Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

Summary: Post AtS and BtVS, Faith and Xander are approached by a secret government agency. Surprises all around.

Rating: PG-13

Chapter 13: The Big Talk

Faith glowered at Xander, who continued to eat his sandwich, not looking at her.

Xander swallowed, contemplating his sandwich. "Would you do me a really big favor?" he asked her.

"What?" she asked.

"If you start sleeping with Spike...don't tell me," he said, disgust in his voice.

She coughed, staring at him with disbelief in her eyes. "Don't tell you?" she asked, her voice rising.

He turned slightly to view her with his one eye, glaring at her. "I don't want to know," he said brusquely, standing up to leave.

She glowered at him. "Yeah, cuz you certainly didn't sleep with any demons, ever," she snapped, anger in her voice.

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, real mature. And he's not a demon any more, either. Yay. Guilt-free sex. Not that we had any worries about the guilt, either."

She growled low in her throat. "Don't you dare start judging me!" she snapped.

"Judge you? I don't even know you," he said dismissively. "I just don't want to hear it."

"Why do you hate him?" she asked, angry.

"Why do I hate him? Besides the time he coshed me on the head and threatened to carve my best friend up? Besides the times he's tried to kill my other best friend before my eyes? Besides the time he tried to turn me against my friends? Besides the time he chained my best friend up to declare his love for her? Besides the time he tried to rape said friend? I just don't know, Faith. I really don't know." By the time he'd reached the end of his rant his voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"And he can't change, huh? Nothing he'll ever do is good enough to change him, huh?" asked Faith.

Xander's face softened fractionally for a second. "Are we talking about him, or you?" he asked.

"Is there a difference?" she spat.

He sat back down with a sigh. "Maybe," he said grudgingly. "I certainly never hated you like I hate him, you know."

"Thanks for that," said Faith, her voice drenched with hostility.

He watched her with his one eye, his face hiding whatever thoughts were lurking behind that single eye. "I know this is hard to understand, but there are very real reasons I hate him," said Xander. "It's not like...do you think I hate you?"

She glared at him, not willing to answer the question, not willing to bat it aside as if it meant nothing to her. She couldn't think of a good lie, but she knew that in about a minute she was going to start punching him if he kept doing this, going right to the heart of her problems and her wounds.

He waited a minute for an answer, and when it became apparent she wasn't going to answer he leaned back, away from her. "I never hated you, Faith," he said, his voice different somehow. She couldn't say what exactly was coloring his voice, whether it was disappointment, regret, or even some kind of anger.

"I tried to kill you just as much as he did!" she snarled, unable to hold her anger in any longer.

"No, you tried to kill me because you were alone, hurt, scared, guilty, and running from us," said Xander. "He tried to kill me because he enjoyed killing, terrorizing, and in general being evil. He ... okay, I get that you spent some time in a hell dimension with him and came back with a freaky connection. And I don't like it, okay, but you're an adult. Do what you have to. Just don't ask me to know about it, don't ask to approve it...hell, I judge everyone!" His voice raised a little at the end, and Faith noted that he seemed to be angry. "Isn't that what they always say? Why should you be the exception?"

He stood up to leave again, leaving her simmering. She stood up, grabbing him. "So it's okay because I was human?" she yelled, pushing him towards the wall. His eye widened at the sudden assault. "Or because I was a girl? What is it, huh, that makes it okay?"

"I thought defending Spike was Buffy's job," said Xander nastily. "What do you want me to say? Have fun with the guy who tried to rape Buffy? Have fun with the guy I hate most in the world?"

Faith scowled at him. "And he can't change?" she repeated, coming right back to the part that bothered her the most.

"He can change," said Xander. "I can't."

Faith moved forward, grabbing Xander by the shoulders. He tensed, expecting a blow, but instead she pulled him closer, kissing him.

He froze, surprised, and she took advantage of his surprise to get closer, wrapping her arms around him and deepening the kiss, trying to lengthen it. He pulled away in surprise, trying to back away.

"Faith...what?" he managed to say, his voice strangled.

"Unless it's been that long, I think you know exactly what this is," said Faith, her voice low and husky. She tried to kiss him again, but he turned his face away.

"No, Faith," he said firmly, trying to disentangle his limbs from hers.

"Come on, what can it hurt?" she asked, holding on to him desperately, as if she were drowning.

In truth, she felt a little bit like she was drowning. The sweet, sweet torture of having been forced to see him every day, to sleep so close to him every night, had been driving her to distraction.

And then she'd discovered that being away from him was only worse.

She wanted him so bad that at times it hurt. Actually, it hurt all the time, especially since she'd known, she'd known, how he would react. That she was stupid enough to try anyway only made her madder.

He managed to stop her by moving both hands to her face, cupping her head in his hands and holding it still. She froze, hoping that was a yes, of sorts.

"Faith," he said gently, meeting her eyes with his single eye, flickering back and forth from eye to eye. "I'm sorry. No. This isn't..." He trailed off, then took a deep breath. "I can't do that, can't be part of something that doesn't mean anything."

"It doesn't have to mean nothing!" said Faith.

"It did last time," said Xander. "And it will this time. You're hardly commitment girl, you know." He smiled, trying to take the edge off his words, but they still hurt.

Faith spun, pushing him away from her, towards the middle of the room, trying to push the rage away. He stumbled and nearly fell, catching the counter to hold himself steady.

She rushed out of the room, her boots clacking on the floor. He watched her go with his one eye, confused and bewildered.

"That's not usually what they do when I call them evil," he noted cautiously.

Then he shuddered at the mental image of Spike trying the same thing, and limped away towards the room he was staying in.

--

Spike wandered through the barracks, sniffing the air to try and find his way back to the library. But his sense of smell just wasn't what it used to be, and he kept wandering back into the garages.

He stopped looking the fifth time he wandered into the garages, sitting down on a motorcycle and just looking around, trying to shake the unsettling feeling that he couldn't escape the garage.

"Probably an evil garage," he muttered.

He glanced up when he heard a sound at the door, and was surprised to see Dawn stick her head in. "Hey," she said carefully. She glanced around. "Didn't expect to find you here," she said, moving in, crossing her arms.

He suddenly wished he'd kept his duster, instead of leaving it back in Lorne's hideaway. Even though it wasn't really his duster, he felt naked without it, felt defenseless.

Even if he was strong enough to break the girl in half with one hand, he still felt scared and tiny in the face of her disapproval. His arms itched to cross defensively over his chest, but instead he leaned back, even though it was so hard. He wanted to curl up in a defensive ball.

Instead he forced a smile to his face. "Lo, Dawn," he managed to say.

She crept closer, tentatively. "To hell and back, huh? I kinda expected you to be smoking."

He made a face. "Wish I were," he muttered, patting his pockets. He came up with his lighter, and began nervously flicking it open and shut.

She watched him, leaning back against the hood of a jeep. "I'm glad you're alive," she said.

He snorted. "I liked it better as a vampire," he informed her.

"I meant...I'm glad you're not dust," she corrected herself.

"Oh. Me too," he said awkwardly.

Dawn licked her lips, glancing away. "So, I hear you went through all that...to save Angel," she said.

Spike barked a nervous laugh. "S like having to crawl through sunlight to save Harris," he said contemptuously. "Although, o course, these days I can do that...sunlight..." he added, his voice even more nervous.

Dawn nodded, pushing at a ridge in the metal floor with the toe of her shoe. "Kind of heroic," she noted.

"That's me, the big hero of the day," snorted Spike. He eyed her cautiously. "Of course, it helps I stole big broody's redemption," he said, trying to remind her that he was still evil.

"Way I hear it, he gave it to you," said Dawn, a twinkle in her eye.

Spike grumbled, crossing his arms. "Stinking poofter," he grumbled. "Did I ask for this? Well, I mean, I did drink the cup of Perpetual Torment, but does that really mean he has a right to just go and concede? I could kill him, just stake him and finish it all off. I don't like being human!" The last sentence seemed to shake him up and he began scowling. "I miss my fangs," he admitted. "Nothing tastes as good as blood, not even the stuff I used to eat. I can't smell anything, not any more, my eyes are...I'm using contact lenses, Dawn! And they itch! My stupid hands are ..." He trailed off, embarrassed.

"Yeah, I get it. Not what you thought it would be," said Dawn, amused. She looked down at the floor guiltily.

Spike desperately wished he had a cigarette, for this. It was unbearably hard, remembering all of the good times and bad he'd shared with her. Remembering ignoring her once her sister had returned. Remembering how she'd threatened to kill him when she'd found out how he'd hurt her sister.

"So I guess your lot thinks my lot isn't evil, then?" he asked. She gave him a startled look. "Else you wouldn't be out here with me," he prompted.

"I don't think they know," she replied. His face fell. "But I do think they believe you...Faith believes you. I think Buffy wants to believe. Even Giles..."

Spike shook his head, and began flipping the lighter again. "So, what's the problem?" he asked.

"Problem?" she squeaked.

"Yeah, the one you want me to solve," he said brusquely. "What is it?"

"I don't...there's no problem," said Dawn slowly. "I just wanted...I was just wondering..." After a moment's silence she cleared her throat. "So, this Connor guy is cute," she said, her voice a bit off.

Spike snorted. "He's got a girlfriend, you little minx," he muttered, glancing at her in surprise. "Not to mention he's my brother, or my uncle, or some stupid thing. Maybe both. And my nephew. I've yet to figure it out."

"Ew," said Dawn.

"Yeah," said Spike. "You want to talk?"

"I want to talk," agreed Dawn. "But it's bloody hard, isn't it?"

"It is," said Spike with a sigh. He tapped his fingers against his thigh nervously. "You know, I never really meant...I tried to be..." He hesitated, then ploughed forward. "I was a sucky friend after your sister came back," he said in a rush.

"You were," acknowledged Dawn.

"And then I..." Spike stopped, swallowing hard. "After I came back, things were already broken between us, weren't they, Dawn?" he asked her.

"They were," she said. "Now I'm thinking maybe they shouldn't have been."

"I was proud of you," said Spike. He looked up, meeting her eyes, his own blue eyes vulnerable. "When you threatened me...I was scared, mostly, but I was so proud of you just then."

She smiled, a quirk of a smile that quickly vanished. "Thanks," she said softly. "I know...I know it'd be hard to be friends like we were before Buffy died. It was easy, wasn't it? Back then?"

"You weren't smart enough to be scared, and I was too evil to be scared for you," said Spike, a little smile playing around his mouth. "And neither of us had the good sense to see what kind of trouble we could get in. Yeah, it was easy. And I'd do it again in a minute."

"But we could...I could stop hating you, you know. Very easily," said Dawn seriously.

Spike smiled. "It's more than I deserve," he said. "And Connor's not really that close to his girl. Or me."

Dawn gave him a sarcastic look. "Right. Me, and Angel's son. That would last right up till...he lost his soul, right?"

Spike got a panicked look on his face. "What? Happy? What happy? No happy!" he babbled quickly.

--

Buffy rummaged around in the fridge, trying to find something even remotely edible. She heard a sound at the door, and glanced up, surprised to see Faith.

"Oh, hey," said Buffy. "I don't suppose you know where all the real food is?"

Faith stalked angrily over to a cupboard, opening it to reveal a bag of chips. She tossed it to Buffy, rummaging around behind it in search of alcohol. Unfortunately, even the wine was gone now.

Buffy watched her, quirking an eyebrow into the air. "Problems with Xander?" she asked sweetly.

Faith glared at her. "Don't start," she growled, her voice a bit huskier than usual. She stomped back out of the room, leaving Buffy alone.

Spike slouched in the door slowly. "Buffy," he said. "Been looking for you."

Buffy immediately felt a knot form in her stomach. "Oh, terrific," she muttered under her breath.

Spike took a deep breath. "Listen, I got something to say. I know you and the Immortal have been...friendly...and I think you should know that—"

"I broke up with him," said Buffy.

Spike's eye twitched. "Right. You broke up with him. Listen, I've moved on, Buffy, and you should do that same." Buffy stared at him, surprised. "If you want to get back together with Angel, I'm not going to stand in your way."

"You moved on? With who?" asked Buffy.

Spike frowned. "Um, Harmony." He thought about it for a moment, realizing how bad it sounded. "And Drusilla," he added.

Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but Spike shook his head. "I know we had good times and bad, but that's all in the past. And Angel's soul won't go away when he's happy. I, uh, gotta go find Connor. He wanted some help with some...thing."

He strode away quickly.

Buffy blinked, trying to digest what she'd just seen. Dawn stuck her head in the door. "Hey, Buffy," she said. "Spike's looking for you."

"He found me," said Buffy blankly. "And told me to move on."

"Oh, that's what he wanted to tell you?" asked Dawn, surprised. "Wow. I thought he'd totally start up with the Buffy obsession again."

"He was lying," said Buffy, surprised. "He's not even very good at it. He tried to tell me he'd moved on, but the best he could come up with was Harmony. And Drusilla."

Dawn giggled. "So why'd he tell you, then?" she asked, sitting down beside Buffy.

"So that I'd move on, and not feel guilty," said Buffy, her eyes widening. "He was being noble, don't you see! Setting what I want over what he wants...my god, that's so nice!"

Dawn frowned. "It is," she finally admitted. "But, nice? Noble? That doesn't sound very Spike."

"Don't you see?" asked Buffy. "He's grown. He's become better."

There was a knock at the door, and Buffy looked up. Seeing Angel she let out an incoherent squeak.

"Um, Buffy, I have something I need to say," said Angel, his voice low. His smooth voice sent shivers up her spine, and she tried to open her mouth to respond, suddenly very aware that after what Spike had said she should be trying to let him down gently.

Angel held up a hand, stopping her. "I know about...the Immortal...and I wanted to tell you that I understand. If your cookie dough is baked, it's only right that you should choose for yourself who—"

"She broke up with l'Eterno," said Dawn.

Angel frowned. "Broke up...oh. Right." He took a deep, unnecessary, breath. "Listen, Buffy, I've moved on. If you want to pick back up with Spike, that's okay. I understand."

"You've moved on?" asked Dawn, surprised. "With who?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Um, her name is Nina," said Angel awkwardly. "Anyway, uh, yeah. I always expected that when I turned human...but Spike is human now, Buffy, and he's everything you've ever wanted." He turned and fled.

"That was odd," said Dawn.

Buffy stared. "My god. They've turned noble!" she said, her voice disgusted.

"What?" said Dawn, surprised.

"I mean, at least last time they had the good grace to be horribly jealous of each other. Now they're...noble about it! And, and, ..." Buffy trailed off, glancing to Dawn. "At least while it was just Spike it was kind of cute, in a 'does he think that's gonna make me jump him' kind of way."

Dawn watched Buffy babble, bemused. "You know," she cut in. "This doesn't mean you have to choose one of them. It doesn't even mean you have to listen to them. It just means they're trying to let you run your own life. Kudos to the vampires."

--

Angel found Spike in an empty training room, waling away on a punching bag. He nodded to the other vampire, moving to a corner of the room and sitting down on a weight bench.

"Did any of the others make it?" asked Angel.

"Nope," snarled Spike. "Gunn, Wes, Illyria—all gone!"

"But Lorne made it," said Angel, nodding contentedly. "That's one, at least."

"Three, if you count us!" snapped Spike.

Angel looked away. "I can't believe..."

"And your soul isn't going to go fluttering off just because you get too happy!" snarled Spike, stepping back and kicking the punching bag a few times. "You can go get your happy on with Buffy as often as you like!"

"And you're human, you can give her a normal life...apparently while still being strong for her, a warrior," said Angel.

"And she'll never have to worry about you turning evil on her!" snarled Spike. "You can bang her all you like!"

Angel glowered at the vampire. "Stop it," he said, looking away. "Wolfram and Hart is completely destroyed?"

"Not completely," said Spike. "I destroyed the Italy office too, but there are still a bunch of local factions, offices around the world...with the Senior Partners, though, they've been turning on each other. We've crippled them, and Connor's been searching for the largest groups."

"You mean, you've been systematically wiping them out?" asked Angel, crossing his arms. "Sometimes, William, you make me proud."

Spike grunted, going back to punching the bag. "Connor and I work good together," he snarled.

Angel leaned back, contemplating that. "Do you know, I think I've discovered that there is a limit to my previously unlimited hatred for you?" he asked the human.

Spike glanced at him. "And I guess I'm a bit more tolerant of your brooding poncyness, since I brought you back and all," he grunted, pounding on the bag.

Connor wandered in. "Hey," he said, glancing at them both. "The Slayers have been letting you guys roam free?"

"Yeah," said Angel, wincing. "Although they drugged my blood."

"It was for Dru," said Spike. "What'd you expect?"

Angel looked away. "Do you guys have a plan?" he asked.

"Yeah," said Spike.

"Not really," said Connor. They glared at each other. "Hunt them down and kill them is not a plan!" snapped Connor.

"It's good enough," snarled Spike.

"The remnants of Wolfram and Hart?" guessed Angel.

Spike glared at him, his fists slamming into the punching bag faster and faster. He didn't have to answer, the loud cracks of flesh on cloth more than answer enough for Angel. It was clear that the vampire turned man was still filled with anger and rage, filled with enough energy to continue fighting.

"How will we find them?" argued Connor.

Angel shifted unhappily. "I know some guys," he said slowly.

Spike and Connor both turned to look at him, and Spike let his arms fall to his sides. "At last, some sanity!" he chortled.

Angel looked to Connor. "Don't you have university?" he asked.

Connor nodded reluctantly. "But if you two are going to go fight..." he began, his voice determined.

"I promise we won't start a war without you," said Angel, standing up. "We'll just look for them. When we find them..."

"The Watcher isn't going to like us leaving," said Spike. "He still only halfway trusts us."

Angel shrugged. "We deserve it," he said bleakly. "I'll talk to him."

Spike shook his head. "It's all blood and ashes," he said gloomily, returning to the punching bag.

Angel tilted his head. "Has he been...a little crazy? Lately?" he asked Connor.

Connor snorted. "Completely around the bend," he responded.

Angel sighed. "I knew the whole human gig wasn't for you," he said, triumphant.

Spike glanced at him. "I'd give the bloody annoyance to you in a minute!" he snapped. "You never appreciated being a vampire anyway!"

Connor thought about it for a moment. "Maybe that's why the Powers chose him," he wondered aloud. "Because you'd like it too much, dad. Because he liked being a vampire too much."

Spike and Angel both scowled at him. "This isn't fate," said Angel, disgusted.

"It's a bloody mess, is what it is," said Spike.

Angel nodded his agreement, and they both stalked out of the room together.

"Okay," said Connor, shaking his head. He stepped up to the punching bag and began hitting it.