance of curiosity.

"I didn't know they were so fast." She commented calmly as Zim tried to regain what was left of his shattered dignity.

"Well, next time, don't open all the cages to FIND OUT!" he cried, kicking several vermin out of his way.

"Hm..."

"What are YOU doing here?"

Both aliens (and about three-hundred rodents) looked up to see Dib, mouth agape, at the door of the shop.

Foi pointed to the bag in his hand, "You got a costume! Can I see?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah! Sure! I used YOUR idea, so it... WAIT!" he turned to Zim, "What are YOU doing here?"

Zim shrugged. "Your sister told us you were at the mall."

Dib rolled his eyes, "Gaz..."

"And so I came to destroy you! EAT SOME APOCOLYPTIC DOOOOOMMMM!" With that, Zim scooped up a rodent, gave a vicious shriek, and chucked it at his enemy's gigantic cranium.

Revolted and furious, the paranormal investigator picked up his own mouse, launching it at Zim's face. "Take THAT, alien SCUM!"

"Stink-Beast!"

"Green-Face!"

"Moose-Monkey!"

"Jerk-Brain!"

The mice flew, landing with thuds, splats, and thumps against the two throwers and anything else in their way. Foi, meanwhile, had left the store and was now at 'Daiwwy Kween', picking GIR up a 'CHOCOLATE-FUDGE-BROWNIE-CHIP-ICE-CREAM-EXPLODEY-TUB-OF-CHOCOLATE-CHUNKS-AND-CHOCOLATE-GOO'! Man, I wish I had me one a' those babies!

Don't YOU want one?

Well, if you review, I MIGHT just got to Daiwwy Kween and get it for you. Give me your address and two-hundred bucks, 'cause that's what they cost.

2--

The pet-shop war had reached maximum levels, and now ANYTHING was counted as ammo. Dogs, cats, rabbits (there goes Filler Bunny), small children, that creepy old guy with no legs...you name it, they threw it. The store's owner telephoned 9-1-1, right before he was imbedded into Dib's torso.

"You just couldn't let things be, could you?" Zim ranted, "You just HAD to follow me to the mall and start throwing mice at me!"

"YOU followed ME to the mall and threw mice at ME, Zim!" Dib cried.

"YOUR LIES DISGUST ME!" The invader yelled, throwing a mouse at Dib to emphasize his point.

Dib merely sighed, looking down at his torso. "You okay in there, Mister?"

"Oh, don't worry." Came the muffled reply, "It's not the first time I've been jammed into someone's torso, and it won't be the last!"

"...Really?"

2--

Foi grinned, stuffing several DVD's into a Material Transporter she had brought just for the occasion. "I LOVE this place!"

All of a sudden, as she was transporting a chocolate cake, sirens began to whine.

"CLEAR THE MALL! CLEAR THE MALL! HORRIBLE FIGHT IN THE PET-SHOP! THOUSANDS DEAD!" screeched an old guy with no legs as the police hauled him away.

Immediately, every person in the mall screamed and fled for the exits. Every person except for FOI, who began to grab as much stuff as she could off of the shelves and throw it into her transporter like the little kleptomaniac she was.

"I LOVE THIS PLACE!"

2--

"Urgh... What a mess!" A policeman exclaimed.

The pet-shop WAS a wreck, but at least it was finally quiet.

Dib groaned, rubbing his sore torso, as the owner of the shop was carried away by paramedics. "Y-You s-stink, Zim..."

Said Zim lay on his back, mice gathering over his body, "Pathetic h-human...y-you stink w-worse..."

"Jerk..."

"Gasquigglysplorch..."

"Zim?"

Both of them glanced up to see Foi, who was raising an eyebrow at all the carnage. She smiled at her mate. "C'mon, Zimmy! Let's go home!"

Wading through the mice and cats and dogs and rabbits and small children, she picked Zim up by the shoulders and proceeded to drag him out of the store. "G'bye, Dib! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye..."

"There he is! The mouse-thrower!" A policeman yelled, storming up to Dib and pointing accusingly.

"NO! ZIM threw the mice FIRST, not me!"

"Get 'im!"

"NOOO--ahhh! NYEH! GAH-AH-AHHH! NYEH! YOU STINK, ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMM!"

2--

As they stood in front of their home, Zim looked over at his wife. He studied her; how her soft green skin shone in the light... how her eyes sparkled like two big, pink gemstones... how her long, jet-black antennae curved ever-so gracefully over her head and swirled into two thick, perfect spirals that cascaded past her shoulders and down to her waist...how her sweet, child-like grin made him want to...to...

Strangle her.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

She smiled, "If it makes you feel any better, it was all free!"

Zim's eyes BOTH twitched, as did the rest of his entire body. For, you see, his home was crammed to the brim and literally over-flowing with...

Stuff.

MALL-Stuff.

DVD's, food, clothes, toys, furniture, and large quantities of what appeared to be...LARD.

"Free..." Foi grinned sheepishly. "You can't get any better than that!"

Zim took several deep, hissing breaths. "All...I...WANT...is to GET into...my base."

"Now?"

"NOW."

"RIGHT now?"

"YES!"

Foi glanced at the house, then back at her mate, then at her transporter. "Right... NOW--now?"

"FOOOOIIIIIIII!"

2--

Several hours later, everything was back to semi-normal. True, now Zim's "Making-Stuff Room" had been renamed "STUFF Room", and GIR now had eight shmillion new junk foods to eat, and Computer was now terrified of large objects... but nothing TOO out of the ordinary had happened.

And, best of all, tomorrow was Halloween.

2--

(A/N: Woo! Only one more chapter left, so savor the Mousse-y goodness while you still can!

Dib: I...I got ARRESTED?

Yes.

Dib: WHY? WHY do you need to always pick on ME?

Because you're DIB. It's for comic-relief!

Dib: Well, pick on ZIM for a change!

No. Accept your fate! Mwahahahahaaa!

Dib: ...I'll be SO glad when this is over... )