IN THE CONTROL ROOM
Gate Technicians scatter as they arrive
"Hey doc Fraiser!" the technician greets her.
"You will now call me 'Great and mighty, noblest most wonderful, beautiful and grand lord doc Fraser.' Is that clear?"
"Could you write that down?"
Janet smacks him in the face, throwing him across the room.
"Those vitamins really working out for you, Huh?" asked Thor.
"Hey! My lip is bleeding!" cries Technician.
The poodles scamper over and attack him.
"You know Thor I think those poodles will be my most loyal slaves." muses Janet.
"Janet you can't do this!" whines Sam.
"If you go along with this I may change the air force rules so you can marry your commanding officer! How's that sound?"
"I'll have to think about that one for a minute."
"TOK'RA JAFFA GEORGE KREE. In order to keep the tiny aliens from destroying my home world we must go to durgreivifsfstdndnfuigngugkjy and consume all of the green jell-o on the planet. Now start dialing!"
Later…
"Thirteenth chevron encoded…how long is this going to take?" technician complains.
"Until there all locked you idiot!" says Janet and threatens to smack him again.
The Gate locks.
"Finally." says Technician.
Whooosh
Grunts start streaming out of the Gate.
"Okay line them up and measure them! How many are there?" says Janet.
"Grunts?" asks technician.
"No feet."
"Thirty I think."
"Thirty grunts?" asks Jack.
"No there are six grunts" says Janet.
"But there are only fifteen feet." says technician.
"What! There should be thirty!" yells Janet.
"Maybe they got smaller." suggests Daniel.
"But they're all five foot tall." insists Sam.
"How can you tell?" asks Jack.
"I can tell." says Sam.
"Wait, line the poodles up with the grunts and then measure them now!" says Janet who has just had a revelation.
"Yay that makes thirty odd feet!" shouts technician.
"That's impossible the poodles aren't even one foot tall!" cries Sam.
"Hey man, you know space, and time, and stuff are all kinda relative." said Teal'c.
"You leave space-time out of this!" Sam yells.
"I think it's your ruler." said Daniel.
"It is NOT the ruler! Now we have all the grunts we need let's go!" Janet yells.
A/N: There's a joke here about "Thirty Odd Foot Grunts" which is (though he would hate me calling it this) Russell Crowe's band. Before writing this I had just heard about them breaking up, which would make the 15 odd foot of grunts. And I just couldn't resist putting this into my story. I've never heard a single song they sang, but I hear they're terrible.
Beta's Note: Justfor the record I'm the one who told her about the band breaking up. And Galadhrim, being a total math geek, had to use it. And although I've never heard the band either, I reserve AN OPEN MIND (are you listening Galadhrim?) about whether they are, or are not terrible. melpomene-muse of tragedy
