Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, so don't even bother suing, it won't do any good! I also don't own the Avril Lavigne songs, "Losing Grip," and "Unwanted," featured in this chapter. And by the way, she's a wonderful singer and I don't care what y'all think!

"So, how have you been lately?" my mother asked as we sat down on the plane that was to take us to Vancouver, Canada.

I shot her a dirty look, showing that I didn't want to talk. She didn't seem to notice or to care.

"Uh, I've been fine," I finally said, just to get her off my case.

"Well, we've all been fine. I got that job at the hospital not long ago. You know, the one I wanted?" She seemed really excited. I gave no sign of acknowledgement. "And Jess has been doing very well at school. She's got herself some very nice friends and I think she may have a boyfriend." Again, no acknowledgement. Little did she know, but I was taking note of all she said.

We sat in silence for a while. I fell asleep while mother watched the movie that was playing. I woke up an hour or so later. I didn't let it show, though. Airplane food was terrible, mother was just finishing her movie, and I had no wish to speak to her. I just looked out the window. The clouds had parted and , as it was night, I could see the lights of whatever city it was that we were flying over. The moon was also shining brightly outside my window. A silent tear rolled down my cheek. That was the last trace of emotion I was to show in public for a while to come, and I knew it. As it fell, a shadow crossed my eyes and settled. The weight of the world came crashing down on my shoulders.

It became my opinion that from the moment you're born, people start taking pieces of you away and you're lucky to even survive. I was in so many pieces, dispersed across a country, across a life. I doubted I would ever become full again, I had lost many of my pieces. I was losing grip of my life, and it hurt!

*******
Why should I care?
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone.
You, you need to listen
I'm starting to trip; I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone.
*******

********************************************************************************

The plane touched down, sending shivers down my spine.

I hated that feeling of having your heart in your throat, it felt so uncomfortable, so sickening. It was the feeling I got when I was with Walt. I hated that feeling!

Before I knew it, we were getting off the plane. My mother was all shaky, as she hated plane rides. I disliked them, but didn't make a big deal out of them. She lived for attention and I just rolled my eyes at her little displays.

We stepped off the plane, uneventfully except for several guys trying to pinch my posterior. I just ignored them. Normally, I'd be all over them, earning a "living," but I had bigger things on my mind.

"Uh, how do you expect us to get to this school of yours?" I asked, pointing out the obvious: we had no car.

"Oh! This man from Horizon is coming to pick us up. His name's Roger Claypool. We're meeting him at the baggage pick-up. Come on," she explained, leading the way.

I just adopted a blank stare and followed.

That stare was my shield. When I had that stare, I was impassible, people didn't know what I was thinking. At this moment, I was happy, grateful that no one could see into my soul. I was scared, I was alone, I was sad. If they knew! If they only knew! How was I to get rid of this load, of these demons, of my past?

I felt so unwanted.

******
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
You don't want me there
You just shut me out
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
If you had your way
You'd just shut me out
Make me go away
******

We arrived at the baggage pick-up. I got the bags while mother went to find Roger. When I found both my bags, I brought them to some waiting chairs. I sat down and an overwhelming urge to cry came over me.

I couldn't cry! Crying shows weakness and I was not weak! I had the whole tough-girl persona to keep up. I couldn't let it crack. If they saw what was under my tough mask, they'd hat me. They'd go running the other way. I had to hide myself. The only way I knew how to keep people at bay-because if they got too close, they'd start trying to pry me open-was to be mean. I mean I wouldn't want to be friends with me if I were one of them. I had only ever been truly nice to Patty and Jess... oh, and mother, before she chose a husband over a daughter, that is.

Suddenly, a hand was placed on my shoulder. It felt warm and comforting, but again, I couldn't let them in! I shrugged it off immediately, trying to be the cold person the world viewed me as. Because that's all they really did: view me. No one really went passed an initial viewing. They saw me and despite the fact that they thought I was pretty or not, they didn't give me a second chance. It was their fault I was this cold. If they 'd accepted me, and let me in, I wouldn't be so willing to retreat into my own little hole.

Anyways, I'd just shrugged this hand off my shoulder so I got up. I saw a tall, buff man standing beside mother.

"And you must be Mr. Roger Claypool," I said, my voice already bored. He nodded.

"Yeah, just call me Roger. And you're Shelby?" he asked, mimicking my tone. Man, this guy was good, he got under my skin... trying to show me he really didn't care what I thought of him in the end. I nodded.

"Shelby, I'm going to leave you with Mr. Claypool. He'll take you to Horizon and make sure you're settled in. I have to catch a flight back," she said.

I nodded, not very interested. She seemed to want to give me a hug. Over my dead body!

"So, lets get this show on the road," I said, grabbing my bags, turning on my heel, and walking away, leaving my mother dumfounded. Roger shrugged and followed me.

He led me to an old pick-up truck waiting outside.

"I was expecting a limo at least," I said, mimicking a disappointed tone. He shot me a look to shut me up, so I did.

We didn't talk the entire ride. Until a sign saying "Mount Horizon High School" came into view, Roger was silent, but kept checking me to see if I was alright.

"Welcome home," he said. When I didn't say anything he continued. "Are you alright? You haven't said a word all ride, you haven't tried to run, you haven't even been shooting me dirty looks. Are you really all that messed up?" he asked at last in a rather joking tone.

"I wouldn't mess with things I don't understand," I said in a near whisper. "If I were you," I added, looking at him with a very dirty look.

"Oh, believe me, I understand way more than you think."

"Oh, yeah? You know what, though? I don't give a fuck!" I said. "So, just stay the hell away from me."

"Look, you may want to clean up your act, or you'll have kitchen duty for a week. I may not care now, but Peter'll care when you get signed in," he replied in a nearly absent tone.

"Whatever," I said. That's when I got out. I looked around. So this was Horizon, huh? This is amazing, how am I supposed to survive here? Ah, shit, this isn't going to be any fun at all! Here goes nothing. At least I'm away from all that crap that was making me lose grip of life.