Title: The Voldemort Chronicles
Author: Hysterically Insane Author
Summary: A series of vignettes which show unseen and AU sides of our favourite Dark Lord, Lord Voldemort. This story will involve Speedos, transvestites, porn stars, learning, sickness, sleepovers, punishments, dreams, dancing and so much more!
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Rainforest Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Chapter 1 – Voldemort's First Love
It was on an ordinary day that Lord Voldemort, the greatest, most evilest (not to mention best looking) Dark Lord in the world fell in love. He had started with his morning breakfast of dry toast and a goanna egg. He drank his morning banana juice and contemplated the fate of the world once it lay in his hands.
Lord Voldemort's day continued as he cloaked himself and made a personal visit to Mr Borgin, the proprietor of Borgin and Burkes, an establishment known for its Dark Arts objects. Voldemort required a particularly evil object and trusted only he could…persuade Mr Borgin to give it to him, free of charge. Of course a few rictusempras always helped things along, particularly combined with the cruciatus curse.
Afterwards Voldemort went back to Riddle manor for a mid-morning nap. Lunch was next and Voldemort was delighted by the splendid soup which awaited him. However as he lifted the spoon from the table, preparing to dig it into the orange, viscous liquid he fell in love.
With his silvery, most shiny spoon.
Voldemort just loved the delicate engravings along its handle, so simple yet elegant. And its most highly polished handle seemed to scream "I love Purebloods!".
He knew it was wrong; Lord Voldemort did not need love. But he could not help himself; she was his spoon, his bel cucchiaio. He could never part from her long, so to avoid the despair he would feel when she was not with him he would carry her in his robes, right next to his heart.
He spent many days crooning love songs to his bel cucchiaio, or gently polishing her till she shone. No matter what he always put aside part of his day to spend with her, even if it meant not attacking that Gryffindork brat for another day. He needed her and wished to make her happy for he knew that once he overtook the world he would have even less time for her. He hoped that by spending as much time as possible with her before that time she would find it bearable.
He had told the Death Eaters, his faithful minions, about his new love. They had looked at him; they seemed to believe that their strong, most powerful Lord had gone round the bend. Of course he hadn't, he was only crazy in love. But they could not understand this for they had never loved. They knew "married" love, the "love" for a child, they loved to fuck, to torture and to kill but they did not know what true love was.
So they did not understand how their great Lord Voldemort could fall in love, let alone with an inanimate object.
Love is most definitely crazy.
To be continued…
A/N: So that was chapter 1. Review and tell me what you thought about it while I write the next one.
I'm also open to suggestions for what you would like to see.
Now review!
