Happy Occasion
"Lily's pregnant."
Sirius's eyes widened. "Wow," he breathed. "I know you said serious but I wasn't expecting that." He stared at James's anticipating expression for a short while and then stepped up to the nervous young man and clapped him on the shoulder.
"Congratulations!" he said heartily. "How, um...how far..."
"Two months," James said quickly.
Sirius nodded. "Wow," he said again.
"Sirius," James said softly, "does this..." He reached out a hand and carefully placed it on Sirius's shoulder.
Sirius turned quickly and walked away, causing James's hand to fall uselessly back to his side. He paced the floor for a while as James stood silently watching him. He came to a stop in front of the window with its dull view of a Muggle street and its colourless cars and street stalls. He felt James follow him apprehensively. Soon he could see the mass of untidy hair out of the corner of his eye. He could hear James breathing. He closed his eyes for a moment.
"Sirius, I -"
"Don't apologise," Sirius whispered, shaking his head. "For anything. After all," he said, raising his voice and turning to face James so that the hurt was plain in his eyes, "you and Lily are having a baby. What's to be sorry for?" He turned back to the stained window.
"But-"
"But nothing. That's all there is to it."
James tried again. He knew that when Sirius was feeling hurt and stubborn there was only one way to say what you needed to say; come out with it. In as few words as possible.
"Us?"
Sirius sighed before turning and glaring at James. "What 'us'? How can there be an us? You're going to be a father. There's no room for that sort of thing anymore, you've got responsibilities."
"I've got a responsibility to you."
Sirius shook his head. "Not anymore. You should have thought of that responsibility if you wanted it that badly, you should have been more careful."
"Now that's just unfair!" James scoffed. "You know perfectly well-"
"I don't mean that! Christ, James, who do you think I am? I meant," he paused for a moment and took a deep breath, "I meant that you should have been careful about all of us. Lily, me...you. Our feelings. But it's a bit late for that now, isn't it?"
"Don't get bitter and petty on me, Sirius. And for God's sake, don't get deep and meaningful. I don't think I can cope with that. I meant what I said, I want to know what you think we can do, how you want to carry on."
"And I meant what I said," Sirius replied, fighting the smile that threatened to break at James's words. "I am happy for you. And I am shocked. But as for how we carry on..."
"Yes?"
"We can't."
"But, Sirius! You're my best friend!"
"I think you should leave, James."
"I'm not leaving it like this, we have to talk this through!"
"Not now. Go, James. Go back to Lily and your baby."
"Sirius..."
"Go! Please."
So James left, defeated. And Sirius left the window and sank down onto the sofa cushions, curling himself up, eyes straight ahead, watching nothing. He was thinking. He was confused.
Remus opened his bedroom door and ventured a cough.
"Sit down, Moony."
Lupin joined Sirius on the sofa but remained silent.
"I take it you heard all of that?"
Remus nodded. He knew it was best to let Sirius talk. He stayed quiet until Sirius had finally broken down like he knew that he wanted to. He rested his head in Lupin's lap, dark hair hiding his eyes. Remus could feel him shaking so he mumbled what comfort he could think and stroked Sirius's hair. He savoured the feel of it, soft and fine, running through his fingers like sand. He fought the urge to lean down and place a gentle kiss into the silky locks, breathing in their scent. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He could feel Sirius's fingers clinging to the fabric of his clothes and the heat of his breath penetrating the cloth.
"Sshh," he whispered, "sshh, it'll all be okay." He let himself smile. Perhaps his time had come.
