So, my dear readers you have chosen to carry on reading this dark tale of my memoirs, well, meh, your choice!


"Shh! Yami, I'm trying to do my history homework-it's in for tomorrow, but I spent the whole evening duelling you so if I don't get to finish it, it's all your fault!" Bakura rants, head bowed over his sheet of questions.

"My dear Ryou," I purr, "If you want to know why America won the Civil War, or who really was the first to discover America- big hint, not Christopher Columbus, then you should just ask me."

"Not Christopher Columbus?" Ryou looks stumped, but on catching the evil smirk on my face, he adds, "Why should I listen you?"

So I prepare for one of my dramatic speeches. "Because I have lived through the greatest achievements in technology, witnessed the most magnificent structures being built, and watched the bloodiest of wars being fought. I was there when Alexander The Great conquered his lands, I was there to witness the mighty Pharaoh's downfall, and I was there at Area 51- the big conspiracy the government tried so unsuccessfully to patch up. Now, if you don't mind, I must work." And with that, I retreat into my humble abode, the portion of mind Ryou does not dare tread without his light for guidance.

Now where were we? Ah yes, my triumphs and tribulations that I faced on achieving the eternal state I am now in.

So you want to take over the world? Well, this is a task not for the lighthearted. To be successful, you need motivation, a driving force behind you to keep you going-a desire for revenge helps. Being evil helps.

To be truly evil, one must be able to define the term. Evil is what is deemed as morally wrong, but who decides what morals are? Is it so wrong to steal…I mean permanently borrow a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?

Bah, I'm not very good at this, but I do have the origin of the word- old English yfel- ultimately from an Indo-European word meaning 'exceeding due limits'. Now what could that mean? No matter, I have a quotation that I can perfectly envisage the Pharaoh in:

"The three grades of character are superior, medium and inferior: the superior is just good, the medium is capable of development either in an upward or a downward direction, and the inferior is just evil."- Han Yu (768–824), Chinese writer and poet.

Yes, this man knows what he is talking about. I can just picture it now, Yami, the superior insufferable righteous Pharaoh, with his godly ways and…grrr! Moving on.

Now then, tip number one:

Evilness should be nurtured from a very early age. Hobbies such as playing with sharp sticks (well whatever you foolish mortals use now to inflict pain) or other assorted weapons are to be encouraged, as is the art of the politician, which has become more refined throughout the ages- that I know- lying! Also youths should take a healthy interest in plundering, methods of torture, the business world and the welfare of animals. A truly evil child should torture a sheep to death, slowly and painfully, rather than chop it's head off- capital punishment is banned in many countries, however torture still exists in some corrupt governments.

And how do I know all this? Well let's just say I persuaded Ryou to take a tour around the modern world. Hopefully traces of my influence will remain, enabling access to top-secret government material…

Gah, it is time for my weekly appointment with Ryou's barber. Better get going. What? I can see you looking at me in a deranged manner. Oh right, the barber thing. Well, how else do you think I get my hair so perfect? Hair gel? (Scoffs)

"Yami, I hear you bragging about your hair again. Does that mean you need a new tub of hair gel?"

Bah, curse you Ra!


What do you think, then? R & R!!!