Wow. Long. Hope you like it.

I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, thousands of fans would kill me for how horrifying my story about him is, but I would be rich enough to have them killed then pay to cover it up... hehe.

I could really use a review right about now.

Chap 6

The party was in full swing, and all the cuboards were taken and the music was being drowned out by the sounds of Ron and the stripper. That must be getting expensive. Soon the only people still on the dancefloor were Neville, the teddy, and some cows that climbed in the window. Amazing thing, genetic modification.

"Hehehehehehehehehe, my plan is working, soon I shall rule all the world. Anybody need a top up?" Neville went to inspect his goop, but found it had all been drunken by the cows, who, lets just say, were looking at Neville in a horrifying way. But Nevilles piercing screams were ignored by those in the cuboards. All except for one person.

"I think I heard something, Harry get off." Harry was chucked off and went into a huff. He had just been in the process of pleasuring the red head, and wasn't even appreciated.

"Draco, how can you be so heartless, and take that wig off."

"I can't, it changes colour when a loved one is in danger."

"It better not be Hermionie, it took me an hour to get you away from her before." Harry was soon sulking as he often does, and Draco started to stroak his hair.

"Don't cry, I'll be back soon. Ok?" Harry shook his head. Draco slapped him. "Stop sulking bitch, you'll make me angry."

"I love it when you act rough Draky babe." Harry was soon raising his ass in the air, saying things like "spank me babe, yeah harder." Draco ran outside very fast.

The mysterious screaming rang through Draco's head, and all he could think was what person did he love, and why would his hair change colour cause of that? That made no sense. Maybe he was a freak. The freak boy with mood hair? Hmmm, has a nice ring to it. These thoughts soon had Draco so confused, his hair was a flashing rainbow, and letting off thundery sounds.

"Longbottom? Were you screaming?" Neville screamed in responce. Draco could see he was enjoying this rough treatment and really getting into it, so he ran in and joined.

Harry sat in the cuboard for a while, thinking how nobody loved him, and why were there constant orgies in this school. The should change it to Hogwarts School of Orgies. Harry laughed for an hour before he realised he should get out the cuboard before anyone tried to use it without seeing him again. He went to practise his stripper routine. Humblewhore's gonna have some competion soon.

Hermionie had just woken up, and felt very heavyheaded. She tried to get up, but couldn't lift her head.

"Colin, get off." Colin jumped, since he had been sitting there crying for a half hour, and hadn't even noticed her.

"I'm ever so sorry miss, tis just that I have great sorrow, since mine love hast left I, hast tho any spare change?"

"Cut the crap Colin, and who the hell is Minelove?"

"Nay, her name must not be spoken, since her sweet cherry kiss hast left mine heart forever."

"What? Another? I always thought you were gay. But, you learn something new everyday. And another weird name. Mineheart? What are they, sisters? Twins? Never thought you would be such a player, Col. Old Collie, now move, so I can leave."

"Nay again, sweet Hermionie, tis dishonerable to speak of mine love in such a way, she hast the scent of beauty on her hair, and a bosom the size of thy own good self's hair which could hold a candle to... Hermionie, where hast thou gone?" Hermionie had stormed out the door, leaving Colin to wallow in his own misery. "Hermionie, Hermionie, where for art thou Hermionie?"

By morning, most of the students of Hogwarts had ended up in the Hospital wing, for a combination of hangovers, pregnancy tests, broken bones, and several people who's freckles had turned blue. It was a busy day for Madame Pomfrey.

"So Dumbledore, sprained you hip again? Over using it again? Don't worry, I'll have you fixed up in a minute hun, but please, for you're health and the students mental states, stick to your day job."

"But I have a calling for the dancefloor, and you can't quit after a few injuries if you want to reach the top!"

"Yeah, but you're a bloody old man, what would happen if you died on the dance floor?"

"Then they might play "Murder on the dance floor", my favourite song!" Dumbledore squield. Pomfrey huffed.

"Just leave. Mr Malfoy, what's wrong with you, aside from seeing Dumbledore's midlife crisis?"

"I think I love Neville." Dumbledore leaned in closer. He always enjoyed getting involved in the student's private lives.

"And why's that?"

"We had a threesome with a cow." Pomfrey's smile melted slowly off her face.

"Damn cheap plastic surgery." she somehow managed to say. "Well, you might want to go get help from Snape about this. He's experienced in unwanted love." and she swiftly set to mopping up her face. Draco ran out the door, pushing down Dumbledore, who was now signing people's chests.

Draco found himself outside Snape's office sooner then he thought, since he had only taken two steps. Oh well, that's magic for you. He knocked loud and hard. Hmm, that's just the way he and Neville did it. No! Bad thoughts! he yelled into his own head. I hope Snape can fix this.

"Enter," came the voice from within. (I swear that's a song or something?)

"Malfoy, good to see someone has turned up for their potions lesson, even if it is a bit late, but there's not much point of a lesson, you're dismissed."

"But sir, Madame Pomfrey sent me. She said you could help me, since I'm in love with... um.. Crabbe." Draco swiftly lied, knowing he couldn't bare Snape's wrath, Neville being one of his least favourite pupils.

"That chimp boy? How, you're a Malfoy, how can you bring your parents such shame? I'll start work on a potion immediatly, but it'll take a few days. I hope you can control you're urges till then. Now leave, in case I catch it." Draco didn't need telling twice, and ran out with his tail between his legs. That reminded him, he should go see Pomfrey and get that sorted out.

But close by, there was a young, natural red head listening to the conversation. He had been heading for Potions, but now he had somewhere better to go. He vowed to do whatever he could to keep Draco's love for Crabbe strong, and ran off to tell some passers by the good news.

"Draco loves Crabbe?" Trelawney screamed, as she cackled into her crystal ball. People had reasantly been giving her weird looks whenever she did this ever since she had nose surgery. But she loved the new "edge" it gave her. Though it did look like a hat stand.. But back to the story. "This will be some good gossip in the teachers lounge. Now, where's my medication." She cackled till dinner, before plotting the best way to use this information.

Young Harrold Potter had the misfortune to remember the Potions lesson today, and found himself outside the potions room, and saw Malfoy running down the corridor, crying? No couldn't be, not his love. Well, one of them. It's so hard to keep track. He slowly walked up and knocked on the door.

"Knock knock!"

"Enter."

"Hi sir, sorry I'm late, just saw Malfoy down the corridor, isn't he supposed to be in class? Well anyway, I'm not too late today, so no expermenting on me today."

"SHUT UP! You Griffindors sicken me, all you think about is yourselves, and don't give a damn about anybody who you hurt. And what's with stealing our teddys, and wandering around with them. Have you no shame. Now get out of my sight before I throw you in the pot!" Harry was shocked at this reaction. He only took Snape's teddy because he couldn't get his old one of Neville.

"I'm shocked! Does that mean there's no lesson?"

"OUT!" Harry ran away, without a tail between his legs. He had his sorted out earlier.

"What was that all about, it's almost like he's avoiding talking to people in case he blurts out a big secret that he is being extra anti-social in an attempt to stop people talking to him. Or he has diaria. Yeah, that's probly it. Well, I'll just have to make him a big get well card! Yes, then he'll like me. And I can perform a spell I learnt last time I got it. Except it did have a few unwanted side effects, but I don't think he'll mind, he's obviously under stress."

"Oi, who you talking to lad?" enquired an extreamly detailed portrait of Dumbledore's from when he was a member of a naturist club. Harry screamed and ran into the wall.