Disclaimer: As I've already cleared up, this story, these characters, this entire setting even is not mine. I will remain faithful to what has happened in the TV series.

Author's Note: Okay, funny story. If you guys go to any Higher Ground site, most of them will give you a list of the episodes in order, right? Here's the funny bit, most of them have a different order. The TV tome one, which is rather official, has Hope Falls listed after such shows as Seduction and What Remains in which Daisy is. So, I made a judgement call, based on the site All About Higher Ground at http://www.geocities.com/allabouthigherground/allabouthigherground.html. I strongly suggest you all go to it! It's an amazing site!!!

By the way, some of the dialogue isn't very clear, so no flaming garbage for bad transcribing please! lol

The next day, after I had saved that girl from the cliff, I was still hated by all. Normally that wouldn't bug me. What was picking at my conscience was that Ezra, of all people, was taking credit for it. Luckily, things died down a little. I finally gave up on picking shrooms. Hey, I may want to get high, but I'm not going to die for the cause. I mean, I do have to steal Scott from Juliette, after all. He doesn't even like her. Well, maybe he likes the idea of Juliette. You know, the prom queen? The skinny rich kid, call it what you like. He'd like me way more. I'm convinced of that much. At least I'm real!

So, yesterday, as it was Saturday, we were off classes, which was nice. I guess the fact that they let us have weekends prevents a Horizon revolution of something. Either way, it's nice to be able to spend time alone... not in class. I didn't do anything all day. I mainly just sat in the lodge, "reading." I was really just observing people. You'd be surprised by how much I know about all these kids... how little they know about me.

For example: despite the fact that Scott and Juliette are "dating," Auggie is crushing on Jules real bad. I think she's actually starting to like him too. Why won't she just dump Scott and go for Auggie? I'd love that! Leaving Scott open for me... mm, mm good!

Oh ya, Sophie left yesterday. Go figure. I knew she wasn't going to stay long. I mean, who works for free in this world? No one! That's who! It's insane. Why do something you'd normally get paid for and not get paid for it? Makes no sense, if you ask me.

Anyways, I'm now taking my morning shower. Normally, I'm pissing Jules off by taking my time, but she's gone somewhere this morning... so, just me and my thoughts. It's a waste anyway. I mean, I'm not getting clean. I never will. The dirt that's on me, it'll never go away. I'll never get my innocence and my ignorance of the world back. I've been robbed of a childhood, of a life! I've been robbed by the two people who were supposed to protect me. I hope Walt burns in hell! That fucking molester! Oh, that's such a disgusting word. Who am I anyways? What am I? I don't know, and frankly, I don't want to know! I'm tired of this game we call life.

Whatever, enough of this crap. I have to eat and then we apparently have group, which sucks, as it's a Sunday!

"Here you go, Kate. Hot and steamy, just how you like it," I say with a smirk. She walks in, turns on the water. "And here come the screams." Ah! I do so enjoy being evil!

Where's Scott? That's weird, he's missing from the caf. As if, Juliette is missing too. Now that hurts. I mean, the only reason, he's even with her is cause he didn't give me a chance. I hate it when people judge me before they even know me. Even if the are right, I still hate it. Well, here goes another breakfast of ignoring what's being said behind my back... and to my face. I grab my food, and sit down.

"And here come the happy couple," Ezra says as I start picking at my food, trying to figure out what in the hell this tuff is. I look up. I don't even want to see them, why'd I even bother? Every time I see them, every time he's with her, it bugs me so much! No one can understand. I can't even, but for some reason, that cut real deep. Just look back down at your food, Shelby! Just down at your food! I can't! I can't take my eyes off him! What's the matter with me? I hate myself! Enough of this.

I pick up my food, throw out what I didn't eat, which is basically everything, and walk out before they can even sit down. I hate this so much! Why do I have to avoid them?

Anyways, I just walked into the lodge, right? Peter comes up to me. "Uh, can you just sit tight? I'm going to get the others."

"Yes, my captain!" I say with much fake enthusiasm present in my voice. I give a salute and plop down in a chair. Wonderful, group. My favourite time of the day. Spill your guts, kids. Come on, it won't hurt. What do they know? I bet they've never tried it! Well, I know Peter was an alcoholic, but still! It's not that bad.

Oh, well, here's everyone. And here goes group.

"It's called the X-Challenge race," he starts. Oh no! You've gotta be shitting me! As if Peter wants us to compete in that thing! "There'll be kayaking, mountain-biking, and the last leg of the race is a run through the woods with a map and compass." Yay! Compass! I love those things. Notice the sarcasm, once more. Those things tick me off so much. I mean, how the hell are you supposed to read those little things? "It's gonna take you all day." Well, at least one good thing. I mean, yay! No classes! "And you have to finish each leg of the race, together, as a team, before you get a chance to move on." Wait a second. Do I sense some hidden agenda here? Team? Us? Again, you've gotta be shitting me!

"There'll be teams from all over the country, there, but they're not all professionals," Hannah says. Well, thank god! We wouldn't want to be beat. My gosh, does anyone realize how utterly ridiculous this is? "Lawrence Hastings prep also has a team." Oh, I hate that school. I'll enter that thing just to beat them... then again, they're probably much better than us, and I don't want to lose to them.

"They do it cause it looks good on their Harvard applications," Juliette just said. Ye, I'd like to go to Harvard. I'm not now, am I? Thanks again, stupid stepfather!

"We don't have long to train. It'll be a tough road. But you guys can do it." Why thanks, Peter. That just makes me feel all warm and cozy inside. Barf. Oh, wait, that's Juliette's job!

"Come on, guys, it'll be great," Kat says. How about... hmm... no! I just smirk and roll my eyes, as everyone starts putting in their two cents. I think they know where I stand. I'm just here listening to what they're saying. Ezra's going for it. Let's see. Me, stuck with Ezra (who'll be basically dead by the time we finish), Juliette (who'll be whining the whole time), Kat (who'll be cheering us on with fake hope), Auggie (who'll be showing off for Princess... for some unknown reason), and Scott (who'll be displaying his bad attitude once more). Fun!

"We'll need a team captain," Peter says. I volunteer Kate! "Interested?" Good, he's getting her to do it. I don't want to do it, and I sure as hell don't think anyone else can.

"Yes," she says. Go Kat! Yay, attention off the rest of us. "Definitely."

"So, what if we don't wanna do it?" Auggie asks, chipping in for the first time. Aw, homeboy don't want to show off his skills? Well, tough luck!

"So what if we don't wanna do it?" Nice imitation, Peter. Very, youthful, or, should I say, juvenile? "It's up to you. You're in. you're out. You decide." Can I decide no? Cause that's fine with me!

"Two words," Princess says. Let me guess, something along the lines of "No way." Oh, I am a genius! As if I was about to guess that! "I'm so sick and tired of being covered head to toe in mud." Oh, poor Queenie. Can't handle it, can you? I knew it! She's not tough! She can't even act it. And she says she's the best actress around here. She's not even a good liar!

"Ya, she's not Jeep. She's a Jaguar," Auggie butts in. Princess needed a save. I mean, for once, she couldn't crash and burn. Hey, there's a first for everything. My turn for input.

"You know, I hear all the hot jocks lose like ten pounds during the race," I say. Let's see how fast we get Twig's attention.

"Really?" she asks with genuine interest in her voice. Okay, she's what? A size zero? How could she want to be any thinner? She'd like wither away into nothingness... it's disgusting.

"Hey, I ain't going out looking like no fool neither." Nice use of the grammar, homeboy. My god, did he even go to school at all?

"Auggie, you know what those rich guys from Lawrence Hastings think?" Ezra asks. Oh, me! Chose me! That we all suck and are pathetic losers. Oh, wait a second! They're right! "Do you?"

"They say 'that homeboy couldn't ride a mountain bike unless he stole it,'" Kat says. Well, wait that's not fair. I'm sure it was all a misunderstanding. You know, like, he was going to return it. He was just borrowing it. That's not his? Uh oh!

"Then I say we go kick some butt." Oh no! If more and more people come into this thing, I actually have to do this? My comment was just an insult! Ah man! Scott's walking away. Hold on. If Scott's not doing it, I don't want to. Hey, I could stay here, and keep him company. Oh the things that could ensue. "Hey man! One in, all in. That's the way it is around here. Don't walk away from your family." Wrong move. I can predict what's gonna happen.

"You're not my family," he says calmly. Ouch! Now, even though that was aimed at Auggie, that was hitting all of us. I didn't like that one bit. You are our family! We're all you have! Don't you get it? You're stuck here, jocko! He walks off, Juliette running behind him. Yes, Princess, go get him. I'm sure he'll go because you're going. I mean, it's true love. Come on!

"What's with him?" Kat asks. Well, do you want it listed chronologically, in order of importance, or alphabetically? Take your pick, we've got all day. "His attitude stinks." #1: bad attitude. Anyone else?

"Do you remember what it's like to be new?" Peter asks. Oh, yeah. That was fun. Joyous time for us all.

"I was never that bad," she says. I was! I'm proud of it! I can still be that bad if I like!

"Oh no! Worse," Peter says. Ah ha! Kat was bad! I never would've thought. "He's still settling in. He needs to be part of this team." Yes, but how? Let me think. Rope?

"Look," she continues. "I know he's supposed to be some great athlete, but I don't want him on the team and he obviously doesn't want to be on it." Thank you!

"Come on, Katherine. You have to help him out here." Yes, please do. Before someone blows his pretty little head off from annoyance. "He has to know he's not alone, even if he wants to be. He has to learn to trust you guys."

"Alright, but he should learn to keep his mouth closed," she says. Yes, in principle. It should only be open while kissing me.

"Katherine," Peter warns. Hey, just let the woman speak her mind.

"I'm just looking out for his wellbeing is all. You know, before somebody shuts it for him." Ah! Good one.

"Alright." Right, so, group is over, thank god. But now, Queenie's with Scott, and I'm all alone. Ezra and Auggie went off to the b-ball court. You know, teaching session. Ezra really sucks. I laugh at his suckability. I know that's not a word. Whatever. Now, just gotta find something to do with my down time. Oh, here's my book. Agatha Christie. I'm still amazed they let us read these books. I mean, they're murders and we're delinquents... as far as they know... see the link?

**************************************************************************************

Right, so now we're in training. Juliette finally got Scott to try. We're running down this trail. It's really hard. There are a lot of trees, and a lot of stuff on the ground. If we all make it alive, I'll actually be really impressed. Especially for Jules and Ezra. I have to jump over logs. I actually have really good momentum going. Hey! I'm a pretty good runner. I practically did that for a living. Juliette's like bouncing everywhere. She looks like such a goof!

"Don't just use the map, Kat. Look around. Use the compass, the map and your head, alright?" Peter warns as we slow down to figure out where we are.

"I don't want to do this anymore," Juliette whines. Again, what in the world does Scott see in her?

"I can't go on, man," Auggie whines.

"Oh, my back," Ezra whines. Oh my god! They're turning into... her! Wow, this is really freaky. "I'm tired, I'm hungry."

"You guys are doing great," Hannah says. Ye, right. You're used to running around. Not me, not us!

"I cannot function at this hour without coffee and cigarettes," I say. It's true too. I built up such a dependence on both. I even organized with Joey, the delivery guy, to have a carton of cigarettes brought to me, for... um... a little something.

"Let's go," Peter says pulling me up.

"No, Peter!" I moan and groan. I love making a scene. "This sucks." And off we go. Trudging through the woods. We've hardly gone five steps when Kat stops.

"There it is," she says. What? A cliff? No way girl! I did my share of climbing two days ago! "Dylan rock." I don't care what it is. I don't want to climb it! "Hey I found it!" Good job. Now let's all go home. You know, beds, showers, sleep?

"Okay, guys. Get moving," Hannah says. I hate her! "Harness up, helmets, chop, chop." You've gotta be kidding me! I just sit down and watch as the others-mainly Scott-harness up. Finally, most of them are done.

"Now, you want to climb fast, but you don't want to get hurt," Peter explains. No way! As if. I thought we did want to get hurt. (Sarcasm!) And he demonstrates. I never really knew how good Peter was. That's amazing! But, as usual, I'm not letting onto anything. "Safe and steady," he continues. "Alright, piece of cake." Sure, if you're not afraid of heights. "Ready to come down," he says to Hannah, who's belaying.

When he's down, she takes over. "Okay, two by two. Ezra and Auggie," she says. They hook up and off they go. "You can do it!" Hannah yells out. Of course Auggie can, but Ezra?

"On belay," Auggie says.

"Belay on," Peter replies. It's the whole trust thing. I have none!

"On belay," Ezra says.

"Belay on," Hannah replies.

"Climbing," Auggie yells out.

"Climb on," Peter echoes out.

"Climbing," Ezra warns.

"Climb on," Hannah says back. Wow, this is riveting conversation. Truly! "Come on you guys!" Hannah yells, leading the cheering party.

"Watch your line," I say, seeing that Hannah's forgetting some slack. This throws Ezra off, sending him swinging. Oops, my bad!

"One foot at a time, Ezra," Hannah says. "Come on, Ezra."

"Come on, EZ," Auggie says, looking down. "You can do it."

"Totally pathetic," Scott says, looking up. Well, thanks, Captain Obvious. I knew that. why'd you think I didn't want to do this?

"You could try to help, you know," Juliette says. For once, she's right.

"Having a little trouble there, Pete?" Oh no. The L.H. people are here. I hate those show-offs, with their fancy bikes, and matching uniforms.

"Aw, the little girl thought he was fine," one of the girls says. What the fuck crawled up her ass and died? Ew, gross thought! Kate's just giving her a death glare.

"Peter," continues their leader. "I'm feeling charitable today. So, if you want out of that bet." What bet? We're a bet? Can Peter sink no lower?

"How do you think we're doing, Kat?" Peter asks.

"Awesome," is all she says, but it gets the point across. As much as I hate this situation, this bet, and them, I'm so not going to show weakness!

"I agree," Peter says, and turns around. "You wanna make that bet a little more interesting, Bob?" Please, Peter, nothing to do with us! "Huh? You name it." No, you fool!

"How's your singing voice?" he asks. Oh no! Please, have mercy on us! Don't make him sing, for the love of god and everything sacred! "You win, I sing in front of everybody at the barbecue. If you lose, you sing." I knew it. This is not a good thing. "Ah, you can outrun bears, kayak the nastiest river, but singing?" As much as I hate to admit it, he's right!

"You're on." He accepts? Okay, new plan: I'm very sick and can't make it to the barbecue.

"Excellent," the guy replies. Obviously he's never heard Peter sing. "Come on, guys, we've got a lot of ground to cover. Let's go.

"We'll see you at the finish line," one of the guys just said.

"We'll be waiting there for you," Peter answers. I must say, Peter's comeback aren't bad. "Alright?" he asks Kat.

She nods and mutters "ya" in a confidant tone.

**************************************************************************************

Our walk back wasn't the most interesting of walks. More whining from Juliette, of course. We just dumped all our stuff at the lodge and are having lunch. I must say, for the first time in my life, this food actually tastes good! I'm so hungry. Running through the woods, climbing, and walking back, is very hard to do on only breakfast. I have new found respect for Juliette's stomach... which didn't contain anything.

So, we all sit down at the same table. Scott's sulking at one end with Juliette trying to cheer him up. Auggie's trying to get Jules to pay attention to Ezra and his conversation. It's not the most brilliant of things, but whatever. Kat, Peter, and Hannah are going over what we have to do after lunch, which consists of mountain biking. Woohoo! I'm actually terrible at biking. It's been too long. I used to go biking with Jess a lot, but then Walt happened and I had to start hiding.

I started doing anything and everything that would keep me away from home from early on until late at night. It was no use though, he still came to my room. I started getting into sports. You know, maybe if I was too tired, I'd be able to sleep through it, or forget it. Nope. Didn't happen. Not once. Well, once more, I spent all my free time reminiscing about Walt. Now we're off for mountain biking.

We all get up and walk off, many groans and moans being heard. I follow Kat to the stack of packs, pick up my red one.

"Everyone feel good?" I hear Kat ask. Do you want the truth, or what'll make you happy? More moans from the group.

We all head over to the grassy area to get ready. We put some more water in our packs, things like that. Peter's having a talk with Scott. Probably one of his attitude speeches. I hate those. I've gotten them so many times. And here he comes. Well, it wasn't a long speech, just more of a pep talk. Lucky!

"Let's go, Cliffhangers," he says. He's obviously not enthused by Peter's talk. What? Losing his touch, is he? Well, don't need to rub your bad mood off on us. We have enough of it as it is. "And try to keep up." Excuse me?

"Hey, we don't need you," Auggie says. They're all walking off now. Well, don't wait on my account. Guess it's time to get going. And I do need Scott. With my eyes on him, I keep going. Hey, it's like running after the ice cream truck to get used to jogging as exercise.

So we walk over to Peter and Hannah.

"Okay, guys, just put all your bags in the shed, and you'll come back for them afterwards," Hannah says. Okay, at least we don't have to lug these around. We all throw our bags in the shed. Everyone's to tired to grumble.

"Where do we get our bikes?" Juliette asks.

"Right here," Peter points. We each get to choose our bikes, and we're off. Peter's leading this time, because we don't have a map. This trail may also be a little dangerous, so... we're letting Peter test it out first. Then again, we're going so fast, that doesn't really matter.

This is actually pretty fun. Juliette's really slow. Scott's really fast. Auggie's a natural, as is Kat. And Ezra... well, I'm still getting over the fact that he's still alive. Woh! I just saw Auggie do I wheelie. Okay, maybe he's not a natural, he's practiced before. Impressive.

Okay, we're going down towards the lake. Oh no! I see kayaks! That's not a good thing. Well, this may be actually not that bad. Wait, what on earth is happening to my mood? I'm getting happy? Nah! It's just all this adrenaline. That's all. Hey! Maybe I'll get to splash Jules real bad. Ah! I laugh at the thought.

So we all park our bikes on the riverbank.

"Okay, listen, this is how you get in," Peter begins. Oh, this is going to be great. (Sarcasm!)

**************************************************************************************

We're all in our canoes. Peter's showing us how to prove to ourselves that it's not going to tip. We're rocking back and forth, holding out our paddles. Juliette's gets in my way so I shove it. She's way too happy, have to get her down somehow. As much as she may like this, I don't really. No splashing yet. * Tear *

"Your weights here," Peter says, shifting back and forth. We're having way too much fun for this to be right. Something's wrong. Wait, are we learning something? Hmmm...

We all start separating from the line we were in, and start paddling off, following Peter. Scott looks so bored. Me and Jules just get into a splashing fight. I'm totally nailing her. Man, I got her soaked.

Aw, Peter's not happy. Apparently we weren't supposed to splash. Oops! And Scott went off on his own. He has some major issues. He's handling them the same way I was-am. Don't talk, don't socialize, don't participate. I hate to think it, but he may just have been... well, enough of that. We have to follow Peter down the river. Joy!

**************************************************************************************

While we get down time, everyone goes to the lodge to just lie there. Kat and I go to get food. Hey, I'm hungry! After some sandwiches, which despite their chewy consistencies still taste good, Kat speaks up.

"I'm going to go check on the others. You did great." I just give her a smirk, it's the only way I know how to say it. Thank you. Again, I feel so alone.

As I go to put the dishes in the kitchen, my mind wanders. Why do I feel like this? Why does being alone always make me feel this crummy? This worthless? I hate this feeling. I'll hate it forever! As I come out of the kitchen, I can hear Scott talking to Peter. Can't hear what he's saying. As I get closer I hear Peter start.

"Well, maybe not, cause they don't do a whole lot of winning around here, Scott." Too true! "They do a lot of just getting through, come out and play another day. That kind of thing." Did he just make that present tense? I've been doing that my whole life, ever since Walt arrived. It was always, deal with today. Just get through today. "I want you to stick with this, maybe you'll learn something."

"What am I supposed to learn from losing?" he asks. Hey it worked for me. I learned everything I had to know before my sixteenth birthday. Everything I needed to know to survive in fifteen years. All of that came from losing.

"What did you ever learn from winning?" Peter asks. It's true. He's right. The captain has done it again.

Scott just walks right past where I'm standing. Have to say something. The truth always works.

"Juliette thinks she has some kind of hold on you." I sigh and let my head sink back onto the wall I'm leaning. He's coming back towards me. Yay! "It'll be so sad when she finds out the truth." Okay, he's not saying anything. Just staring. I could deal with that, but he'll probably get uncomfortable and leave. "Love it, don't you?" I know he does. I'm like a mind reader, or something. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. Let me enlighten him. "Two girls crushing after you." I move in. moving my body closer to his. Man! He's like my perfect match! "Bet I can help you decide." Come on, let me, let me, let me. You know you want to! He opens his mouth to say something.

"I don't go for used cars," he says, shrugs, and walks off. I just keep staring ahead. Oh my god! My heart just tore. This is the worst pain ever. This is so humiliating. It's like he knows me, but not really. Why am I letting him win? Why? Why do I give him this power? This hold on me? I just sink back to the wall and look over. Good, no one was listening. That was so bad. So harsh! I feel the tears coming on. Just keep calm Shel! Just stay calm!

I go into the lodge, see that everyone's gone. Take a deep breath. He doesn't know what he's saying. Why did he say it, though? What did I ever do? What did I ever say?

I walk over to the dorms. Why do I feel like that whore I once was? Why do I feel so dirty again?

I head straight for the showers. Why do I feel so powerless? No one's here. No one to comfort me. They wouldn't anyway.

I take off my clothes. Why do they all hate me? Why don't they give me a chance? Do I deserve this?

I go in the shower and stand there. Why do I hate myself? Why do I feel like Walt's just hurt me again?

I turn on the shower. Why? And the tears flow. The sound covered by the raging water. The sighs covered by the steam. I hate every inch of me! I hate myself! I hate myself!

I finish my shower. Brush my hair, brush my teeth, put clothes on, and go to sleep. I'm not feeling well. I don't want to feel well. I just want the pain to go away!

**************************************************************************************

"I just wanted to say I was sorry for letting everyone down. I know you guys will still do great in the race," Kat just said. What? Peter's dumping her off the team? That's so unfair! We're so losing without her!

"Of course we will. Even without Katherine on the team," Peter just said. Okay, that was harsh, I mean she's standing right there. Whatever. This is out of my hands, I'll just go along with it. Don't show emotion.

"Come on, don't kick her off, just put her on restriction, or something," Jules said. Yeah, they're close, Kat and Jules. I think it's because I'm so mean to Juliette... meh! * shrugs *

"Come on, Peter. Be human just once," I say. Hey! I had to kick in sometime. And Peter has to let her come. I know I said, out of my hands, but still! And by the look on Peter's face, I'd say we're not getting what we want.

"We need a new team captain," he says. Knew it! Not me, not me, not me! "Scott?" What? No way! He can't do this. I'd pick EZ before Scott... for team captain, that is. "You're in."

"What?" My sentiments exactly!

"You're in," Peter says a little more forcefully. Don't refuse him, Scott, or he won't be so nice with you anymore...

"No!" Well, that was pretty whiny. It's just us. "No way, this team's a joke!" Uh, hello! We're right here, Scottie-boy!

"We'll make it a good joke," Peter said. I don't wanna be a joke at all!

"Let's see what you can do, three time league champion," Kat said. Oh no, this cannot end well!

"Give him a chance," Jules kicked in. nah! We have and treated us like crap.

"Alright, first thing," he begins. Yes, my oh-so-beautiful captain. Okay, so I won't give up on him just yet. I mean, Peter must have had a reason. Besides, the moment he starts talking, I'm transfixed. "Shelby, Juliette, you're gonna shut up and stop complaining!" Oh, thanks. I knew he didn't have anything nice to say. Why do I even bother?

"Scott!" Juliette whines. Ya, go and cry to your boyfriend.

"Don't you talk to her like that, meat," Auggie says. Hey! He got me too! Hello! I'm right here!

"Auggie, you're gonna drop the attitude and try and figure out a way to get Ezra across the finish line... alive," he says. What did we get ourselves into this time?

"Keep in my face, and I'll show you attitude," Auggie says. Uh oh, this may not turn out too well.

"I'll camp in your face if I want to." How did I see that one coming? "Now, check your gear, and... uh... look at the maps and try not to do anything too stupid," Scott says and then walks off, pushing his hands through his hair. I'm totally offended by everything he just said, but I still think he's amazingly sexy. Okay, something's definitely the matter with me! When was the last time I even actually liked a guy? This is totally freaking me out!

While everyone keeps painting our banner and moaning about what Scott said, I just think. I mean, look at me! I used to be a fucking whore, for god's sake! I hate guys. As much as they paid me, they still only wanted sex. They only ever just want one thing. I hate them for that! I hate them for their ego, for their stupidity, for their sex-driven minds! I always have.

The question is then, why do I like Scott? What makes him worth going after? Oh my god! I think I just figured it out. Scott's hard to get. Not cause he's playing some kind of stupid playground game, but cause he's with Juliette... because I lost to her. I guess I just want to prove, to myself, as well as to everyone else that I can get any guy I want. Why do I want to do that? What's the matter with me? Scott doesn't like me. He never will. I might as well give him up!

He's got some kind of hold on me. Something that won't let me be. It just won't leave me alone! I can't put my finger on it. I almost feel like I need him, and he may just need me in the same way... for the same reason. Is that possible? Can guys be molested?

**************************************************************************************

We all get out of Peter's car and see "X-CHALLENGE" written in yellow on a huge purple banner. Well, we're here. Fun, fun! Time to get this show on the road. Peter leads us to our tent. We already all have our X-Challenge shirts on, we just need to sign up. Peter just took Scott to the sign up thing. We're all filing water-bottles up, and oh my!

I just found a team. They're not my team, but they're beautiful. Well, only two members of the team. But man are they hot! Mm, mm! I'll show them! Time to turn on the flirt charm.

"Hi, I'm Shelby," I say with my little smile that'll have 'em lined up for more.

"Hey, I'm Josh!" "I'm Brian." Perfect.

"Where have you been?" I ask, flirtingly.

"Uh, Seattle," Brian says. I raise my eyebrows.

"So, uh, you guys came all the way from Seattle for a race?" Josh nods. "Make sure you have a good time then." Hint, hint! Here's Ezra. Crap! Go away, I'm having a good time! Why will you take that away from me, you stupid kid?

"We are next," he tells me, taking Brian and Josh's attention away from my pretty face. Do I look like I care about this race? "Oh, did she tell you that she's in high school?" he asks the guys. Okay, so they may be hot, but they're not exactly... young, per say. Well, no use staying here. I get up and walk after Ezra. He's gonna get it for this! I know it! I don't know how, but mark my word.

"Come on, now!" Scott yells, as I sit next to Juliette on a table.

"Take off. I'm dreaming about your mama," Auggie warns.

"Auggie, be nice," Juliette warns. Oh my god! Can you make it any more obvious, girl? She totally loves him! With that, we all get up and go off to the kayaks.

Scott's done first, then Auggie, then Ezra and Juliette. I'm still not done getting in a putting my helmet on when the guys counts down. "Alright then, three, two, one!" And they're off.

Okay, so we're all good, right, until Scott goes so far in front of us, we can't even see him any more. The LH team is so far in front of us. They're with Scott. Ah, Ezra's banging into us! This isn't fun. Okay, so we're all stuck now. We're trying to paddle while clinging together, basically. Auggie just pushed Ezra off and I'm doing the same with Juliette. It's working. Okay, so we're separated. Auggie's in the lead, then it's me, then Jules, and finally, Ezra. Didn't I know it?

Ah! He's practically going in circles. Obviously, the little training we did have with kayaks didn't work for him. Note to self: tease him about this later. Oh, this is so gonna be my comeback for making me get away from those two guys. I could've made like 50 bucks off them. Hold on! I'm not doing this anymore!!! My mind is still under the impression that I'm getting my next meal from the guys I find.

Anyways, we're out of the water, finally. Scott's over the finish line first, then it's the rest of us. He's urging us on, but I bet it's only so that he doesn't have to lose. I have a feeling he's like me, in the fact that he hates to lose at anything, no matter what!

"Come on, move it!" he yells. What the hell is his problem? I wish we had Kat! "Horizon, I'm here," he tells the guys at the checkpoint. Uh, hello, TEAM captain, we're all here! Somewhere between a championship and a joint, he forgot the meaning of that word. I need to rest. Scratch that, I need to crawl into a hole and die.

"Alright," the man says. "The mountain bikes are out back." Mountain biking? Now? Is that man a slave driver, or just insane? I can't do this! None of us can!

"Wait, we rest a minute," Juliette says. I have to agree. If we don't we'll drop down dead. We only had like two days to train for this shit!

Scott doesn't even answer, he just walks off. We all go after him, he's the one who knows what's happening. We follow him to some bikes, jump on and are off. There's not even enough time for Jules or Ezra to whine, and that's saying a lot! Right away, we jump onto this insanely tough trail. All I can do is follow Auggie and hope he knows where he's leading us. I really hate Scott right now!

"Scott! Wait!" Jules yells as he rides off away. We can hardly see him. It's like he's trying to escape us or something.

"Jerk," Auggie says. I agree!

"Hey, maybe he'll run off the side of a cliff or something," I suggest. It would get rid of that attitude of his. This trail is so hard! It's so tough that at one point we have to carry our bikes over this bit that has logs lying around. We can't bike over that, we'll die!

He's trying to fool himself into thinking that he's not part of us, I know it! He thinks that if he' gets away from us, he's no longer one of us, that's not it, bud! You're so wrong!

"Hey, where is he?" Ezra yells. We finally turn a bend and the checkpoint comes into view along with Scott, sitting down, waiting. What an ass! As if it can get any worse!

"Come on, let's move it, come on!" he yells at us as we jump off our bikes and run to the checkpoint. This is madness! Total and utter madness!

I can barely walk as Juliette hands me a glass of water. It stings to drink it, but I know I have to. It hurts my lungs, my body! I'm in pain from sudden exertion.

"Okay, can't move, can't speak," Ezra says, completely out of breath. If we all don't die, Ezra will. He's so puny, he has no lung capacity, and he's way under-trained.

"We need a minute," I tell Scott before he runs off again.

"You know what, fine," he says throwing paper at my feet. "You wanna lose, stay here. You wanna win, come with me, now!" And off he goes. I don't have enough energy to give him a piece of my mind. Apparently Auggie does though.

"Hey! You got a bad mouth, meat. You're gonna get hurt," Auggie tells him.

"Just step off, alright, I got a race to run." We all do! Open your eyes! You're not alone, not even if you want to be! You're stuck with us! Make it work!

"Look around, you're here because everybody gave up on you. Your parents, your teachers, all of 'em. They gave up on us, too," Auggie tells him, practically reading my mind.

"We only have each other," Juliette says. It's true. These people are my family, as much as I avoid them sometimes.

"Pathetic, isn't it?" I ask, laughing. If you see it my way, we're all here because no one cares! "You walk away from here, you're walking away from the only thing you've got," I point out. It's a scary thought, being alone. You don't want that, not in a million years, believe me! I know, I went through it.

He just walks off. So, we take a minute, grab the map that he threw at my feet, and go off. After a while I get tired of Juliette's complaints.

"Jules, just shut up, or you'll keep getting worse. Don't talk while you run!" I yell out behind me. We get to a cliff.

"The equipment's already here for us to go down," Ezra says.

"Scott's fast," Juliette says. We go down. It takes a whole lot to make me go down a cliff. I hate heights! I despise them! Whatever, I'm just thinking about Scott, and how much I want to beat his ass right now! Then we keep running down a path. It doesn't take too long for us to get to a fork in the road. Oh no!

"I don't see him any more," Ezra says. Ya think?

"Which way, EZ?" Auggie asks. We're all a little low on temper. I just try to catch my breath, bending down and breathing deep.

"I don't know," he says. You're kidding right?

"Just decide so we can get out of this nightmare," I say. I just want out!!! Let me out! It's a fork in the road, probability says we get a 50% chance.

"South-East, past the gully, around the ridge," Ezra says. That's good enough for me. "I think." Look, I don't want to stay out here any longer than I have to, okay?

"I think? Come on," Auggie says. Now don't you go all macho on us too, there, homeboy!

"You're more than welcome to try," Juliette says, handing him the map and compass.

"Stupid map," Auggie says, looking both ways. "Come on, it's this way. Move your humps," he yells. They all go, and I have to drag myself up, off a log, and get running again. Joy! Thanks, Peter, I really owe ya one, now!

We just keep running for about two minutes, and then Auggie slows down. We're on the side of a sort of ravine, and we have to take it slow. Suddenly, Auggie falls. Oh great! Why'd we come this way?

"Auggie!" we all yell, seeing him roll down this enormous ditch. He's in pain. I hate this! Stupid Scott! We all take a slightly less steep route down and join him.

"You okay?" Juliette asks.

"Get off me, get off me, get off me," he yells.

"Is it broken?" I ask, feeling his ankle. "Did you hear like a wet snap?"

"Yuck!" Jules yells. Okay, this isn't the time to get grossed out! We have to help him!

"Nah, it's not broken, I just twisted it," he explains. I bend over and check it out.

"Do you think you can get up?" Jules asks. She seems so panicked. "Come on."

"Kay, come on," I say, pulling his arm over my shoulder and lifting. "Ready?" And up we go.

"Ah, no, no, no, no," he says in pain.

"Okay," I reply, putting him back down. "Juliette, you have that rescue radio?" I ask her. Please have it!

"Ya," she says, reaching back for it. "Here." She hands me some gauze so I can rap his ankle. "Hello, this is team Horizon, can anybody hear me?" she says into the radio. Please let them come! I pull off Auggie's shoe very gently. He's obviously still in a lot of pain. "Hello, this is team Horizon, can anybody hear me?" she calls again. She's not getting an answer and it's starting to have an effect on her. When I've bandaged Auggie's foot, we all lean up on the side of the cliff.

"X-Challenge, we hear you, we're sending up a truck," the radio regurgitates. Oh thank god! We all let out a little whoop.

"Thanks," Juliette says into the radio. We all just lay down and catch our breath.

"Finally we can rest," Ezra says, breathing hard. We all nod. All thoughts are wiped from my mind as oxygen rushes back to it. After about five minutes Ezra starts up again. "Where are they already?"

"This has been just so much fun," Juliette says sarcastically. I didn't know she had a cynical side to her.

"Said I was sorry, alright?" Auggie replies. He doesn't know what else to do. I know how he feels.

"It's not your fault," she answers, realizing the kind of message she put out. "Uh, I've never been so filthy in my entire life." It's okay! You'll live through that! I start laughing as I think of how stupid Ezra looked in his kayak. "Shel, what?"

"I just keep thinking of Ezra in his kayak," I say. Everyone starts chuckling. "Nanook of the nerds," I add, cracking up.

"Least I was trying," he defends.

"You almost drowned," Auggie points out. We all laugh harder.

"Oh, look who's talking. The homeboy mountain goat," he says in a Texas accent. It's funny cause it's true!

"Ya, we lost, but... uh... Peter has to sing," he says, nodding. We all crack up again into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

"Auggie, I'm sorry, but I'm still glad you fell," Jules says. Me too, without that, we'd still be in a bad mood running around, trying to figure out what we'll do to Scott. "Now we can go home and take a shower." Speak of the devil. Here he comes running.

"No one's going home," he says. Haven't you had enough of bossing us around?

"Hey, the jerk-man coming," Ezra says.

"You guys wanna finish?" Scott asks.

"A little late to be team captain, honestly," Juliette says. So true!

"I know, I messed that up." I just look to the side. I don't wanna look at him. "Like everything else." Hey, don't give us your crap, we don't need it! "I'm sorry, okay? That's it. Now I know you guys are beat, but the finish line is just over that ridge. So, I don't care if we have to carry Auggie, but we're going to make it, okay?"

"Why do you care?" Auggie says.

"Because everybody in this race, everybody back at the school, they knew that we couldn't do it," Scott explains. I look up at him. He's right. "We sit here and we just prove them right."

"What's the big deal? They already know what we are," Juliette says.

"Yeah, we're losers, man," Auggie says.

"We're not even losers until we cross the finish line. We sit here and we're nothing, we move and we're a team. At least we're that," he says. Okay, I'm sorry, but that was one heck of a good line! We all look up as a car pulls up. Hannah gets out and runs over.

"What happened?" Even her words help me feel safe. "Auggie," she starts. He just grunts and lifts up his hand.

"Nah, it's nothing. I was just stupid."

"It's not so bad," she assesses. "We'll getcha back."

"No, no, no, give me a second," he says. We all look at Auggie. His mind's made up. "Yo, you guys wanna help me up here, or what?" He puts his arms around Jules and me. "Come on. Nah, I don't think I'm gonna need your ride," he tells Hannah. Oh, the old Auggie's back!

"Auggie, that ankle," Hannah says, shaking her head. Come on, it's his choice!

"We'll get him through," Scott says reassuringly. He also just makes me feel safe, like I'm not alone. She just looks at him.

"Come on, Hannah, we've been through too much," I say. "We have to finish." It's only fair!

"Yeah, we may be losers, but we're not quitters," Auggie says. I'm with ya there, man! "Come on guys." And we walk off. "Got me?"

"Ya, ya," Jules and I say. We just start leading him down the hill from which Scott came. He finally joins up to us. WE lead Auggie through this stream. Scott was holding him up and he fell. We all help him up. It's now both Scott and I holding him up. He's okay.

Finally the finish line comes in sight. He was right, it was right over that ridge. As we come into view, everyone starts cheering. I can't help but smile.

"So, did we beat those jerks. The Lawrence Hastings guys?" Ezra asks.

"You beat 'em before the race even started," Peter says. Thanks. Really, thank you. We all needed that.

"Alright, Auggie, let's get that ankle checked out," Hannah says, coming and taking over Scott's position. Ezra takes over mine.

"You did great," Kat says, walking up to Scott. "Getting them back here." Well, you know, Kat, we sort of did do something too.

"Nah, they're your team, you trained them," he tells her. Okay, he owed her that one after what he said to her earlier... Juliette told me how mean he was. I'm glad he finally shed his stuck up ego. "I just took 'em the last mile." Thanks for that. We wouldn't have finished without you, Scott. See, why do I keep crawling back to you like that? But I still do. I won't stop... until something definitely stops me... but what would that be?

"Brought 'em home in style," Peter says, putting an arm on my shoulder. "Filthy, dead last, and smiling." Well, at least he got that right. "Good work." He shakes Scott's hand, and moves on. I just look up at Scott. Okay, he really did come through for us. I must admit it. He may have had the worst attitude ever, but he pulled his weight when the time came. He's one of us now. "Okay, Cliffhangers," Peter yells out. "Pile in, let's head home. We have a barbecue to attend." We all moan. Why? Do we really have to give them that pleasure... now?

**************************************************************************************

So Peter just sent me to get cutlery and plates. I got whatever disposable stuff we had from the kitchens and now I'm going back out to those LH jerks to serve them food. Wow, do I ever feel low. Okay, I just came out of the kitchens, and guess who I see. My main man!

"I hate serving those jerks," I say as I pass him. Hey! I gotta say something. I mean, how's he supposed to get to know me... or at least the me I want him to know, if I don't talk to him?

"Yeah, and we gotta listen to Peter sing," he replies. Ye, we loose either way. What a heck of a night! At least we'll have some bragging rights around Peter. You know, I can sing better than you, type thing.

"Yeah that was really cool what you did: coming back for us. I mean everyone else still hates you." I don't!!!! "But you came through. You're one of us now." Hey it's not that bad! I swear. I'm really glad I told him. I feel better now, knowing that he knows how I feel.

"I guess it's not so bad being one of you," he says. Thank you. You don't realize how much that means. "Listen, all that stuff that I said... bout you and the other guys..."

"Uh, used car," I fill in. It hurt more than you could imagine. It hurt because it's true. That lump, it's back in my throat.

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Did he just say that? I can't describe this feeling. I'm so happy. This means the world. No one has EVER apologized for saying something like that to me.

"Maybe we can hang out. See if there's something about me... something you might like," I say. He's getting antsy. It's so cute. I just hold the eye contact as long as possible. Come on, look at me, beautiful eyes. I hope he says yes! I hope he gives me a chance... one I've never gotten before. "Maybe?"

"Yeah, maybe," is his reply. Well, hey, I'll settle for that. It's better than nothing. He just walks off, leaving me with my plates. Okay, did I just imagine that, or will I actually get a second chance with Scott? Is he actually giving me any sort of chance? This is too good to be true.

I walk off to go give Peter my plates and cutlery. Images of him, looking at me, not being totally repulsed, swimming in my mind. Ah, I'm in heaven!

"Here you go, Peter," I say handing him the stuff.

"Thanks, Shel. Will you go get the others in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Uh, sure. Wouldn't want to miss your singing debut." I enter the kitchen. Okay, I feel like I just got kicked in the gut. There's Scott... kissing Juliette. I hate that sight. Maybe he actually likes her. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it's not just the cheerleader-football jock kind of thing. Maybe he won't bother giving me another chance.

Maybe he doesn't think I'm worth it. I walk into the dining area and sit down. Why did he have to see her first? Why did he have to judge me so fast? Why couldn't he just take me for face value for once? Why can't I get a break? Ever?

Juliette walks over to me. "Hey," she says. Perky as usual, how predictable? "Come on, we gotta go, start cooking." I can't hide my feelings this time. My face shows that I'm upset. Oh no! Princess can't see. She'll hold this over me forever! I can't let her win. But it's so hard! I feel so low. I feel shot down. I can't hide for some reason. I think that thought he was just fooling himself... that I was just fooling myself. "What?" she asks, when I don't say anything. Time for the act again. I don't want the act... but I need it.

"Let's go," I say with a fake smile on. There we go. There's the Shelby we all know and... hate. I hate myself. I hate this act, this façade, this charade. I hate lying to everyone. "Have some fun." Whatever, I'm stuck, and it's my fault. Gotta live with it. I get up, and walk off, Juliette following. We head out to the barbecue area. People are already starting to eat. I get a hot dog and sit down next to Kat at a picnic table. Just trying to get over-forget-what I just saw is going to take forever.

"Okay Peter," I hear the man from LH yell out. I turn around. "Alright everybody, let's hear it. Peter! Peter!" he chants. I just roll my eyes. This is ridiculous. They don't understand the power of this man's singing capabilities: they will all be institutionalized! Peter starts walking off. As they chant more and more, he comes back. Everyone's cheering, even me. This is hilarious.

"You could enjoy this less, you know," Peter tell the LH guy as they both stand up under the gazebo.

"I believe it's time for desert," the guy starts off. I think his name's Bob. "Your just desert's Peter. Here are your lyrics." He hands him a sheet of paper and steps down. I wonder what he's gonna make him sing.

"Oh, no!" Peter scoffs. What is this?

"Oh, yes," Bob says. And the music starts. No way! It's the YMCA! This is too funny!

"Young man, there's no need to be down. I said, young man, pick yourself up off the ground," Peter sings. Oh man! He's worse than I thought! "I said, young man, cause you're in a new town, there's no need to be unhappy. Young man." This is when Scott goes over to Juliette.

"Come on," he says, taking her hand.

"What? I'm not going up there!" she says. I'd go anywhere with Scott, count yourself lucky!

"We win together, we lose together," he replies. Okay, so Scott is really decent. Jules gets up and follows him. I get up and get the others. We all go up with Peter.

"It's fun to stay at the YMCA, it's fun to stay at the YMCA," we all sing. We're even doing the dance. This is too great to pass up! Even the LH guys are dancing. Juliette and I start dancing. Go figure! Me and Jules. This is so much fun! I didn't think it could get this good at Horizon.