For days Raquel did nothing but cry. She had never felt this much pain. When her father died she felt that things could not get any worse, but now she realized that she did not know her father and so the pain she felt was nothing compared to the pain she was feeling now. Raquel wished that she could talk to Alan; she thought that if she could just call him and tell him everything was going to be ok they could get back together and end this suffering, but she was wrong. Alan went back to New York and was going to be there for a lot of the summer, there was nothing she could do. She wished and prayed every night that Alan would come to his senses and come back for her, but the days became longer and warmer and there was no sign of Alan. She wished that she could have said good bye, she wished she could hold him again, but her wishes never came true. Her friends told her to stop hoping it would never work, but she still had faith that things were not over.
Alan got off the plane and was greeted by familiar faces. They were not the faces of his family, but he felt more at home than he had in a long time. The faces were all smiling and running to greet him. Each of the boys greeted him in their own way and was genuinely happy to see him. Finally D-tent was back together. This was the one thing Alan needed most. They all gave him their sympathy for him and his family, and tried to make him feel better, but after a month had gone by they knew there was something else wrong with Alan other than feeling the lose of his mother.
"Yo Squid! What is wrong with you? I know something is up! Come on man you can tell us!" A tall Hispanic boy urged Alan to talk to them about what was going on.
"I broke-up with my girlfriend." There was silence. None of the boys could understand why he was so upset over a girl, no one that is other than Rex and Stanley.
"You fucking dumped Raquel? What are you doing? Squid you call her right now and get back together with her!" Rex looked so shocked that he could not help himself all of his emotions poured out of him.
"X, I can't do that. I can't put her though that. Look man you wouldn't understand. I was a horrible person to her and she disserves better. So I broke up with her so she could get what she disserved. Alan could feel a lump forming in his throat. "I'm going to bed good night." Alan got up and walked into the other room where he had been sleeping for the last month. He opened his suit case and pulled out a sealed envelope that had his name on it. It was the letter his mother wanted him to have but he had not read it because he was afraid what it might say, but he was ready to handle what it said. He slowly opened the letter with shaking hands it read:
My Dear son Alan,
I know I have not always been the mother you have disserved but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I have probably taught you not to trust anyone and to live a life of hatred and pain. But I just wish that one day you can find someone who can show you the love that I never could. You are an amazing boy and you disserve to be loved. When your father and I were dating we liked each other, but there was no love. I had never felt loved before and so I did not know what I was getting into. My family was also a disappointment much like yours and so I had never been loved. The first time I felt the emotion of pure love was the first time I held you in my arms when you were first born. I have been trying my hardest to clean myself up and to change the way I have been living. Once they took you away I knew that things had to change. You were the only reason I was still alive. Even though I made your life hell you were the only thing stopping mine from just that. I know I have told you that your father is the reason that we lived in a trailer, and we never had any money but that was all a lie. Your father had been supporting us this whole time and I used it all on alcohol. I was the reason that you never got any toys on Christmas, or your birthday. I am the reason that you had to break into people's houses to get food and money, and I am the reason that you will never fully trust people. You may not believe it, but I have always loved you. You brought me joy, and I ruined your life. I hope you can forgive me I am trying my best to stay sober and I am trying to change so that I can once again be with you. You are my son and I have been nothing close to a mother to you and it is about time that you were shown the compassion you disserve. If you ever find someone that will show you that love I beg you not to push it away, but to embrace it. You have gone through enough pain and you do not disserve any more. If you never want to speak to me again I will understand, but you need to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love you, that will never change. I hope that now you can finally put everything I put you though behind you and finally be happy. I will be waiting and whenever you want to come home you will be welcome here. I love you.
XoXo mom
Once he had finished the letter he knew he had made a mistake. He would never find anyone like Raquel and he probably put her though a lot of pain that she did not need to go though, but what was the use now she had probably moved on and there was nothing he could do. So Alan spent the rest of the month with his friends and returned to Missouri with Stanley and Rex at the end of July. He never tried to contact Raquel, and she never tried to contact him even though they both considered it many time but they always ended hanging up before anyone answered. The summer was fading fast and the new school year was coming soon, both of them wanted to go to new schools but they were not able to. They were both terrified to have to face their loves again.
