Disclaimer: I don't own Higher Ground or any of it's characters. I only own this "format," if you will... as I made it up, spur of the moment, but I'm sure someone's done it before me, so meh. *Shrugs* Just let me continue writing with no court cases!!!

Author's Note: Alright, all you Emma Morgan fans! JUST KIDDING!!! LOL, I'M TOTALLY HYPER!!! Anyways, if you want me to continue this story through the normal episodes, let me know. I'm warning you now, if I do that, you'll have to be patient, cause I'll have to actually see the episodes before I can write the fic. If not, I have the one for the end of "Because I Love You" written out, which would be the end of this fic. So let me know, which you want. If I get no requests to continue, I'm just putting up the BILY one.

I plopped down on my bunk in the girls' dorm. I was so exhausted. I had such an urge to cry. I'd just lost my best friend and it was finally hitting me. I'd been brought "home" to all that pain and deceit. On top of that, Walt had gotten me once more. I thought I was strong now. Guess I was wrong. I felt so dirty, I couldn't even touch my own skin! I would never be clean again! He made me this way. And then I left. I still had the pain, but the danger was gone. Then again, the second I returned that amount of pain that had been gathering and hanging over my head came crashing down at an alarming pace. I not only had been holding pain, I'd been accumulating some. I still can't believe it! I can't come to the belief that he even touched me again while the social worker was in the house, on top of it. He touched me. He kissed me. In one year, he had broken every single rule that ought to keep him from me. Why? Why me?

I was grateful that Juliette was gone. She was driving me nuts, but now she had gone after the other Cliffhangers (that's the name of my group now) and they were grouping. I found out that's when they basically bear their souls to the other dysfunctional teens they're stuck with.

I was now alone. Alone with my stupid journal, and my stupid thought. Why did this all happen to me? At least he wasn't laying a finger on Jess. He promised me that if I didn't tell, he wouldn't touch her. I had to trust him, it was all the safety I had. It was the only assurance I could buy.

No one would ever love me. This idea had been hanging around at the back of my head for quite some time, but had never popped into my mind, like this just had. Once guys would know my history, they'd run the other way. Most guys wouldn't even give ma a chance. I thought it was a curse of some kind. That everyone saw me for who I was, although they would never know anything. They could never so much as fathom what happened to me, in my short 16 years of life. In those few years since Walt had come to live with us, I'd been to hell and back. I'd done that terrible rollercoaster ride all alone, over and over again, until I couldn't take it anymore. That's when I ran. That's when I left for the streets. For two whole weeks, I begged by day and lived under the Santa Monica pier at night. Two whole weeks. Fourteen agonizing days and nights. That last day, I met Patty, and everything changed. She explained the prostitution lifestyle. She explained the tricks of the trade. We both desperately wanted some food. We both wanted some sleep. Scratch that. We both needed sleep and a lot of it. An old friend of mine, Emma, once told me that if you didn't sleep for ten days, you'd die. Well, I made sure I slept, but only a few hours per night. I was, in actuality, a walking zombie. I could hardly stand straight when Patty found me. I was hungry to the point of physical hurt. My clothes were ripped and dirty. My hair was a mop of blond hair that looked as though it had, at one point, been beautiful sleek hair. Patty found me and we became great friends. I needed someone. I had no choice but to trust her.

What happened after that is history. A history I wish to forget. I knew I couldn't. I still know I can't. I knew that the nightmares would haunt me for the rest of my life. I desperately needed someone to share this pain with. But who? Who would listen? Who would care? Who would UNDERSTAND?

No one, that's who! No one! Peter wanted to help, but he'd never understand. And the only other person I knew at Horizon was Juliette. Princess? Helping me? I laugh at the thought! Maybe I was more screwed up than I thought. No one would understand. No guy would love me, because they wouldn't understand me. I would remain alone... forever! (Or so I thought...)

At this point, I burst out crying. Thank god no one was there. Thank god no one would see me, when my shield was down, when I was alone. Because if they did see me, they'd hate me. I'd never let them in. NEVER!