A/N: Wow, I've updated again! I don't usually update so quickly, but today was a snow day, so I took advantage of it! Anyway, by the name of the chapter on that little purple bar up there (points to chapter navigator) you should see that this chapter is focused on Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood. I'm trying to answer reviews every chapter this time around, so here are the ones from last time:
Moriarwen: Ooh, thank you! Thank you very much, in fact; the first naked hobbit for my collection! I'll keep it safe and sound under my bed until I need it to do my homework... Or something... Which hobbit am I receiving?
Seriously Wrong: Ouch.
Kimbob: Simmer down, girl! Anyway, here's the Legolas chapter, because you asked...shrieked...yeah.
Akio the Dragon Master: Wow, I didn't think it was that funny, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Aisha: Thanks! Here's the next chapter for you. P.S.- Tell your wrist to hurry up and stop being broken. I love long reviews!
Lady Lalaith: (nods sympathetically) Yep, Frodo's at the top of my 'People to Adore' list, too.
Wacko the Sane: Aragorn will probably be the featured character next chapter, so don't worry.
Marlboro Extra: I'll accept hogtied hobbits, too, but it's such a hassle to strip them when their hands and feet are all tied together; I'd hate to ruin their adorable hobbit-clothes by cutting them off...
Disclaimer: Hit the back button and refresh your memory.
xxx Legolas xxx
Other names, titles, and aliases:
'Greenleaf': The translation of the Sindarin form of Legolas' name. 'Legolas' really means 'a collection of green leaves' or just 'green leaf,' but to put it into one word just seems cooler, doesn't it?
'Laiqulalasse': The Sindarin way of his name. (Thanks to Aisha for that one!)
Disclaimer: Hit the back button and refresh your memory.
Appearance: For a period of time (sometime in 2002, I think), Legolas was regarded as the sexiest creature on (Modern-day) Earth. Of course, who wouldn't fall for a tall, hot guy in tights? According to Tolkien, Legolas might have dark hair, but Peter Jackson had different ideas; now Legolas is bleach-blonde, even though his eyebrows aren't. (Either way is fine with me, for the record.) Anyway, Legolas is willowy, lithe, and lightly muscled, and sports a pair of those pointy Elven ears. Despite the treacherous battles and treks through sunny areas and weeks without bathing, his skin remains a unchanging lightly-tanned color: not bruised, scratched, scraped, freckled, or blemished whatsoever. ...How does that work? As you might have noticed before, Legolas has a pair of deep brown eyes that (while not as enchanting as Frodo's) have made many a fangirls swoon before him.
Clothing: Legolas seems awfully fond of forest-y colors; soft greens and browns. This might have something to do with his woodland heritage, but you can never be too sure. All his clothes fit snugly, as if to say to the rest of the Fellowship, "I'm hotter than you all!" His tunic is that leafy shade of green, as are his leggings/tights. And by golly, I've got a feeling whatever he wears underneath is green as well, if it's not actually a leaf. If I were you, I wouldn't fret about the grass-stains too much when laundry day comes around; you can't see them, since his clothes are the color of grass anyway. He never seems to part with his bow and quiver, both of which hang "unobtrusively" over his shoulder.
Intelligence: He's an Elf. Elves happen to be very wise. Thus, Legolas is very wise. He might not be exactly smart, but at least he's wise. He's been around for ages, though, so he should know something useful. Also, I'm sure he knows all sorts of useless nature-y things that seem sickeningly romantic when whispered to a blushing bride. ("Your eyes are as lovely as blooming crocuses, my blushing bride.")
Personality: He's a bit reserved from the rest of the Fellowship at first. I mean, I'd be reserved too if my only companions were eight grunting, sweating men. While on the Quest, he needed to be keeping a sharp ear out for hordes of Orcs approaching (all of them intent on murder), so he didn't really have a chance to chat away like the hobbits did. When in battle, Legolas is as fierce as a raging bull, though his pretty face doesn't really show it too well. When out of battle, he spends quite a bit of time being mournful about things no one really knows about, but he can have his happy moments as well (though they're rather sparse). I wouldn't really count Legolas as one of those bursting-at-the-seams-with-warm-and-fuzzy-feelings guys, but I'm sure he'd give you a cuddle or a kiss if you really needed one.
Finances: Your husband is the Prince of Mirkwood, so we can only assume things are pretty good in this department. And don't worry about robbers; he'll shoot them dead in a second if they come near anything, preferably with those flaming arrows Frodo finds so useful. Perhaps he'll pay you and Legolas for some.
Home Economics: I don't think I've seen Legolas eat anything but lembas, so I wouldn't expect anything too great to come from his kitchen. I'm sure the other Mirkwood Elves will take good care of you and cook you anything you want, but that's hardly a consolation for a wedding cake made of lembas, isn't it?
Combat: He's got that quiver of arrows that never runs out, so if his aim is true, you don't ever have to worry about being attacked by anything while Legolas is around. He keeps his bow around him every second of every minute of every yeah, you get the picture: you're safe. Apparently falling asleep with that Elven bow poking into your back has its advantages. (Or is it the bow? Might wanna think that over, then skip to the 'In Bed' section if you're that impatient to discuss the big nasty.)
Special Skills: Let's see... He can shoot a million Orcs a minute, he doesn't need to sleep, he can walk on snow, he can bring down an oliphaunt quite effortlessly, he's got that smile only attainable from a lucky gene pool or cosmetic surgery; yep, Legolas has pretty much got it made.
Competition: Fangirls, fangirls, fangirls, and what's this? More fangirls! If you can beat down literally millions of hormone driven teenaged girls, then Legolas is all yours! Forever and ever! But don't get your heart set on it; there are those other couple-million fangirls out there who want the exact same thing as you, and they mean business! Also, Gimli might pose a slight problem for those with slash on the brain, as well as the rest of Middle-earth that Legolas may or may not come into actual contact with, but Gimli is the biggest same-sex threat. You might want to stock up on weapons and such while you can. (Mustard gas, a nightstick, ninja throwing stars, and anything else that will keep an unruly mob and an angry Dwarf at bay.)
In-Laws: Thranduil, King of Mirkwood. Fancy, huh? I doubt he likes trespassers too much (i.e.- Those of other races.), so be careful around him. Better yet, be a suck-up; he'll either love you or despise you for it, but being it's a risk that should be taken if it means peace with your father-in-law.
In Bed: Not many people can tell me how the Prince of Mirkwood is under the sheets, but those I've talked to all say it's absolutely wonderful! Legolas has been around the block more than once, so he undoubtedly knows a few tricks that will keep you coming back for more, night after night after night. Expect him to be gentle; lots of touchy-feely things and whatnot. And he'll stay with you afterwards (He's an Elf; he's got all the time in the world.), whispering sweet nothings in your ear as you fall asleep. And when you wake up, he'll be right there next to you, still killing time. And yes, his bow and arrows will probably be within three feet of you two the entire time.
Bad Habits: If Legolas tends to be a bit mournful about things that don't concern him, don't be to worried. Elves like to angst about things that don't affect them. Also, if you can't seem to get Leggy to put down his bow and arrows for a second to be with you, ask him for some target practice. While you're holding the bow, attempting to aim it at a tree, break into a full sprint and stash the damn thing somewhere before Legolas catches you.
Other: He's sort of... immortal. But never fear, perhaps he'll pull an Arwen and give up his immortality to be with you when you die. I don't think he would, though; he's not dumb enough to give up eternal life for something as small as a wife who'll remain with him for about thirty or forty years. When you're dead, he might go off with another (younger) fangirl; don't get too mad about it. At least he's happy.
Conclusion: A hot Elven prince with extraordinary fighting skills and a group of interracial lifelong friends: a good catch. Whatever you do, do not throw this fishy back into the pond that is Middle-earth/Hollywood; take him home and put him on display in your bed. All your friends will be jealous and probably hate you, but that's not such a price to pay for the Prince of Mirkwood taking the role of husband in your life, now is it? Didn't think so...
xxx Legolas xxx
A/N: I'm still on the lookout for naked/hogtied/anything-else hobbits (preferably ones that have been named), along with reviews. (You see, naked hobbits are a wonderful substitute for dolls, seeing as they don't break quite as easily.) Again, I'll do the next chapter's character by popular request, so if there's anyone out there dying to see a certain character written, just send me a nice little review. (Though I'll probably write for Aragorn next, since Wacko the Sane asked first.) Ta ta!
