Are you at all confused by this story? Cause I am. I have plenty more chapters written so I'll keep updating, but I'm not sure how much longer till it becomes obvious what the hell is happening. I predict about chapter 10, but maybe before.

I don't own Harry Potter, if I did, I would put him in a cage and feed him nothing but butter.


Chapter 7

Harry woke to high pitched screaming. It was a while before he realised it was him. He was not used to the horrors he had experienced his whole life, even though he's experienced them his whole life. But still, this school year had been the strangest. I mean, Snape falling in love with Ron, and getting diaria in one term, that was too much for the easily excited boy to take. Harry then ran off to the bathroom to relieve himself of his sick and twisted excitment. Yuck.

Draco was coping well so far with his unfortunate love for Neville. And he had succesfully kept it a secret from all but the very dim people, who some how had skills in appearing in the middle of his fun time. But they were easy to bribe. Snape said it would be about a week, and then he would feel the freedom of a Malfoys lack of love, and once again be able to earn his fathers respect. And then get his precious Voldie's respect. Then he would have his fun. It's amazing how one thought can lead to another, and you literally have a chain of thoughts, and unless you are literally in the head that is thinking it, the next thing the person says could have entirerly nothing to do with the last thing said.

"Codliver oil!" The other Slytherins looked strangly cheerful. I don't even know how he got there. Draco ran into the bathroom to cry and take his medication (thats it must have come from!). He knew he could survive the temptation if Neville didn't look too sexy. But how could he ever tone that down. He was just so damn foxy. Oh god, he was thinking about him in that G-string again. Bad Draco, bad! He repetivly hit himself on the head till he couldn't think straight. But now he's thinking gay! That didn't help at all! Oh god! The randomness of Draco's train of thought. Make that bus of thought, since he's clostraphobic.

Hermionie sat alone in her room. Yes, alone. Like she always was. Maybe it's because she had the habit of sticking her ugly mug where it wasn't wanted, and getting rudly punched, making her mug even more ugly. Maybe she should take up pottery, and make beautiful mugs? Or... just do some simple sugery with the help of her trusty knife. Yes, self harm is the answer... Maybe not, there's probably a spell she doesn't know that she could use, and then she would be the Queen Bee! (I've recently seen the movie mean girls, so I thought I'd shove that in.) She ran off, flaling her arms and legs as she ran, hoping to find a spell to fix that too. For she was Hermionie, the nosiest smartiest ugliest mug there is!

"Harry Potter, I don't think this is the right thing to do, I mean, what if Dumbledore finds out?"

"Shhh," Harry hushed the young house elf and proceeded to sofly kiss his tiny green lips. Dobby felt he could no longer hold back his love for his master, Harry Potter.

"But it's wrong, I'll haves to punish myself!" Dobby squawked and squirmed.

"Let me do it for you." Harry's smile widened from ear to ear via the back of his head.

"Harry, wake up, you were sleep talking." Ron shook Harry vigorusly, making sure he was awake, since he didn't want to hear the rest of this incredobly disturbing and tramatizing dream. I mean, Ron had sick fetishes, but that was too far.

"Damn, will I ever win Dobby the sexy beasts heart, or am I foced to live this lonly exisence for another lifetime, tune in next time for.." Ron slapped him.

"Is there a reason your talking like a bad soap opera?"

"No."

"Ok, lets go eat breakfast, before Potions, again! Have you noticed that we've been having a lot of Potions, and never actually learn anything, we just watch as you consume our creations. But then again, I'm not complaining about that part, in fact, Harry, could you do me a favour, you know, in return for, that thing, I helped you with before?"

"Oh, when I gave you a hand.." Ron slapped him again. "Ok, what is it."

"Can you go and alphabetise my porn, it shouldn't take too long, unless you start reading it. Though I warn you, I've been a devoted collector for the past 14 1/2 years of my life. Sure, I'm only 17 but my parents always felt I had a right to know about where babies come from. Magazine subscriptions. They send them to you as a prize sometimes. I love kid."

"Sure thing mate, since your so skilled with your hands. They're quite lovley and soft."

"Shut up!" Harry skipped merrily down the corridors. He hated being in someones dept, and Ron was like the mafia. You had to repay him, and there was no comprimising what you did. So Harry got off quite well with this deal, in more ways then one.

20 minutes later, Harry was a very happy bunny, or at least he had gotten to the B's, and had his fun with every copy before that. And Ron had a lot of antilope porn. But Harry knew he was late for lessons, and since he had been having so much fun, he knew he would get pain sooner or later. So he got it over with, and went to Potions.

"WELL! Our little boy wonder is here, late, I add, again. And what's this, you have a little package for use. A very little package. Ohh, you brought a lovly magazine too, I'll confiscate that." Snape grabbed the porn before Harry had the chance to hide it, and became instantly hard. The class was soon cracking up, untill they saw how big Snape got. Harry felt warm and fuzzy inside and started imagining himself flying round and saving house-elves from sexy danger. His package got slightly bigger. "Class dismissed, except you Potter." The class woo'd in unison.

"What's wrong sir? Never seen a little bunny get up to some funny bunny?"

"Potter, it is against school rules, but, I want to borrow this magazine, just for a few minuites, just wait here." Snape hurried into his office, where Harry heard some unpleasent noises, and was soon very excited himself. He had to peek behind the door, just to see for a moment. He slowly creeped over, and cracked the door open just a bit, and what he saw made him scream.

"Sir! You have a bunny in your trousers?"

"Get out now! And I'm keeping the magazine!"

"Oh sir, I love it when you boss me around." Suddenly a boot came flying at Harry's head, and everything went black and pink. Oh yes, and a slight tint of maroon.