Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.
Summary: Post AtS and BtVS, Faith and Xander are approached by a secret government agency. Surprises all around.
Rating: PG-13
A/N: A long time between updates, eh? Darn accounting professors, with their infernal reliance on copious amounts of homework to spur learning!
Chapter 23: Trust
Xander listened to the murmurings in the cell phone, frowning. The frown wasn't because Dawn's plan sounded crazy to him, it was because his leg was pressed against Faith's in the tight, cramped space of the booth they were sitting in, and it was distracting him.
"Seattle," he muttered.
"No!" snarled Spike. "This is just a sidetrack, a little event, along the way to getting Dru a soul! We're not getting more Slayers who'll just try to kill her!"
Faith leaned across the table. "Screw you!" she snapped. "And screw your queen of the night!"
Spike sighed. "Real mature, love," he muttered.
"We are not going to be bait for your little trap!" she snapped.
He sighed, flicking his lighter opened and closed, looking around the seedy joint with a long-suffering grimace. "I'm the bait, not you," he said. "You want to bail to Seattle, feel free."
"Um, Dawnie? He's arguing," said Xander. "Yeah, with the snarkiness. No, he wants us to go on without him. He wants to lure the demonic army to Africa so he can fight for Drusilla's soul. No, he really is that much of an idiot. Yeah, sure." Xander offered the phone to Spike.
He stared at it incredulously. "No way!" he said. "I take that phone, she talks me out of it, and we all kill Dru! I don't bloody think so!"
Xander giggled, bringing the phone back to his ear. "Did you hear him Dawnie? Hm? Yeah, well, I say take it as a compliment. No, really, Spike, talk to her." He tossed the phone at Spike.
"Spike?" said Dawn hopefully.
"I wish I could still smoke," muttered Spike, holding the phone to his ear. "In case you missed the memo, luv, I'm on a mission here. A holy mission. A sacred mission."
"What if we arm the Slayers with cattle prods?" asked Dawn. "Come on, Spike, you're facing an army!"
"They'll be there before you, you know," said Spike slyly. "Drusilla's visions arm them. They know where you are, what you're doing, what you're planning, and they can use it against you."
"Bugger!" snapped Dawn. "Buffy, can you call Andrew on your cell phone? Thanks. Yeah, I don't want to lose Spike, and I need to—Spike, listen to me. This isn't helping at all."
Spike sighed. "We drove all night," he said shortly. "We're going to sleep during the day. That should at least slow them down. And you're doing something preemptive, aren't you? Which they'll know about, by the way. Go in with extra strength."
"We're bringing Buffy's boyfriend with us," said Dawn.
"Oh," said Spike. "Well. Good. Maybe the buggering ponce will finally get his head cut off, or maybe he'll get thrown in jail for tax invasion." His tone was tenser than she'd remembered, and she laughed.
"You know, I'll never figure out how Buffy managed to get three guys, more or less in a row, who ALL had issues with each other."
"Luck," said Spike shortly.
"Oh, this was the best thing that ever happened to her?" asked Dawn. "I suppose you would see it that way…"
"I didn't say it was good luck," he corrected. "Look, I appreciate this, but I'm the Champion of goodness. There are certain things that I have to do, and not even an army of Slayers can take that duty from my shoulders."
"Now you do sound crazy," she said, her voice playful and pouting at the same time.
"Look, it's nice of you, but I'm not part of your organization, and I never will be," shot Spike. "I've never been one of your little group."
"What about Angel?" asked Dawn.
"Well, he was, wasn't he? And now he's there with you. Terrific. Ask him to join you; I'm sure he will, now that his destiny's belly-up."
"Didn't Xander tell you?" asked Dawn.
"Tell me what?" asked Spike, his voice suddenly very low.
"Angel escaped and went looking for you," said Dawn.
"Bugger!" spat Spike, staring at Xander. "No, I'm afraid we were so busy not dying he neglected to mention that. Where's Angel headed?"
"He didn't say," said Dawn tensely. "Spike, why does that bother you so much? You're the one who's human now, and vulnerable."
"It was never about me, Dawnie," said Spike, a hint of sadness in his voice. "They never cared about me. I was just Angel's Childe, his sidekick. They're using me as bait, again, to draw out the real Champion. For the love of Buffy, he's so blind," sighed Spike.
"For the love of Buffy?" giggled Dawn.
Spike shrugged. "Seemed appropriate," he said banally. "All right, pet, where are we at?"
"You won't listen to reason and I won't be put off that easily," said Dawn. "Andrew, you're walking into a trap."
"What?" said Spike, irritated.
"Buffy's phone," said Dawn, unapologetically. "Spike, wouldn't an army of Slayers help you with your mission?"
"Yeah, only you don't trust me and I don't bloody trust you, pigeon. Didn't you get this memo?"
Dawn was silent. "Spike, I can send Willow to you, and she can stuff a soul in with no clauses. She's a powerful witch."
Spike growled, something that wasn't quite as effective without the powerful demon within him to back that threat up. "Dawn, you want me to trust you? Answer one question, with no lies, no evasions."
Dawn took a deep breath. "Oh, God! It always comes back to stupid sophomoric trust games with you, doesn't it?"
"Simple question, love," said Spike softly.
Faith was glaring at him, a question forming in her eyes. She was fairly sure she knew what he would ask, and that it would be centered on Buffy.
"Shoot," sighed Dawn.
"Who're you saving, right now?" asked Spike.
Dawn was silent for a second. Faith frowned, surprised by the question.
"You never did pull your punches, you freaking monster," said Dawn, her voice flat. "I'm saving Xander. From you. And you know it."
"Yes, I do," said Spike. "Right nice of you to admit it. Come on, Dawn. I said it already. You never trusted me, and you don't now." He handed the phone back to Xander.
"What did she say?" asked Xander, confused.
"She said she's saving you from Spike," said Faith, taking the cell phone. "Yeah, we'll stick with his sorry butt, kid. Yeah, even to Africa. You will? Good."
"We're going to Seattle," muttered Spike, leaning back.
Faith glared at him. "NOW he says we're going to Seattle," she growled. "You think? Yeah, sure. Bye." She closed the phone and handed it Xander. "What was that all about?" she spat.
Spike examined his fingernails uneasily. "She's the most grown up of all of you," he said obliquely. "I didn't know that. I certainly didn't expect her to tell me the truth when I asked who she was saving. I almost didn't expect her to know it. No pretty lies for that one, is there? She was honest. I said I'd trust her if she answered the question, so I will. Trust means going ahead, even if I'm bloody sure we're going to get burned in Seattle."
"Crap," muttered Xander.
"What?" said Faith.
"She forgave him," said Xander, disgusted. "It's happening again, isn't it? I'm the little guy, the one who doesn't forgive? I'm the wrong one. I'm the bad one. Why? Because everybody else can forgive a rapist!" He spat the last word.
Spike continued examining his fingernails. "I always agreed with you," he said finally.
Xander stared at him in surprise. "What?"
"Oh, not when I was evil," said Spike. "But when I got the soul… I saw it. You were right. Every single bloody time… even though you didn't say it after I came back. Well, not after that first time… you sucked it up, for Buffy. But I knew. I remembered. And when I woke in LA and you all thought I was dead… well, I thought maybe it was better that way."
Andrew waited patiently, and finally the cell phone rang again. "Hello," he said, modulating his tone. It might not be…
"Hi, Andy," said Dawn.
"Hi," he said, relief flooding him. "Um, how are things?"
"Like I said, ambush. And you may get new orders after you land. Things are… it's Spike, you know?"
"Ah, I do know," said Andrew. "And how are you holding up?"
"I think… I think maybe I trust him a little," said Dawn. "And that surprises me. Stay on your toes, huh?"
He chuckled. "I'm with twenty Slayers. What could possibly stop us?"
"Right. I… um, Buffy's right next to me."
"You told her about us before, didn't you?" asked Andrew.
"Well, I… how did you know that? Never mind, I don't want to know. God! News travels fast. I didn't tell her… I just told her… I'll explain it later. I love you. Bye."
"I love you. Bye," said Andrew. There was a beep.
Andrew checked his cell phone, making sure it was disconnected, then looked back at the girls. Inside the tight, cramped space of the jet, they were all close to him, close enough that he could lower his voice into a quavering whisper, a dramatic narration of their peril. He almost squealed with pleasure.
"Our mission, ladies, has changed! Changed drastically! While we were preparing our rescue mission, forces of darkness were marshaling, intent on destroying us! We may be walking into an ambush, an ambush of evil!"
One of the Slayers raised her hand. He nodded to her, glad that there was a modicum of respect.
"Who was on the phone?" she asked suspiciously.
"Uh, why?" he asked, nervous.
"You said, I love you," she replied. "Was that mister Giles? Because if it was, Mandy owes me a twenty."
He blushed beet red. "No!" he said.
"Xander?" prompted another girl.
"Ah! No! I'm not telling!" he said, turning around.
He missed the high fives and snorts of laughter behind him.
Buffy looked at Dawn carefully. "Love you?" she asked quietly.
Dawn shrugged. "I don't like people knowing what I'm doing in my personal life," she said. "I mean, sure, it starts with you and Willow, and next it's fifty giggling Slayers who have bets on him being gay."
Buffy nodded sagely, and then smiled. "I don't think I can adjust to this. We're talking about Andrew!"
Dawn shook her head. "Did you know he dated women in Italy for a while, Buffy?"
Buffy stared. "He did?"
"He was pretty popular, too… know why? Because he acts very stereotypically gay. He cares about your feelings, he cares what you wear, and he idolizes the men in his life. Very stereotypical. And they liked that."
"But how did the two of you…?" Buffy couldn't think of a way to phrase it, and Dawn sighed.
"Well, my Italian is good, okay? And Andrew could speak it, but not that well. So one of his dates is trying to ask him a question, and he comes to me to translate it. And she wanted… well, it was a very intimate question. And I blushed, and he blushed, and it was awkward, and so we couldn't even look each other in the eye. And you know how tension like that is… it only gets worse. And, of course, to make matters worse, that was when that demon came around…you remember? The nasty green one? Anyway, it was making trouble, so we had to work together, and one thing led to another…"
Buffy smirked. "And you got a happy ending," she finished triumphantly.
Dawn shrugged. "Yeah, a happy ending that involved an awkward morning after, a guy that secretly crushes on you, a long-distance relationship that's further strained by the fact that he is scared to death I'm gonna leave him at any time, and even more by the fact that I might, if it was better for the Slayers."
Buffy stared at her, horrified. "What?" she said, her voice just a little strained.
Dawn shook her head. "Head Watcher, Junior Watcher? It's a problem, Buffy, and one of the reasons I told nobody. The first time somebody says Andy's incompetent and we only keep him here because he's my lover, the relationship is over. Gone. Finished. And he knows it, and I know it, and it hurts. So we don't tell anybody…except you. Finally you."
"I was the first one you told." Buffy took a moment to think about that. "I told Giles," she said in a small voice.
Dawn sighed. "That's okay. He can keep a secret. But, Buffy? Not Xander. Or Willow. They suck at secrets. Or Spike. But maybe Angel, if you must tell somebody else. He can keep secrets."
Buffy stared. "Wow," she said. "Are you sure? Spike could always keep a secret. Nobody knew about me and him… except Tara, and I told her."
Dawn considered this. "Yeah, but he still totally told me all about offering to dust Drusilla," she noted.
Buffy's eyes widened. "He told you about that?"
"He was kind of proud," said Dawn. "He told me a lot, during that Summer…before you came back and it all went to hell."
Buffy frowned. "I'm sorry," she said. "I never realized that when I came back…you lost a friend. It never even occurred to me you were close to him before I came back."
Dawn shrugged. "He didn't have a soul," she noted. "He loved me, but not that much…not enough. Maybe he would have tried to turn me, if he hadn't had the chip. Maybe. That was how much he loved me, and we both knew it. And he didn't love me enough to pay attention to me when you were there. Now that he has a soul… and we've gotten past the whole 'you tried to rape my sister' thing… maybe I trust him. But I didn't before. Not even…that Summer."
Spike watched Xander head for the office, already taking out his wallet. "Ponce," he muttered. "I admit to agreeing with him and he gets all weepy. Stupid cycloptic imbecile."
"Do you ever just shut up?" asked Faith, leaning against the wall. They'd driven till the sun came up, and she was bone-weary.
"No," said Spike. "What's up with you?"
"I've been thinking of just screwing you," said Faith, leering at him.
"Ha, ha. No, seriously," replied Spike.
She shrugged. "No, really. It might help me out with this thing with Xander. But, then, there's the thought he'll find out, and that'll make things worse. So, I guess I'll find some other body to boink."
Spike snorted. "Trust me, love, it doesn't solve any of the problems it's supposed to solve."
"Oh, it does," said Faith, too tired to throw in the swagger in her hips she normally put on top of a statement like that. She managed a faint leer.
He laughed. "Yeah, preachin to the choir," he rumbled, and he managed to throw in a saucy swagger of his hips. "But it's only the drinking and the violence all over again, putting your problem off but never dealing with it."
"And you're the expert," sneered Faith.
"Too right," mumbled Spike. "I learned it all in blood and tears. Where'd you learn your lessons?"
Faith sneered. "Oh, we're having one of those 'let's show the scars' talks now?"
Spike stared at her as if she were insane. "No, we're talking about whether you and the whelp patched things up."
She scowled, leaning against the wall bonelessly. "It doesn't matter," she mumbled.
"It matters a lot," he corrected her. "I assume you tried, but it didn't go well, huh?"
"He told me what he thought of me, apologized a little bit," she mumbled.
Spike sighed. "You're one confused bint, you know," he said. "Anyway, what do you plan to do now? After Seattle you're off the hook and don't have to follow me around any more."
She shrugged. "They'll have some assignment for us," she said.
"Still sticking with the Watcher-boy, eh?" asked Spike.
"Unless they'll give me somebody new," she said dully.
Spike bared his teeth in an insane grin. "They won't. You're one of hundreds now, and you get your own Watcher? Despite being the second Slayer? You don't get it, do you?"
"Get what?" asked Faith. "That they don't trust me? I got, I got."
"Silly chit," scoffed Spike. "He's not here to protect you. You're here to protect him."
She laughed. "Funny thing is, you're mostly right. He's been… as long as he's been with me, he's been suicidal. He throws himself in front of the monsters, tries to protect me… he's had a deathwish since Sunnydale."
Spike's face instantly changed from the semi-serious, mostly-amused mock-scowl into a mask that she couldn't read. "Deathwish?" he said softly. "Don't we all."
"Shut it!" growled Faith. "It's not funny. I just want him to stop, to get back to normal."
Spike sighed. "Then you'll be waiting an awful long time, pet. He's always done that."
"What?" said Faith, surprised.
"It's his White Knight deal," growled Spike, clearly angry, although Faith couldn't fathom the reason. "I think he even took a hit for me once, during the Bad Summer."
"The … bad summer?" said Faith, arching an eyebrow.
"After Buffy died," clarified Spike. "And that was when he hated me the most. We spent that whole summer blaming each other for her death, and he was still such a buggering ponce that he took a hit for me."
Xander, who'd managed to sneak up on them, cleared his throat. "I seem to recall you taking one or two for me," he said, his voice hovering just on the edge of danger.
"Only by accident," sniffed Spike. "Got us rooms?"
"Yes," said Xander, his eyes still blazing. He was glaring at Spike. "I still blame you, you know."
"And I still blame you, though I started agreeing with you… oh, about twenty minutes before I burned to death on the Hellmouth. Happy now?" asked Spike sarcastically.
Faith stretched, convinced she'd have to tear them apart at any minute as they came to blows. The looks they were trading could have melted through the side of a battleship, and she could see Xander's hands curling into fists.
His one eye swiveled to face her. "I got us two rooms," he said flatly. "So you can have your own." He tossed her the key, which she caught numbly, turned and marched away.
"Bugger that," said Spike. "You don't mind sharing, do you, Slayer?"
"Not in the least," said Faith through clenched teeth.
Spike glanced at her, surprised. "Problem?" he asked.
"What was that all about?" she asked. "I mean, I get it. You hate him, he hates you. Get over it! I hated Buffy. Probably still do. You don't see me in her face every single time I see her!"
"It's different," muttered Spike. "He and I, we're too different, too alike. We hate too deep, love too deep, too strong." His face twisted in a scowl that was both unpleasant and unhappy. "And neither of us likes at all being like the other. We remind each other too much of ourselves."
Faith glanced at the key, then around the motel, locating their room. "Wonderful," she muttered, heading for it.
Spike shouldered his bag, following her. "You try to jump my bones, and I'll break your fingers." She gave him an odd look, surprised by the threat. He shrugged. "I may be crazy, but I'd like to make sure we stay on good terms… so I figured a fair warning was the least I could do."
She grumbled as she unlocked the door and stepped inside. Spike followed her, moving to the window and closing the blinds, keeping the bright sunlight out. He glanced around, taking in the bed and the carpet and the lack of a couch, and let out a long-suffering sigh.
He stripped the top blanket off the bed, curling up in a dark corner, wrapping it around his shoulders. "You know, I'm not crazy," he muttered, falling asleep almost instantly.
Faith stared at him a minute, then rose. She was too wired to sleep, and she was still sore from what Xander had said.
She exited the motel room, looking around. She'd watched where Xander went very carefully, already planning this. She walked to his door and knocked.
"Huh? Wha?" he said sleepily.
"It's me," she said, noticing her voice was even more hoarse and husky than usual. "Can I come in?"
She heard him throw the bolt back, and then he opened the door, peering out at her with his good eye. "What's up?" he asked, his voice a bit cool.
She shuffled her feet. "Spike said you've always done that…thrown yourself in the way of danger like that. Is that true?"
Xander shrugged. He was wearing a flannel shirt, she noticed, and jeans. "I guess so," he said warily.
She swallowed, trying to clear the lump in her throat away. Why was it so hard to breathe suddenly? "I just…that's great. Y'know, heroic. And I get that. And I… I can't stop thinking about you. And wanting you. And wanting you to like me. And maybe approve of me. Maybe be proud of me. And it hurts that you don't trust me… and… I should just go, huh?"
Xander was staring at her with a glazed look. "Um, no. I don't…" For a long moment he just stared at her, dazed by lack of sleep and unable to say anything. Finally he blinked himself out of the trance. "I've already been a notch on your bed post. I don't really want to be just another one. But if… Um, if you… Do you want to come in?"
Faith nodded tightly, unable to find words for happy his simple phrase made her.
