Liu Wei (puts palms together): Sorry for the long-delayed update. I was kind of busy. * rubs eyes sleepily* Okay, so I was a bit TOO busy. But hey, I WAS able to update, right? I'm quite short on funny ideas, too. Well, you'll have to make do with this one…

IV. The Big Night

Cluttered streets, rows and rows of night stalls, and bright, star-like lights would describe Tentei's birthday celebration. Amazingly and oddly enough, people were genuinely interested in partaking in the normally boring event, thanks to a non traditional cast who set everything up, although most of the credit went to the night's most awaited event: the Tenkai Cross-dressing Pageant.

An unlucky bunch of 99 gods (mostly fighting-gods) and a mere half-a-dozen real ladies bustled behind the long, red curtains built right in the center of the Tenkai Square.

The men hesitantly put on their dresses, occasionally cringing in disgust, and unwillingly asked the nearest female for help. This meant that Yung Lei would dart here and there, tending to a needy soldier.

"Kenren, that's not blush-on, that's lipstick. Here, use this-" she hurriedly said and flew to another corner of the room, while Kenren muttered irritatedly to himself, "Why do women have to wear complicated stuff, anyway?"

Tenpo was comfortably walking around in his dress, apparently less burdened by what the rest of the gods called a 'cruel punishment'. Zeon grumbled as he crawled into his bit of clothing, which got ripped at the back and had to be sewn. Homura felt confident and rather thrilled (probably because of the 5-M-Yen prize), while Konzen mumbled something about indecencies and bringing shame to themselves. Shien just stood quietly in a corner with his arms folded and his jaw clamped shut. Nataku, on the other hand, had less trouble and fitted into anything Lei suggested him to wear.

Fifteen minutes later, a voice yelled over the noise of the backstage and said, "Get ready! Show's up in 10 minutes!"

Soon enough, a large crowd formed at the Tenkai Square after the birthday feast and the never-to-be-removed speech of the Heavenly monarch. Tentei seated himself in the front, while Kanzeon crossed her legs in the seat beside him.

Five minutes than the allotted time, the spotlights turned on and directed onto the decorated stage, and a second later, Egan Gyouja (remember the ape-faced deity who brought Goku before Kanzeon?) appeared on the stage.

Konichiwa, mina-san!" he yelled through the microphone. "Welcome to the first ever Tenkai Cross-Dressing Pageant!" Egan smiled as a song began to play, and then waved to the other end of the stage as the curtains rose.

"And now, let's meet are… err… contestants in their casual wear!"

Cheers erupted from the audience as one-by-one, the contestants walked onto the stage. All ninety contestants actually fitted on the large stage. It was like a parade of genetically abnormal women. Some though, looked quite presentable.

Shien swayed slightly as he walked onto the stage in a red qi pao (complete with the high hair buns), his expression hardly readable. Homura, however, wore a wide smile as he walked in a pink kimono and holding a fan and a paper umbrella. His hair was in a decorated bun and the ribbon around his waist closely resembled Rinrei's. Kenren hardly cared about what he wore and paraded as though he was still in his pants. What he wore was a leather mini-skirt, revealing his muscular (and mercifully waxed) legs. Underneath his leather blazer was a red tube and his favorite skull pendant was around his neck. Konzen was in a Britney Spears outfit (you know, the gross combination of a hanging blouse and low-waist pants). It was a great mystery how anyone could force Konzen to wear such a ridiculous outfit. Zeon, on the other hand, was… indescribably horrible-looking (so never mind him). The fighting-god Nataku Taishi was unnoticeable on the stage.

The rest of the men were going red with shame, and some (yes, including Konzen) were looking murderous and would probably send to hell the first person who laughs at them, and yet a fair few didn't have shame at all. (Kenren, you say?)

Egan tried not to guffaw (which caused tears to well from his eyes) and turned his eyes away from the Heavenly Army's Marshall, who was dressed in a maid's outfit.

"Thank you, uh… ladies-no-contestants." Egan announced as the whatever- you-call-'ems walked from the stage.  "And that's our first glance at our contestants. Before we head to the night gown competition, let's hear it for the Heavenly Army's battalion Alpha, who are here to give as an intermission number."

As the cheers of the audience drowned the speaker's booming of the song "Sex Bomb", the 'contestants' rushed to get their gowns on. Ten minutes later, Egan sprang back onto the stage.

"Thank you, battalion Alpha. Going back to our program, give a round of applause for the first batch of contestants in their nightgowns!"

It was… how would you say…disturbing. The audience half-laughed and half-rooted for the contestants. It took a lot of self-control for most of the cross-dressers to try and keep from forming an energy ball and blowing up the whole audience in annoyance.

Kenren appeared in the second batch in a shimmering, red gown that had a slit that reached high above his thigh. He even had a white shawl around his neck. Tenpo wore a plain black gown that was thankfully 'decent' and wore his usual, perpetual smile. A white, silken, gown was wrapped around Homura's body, and a large, blue ribbon kept his ebony hair in a ponytail. Amazingly enough, he was quite beautiful. Shien was in a blue gown with a Chinese collar (and he walked awkwardly, too), and Konzen wore a backless, spaghetti- strapped gown (daring today, isn't he?).

Most of the guys were easy to recognize, but when a child went onto the stage, no one had a clue on who he was. The beautiful thing had long, black waves of hair that looked more like twirled strands of silk around his immaculate face. His (or more likely to be called 'her') yellow eyes shone brightly like a child's, but upon closer inspection revealed that he was much older. It took an entire minute of staring before the Army's high commander was noticed by his men.

"Oh, God, it's Nataku!" exclaimed the first soldier. "Nataku-sama's in a dress!"

It wasn't as much that he was in dress. It was more of a shock to have hardly noticed him.

Speaking of the dress, Nataku's was an attractive cross of old English style and a few modern re-modifications.

After all the contestants had stepped onto the stage and gone, Egan announced the start of the talent portion.

One-by one, the contestants either sang, danced, or recited a monotone poem. The audience was particularly filled with mirth while watching the contestants make fools out of themselves.

After a couple of contestants were done, Kenren's turn came. The brazen fighting-god stepped onto the stage in his earlier outfit (the first one) and holding a microphone. The crowd cheered wildly when he lifted his hands for an applause. Then, he began to rap.

"…you better never let it go. Do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, Yo!" went Kenren, his waving his arm in the air.

After the General's performance, Tenpo Gensui was on.

The Heavenly Marshall was dressed in a female rock star outfit (complete with the impossibly large bust and  miniskirt), an electric guitar hanging from a strap around his shoulder. Though most were rooting for him, some were laughing insultingly. Tenpo smiled unaffectedly and signaled the sounds committee to start his song. (Let's see if you can remember this one. I can't remember the first part, but here goes the Chorus…)

"Jung fuu ni kaishaku suru naraba…altogether now! Tora tora uma, tora tora uma, ribi-libidou (ribilibidou). Kohi kohi kohi, Kohi kohi kohi, Kohi cogito (ergo suum)…(I forgot this part^_^)…hima na do, samurai nya nai no da…"

(Yaiba's a classic. Hehehe…)

Next was another song number.

Kenren was dressing up at the time when he heard an unusually beautiful voice singing. He stopped for a while to listen, and when he had an idea on who it might be, he couldn't believe himself.

"No, it can't be…"

He hopped towards the curtains, half of his left leg in a stocking. He stumbled and fell painfully, just before being able to peer through a slit between the curtains.

Kenren's jaw dropped. Konzen Douji stood on the stage in a long, violet dress, his back (naturally) facing Kenren. And what was unbelievable (even more than the god's backless dress) was the fact that Konzen was singing something very unlikely that Kenren cleared his ears to make sure he was hearing right.

"…I'll be…waiting for you, here inside my heart. I'm the one who wants to love you more…"

Defying the possible, Konzen's voice was beautiful. Not female, but siren-like nonetheless.

Kenren would have given a sly comment when Konzen went backstage, but the blonde god cast him a look that said quite plainly, Don't you dare utter a word or you'll be spending the rest of eternity mangled and rotting in a rat-infested dungeon that even Kenren the bold was struck silent.

Next up was Homura. The beautifully dressed fighting god walked gracefully onto the stage in the pink kimono he wore earlier. The truth was, he hardly looked like the tragic fighting god everybody knew. He was more feminine than most of the contestants (even more than Tenpo, but of course, not more than Nataku).

A slow, traditional melody began to play as Homura skillfully maneuvered his arms in a sensual dance (thank god for Lei, eh?). It was so expertly performed that a woman couldn't have done better. In fact, the crowd was in so much awe that no one spoke or moved until the whole performance was over. As soon as Homura was done the crowd exploded in applause (what, no roses?).

Soon enough, it was Nataku's turn. The child-like fighting god skipped onto the stage in a fukku or Japanese high school uniform. The speakers boomed with a modern dance song. At first, Nataku danced in an "innocent-looking" way, but later, the crowd got … "suspicious". Nataku started to remove the ribbon that held his hair in a high ponytail, letting his silky black locks fall on his shoulders.

A few of the soldiers started to wonder. "What the hell is he doing?"

Then, still swaying to the beat, Nataku started to remove his blazer…

"Wait a minute… he isn't…"

After that, Nataku began unbuttoning his blouse…

" Oh shit, he is!"

The crowd roared.

"You da man!"

"We love you, Nataku!!!"

"Bed me, Nataku, bed me!!"

(I think I'll give you the liberty of imagining what he did next…)