Title: "Unsaid"
Author: FigFan
Rating: G.
Summary: She deserves a goodbye. Post- TSMGO (Season 11 finale)
Author's Notes: So I was uber-disappointed with the way TPTB handled Carter's last shift and whatnot. The guy is there 11 years and we don't get to see any goodbyes? I was looking forward to seeing him and Abby, and bam. Nothing. This is short and super angsty, but probably pretty fitting. And while it broke my little Carby heart to write this, I really do believe that their story isn't over yet. There's too much that was left unsaid…
"Carter!" Her voice carries through the ambulance bay, well above the noise of the city around her. She is on a mission.
She wants to grab him and scream at him- scream that she deserves better after 5 years of friendship, a year of dating, a handful of crises and an unfinished proposal. She deserves a goodbye.
But as he turns around to answer her call, she crumbles.
And all she can think about telling him is that she's still in love with him.
Of course, that is not an option. Things have changed. She's with another man, he's with another woman.
He doesn't feel the same way about her anymore.
She hates feeling desperate, so she struggles to come up with something to say. All the while, he stares at her, confusion in his eyes and a hint of a smile on his lips. She can't help but think that this is the most they've looked at each other in almost two years.
"Travel safe, okay?"
Don't go.
He nods, but doesn't move. He knows that there's more she wants to say, and she hates that he can still read her so well.
So she tries to make light of the situation and motions back towards the chaos he is leaving. "And try not to forget about this place too quickly."
Don't forget about me.
When did talking to him become so hard? She shoves her hands down into the pockets of her lab coat and looks away from him. She thinks maybe keeping her hands busy will keep the tears at bay. She swallows hard so that she can speak again.
"It won't be the same here without you. Really."
With that, she begins to turn around. Because if she doesn't, her façade will crack and he'll see right through her. He always did.
"Abby." She contemplates not responding to his voice, just letting him stand there, apart from her, the hospital, the person he used to be. But she does, and turns to face him again.
She finds herself being pulled into a hug, slowly and cautiously. She is taken aback, both by his gesture and the overwhelming sensation of familiarizing herself with his smell once more. She knows she fits perfectly under his chin; it was always her safe haven. It's not hers anymore though. So instead, her arms creep across his shoulders as she reaches up on her tiptoes to return the embrace. His touch is light against her, like he's not even there. The irony is not lost on her.
"I'll miss you." His voice is almost a whisper, just loud enough for her to know she's not imagining it.
Now she has to bite her lip to keep from crying.
He gives her a squeeze and electricity passes through her body. She closes her eyes and pretends he felt it too.
With that, he lets go of her, his hand brushing against her arm as it drops back to her side. And as he turns away from her she swears she sees a flicker of regret in his eyes.
But maybe it's just the reflection of the lights from across the street.
So once again, they go their separate ways.
The tears finally come much later- lying in bed, Jake snoring into her shoulder. And when they do, she chides herself for being foolish. She lost him well before today.
Besides, she has plenty to be happy about. She is a doctor. She is sober. She has friends who love her.
But even though she is happy, she is not whole.
And now, she may never be.
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