Chp 19 - Detente
-- Metropolis – September 2010 --
Clark sat tapping the table surface restlessly. They had been ushered to a non-descript room when they had arrived at FBI Headquarters that morning. He glanced over at Lois, where she sat contently sipping coffee from a Styrofoam cup. He knew that she was anything but calm, but her sweet smile had beguiled the young secretary who had greeted them.
Clark knew that this was merely the calm before the storm. She had been pretty quiet since he had gotten back from Smallville. He figured that part of the reason was the extra audience they had at the house. The other part was largely due to Lois still being a bit perturbed with him for the end of their last telephone conversation.
He had learned that there was a downside to carpe diem. Sure, feeling free enough to declare his feelings to Lois was a relief, but it also created a tension he hadn't prepared for.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve awakened some other emotions as well.
Clark was beginning to get a deeper understanding of the term 'muscle memory.' His body had started calling up memories of positions and touches that hadn't been repeated in years. He certainly hoped that sleepwalking would not become a new power because he had no doubt where he would end up.
Working with Lois at the Planet was starting to get harder. Every so often, he found himself leaning over her shoulder to check something on her screen, or she would perch on the edge of his desk while explaining something to him. They had started to fall into a comfortable familiarity, but something deep inside him ached for more.
While they had shared living space during his senior year in high school, the walls of Lois's apartment created a much more intimate setting. There were a few things he had learned over the past few weeks: he had an iron will that was starting to turn into silly putty, and cold showers were ineffective.
Clark's gaze shifted away from Lois's mouth when he realized he'd been staring, and he reached to adjust his tie.
Lois set her cup on the table as the door opened.
"Grayson," she said, addressing the man as he entered the room, followed by a younger man and a woman. "Who has to get shot in order for the bugs to get taken out of my apartment?"
"We feel it would be best to leave the surveillance in tact. If we go along with your request and take it off, we can't guarantee your safety," said Agent Cortez, the female agent.
Lois smirked and thoughtfully pressed a finger against her lips. "Somehow, I get the feeling that your surveillance is the threat to my safety."
"We assure you that isn't the case," Agent Richards, the second male agent, replied. "We work under the top security standards. I know that you think we have leaks, but that is highly unlikely. Unlike in the newspaper industry, our people understand the importance of confidentiality."
"I suppose you have a bridge in New York that I can buy along with that load of crap," Lois retorted. "You know as well as I do that the Feds squeal just as much as anyone else. Don't forget that Deep Throat was one of your guys."
Agent Grayson realized how important Lois Lane's cooperation was to his case. She had surprised them all with her knowledge of the bugs in her apartment. After learning about how she had gotten herself back to the US, he came to the understanding that she was a force to be reckoned with. He knew that if the agency didn't work out a compromise, Lois would go out on her own – and that would mean trouble.
"Okay," Grayson declared. "We'll cut the surveillance." He shook his head when his two colleagues started to protest. "She'll just find a way to disarm them anyway. Isn't that right, Miss Lane?"
Lois arched an eyebrow in reply.
"And what about him?" Grayson asked, using his head to indicate Clark, who was standing outside the door fielding a call from Perry. "Is your husband okay with this?"
"He is," Lois answered. Well, she thought, he will be.
"If you expect us to keep our end of the bargain, we'll need full cooperation," Grayson warned. "That means you call us with everything, and run your moves by us before you make them, got it?"
Lois held out a hand. "That means no wires, no taps, no bugs. Call off your hounds and you've got yourself a deal."
Grayson reached to shake her hand. "We'll talk again soon."
Lois rose from the table and walked to the door.
When the door closed behind her, Cortez turned to her superior. "Do you really think she'll fully cooperate?"
"No," Grayson answered, watching Lois pull her frowning husband toward the exit.
"Then why did you agree to pull surveillance?"
"Lane's setting herself up as bait to lure the major players out from hiding. I'm willing to cut some corners to get what we need."
But not all of them, he amended to himself. Not all of them.
"I can't believe you did that!" Clark exclaimed, following Lois into the elevator.
Lois rolled her eyes and sighed. They had gone over this conversation numerously during the ride to the Planet.
"If I'm going to draw out the bad guys here, I can't have Big Brother scaring them away," she explained.
"You're putting yourself in danger again! I don't know how you convinced them to do this. Don't you think I would have had something to say about it?" Clark ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
Lois waved a hand at his anxiety, and stepped through the elevator doors as they opened. "Hey, I'm looking out for your secret too, you know."
Clark glared at her back and rushed to walk next to her. "Why didn't you tell me that you were planning on putting your life on the line?" he asked in a lowered voice.
"Because it's my life, Clark. I can do what I want, when I want to." She turned away from him and lowered herself into her chair, dropping her bag into the bottom drawer of her desk.
Clark tried to calm himself as he crossed the aisle to his desk. He had pulled his chair halfway out when his temper flared. Slamming the chair back into the desk, he turned and walked toward the stairwell with a brisk pace.
Lois released a breath and tucked her hair behind her ear. She would deal with him later.
"You could cut the guy a break, you know."
Lois looked up as Cat slid into the visitor's chair.
"Hey, Cat," Lois greeted, as she pulled a folder from her In-Box. "What's up?"
Cat laughed. "What's up? I think that it's your guard that's up."
Lois flicked her eyes to Cat and then to her computer screen. "I don't know what you are talking about."
"Sure you don't. You know, I never understood before why you wouldn't give any of my guys the time of day. I mean, even when I hooked you up with a billionaire, you still found a way to turn him off."
"I didn't turn him off," Lois replied. "Bruce and I decided that we should stick to friendship."
"According to you. I think he might have something different to say about that."
When Lois didn't respond, Cat continued. "Anyway, I was saying that I didn't understand the whole Ice Queen act until now. That is, until tall, dark, handsome, and organic walked in. You never talked about Cole's father. Why is that?"
Lois started typing on her keyboard, studiously ignoring her friend.
"Let me guess, you really don't want to talk about this right now." Cat placed her elbow on the desk and braced her chin in her hand. "That's okay. I'll talk, you listen."
Cat smirked. "I can tell he cares about you a great deal. I don't know what happened between the two of you that left you alone and pregnant, and him on the other side of the world, but the way I see it, you both are getting a second chance. I could see that he was suffering while you were gone. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't fallen all over himself to tell you that he's in love with you."
Lois's jaw stiffened but she remained silent.
Cat saw the subtle change to Lois's expression. "Oh man. He already has, hasn't he?" She laughed. "And you are probably giving him hell for it, aren't you?"
Lois reached for her mouse and called up a file with a few clicks.
"Damn, Lois. No wonder he just pulled a Jekyll and Hyde and hightailed it out of here. I can tell you have some unrequited feelings toward him somewhere in there. I've seen the way you look at him when you think no one is looking."
Lois turned to face her with a protest on her lips, but Cat cut her off. "Nope. I'm doing the talking remember? Hey, it's my job to read between the lines," she quipped. "I've been watching the two of you to make sure that you don't blow the cover on this holy matrimony charade- but it seems to me that you don't need my help in that area. Am I right?"
Lois glared at her. "Do you want me to answer that?"
"No," Cat chuckled. "I threw that out more for your reflection than anything else. You're still just listening."
Lois fought the urge to smile at her friend. "Don't you have some gossip to chase or something?"
"Yes, in fact I do," Cat retorted, holding her hands up to inspect her nails. "I have a spa appointment that I need to get to. The Blue Diamond Ball is tonight, but you already knew that, seeing as you turned down your invitation."
"I'm busy."
"Um hmmm," Cat murmured. She sighed. "You're my best friend, Lois. And I hate seeing you do this to yourself. You need to let someone in. Clark Kent just might be the one."
When Lois scoffed, Cat held up a hand. "No, I get it. You want to finish this story and do your part to save the day. That's fine. I've always admired that about you – putting everyone and everything else ahead of yourself. Maybe it is time to change all that. I don't know what happened with you and Clark right before you walked in, but I think you should apologize."
"What makes you think that I did something?" Lois asked, her jaw dropping open.
"Just a hunch." Cat smiled and stood, stopping to stretch languorously. "Now, it's time to get my feet rubbed. Think about it, okay? What happens if he's gone by the time you're ready to admit how you really feel?"
Lois watched Cat leave and turned back to her computer. After a few minutes of being unable to focus on the words in front of her, she got up and walked to the stairwell.
"I remember the first time we were up here," Lois remarked, stepping through the door to the roof. "Well, actually, I don't remember. Our descent rendered me unconscious."
She took in the unyielding posture Clark had as he faced away from her, staring out at the Metropolis skyline.
"Clark, listen, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry the meeting went like that."
Clark stiffened and turned to face her. "Lois, what happened to the team? We're in this together, remember?"
Lois frowned but maintained her composure. "I'm not used to having to clear my decisions with another person. I've always been the one calling the shots."
Clark sighed. "I don't know what to do anymore, Lois. I mean, just when I think I understand you, things go in a tailspin, and I…" he faltered.
When he didn't continue right away, Lois crossed her arms across her chest. The position seemed to be more for comfort than defense. "What do you mean?"
Clark seemed to be having trouble finding the words to explain. "Everything in me wants to whisk you away from all of this," he said, gesturing at the air around him with an arm. "You frustrate the hell out of me in more ways than one, and you have no idea how incredible you are."
He growled and ran a hand through his hair. "It's like that cabinet you had built for your awards. They are a testament to your hard work- your greatness- and you keep them hidden away. I know they mean a lot to you, because you went through the trouble of creating recessed lighting, and lining it with complimentary colors… You always keep the things most important to you hidden from public access. Like your heart."
Lois turned to study the skyline, as Clark had been doing when she arrived.
"I've been up here thinking about it… and maybe I was wrong to tell you how I feel. I didn't mean to pressure you, but I think I did anyway. I should have caught the signals that you weren't ready." Clark took a step closer and shoved his hands into his pockets. "I just need to know… do you want me to leave? Do you want to do this alone?"
Lois's eyes fluttered shut. The silence between them seemed to last forever. "I don't want you to leave," Lois muttered, her voice barely over a whisper. "I never did."
When she turned around, Clark read a mixture of hurt and defiance in her eyes.
"I looked for you," she stated flatly.
"I know," he replied, guiltily. Clark was unsure of what else to say.
"You didn't look for me."
Clark winced.
"When I was eight, I was having a rough time. I had just started to understand that my mother wasn't coming back. My dad accepted his first overseas assignment since she'd died, and we were leaving everything- our house, my friends, my school… Lucy. I've never been good at sharing people, because I've learned that you only get them for a little while. It's hard to let go."
Lois rubbed her arms against the breeze. "When I realized that you weren't coming back, I knew that I had been wrong for ever hoping that you would. We come from two different worlds, literally- and I'm not saying that to be mean- because you are the most amazing man I have ever known. It's just… you have so much more to offer to the world, and I can't be the one holding you back."
"You're not holding me back, Lois," Clark corrected as he stepped closer. "Who I am and what I can do means nothing without you, because I lov…"
"You don't know that! We are two completely different people from who we were back then. You keep saying that Clark, but you have no idea who I am now."
Clark knew that she was right, but didn't want to admit it. "It was a mistake to not keep in contact with you. I know that now. I was just… following some stupid dead end." He reached out and took her shoulders in his hands. "And even though we haven't seen one another, and I may not know you as well as I'd like to, I really like the woman you have become. And I really like how I feel when I'm with you… How do you feel?"
"I think…"
Clark shook his head. "No, not what you think. How you feel."
Lois was quiet for a moment. She stepped out of his reach and tucked a few wind-blown strands of hair behind her ears. "Scared," she answered, honestly. "I know that you think I signed a death warrant when I cut this deal with the Feds, but there is no way that they'll pull 100 of their surveillance off. I'm just hoping that making them go extra covert will lessen the chances that they get me killed. I'm going to be the bait being used to smoke these perps out one way or another- at least this way, it will be on my own terms. So, bottom line is that I'm scared."
She sighed. "Scared about people using me for target practice. Scared about keeping my son from danger. Scared of failing… Scared of what I'm starting to feel for you."
Clark's shoulders relaxed a bit. They were finally getting somewhere. "Why?"
"The more you're around, the more I find myself counting on you… needing you. I don't do needy. I can't be what you deserve."
"I've never asked for more than what you can give."
Tears sprang to her eyes and she turned away from him. Clark stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, ducking his head so he could speak quietly into her ear.
"We are a team, and this time, we'll do it your way. If we are going to smoke out some bad guys, then we'd better go and start some fires."
tbc
