What Once Was Lost
Chapter 3

There he sat again, watching the sun slowly disappear into the ocean. He was trying to figure out what had made him leave her sitting there calling his name. How after all the prayers and pleading he did that he could just walk away from her and as much as he tried he couldn't come up with an answer.

"Why Faith?"

A small smile spread over her face, even after all these years he could still sense when she was around. The smile didn't last when the guilt she carried came flooding back. She walked over to where he was sitting and sat down beside him. Not looking at him but watching the sunset, she began to speak.

"You crept up from the back. You had stood there for about twenty minutes or so. Nobody noticed you had even showed up but a little bit at a time you stepped forward until you were right in front."

Bosco turned his head to her listening to what she was saying. Trying to figure out what she was talking about.

She didn't dare look back at him. If she was going to get this finished she had to stay focused and looking into his sad eyes wasn't going to accomplish that.

"You were carrying three long stemmed white roses, not red like everybody else, but I figured you did that because you remembered Emily loved them."

Bosco closed his eyes and bent his head down, He figured out what memory she was talking about.

"You were about to walk up to rest them on the coffins when Fred saw you. Before you took another step closer he had you to the ground." She paused deciding to skip over what she had heard Fred say. "The roses went flying to the side. Davis and Jimmy had pulled Fred off of you and Sully pulled you to the side, in a minute you pulled back from Sully clearly hurt by what he has whispered to you. You took another look at the coffins and then you walked away...That's the memory that keeps haunting my dreams. Not the water or the screams but the pain…the pain I saw in your eyes that day."

Bosco took a minute to processes this new information. His head still reeling with the fact Faith was sitting beside him alive and well, now to find out she had even watched her own funeral. Watched the ones she supposedly cared for say their good byes.

"You were there?"

Faith hung her head, ashamed of herself.

"In a car across the street...It was the only way I could say good bye."

Bosco felt sick to his stomach, how could he have been so insensitive? Just because she was sitting beside him didn't mean...

"To the kids?"

Faith shook her head slightly.

"To you." There was a long pause before she continued. "I had always wanted to tell you but they said there was no time that we had to get moving. There wasn't going to be another opportunity like the one the accident had provided."

"Opportunity for what?"

"To disappear... nothing was supposed to happen for two weeks, that was when they had another accident all set up. Those two weeks would have given me the chance to tell you...but when we went over that bridge the plans changed."

"They?"

"I told them I could trust you. That you wouldn't say anything but they insisted that it was against the rules. So I had decided I would tell you anyway… but I never got the chance."

"Faith I'm not getting it. Who are they and why did you need to disappear?"

"Remember about a month before all this I had went down to Jersey? Well I went by myself. Fred and I had a fight and he took the kids to his parents and I took off to Jersey. I needed some time to think."

Bosco nodded letting her know he had remembered the week she took off. He had gotten stuck with Sully for a partner. It was one of the longest weeks in his life but apparently he was about to hear that his week had been nothing compared to Faiths.

Faith still didn't look in his direction instead she continued to watch as the sun disappeared into the ocean.

"I hadn't been paying attention really just wondering around thinking about Fred and I. Somehow I ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. I saw things and heard things I never should have. Problem was, they saw me too."

Bosco kept listening finally putting the pieces all together.

"They found out I was a cop, they needed me gone and out of the way. I hadn't wanted the protection program but after a scare with the kids. I had no choice Bosco."

"They went after the kids?"

Bosco had waited for more details, an answer to his question but if the Faith sitting beside him was still the Faith he knew back then he knew she wouldn't tell him anymore then she had too.

Different emotions began to fight for control, hurt, betrayal, anger. Not having the time to tell him had been a crock. Faith would have told him if she had trusted him. He knew that.

"So why didn't you say something Faith? You knew I would have helped you."

Faith finally looked at him. Not sure how to tell him the next part.

" I know Bos, That's why I didn't tell you. You would have driven yourself crazy watching out for the kids and me. Trying to stop the bad guys. I wasn't going to put you in danger."

"So instead you just let me believe I had killed you. Much better Faith." The words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to realize what he was saying. Guess some things never changed. He opened his mouth to apologize but Faith shook her head letting him know he didn't have too.

"I get it Bosco, all to well. But I did what I had to do to keep my kids safe."

Shame won the battle of the emotion war for now. How could he blame her for trying to keep her kids safe? He would have done the same thing if the shoe had been on the other foot…he thinks anyway. He's not so sure that he could have let Faith think he was dead not for any reason specially if she was blaming herself for six years.

"So Charlie and Em their both ok?"

Faith nodded. "You could say that. Charlie, he handled everything really well. He's growing up to be such a young man. Emily didn't take it as well; she never got over the fact we left Fred behind. She hates me Bos."

Bosco looked at her in shock.

"Fred isn't with you?"

Faith could feel her face getting hotter. She tried not to think of the people she left behind specially Fred and Bosco. There wasn't a day that went by that she wasn't eaten with guilt that she allowed two of the people that cared most about her to think she was dead. Bosco was one thing but with Fred she had the chance to have him come along but she had told them no. It would be better for her and the kids if he never knew where they were. That decision had been the hardest one of her life. It had cost her Emily. But she couldn't take the chance on Fred. He had been drinking again and it seemed to be getting out of hand. What was going to happen if one night Fred wasn't paying attention? Like that day at the school, he had known part of what was going on and yet he still managed to forget to pick them up. Emily may have hated her, despised her very existence but at least she was alive and even now after knowing what she knows Faith would make the same decision again if she had to.

"You know we were having trouble, I couldn't chance it."

"He wouldn't have done anything to hurt you or the kids. You know that Faith"

"I wasn't going to take that chance Bosco. Ok?"

Bosco knew he should back off of the subject. Maybe if he had a chance later he would ask her more about it. But he couldn't understand how Faith could have just left Fred thinking she was dead.

"I know a couple of kids who would love to see you"

He knew she was trying to change the subject but how could he pass up the chance to see Em and Charlie. A smile spread over his face.

"I can?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Faith you just told me you were under some sort of protection. It can't be safe to just let people in."

She smiled. The same smile he remembered the one he hadn't seen in years.

"You're not just anybody. You're Bosco."