Disclaimer: Rio is mine... Kao-ri is yohko-lily's... Nikita is Wolfy's… and GOD I wish I had Kai, Tala, and Rei. -. -
"Talking"
"Thinking"
Lyrics
Flashback or Dreams
Shadow
Chapter 6
You'll rescue me right?
In the exact same way they never did..
It was a brisk winter day in Moscow, Russia and the wind was blowing gently through the field. That was where a woman in draping long silver hair willowing behind her in the breeze was walking down the lane with her son's little hand in tote. The six-year-old clung to his mother's side carefully and she could only smile at the little boy. She couldn't have been any happier because of him.
They had gone for their little walk for about a half an hour now, and Rahil was starting to feel a little tired. Young Kai glanced up and noticed this and quickly found a bench in the park where they were heading. He pulled her towards it and helped her as best he could to sit her down.
"Thank you, Kichou," said Rahil leaning a bit on the bench, and resting her hands over her rather large stomach after repositioning the hat on her head. Kai sat down next to her, leaning against her lower shoulders.
"мать, are you feeling OK?" asked young Kai looking at his mother with a worried glance. Rahil smiled and ran her hand under Kai's chin, holding it up a bit before tapping her nose to his.
"I am just fine, Kichou," she replied with a smile. Kai looked down to her large stomach and then back to his mother's face.
"Is there really a baby inside you, мать?" asked Kai curiously. Rahil nodded.
"Would you like to hear?" Kai nodded energetically as Rahil helped him lay his head over her stomach. They sat quietly like that, waiting for a sound from the baby.
"I can't hear anything," said Kai.
"The baby might be sleeping," she replied.
"The baby sleeps?"
"Of course, Kai!" giggled Rahil rubbing Kai's hooded head with her gloved hand. "Now come on, it's going to be dark soon and I'm sure your отец is probably going to be home soon. We don't want to keep him waiting…"
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Kai wanted to drown himself as he sat in his bedroom in his penthouse alone, only to be accompanied by the bottle of vodka and shot glass. He wanted to forget, never to remember again. But just seeing the Bái Hu Zu brought back the memories, the painful memories. Seeing Tala in the hospital, traumatized beyond his own mental capacity brought back only more of those past images.
Taking another swing of the shot glass, Kai glanced around the poorly lit room. He couldn't suppress the memories anymore… they were flooding him… they were taking over…
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I'll be happy right?
When your healing powers kick in
The hallway was a ruckus and on a rampage as the nurses and doctors were rushing around the building. The doctors were barking instructions. A stretcher was rolled through, carrying a woman aboard. Her husband raced beside her and so did two little boys. They continued to follow her until a nurse pulled them aside to allow the doctors and nurses with the stretcher to push it inside the OR.
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He had been so scared that day, he couldn't think straight, but he could remember every little detail. Time had seemed to move at a snail's pace for Kai…
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You'll complete me right?
Then my life can finally begin
"Sir, I am going to need you to take the boys back to the main lobby," said a nurse. "Another nurse will be there willing to watch them if you want to be with your wife." The man with slate blue hair and wild bangs nodded his head.
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He didn't want to go with him, he wanted to stay with his mother, and he didn't want to leave her side. She was in pain, she needed him, and he needed her.
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I'll be worthy right?
Only when you realize the gem I am?
"I'll be right back," he said grabbing the red head and bluenette's hands and jerked them slightly. "Hurry Kai, Tala." The two boys followed the taller man towards the main lobby.
"Adrik!" shouted a feminine voice. The slate haired man turned to see a familiar redheaded woman running towards the trio. Tala waved his hand frantically at her. "I'll take them. You hurry up and get to Rahil."
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No…no… Kai wanted to be with his mother… not Adrik… he wanted to be with his mother… he wanted to rip passed the man and get to her… she needed him…
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But this won't work now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
"Thank you, Vera," said Adrik and then ran off back to where he had come from. Kai turned to watch his father rum towards his mother. Vera took Tala's hand and reached out for Kai's.
"Come, Kai," she said softly. Kai walked over to the Ivanovs and the three of them sat down on a couch. Tala sat on his mother's lap as she ran her fingers over his rogue hair. Kai kept fondling with his fingers. He couldn't see why Rahil just merely fell down earlier.
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He didn't know what happened, he was too young back then to understand what was going on. He was too naïve. And now he wished he had been there with her, every second he was alive he wished to be attached to his mother's side.
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Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim
Kai and Tala had been playing in the kitchen where Rahil had been cooking their dinner. Everything had seemed fine. Kai remembered asking his mother in the park to hear the baby. He had been very excited to get the news that he was going to get a new baby brother or sister. Everyday Kai had questions for Rahil, wanted to help his mother anyway he possibly could, and even attempted at bringing her breakfast in bed, but all the cereal and milk had fallen to the ground by the time Kai hot the surprise to her.
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He always thought he could make it easier on her, and she always showed the gratitude… Kai took another swig, feeling the liquid hit his stomach…
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These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
When I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends
And then that day, Kai and Tala went outside to play a little bit in the snow. They came back about ten minutes later to find Rahil on the kitchen floor clutching her belly. She told Kai to hurry and call the emergency number. Rahil instructed him what to say and in a few minutes, an ambulance pulled up to their house, and so did Kai's father, Adrik. Rahil was seven months pregnant, two months premature.
"Your мать will be fine, Kai. Don't you worry," said Vera, rubbing the top of Kai's head "She knows you are waiting for her." Kai looked Vera in the eyes and carefully leaned his body against her. Vera wrapped one arm around Tala and the other around Kai.
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Tala's mother was a second mother to Kai; she had always been there for him when Rahil was tied up with other business. She treated him just the same as she did Tala, not even playing favorites. They were like brothers… Two more swigs and a sigh…
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This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water
They waited for two hours in their seats. Kai and Tala had grown tired and Tala had fallen asleep on his mother's lap, as she caressed his hair, singing them soothing lullabies to ease them. Kai was on the verge of slumber, but he couldn't sleep…no he wouldn't sleep until he saw his mother. A doctor came up to them with a clipboard in hand.
"You are with Rahil Stanislov, correct?" asked the doctor. Vera sat up straight, Tala stirring on her lap, and Kai leaned forward to listen closely.
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Stanislov… oh how he wanted to murder that name… butcher it up and feed the pieces to the dogs…
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But this won't work as well as the way it once did
Cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
"How is she?" asked Vera.
"Rahil is doing just fine. The c-section was successful. I am pleased to tell you there is a brand new beautiful baby in this world," said the doctor. The tension between the three of them drained from their bodies. Vera squeezed Kai and Tala tightly. "Rahil has been moved into a recovery room from the surgery. Adrik Stanislov is currently with her."
"What about the baby?" asked Vera.
"We have moved the baby into an incubator. Being two months premature, her lungs and heart are under developed. We are closely monitoring her as we speak."
"Can we go and see them?" asked Kai with pleading eyes. The doctor smiled down towards the little boy.
"And you must be little Kai," he said. "I was one of the doctors with your mother. The entire procedure all she told me was about how you were excited for a little brother or sister. But to answer your question, right now you can't see your mother." Kai's face dropped. "But you can in an hour. You can view your little sister though!" Kai's face lit up with all the hope in the world.
"Where is she?" asked Kai gleefully.
"Follow me. You three can come," he said. The doctor led the way down the hallway and to an elevator. After going up two floors, the doctor took them down a few more hallways; he stopped in front of a glass window. "That is the beautiful 'Girl' Stanislov." He pointed to an incubator just in front of them. On a pink blanket was a small, squirming baby. Kai and Tala pressed their noses to the windowpane to get a better look. Vera and Kai's hearts jumped, while Tala wrinkled his nose.
"I thought you said she was pretty!" exclaimed Tala. Vera and the doctor started to laugh at the little boy's comment. Kai and Tala looked at each other and shrugged at the adults.
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They were so stupid back then, they didn't know jack shit… and now, he wished he could be back there… looking over the barrier to see his sister… listening to Tala make a fool of himself… anything…
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And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim
"She is beautiful, Tala," said Vera. Tala looked back at "Girl" and tried to look harder and see how she was "pretty". Tala shook his head.
"But she's… wrinkly!"
"That's what babies look like, Tala," laughed Vera. "Besides, you looked just as 'wrinkly' when you were born."
"GROSS!"
"Remember Tala, she's still got a long way to grow," said the doctor. Tala shrugged and pressed his nose and palms to the windowpane, just as Kai still was doing. Kai couldn't take his eyes off his little sister in amazement.
Adrik joined them a few minutes later, having no words to speak to any of those staring at his baby. Vera took Tala, since it was way pass his bedtime by then, leaving the two Stanislov men together.
Kai wasn't too fond of his father. For some reason at night, he heard his mother cry a few times, and he could hear Adrik's voice raised a few times at night. Kai always curled in his bed when he heard his parents at night. But in the morning, everything seemed better. The young boy was baffled.
And his father never seemed to have that interest in him that Tala's father use to, until last year when he died. Ivanov-san was always cheerful around his son and they seemed to get along very well. Unlike Kai and his father.
"Lets go and see your mother…" said Adrik turning on his heel and leading Kai down the way towards the hospital room.
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Kai remembered how the things improved; oh how he wished to travel in time, and be a child again, always tagging along with his mother while his bastard of a father would work. Kai did all he could for his mother; he loved her with all his heart…
The bottle was empty… he needed another one…
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These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend
"мать?" asked Kai peering over his mother's shoulder as Rahil held the baby Rio in her arms, holding up a bottle as the little one continued to suck it dry. Kai's crimson eyes watched the baby continue to feed off the bottle of formula with an interest.
"Yes Kai?"
"Do you think… I…" he stuttered, not sure of the response he was going to get from his mother. Rahil looked down at the baby. After spending two months in the hospital, little Rio was finally admitted home and had been there for the past three weeks. She smiled at her son.
"Of course you can. Here… now be gentle… remember, she's very fragile…" Rahil handed Kai the baby when he sat down on the couch next to her. Taking the baby in his arms, Rahil rested her properly, and handed the bottle over to Kai before Rio had a chance to bawl in protest.
Kai held his little sister securely and his hand was raised above her head holding on to the bottle. Rio made little gurgling sounds as she continued to drink the milk formula. Not able to feel anything but the sweet happiness, Kai found himself enjoying feeding the baby.
Rahil smiled as she leaned back resting quietly. The baby had taken a lot out of her already with the late nights and long temper tantrums. Adrik helped some, but he was caught at his job all day to make up for Rahil's absence of income.
Kai stayed mesmerized at the feeding baby until Rio let go of the bottle and yawned, a little bit of the formula trickling out of her mouth and down her chin. She stretched and then curled up close to Kai, and soon soft sounds of slumber came from the baby. The young Stanislov couldn't help but feel over joyous in that moment…
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He could feel Rio in his arms, cuddling him like he was a giant teddy bear. And then he remembered how things started down hill, the day when Tala's life changed forever… the day Kai witness his first curse of the world…
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I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode
The phone rang as Kai and Tala were busy playing with the five month old Rio. The little one was already trying to walk around, but still crawling like she was on a speedway. Kai picked up his sister, and Tala laughed as Rio proceeded to drool on her big brother.
"Yes…"
The two continued to play with the baby as Rahil was on the phone. Kai managed to get most of the drool off of him, and Rio booked over to Tala, grabbing onto his thumb and started to suck on it.
"Oh…"
It was Tala's turn to be laughed at as Kai encouraged his little sister to drool all over Tala. The red head glared at Kai and watched as Rio climb onto Tala making baby gibberish and attempting to talk to them.
"Tala…" The six year old red head looked up and over towards Rahil who was hanging up the phone. "Tala, Kai, come with me…" Rahil walked over briskly and took Rio in her arms, picking up the baby. The two boys followed her out to the car and Rahil drove on.
They pulled up to the hospital, where woman who claimed to be the Ivanovs neighbors greeted them. She explained where Vera was and what her condition was. Vera had been helping her with her groceries when all of a sudden she turned around to find Vera on the ground, unaware of her surroundings.
Tala gulped, hearing how his mother fell ill. Rahil rushed over to the receptionist's table and demanded to know where Vera was. But they were unable to do anything… and they sat there in the main room waiting… the hours ticked on… 6 pm, 7 pm, 8 pm… Rahil's cell phone rang. She had to explain to Adrik where she was… 9 pm, 10 pm… Finally someone came out to them…
"I'm sorry to tell you… Vera Ivanov… she… she didn't make it…"
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Tala was torn up that day, and mangled when they found out the truth… Vera had been murdered… She didn't awake because some new group, the Bái Hu Zu had sent one of their men in to play nurse, and overdosed her on the morphine… That drove Tala over the wall… He had been sent to live with his relatives that also worked for Voltaire…That was their first taste of what was to come…
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This won't work now the way it once did
Cuz I want to deside between servival and bliss
Now I know who I'm not
"What do you mean?" cried Rahil. "You can't be serious?" Kai hid in his room, pulling the covers up and over to his nose, barely letting his eyes peer over. Four months later Kai had gotten use to the nightly squalls between Rahil and Adrik. They never ended until late at night.
Kai pretended to be asleep when Rahil came in to kiss him good night. She didn't want to worry her with him knowing what was going on. He stayed silence. His mom and dad loved each other… that was all he needed.
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That was the last memory Kai had of his father. The next day when Kai got home from school, their house was empty. Adrik had taken it all from them, stripped the house of its contents, sold the house in general, taken every last penny in their joint account… He left them… Kai never heard from him again…
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I don't I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victom
"Here we go, our new home," said Rahil entering the apartment room with the luggage in her hands. Baby Rio was strapped onto Rahil's back and Kai had one of his bags in hand. The apartment was empty except for a couch a few kitchen supplies and a bed they found in another room.
There wasn't much to the place; they had been lucky to get it cheap. Rahil smiled, trying to make the best of it. She felt guilty, it wasn't Kai's fault that her father had disowned her, her husband left them and taken every last scrap of money that wasn't in the bank. They had been lucky Voltaire's divorced wife, Rahil's mother, had given them some money.
"Kai, I want you to listen to me right now," she said. Kai looked up to his mother, giving her his full attention. "You are no longer Kai Stanislov… You understand me? Your father wants no part of our lives, so we will not allow him to haunt us in anyway. You're now Kai Hiwatari. Keep that name forever Kai… Don't ever repeat your old last name… never…"
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He had done as he was told…he took Voltaire's name as his own, he pressed all traces of his father into the depths of his mind. He hated his father since then. Even now he wished it had been him who took his father's life… he wanted to make him suffer, suffer like he had.
Adrik had gotten off too easy for Kai's idea, he wanted his father's throat in his hands… he needed another drink…
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These precious illusions in my head
did not let me down
"Big brother," rang the voice of a little three-year-old Rio. Her chubby little baby face was filled with a smile as she was gazing down at the menu in her hands. A younger Kai, a nine-year-old Kai, looked down at his little sister, who was actually holding the menu upside down.
"Here, Rio. Hold it like this," he stated, putting down his homework and reset Rio's menu.
"How do you say this, big brother?" asked Rio pointing at the middle of the menu. Kai looked over and examined the word that she had pointed out.
"That is 'salad'," stated Kai. Rio looked hard at the word and started to chant "salad" continuously, trying to remember what the word looked like. Kai couldn't help but laugh at Rio's antics. A few of the customers around them chuckled, and a few growled at the toddler.
"Kai, when is мать done working?" she asked, putting the menu down and started to twiddle her thumbs becoming quite bored with the diner that their mother. Kai went back to his arithmetic homework, trying to figure out the problems that their teacher had given to them.
"In a bit, Rio-chan," stated Kai, scribbling down the answer he got. Rio sat back in her highchair. She grabbed her dolly off of the counter and started to play with her, glancing over towards the clock behind the counter. Rio put down her dolly and picked up a red crayon and started to draw a red bird on a napkin with long tail feathers.
"How are my two babies doing?" asked Rahil walking around behind the counter. Rio squeaked with her happiness, clapping her hands together.
"мать!" she chanted. Rahil leaned over the counter and stuck her cheek over for Rio to give her a big kiss. She then received one from Kai, and looked between the two of them.
"You two are behaving yourselves?" Rahil asked. Rio nodded her head rather fast, letting her hair flap up and down behind her. Rahil leaned over and fixed the ribbon in Rio's hair.
"Yes, мать," stated Kai. Rahil smiled at her well-mannered children.
"Good," she said. "Listen, I have to work later today than normal. Do you think you could get both you and your sister to the apartment by yourselves? The diner isn't a very fun place for a child to hang around." She looked between the two and Kai nodded his head at her request. "Wonderful. I'll call your grandmother to go over and watch you tonight." She gave the two of them kisses and headed around to the kitchen. Kai packed up his homework into his duffle bag and jumped out of his seat. Helping Rio out of her highchair, he grasped her hand in his and headed for the exit of the diner.
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She had to take that job… it was the only way to keep up with the rent and the food. Rahil had to work at that diner and at the hospital at night. Kai saw little of his mother those years. He wished he had had more time with her…
Taking another swig of a brand new bottle, Kai could feel his head extremely lessen in its weight. He wanted nothing more to do than to drink himself away right then and there. His life… it was all a shamble. No matter who tried to cheer him up could succeed. Even Rio never could truly bring Kai back to what he had use to been…
Dropping the corked bottle on the ground, it shattered, the contents spilling out on the carpet, but he didn't care. Kai had drunk himself to sleep. A sleep of more troubles… more memories he had managed to hide from himself, but the sub conscious mind worked wonders with just the right amount of alcohol…
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When I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends
Rio was playing with her doll on the floor of the kitchen while Rahil was cooking up the stew on the stove before her night shift at the hospital. Kai had just finished up his homework and was currently watching a show on TV. It was a World Championship match, beyblading world championships.. (A/n: I couldn't help myself…) He had heard some kids in school talking about this sport, but Kai was always too busy to attempt at it…
There was a strange sense around them all, and Rahil dropped her spoon to the ground, shutting off the burner to the stove. "Shut that off!" she whispered harshly to Kai. Confused, Kai did as he was told and Rahil scooped up Rio in her arms… "Get over here… quickly Kai… shut out that light!" Following her instructions, Kai made his way over to his mother and sister. Rahil pulled him under the counter and sat down, her back against the cabinets.
"What's the matter мать?" asked Kai…
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
When I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with childhood best friends
The lyrics are from Alanis Morisssette's "Precious Illusions". I just felt that it set a mood in this chapter...
I'mterribly sorry if this is confusing... but basicallyKai is in his room drinking himself away as hekeepsremembering his past. It jumps from hismother's pregnancy toRio's birth, and then jumps over major events in the next three years...ending with a bang right now...and Kai is mentally reflecting on certain points...There are more memories coming next chapter....
отец Russian for "father"
мать Russian for "mother"
Read and review please!!!!! (pleading eyes)
lil phoenix
